Matthew
Training Camp near Manchester – August 1914
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"Crawley, run or you'll be killed." So he runs. He runs for his life even if this just seems like play pretend. But it isn't play pretend. They are pretending but not playing. They are preparing. Preparing for a war that has long since been coming but that they still don't seem to be prepared for. Of course the politicians and newspapers all seem excited and sure of their victory. Men much younger than him and much older than him are putting on the uniform, happily welcoming the chance to go to war, being cheered on by their wives, mothers, fathers and children. The problem is that it is not only the English men who are looking forward to fighting and are sure of their victory. The Germans feel the same.
"Crawley, well done," his commanding officer says and grins at him. "You'll be made Captain, if this war is long enough. You too, Suffolk," the man says looking at Sam who is standing next to him. Sam only nods and does not say a word. In fact, Sam hasn't said much at all ever since leaving Downton Abbey. He tried to talk to him a few times but they never got past the exchange of pleasantries.
"I am afraid this war will be more than long enough," Sam says when they walk back to the barracks together.
"You are one of the very few who agree with me then," Matthew says and Sam sighs. "I am not sure I've done the right thing. I don't agree with this war, but what am I to do? Not fight and be made a laughing stock? The Americans aren't fighting."
"Do you consider yourself an American?" He had always assumed Sam to be completely English but his mother is American after all.
"I don't know what I am. My American mother has disappointed me greatly but then so has my English stepfather. My wife of course is English, my children will be English so I should probably feel English and it is too late now anyway."
Sam of course is right about that, he cannot take back his voluntary offer to fight for England. "I never knew you were so conflicted," he says carefully and looks at the young man who really is his only friend, at least his age.
"I don't know what I am, although I suppose that means that I am conflicted. I am afraid, horribly scared of what is to come. And why did I volunteer? Because I am an English Duke and consider it right to defend my country? Or because I want to hurt my mother and stepfather?"
"Robert is proud of you, not hurt by you," he says and Sam nods.
"I know. He said so, he said I was doing the right thing and that I should talk to my mother. But what is there to talk about? Her disgrace? My possibly getting myself killed? War is horrible, Matthew, and I am afraid I will get myself killed for all the wrong reasons. And if I am not killed and you are not killed, we will have nightmares for the rest of lives about lying in the trenches, shooting other men."
He is astonished, beyond astonished at Sam's words. To him going to war, fighting for his country, is a duty. Regardless of what that entails. He envisions himself surviving the war but he knows he could be killed. But he has never thought about what effect going to war may have on him if he survives.
"Why do you think we will have nightmares?" he asks and stares at Sam.
"Robert has them. My mother told me. He returned from South Africa 12 years ago and he still has nightmares about it."
"I did not know that," Matthew replies and the uneasy feeling in his stomach becomes even more uneasy.
"I think that my mother and I are the only ones who know and my mother only knows about those nightmares because she keeps sleeping next to Robert."
Sam does not say anything for a while and Matthew does not know what to say either. He is about to suggest they have a drink in the nearest village pub when Sam begins to speak again.
"My mother was born in 1870."
"I know. I took care of the legal proceedings for her marriage to Robert."
"She was born in 1870, five years after the end of the Civil War and nine years after its beginning. Her father was 30 years old when she was born, her grandfathers were 55 and 49. What do you think they did between the years of 1861 and 1865?"
He stares at Sam. The American Civil War has only ever been a historical fact to him. It has never occurred to him that he might know people who were affected by it.
"Did they talk to you about the war?"
"Not my mother's grandfathers, I have never met them. But my grandfather and his brothers used to talk about it. When my grandfather died his former comrades in arms attended his funeral. Those that were still alive. And they told gruesome stories. Gruesome stories about a war 60 years ago. What do you think how much more gruesome this war will be? Advances in technology have been made, don't think that'll make war more pleasant."
He doesn't know what to say so he keeps silent and stares ahead.
"They fought on different sides, Matthew. My grandfather and his brothers fought for the Union because they believed that every man should be free and that the country could only survive economically if it remained one country. Their cousins fought for the Confederacy because Jews were treated better in the Army of the South. In the end, they all lost. Just as we will all lose. Us, the Germans, the French, the Austrians, the Russians, we will all lose. Our lives or our sanity. We are stumbling towards disaster. We are stumbling towards disaster singing joyous songs about glorious victories as loud as we can."
"You should become a politician, Sam," he says because that is the only thing to say he can think of.
"Why?"
"Because you have just convinced me that war is nothing but useless and harmful."
"Did you ever think of it as anything else?"
"I thought of it and possible still think of it as necessary but now I wish we could find another solution."
"But you don't want to desert?"
"No," he says with absolute surety. "And neither do you. I know you well enough for that."
"You do," Sam says, a small smile playing around his lips.
"You should talk to your mother and Robert before we leave."
"No. It won't be helpful. I haven't forgiven them yet."
"But you will?" he thinks that Sam's behavior is childish but does not think that it would be helpful to mention this now.
"I will eventually forgive my mother," Sam says with such finality that he does not dare to ask about Robert.
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Robert
Downton Abbey - September 1914
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"They've rejected me. They have truly rejected me." He stares at the letter in his hand. He cannot believe it. He has never felt so old.
"I am glad about that," Cora says and he stares at her. He came to her room after he had opened the letter from the army at the breakfast table. As he usually does he took Cora's letters to her and of course he told her he had been rejected. He did not expect her to be happy about it. Or rather he did not expect her to say that she was happy about this development.
"You are glad that I am old," he snaps at her and she looks up.
"No. I am glad that you won't be killed. We may lose Sam and Matthew, but at least you will be here to stay."
"Oh, this war won't have many deaths. It will be over before we know it."
Cora now stares at him with her mouth half opened.
"You cannot be serious, Robert. Wars always last longer than expected. It may take years and many people will die. A war without deaths does not exist, nor will it ever exist."
He knows this is somehow connected to Cora's family's dealings with the American Civil War and so he does not ask any further. It often upsets Cora to talk about it and she shouldn't be upset now, it would not be good for the baby.
The baby.
"Well, I will be here for the birth of the baby. That is something to be happy about."
Cora now smiles at him and he sits down next to her.
"Thank you for saying that," she says and kisses his cheek.
"Now that the Army has officially rejected me, we could go to America after all," he says but to his great relief Cora shakes her head.
"No. We made the decision to stay. You are the leader of the county, whether you go to war or not."
He agrees with that. He does not think he ought to leave, although he would have done had Cora asked him to.
"I suppose everyone in the village knows by now that you are pregnant and have been for quite some time. But during a time of war such an untimely pregnancy seems to be viewed as romantic rather than scandalous."
Cora laughs about this and says "We've given the village something to talk about in any case." It makes him chuckle too because of course Cora is right. Isobel told him that she overheard several people talking about Cora's rather too advanced pregnancy in the post office but apparently those people also talked about what a nice person Cora was and of course he has to agree with them.
"Are you looking forward to being the father of a baby again?" Cora asks him and he takes her hands in his.
"Of course. I never wanted just once child, I wanted four or five and I think we would have had them had we gotten married in 1890. But Mary, and Sam, and the little one are three children and I won't complain."
Cora laughs at this again and then holds his hands against the bump of her stomach. He feels the baby move against his hand and the sensation utterly confuses him.
"I didn't know I could feel this," he says and knows that he must look like a little boy on Christmas morning.
"You can. The baby is saying hello to you. And telling us to pick a name."
"It won't be born before the end of November or the beginning of December. I don't think it needs a name yet." Cora shakes her head.
"You are incorrigible. I want to pick a name now so that we can try it out."
"I know," he sighs. Cora has been nagging him with this for weeks but he is afraid that if they pick out names they will jinx their happiness. Which does not mean that he hasn't thought about names. He couldn't stop it. All he could do was stopping himself from discussing them with Cora. But now that he looks at her and sees in her what he always wanted her to be, his wife, the mother of his children, even that barrier breaks.
"I have had some thoughts," he says unsurely.
Cora smiles at him and gives his hand a squeeze. "I knew you would have had some thoughts. A man as excited as you are about the arrival of his child cannot stop himself from thinking about names."
"For a boy, I've thought about William," he says and the astonishment on Cora's face makes him wonder what he has done wrong.
"You cannot be serious Robert," she says.
"Why?" he asks in utter bewilderment.
"Because I will not name both my sons William."
"What?" he asks and then the proverbial penny drops. "I forgot. You have always called Sam Sam. I forgot Samuel was his middle name and William his first name. Of course we can't name a boy William. I am sorry Cora, I truly am."
He expected her to give him a piece of her mind despite his apology, but instead she leans her head against his shoulder and sighs.
"I love you," she says out of the blue and automatically he puts his arm around her and pulls her close.
"I love you, too," he whispers and then kisses her head. "I've also thought about Edward or George."
"Mary already claimed the name George. She told me she wanted to name her first son George."
"Did she?" The idea that Mary was thinking about names for her children does not sit well with him. He does not feel like a grandfather and he doubts that he is ready for his little girl to have a baby.
"She is not pregnant Robert, don't worry about becoming a grandfather now."
He can't stop the chuckle. "What about Edward then?"
"I like the name."
"But you don't love it."
"You have another suggestion."
"You know me very well. I have another suggestion, yes. Nicholas." He looks at Cora who looks back at him and smiles.
"I like the name. Nicholas Robert." He gives Cora another kiss. He would like to name a son after him very much but he would not have asked for it.
"What about a girl?" she asks and he answers
"Julia Cora," right away.
Cora smiles at him, nods and he is grateful that she accepted the name without asking for a reason. He doesn't have one besides the obvious wish of wanting to name his daughter after his wife. He has always liked the name Julia. Rosamund had a doll named Julia and the name has always been on his mind. Not for Mary, he wanted to name his first born daughter Mary Josephine long before she was born, again plainly because he liked the sound of it. The names Edith and Sybil have come to his mind as well and he thinks that had Cora and he had daughters earlier they would have been named Edith and Sybil rather than Julia but somehow without being able to explain it, he thinks that Julia would now be more fitting.
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Sam
Downton Abbey – October 1914
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"Be careful. Don't play the hero. Please." He looks into his mother's eyes which are full of tears. He wishes he could tell her that he was not going to war, that we would not be fighting for his life, that he would stay and take care of his estate. But he can't. He volunteered and rightly so.
"I'll try my best." He looks at his mother and tries not to look at her obviously protruding abdomen. He still hasn't forgiven her and he can't forgive her. He knows this might be the last time he ever sees her and so he tries to be nice and gentle but he cannot forgive her. Why he doesn't know. Lilly thinks that he is too proud, that it is difficult for him to say that he might have been too harsh on her, that he is willing to take back his demands. He doesn't know whether Lilly is right, although she very well may be. He will miss her too of course, it will break his heart to leave her but she is brave and strong, much stronger and braver than he is.
Lilly told him that she would stay at Downton during the war, that she could neither face being all by herself at Woodland Manor, nor face staying with her own parents during such a stressful time as this. He understands that wish and did not object. His mother and Robert are nice and they will be kind to her. But he can hardly face his mother and he cannot face Robert.
When it is his time to say goodbye to Robert, his stepfather holds out his hand and for a moment he considers not shaking it but he is a gentleman and so he takes the offered hand without looking Robert into his eyes.
Lilly tells him she loves him, he tells her he loves her too, promises not to risk his life, a promise he knows he cannot keep and then Matthew and he are ushered into a car, taken to the train station in Downton, they change trains at York, get out in London and are sent off to war.
The whole journey he debates with himself whether he has done the right thing, whether he shouldn't at least have pretended to have forgiven his mother. She does not deserve her last memory of him to be of a fight and he does not want to seem ungrateful. He knows his mother has done a lot for him and given up a lot for him. But she raised him to be an honorable gentleman, having an affair herself all the while and he just cannot accept that. No matter how often Lilly tells him that feelings cannot always be controlled and that he should be glad that his mother found love. He wishes he could agree with his wife.
His refusal and inability to forgive his mother and Robert drove quite a wedge between Lilly and him for some time but the more likely the war seemed the less willing to fight they were and they agreed to disagree.
He is glad that Lilly and he are able to look beyond their differences so easily, it would have been incredibly painful for him to leave Lilly and not be on the best of terms with her. She is his wife and he loves her. His thoughts now drift off to his and Lilly's future and despite all the happiness, despite all the love that he feels for his wife there is one thing that makes him wonder, one thing that worries him.
The fact that after almost six months of marriage Lilly is still not pregnant. She keeps telling him not to worry, that they were still young and had 25 years of trying and possibilities ahead of them but he does worry. He needs an heir. That is his greatest responsibility.
"What is it?" Matthew asks and he shrugs his shoulders before he realizes that Matthew is going through the same thing.
"Lilly is still not pregnant and I need an heir."
"So do I," Matthew replies and stares out of the window. "I've been thinking about going to a specialist in London. I wonder if it is my fault."
He nods because he has been wondering about this too. It could of course be Lilly, there could be a problem with her but there could just as well be a problem with him.
"It is a lot of pressure."
"Yes," Matthew says and stares out the window again.
"If I die in this war, the family line will die. There is no other heir."
Matthew looks at him as if he wasn't sure what to say.
"I am not sure if there is another Crawley heir. I should have asked Robert. I am sure that he knows."
"He may have produced another heir," he says and Matthew grins.
"Of course and that would be an immense relief. I could go back to being a lawyer after the war. I'd still help with the estate of course and help Mary's brother if it ever became necessary, but the responsibility would not be mine anymore."
"That would be nice," Sam replies. "I have had that responsibility my whole life. My mother tried to take it away from me but I have been told constantly to do this and not do that because I was a duke. My nanny and my tutor were gentle with it but most of the staff at our houses and teachers at Eton were everything but gentle. The staff catered to my every need but at the same time they never let me forget that I was not free."
"I am sorry," Matthew says and he knows that he genuinely feels sorry.
"Maybe that is why I am going to war. Because on the battle field no one will care whether I am a duke or a hall boy. The enemy will try to kill me all the same."
"You just have to be careful then not to be killed," Matthew says and he finds himself nodding. This is not, cannot ever be a suicide mission.
AN: I hope you liked this chapter. There will be more Cobert in the next chapter but I thought that I could not just disregard the war and I think that the war offers an opportunity to learn more about Sam and Matthew's personalities and is also a great opportunity for them to become very close friends. They are friends already at this point of the chapter but I am planning to take their friendship a little further (just as I did in most of the other stories in this universe).
Please let me know what you think of this chapter!
Kat