We drove for several hours in complete silence, I had managed to somehow stop crying, and he had somehow managed to contain his rage - at least somewhat. The steering wheel was dented where his fingers gripped, and his metal, silver arm still twitched every now and again, as if he was barely containing himself. He hadn't said anything to me, not a damn thing. The only thing that alerted to me that I was still at least in the back of his head, was that as soon as we put a couple miles between us and the cabin, he had cranked the heat to full blast. It had taken a long time to dry off, and even longer to actually get warm.
It felt like the cold had permanently settled in my bones.
Was I in shock? Would I even know if I was?
The entire day just kept repeating in my head, over, and over, and over again. I couldn't shut it out, and I could remember it all in perfect, vivid detail. The morning had started off so simple.. so fucking wonderful, and then it had gone to complete shit. Was Steve okay? Did he get help? One of my only comforting thoughts was that I doubted Captain America had been stupid enough to come all the way to Canada without some form of communication device. He worked with the Avengers.. they had high-tech gadgets, right? Help would find him... They had to..
I knew the wounds that Bucky had inflicted weren't life threatening - not to Steve Rogers.. not to a Super-Soldier... I knew he'd be okay given time and help. But my conscience ate away at me, worrying that he was still lying in the snow, all alone.
But that was for the best, wasn't it? Bucky could have.. he would have.. he might have killed Steve if I hadn't gotten him to stop - if I hadn't gotten him to listen to me. If I hadn't thrown myself in between the two of them.
That was definitely not how I hoped to meet Steve Rogers.
I shut my eyes tightly and willed my heart to calm in my chest.
Bucky didn't seem to be driving in the direction of the states, in fact, I was pretty sure we were driving further into Canada. He was avoiding main roads, I hadn't seen a building in ages.. not a fucking one. It was a good thing James had started keeping spare gas in a canister in the back of the truck shortly after we arrived at the Cabin. We were on barely paved roads, layered in snow and ice, and James wasn't exactly being a safe driver at the moment. Trees surrounded us on either side, and the sky was darkening rapidly - leaving the bright, glittering snow as the only source of light. The further we got, the more light gray clouds rolled in, blanketing the sky.
It was nearly nighttime when more snow started to fall, the flakes were huge and seemed to be coming down by the buckets. I could barely see the road through it, and I was pretty sure the only reason we hadn't crashed and totaled the car by now was because James wasn't a normal human.
But he wasn't calming down.. Normally after a few hours he would manage to somehow contain himself, to push it down. This time.. this time was different, and it was terrifying. I didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say - if I should say anything at all.
I was still struck between wanting to cry or wanting to scream at him. I was beyond conflicted.
Suddenly, I was being thrown forward as the truck came to a gut-wrenching stop as James' foot slammed onto the break without warning. The truck fishtailed towards the side of the road, sliding across the slippery ice. An arm was slung across my chest, bracing me before I could smack my head into the dashboard.. Bucky's arm had stopped me from giving myself a nasty concussion.
Anger and surprise jostled through me and I turned to yell at him as he pulled his arm back - but he was already halfway out of the damn car!
Why had we stopped?! We were in the middle of nowhere! I unbuckled my seat and scrambled to follow him as he slammed the drivers door, leaving the key in the ignition and the heat on full blast.
The air was simply frigid when I climbed out of the passenger side of the truck cab. The road was icy and treacherous, nearly taking me down when I first stepped on it. I moved carefully but quickly around to the driver's side to see Bucky starting to walk up the little incline leading into the forest. He whipped around to look at me, his hair flying wildly around his face as his furious gaze met mine.
"Stay!" He snapped. I froze mid-step, near the back of the truck.
Without another glance back, James turned and marched up the snowbank and disappeared into the forest.
I swallowed thickly as I subconsciously wrapped my arms tighter around myself, the wind was unrelenting, and it felt like little shards of ice were stinging my face.. The snow was coming down far too fast, and I could barely see several feet in front of me. I should get back into the truck, right?
I didn't move.
I had never seen Bucky like this.. Sure, I had seen him angry before. Loads of times actually - but never like this. Normally he could get control of himself, at least for a while.. but he just couldn't seem to get it together right now, he was... scary.
I pulled up the large, fuzzy hood of my jacket to try and shield my face from some of the biting cold. Despite the ferocity of the worsening snowstorm, the guttural roar of The Winter Soldier along with the sound of splintering wood had my heart thundering against my ribcage painfully as I tensed where I stood.
The sound of his rage seemed to echo from every direction as it bounced off the snow and came at me from every angle. I felt like someone had just dropped me into an iced-over lake and left me to drown.. what should I do?
A bigger crunch of splintering wood had me jumping where I stood as a large tree suddenly fell down from inside the forest. It crashed behind the car, making the ground shake and rumble, causing me to slip back against the car as it landed just several feet from the back of the truck, one of the branches narrowly missing me.
No turning back.
The wind sounded like it was laughing at me.
Suddenly.. everything was silent.
I don't know what was worse, the sound of his un-contained fury, or his silence? Both had me a bit jumpy. I shut my eyes tightly for several moments and counted to five.
One, silence.
Two, still quiet.
Three, even the wind seemed hushed now.
Four, dread was settling in as everything seemed muted.
Five, absolutely nothing.
Opening my eyes, I squared my shoulders and took a deep breath before marching forward and up the same snowbank. The snow had already covered his footprints, and if there was any other signs of the way he had gone, I couldn't see them - not with my eyesight. I went straight forward, hoping that he hadn't veered off in another direction. I knew it was incredibly idiotic to go wandering into a dense forest by myself after a man that was feeling a tad bit murderous, but this was Bucky we were talking about...
I couldn't just... do nothing.
Grinding my teeth and steeling my resolve I continued deeper and deeper into the trees. Fuck this, fuck this whole situation! Fuck his demands, and his rules! I wasn't going to just sit in the car and wait for him! Silence wasn't good, I knew it wasn't good.. I had to find him. The snow was deep and slowed me down, and soon enough I lost sight of the truck.
It took me longer than I expected to actually find him, but lucky for me he had indeed gone straight forward. I shuddered to think of what would have happened if I had gotten lost and hadn't found him. Pissed would have been an understatement for how he would have behaved when he finally found me - probably frozen with hypothermia.
He was standing perfectly still, with his back to me, but his head was slightly cocked to the side. I knew he had heard me coming. He looked like some sort of avenging, fallen angel standing there with the snow twisting around him, clinging to his now tangled, dark, frost-bitten hair.
A sudden, and horrible intrusive thought found it's way to the front of my brain... What if he had wanted me to stay in the car because he knew how out of control he was? How dangerous he was right now?
But.. he wouldn't.. would he hurt me?
Shoving my paranoid thoughts to the side, I gathered all of my courage and took another step towards him, and then another until there was only a few feet separating us. What should I say? What could I say to help him? Could I even... could I even do that?
I ignored the guilt that flared up at wanting to help him in the first place. The logical side of me knew that what he had done to Steve, his best friend, had been completely horrible.. And yet here I was, trying to comfort him.
"Are you okay?" I breathed out carefully, thankful the wind had died down slightly. Though, I doubt it really mattered, he had ridiculously good hearing.
"I told you to stay with the truck." He growled, lowly. He didn't turn around, his hands were clenched at his sides. "You never listen." He lashed out a moment later, the bite of his words stung more than the cold.
My heart clenched painfully at how utterly enraged he sounded at me. My own repressed anger rose to the surface once more, easily baited by his icy resolve.
"Strong words coming from he man that nearly killed his best friend." I snapped back, my voice raising. "The only time I ignore your orders lately is when they're complete bullshit!"
I knew I had made a mistake by latching onto his bait as soon as I had done it. Both our nerves were completely fried and here we were getting into a fucking argument in the middle of nowhere, during a snowstorm! We might as well have been a poster for 'dysfunctional couple'.
He clenched and un-clenched his fists at his sides.
"He forced my hand, he should have left well enough alone." He snarled.
I was guessing the 'he' he was referring to was Steve. It sounded like he was talking through his teeth as he clenched his jaw.
"None of this would have happened - I wouldn't have had to incapacitate him if your foolish conscience hadn't led him right to us!" He whirled on me suddenly, and pointed a dangerous, metal finger in my direction. "This one is on you!" He roared viciously, his voice was laced thickly with his anger, giving it a coarse undertone. The set of his eyes were unforgiving and dark. Every single thing about him right now, screamed at me to run as far and as fast as I could, away from him.
Instead, I did what I do best, and threw myself head first into danger - into the jaws of the wolf.
"Well if I'm such a burden to you, such a monumental fuck-up, maybe you should have just let Steve take me home!" I was shaking, I knew I was, and I also knew it was only partly because of the cold seeping into my clothes.
Without waiting for his reply I turned on my heel and started stomping away from him the best I could through the deep snow. I didn't want to see his face right now, I fucking refuse! He can be a jerk by himself! I already knew that Steve finding us was my fault, I already blamed myself! But to hear it again, from his mouth.. that hurt. Steve being injured, my fault. Bucky losing it, my fault.
Today had just one giant fuck up.
Yet my heart was tugging painfully in my chest, like it just wanted me to turn around and throw myself into his arms and beg for his forgiveness. Fat fucking chance of that! I was absolutely seething, and if he thought I was just gonna' lay down and be his metaphorical punching bag, he had another thing coming! I was so fucking done with today.
I didn't hear a single sound from behind me as I marched away from him, fully intending to sit my cold ass back into the truck and wait for him to chill out enough to come join me. Despite the fact that I was the one that had turned my back on him, I still felt bitter that he was just letting me leave.
"Katarina." He growled, dangerously. The heat of him was quite suddenly scorching my back. His voice was close.. too close!
Eyes widening, I whipped back around to face him. When had he closed the distance?! I never heard him! As soon as I was facing him, his metal hand firmly planted against my chest and his leg abruptly shot out, ruthlessly taking both of mine out from beneath me. I shrieked as I tumbled back into the snow, him following suit, landing gracefully on his knees to my left. He pulled his hand back from my sternum once I was firmly on my back in the snow.
I sat up immediately and tried to put distance between us, I scratched, punched, and kicked my way backwards, and he let me. His face was twisted into a wicked snarl, his hair hung loosely by his face, wet and frozen. His eyes were brutally blue and heart-shattering in their unrestrained rage.
When I had managed to gain just a bit of distance from him, sliding backwards with the cold biting harshly into my palms, he lunged forward. His metal hand encased my ankle and viciously yanked me back underneath him until he was seated firmly between my legs. I sat up again, fully intending to fight him tooth n' nail, but before I could even put my thoughts into action, he was on me.
His normal arm wound it's way behind me, his hand tangling into my wavy, red hair at the base my skull as he knotted it into his fist before ripping my head back. I shrieked and automatically arched into him until we were pressed chest to chest. He forced me back until I was lying down in the snow once more, his metal arm supported his weight next to my head, caging me in.
I raised my hands and shoved as hard as I could against his firm chest, but he didn't budge. He just pulled the strands of my hair tighter, making me wince and bare my teeth.
"Look at me!" He snarled. I hadn't realized I had even closed my eyes.
"Let go!" I snapped back, hastily, ignoring his order.
"Look. At. Me!" He bellowed.
Snapping them open, I glared at him as hard as I could. He met my eyes evenly, his own gaze heated and angry. He was pressed tightly against me, the heat of him almost a suffocating difference from the frigid air. His breathing was labored as he stared me down.
"I won't let anyone take you away! Not Steve. Not Hydra. No one!" He snapped harshly.
"Is that why you attacked Steve?!" I pushed, both with my words and my hands against his chest. He tugged roughly on my hair again in warning, I stilled immediately.
I had a feeling it had been, but I didn't trust what I had seen.. what I had heard earlier back at the Cabin. I needed to hear him say it.
"Yes." He ground out, darkly. "He wanted to take you away from me." He gnashed his teeth together hard, grinding them together as he clenched his eyes shut tightly. He was breathing hard through his nose. I heard the crunch of snow under his metal fist as he clenched his hand next to my head. The sapphire at my throat suddenly felt like it weighed a hundred pounds.
"I won't let you go, even if you beg me to." His voice was steely almost, it had taken on a very decisive edge. His furious blue eyes slowly fluttered open, locking with my gray ones. For the first time ever, I saw something in his eyes that sent my world spinning... something I couldn't quite grasp onto. "You're mine, sweetheart." The worlds rolled off his tongue almost venomously, like he was using the endearment as a weapon. His anger was still very much in control of him.
Before I could protest, or even say anything back at him - his head dipped dangerously down, his lips smashing against mine in a bruising kiss that had my brain flat-lining and my knees shaking on either side of him. His lips had completely stolen the breath right out of me and he wasn't stopping.
Without thinking about it, I let my instincts take over - my hands that had been shoving at him now gripped onto the collar of his shirt, fisting it tightly in my hands as I tried to pull him impossibly closer. He nipped at my lip roughly, I groaned as he soothed the pain with a swipe of his tongue. He didn't deepen the kiss further, instead he pulled back just enough so that his lips still brushed mine in a tantalizing manner.
"Understand?" He questioned hoarsely.
I had a feeling it wasn't really a question, but I nodded anyway, my voice lost somewhere in the snow.
Well here it is! Sorry I made you guys wait a bit longer for this chapter. I wanted to make it an extra special Hallow's Eve update - and I hope it didn't disappoint! Things are definitely changing with these two! Thank you all so much for your overwhelming support on the last chapter, I am so happy you guys liked it. On a related note, I cannot apologize for the violence because it's needed for the story. I understand that it gets a big graphic and a few of you have trouble stomaching it - but I warned you guys very often about the nature of this story - so I hope by now you guys know what you're in for. That being said, I hope you guys are having a wonderful holiday and remember to be safe and keep warm! You are all amazing! Read and Review my lovelies!