Chapter 25

"Sunshower"

Dark as roses and fine as sand
I feel your healing and your sting again
Hear you laughing and my soul is saved
On forgotten graves you cry

Crawl like ivy up my spine
Through my nerves and into my eyes
Cuts like anguish or recollections
Of better days gone by

But it's all right
When you're all in pain
And you feel the rain come down
Oh it's all right
When you find you way
Then you see it disappear
Oh it's all right
Though your garden's gray
I know all your graces
Someday will flower
Oh oh in a sweet sunshower
In a sweet sunshower

Eyes like oceans so far away
A feather trail to a better way
Worried mornings turn into days
Then into worried nights
But it's all right

When you're all in pain
And you feel the rain come down
Oh it's all right
When you find you way
Then you see it disappear
It's all right
Though your garden's gray
I know all your graces
Someday will flower
Oh oh in a sweet sunshower
Oh in a sweet sunshower

In the sweet sunshower
In the sweet
Sweet
Sweet
Sunshower

I know all your graces
Someday will flower
In the sweet
In the sweet sunshower
And it's all right
All you'll be you are today
Are today
It's all right
All you'll be you are today
Are today
Are today
Are today
Are today
Are today

By Chris Cornell

Sunshower lyrics © EMI Music Publishing, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Fox Music, Inc

Allie opened her front door. Chris stood behind his parents; his smile reassured her as she greeted them. "Hello. Come in, please!" She stepped aside and they filed into the entry hall. Chris brushed his lips across her forehead as he passed. "Let me take your coats."

"I've got them," Chris interjected. "I guess this is the 'formal' meeting, so I should be a little formal, eh? Mom, Dad, this is Allie. Allie, my parents, Ahnah and Chingachgook."

"I'm really happy to meet you . . . 'formally,'" Allie said with a tiny smile.

"As we are to meet you," Ahnah replied and held out her hand. They shook. Allie noted Ahnah's firm, strong grip—not a surprise.

Chingachgook's mouth lifted into a curiously warm smile as he took Allie's proffered hand in both of his, squeezed gently. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Allie. Thank you for having us over." His hold had a surprising effect on her—she felt protected and safe. Maybe even accepted.

"Of course," she replied. As they arranged themselves in her living room—Ahnah and Chingachgook on the couch, Chris in a nearby chair—Allie stood a bit awkwardly and said, "I've got coffee on, unless you'd like something else?"

"Do you have green tea?" Ahnah asked.

"I . . . I think so. I'll check." She dashed out, longing to escape what felt like Ahnah's scrutiny. But maybe that was in her own head. And maybe she was totally off base with her impressions of Chingachgook, too. Damn, she was having a hard time figuring all this out. As she opened a cabinet, three small, cardboard boxes tumbled out; one bonked her on the head on its way down. "Shit," she hissed as she tried to catch them. Of course, they all ended up on the floor. Three boxes of tea and not one of them green tea. She rolled her eyes.

Just as she bent to pick them up, Chris entered the kitchen. "Need some help?" he asked.

She plopped onto the floor and looked up at him.

"You alright?"

"Just being a klutz," she replied, "and no green tea. I shouldn't be surprised, I guess. I don't think this is going to go well, Chris."

He knelt beside her, picked up two of the boxes in one hand while she grabbed the third one. "They just got here, sweetheart. Give them a chance." He deposited the tea on the counter. His fingers touched her cheek, smoothed her hair back then slid to her arm. "Relax. Just be yourself, eh."

She looked up at him, felt tears forming. "What if being myself isn't good enough? Sometimes I'm not even sure who 'myself' is, lately," she whispered.

Sitting down next to her, he crooned, "Oh, baby," and wrapped his good arm around her. He pulled her against his warm, strong body, the box of tea pressed between them. "You're fine, sweetheart. It'll all be alright. We're both still a little messed up from everything that's happened. But things'll be OK." He kissed her forehead and gathered her close.

With a few deep breathes, she collected herself. "Let me see what kind of freaking tea I do have in this house."

After Ahnah assured her that caffeine-free peppermint tea would do fine, Allie, with Chris' help, brought out the dessert platter and beverages. "These are the cookies Chris and I baked together," she announced.

"They look delicious," Chingachgook said, and immediately reached for one of the sugar cookies. He bit into it. "Mmmmm," he hummed, eyebrows lifting in appreciation.

Ahnah sipped her tea then bit into a cookie. "Very good," she stated.

"Bet you didn't know I had it in me, eh?" Chris joked.

"Allie," Ahnah said, catching her by surprise. "Be honest. How much did he really do?"

The little stutter her heart took when Ahnah addressed her settled, and she replied, "Oh . . . um . . . actually, he helped a lot. He decorated most of the sugar cookies and measured and stirred and set the timer. He even helped cook lasagna at my friend's house, and she really made him work . . ." She took a breath. "Stop babbling," she admonished herself silently. "So, um . . . yeah, he's really good in the kitchen."

Chris cleared his throat. Allie realized her double entendre and could feel the blush crawl across her cheeks, especially as her mind shot back to their various affectionate encounters in her kitchen. "It was fun," Chris jumped in. "Nice way to spend an afternoon." He winked at Allie.

The night moved on with light chatter and small talk. Allie wondered when Chris' parents would start asking questions about her past. She felt like a kid in class waiting to give an oral report and just wanting it to be over. "Can I get you more coffee or tea?"

"No thank you," Ahnah said. Chingachgook shook his head, patted his stomach, and smiled. Allie began gathering the cups. "Here, let me help," Ahnah picked up the platter. Together, they carried the empties into the kitchen. "This is lovely," Ahnah said, as she placed the Christmas platter on the counter next to the sink. She ran her fingertips over the raised pattern, her lips turned up in a smile.

Allie watched her, surprised and pleased at the familiar gesture. "It was my mother's. We used to have a whole set, but a lot of the pieces broke over the years. This is the first time in ages I've brought them out."

Ahnah turned to her, reached out and touched her arm. "Chris told me about what happened to your parents. I am so sorry. I'm sure that was quite a shock," she said.

"Thank you," Allie murmured, "I still miss them."

"You always will, but you move forward. There is nothing else to do but move forward."

Allie nodded, her gaze shifting to the window where her wan reflection stared back at her; a stark contrast next to Ahnah's dark, vibrant profile.

"He also told me a little about your former situation." Allie inhaled sharply, feeling a little unsettled at the sudden shift in the conversation. At the same time, she was relieved that the moment had finally arrived when she'd face this formidable woman. She looked down at the sink before turning a wary gaze to Ahnah. "It sounds like you survived an extremely difficult and painful time with your previous boyfriend. I can appreciate that." Allie waited for the "but" she was sure would follow. "My son has been through some difficulties as well. You know what happened when he was a child?"

"Yes." Allie closed her eyes against the memory of Chris' painful recounting of the incident with the bullies at his school.

Ahnah continued, "I love my son. Very much. I don't want to see him hurt ever again. He loves you, Allie. Of that, I have no doubt. I won't put you on the spot tonight by asking if you love him. But I will ask you to think about something very carefully." Allie sucked in a breath and looked at her. "I understand that the situation you found yourself in was not an easy one to get out of. Many women don't ever escape." Allie noticed a softening of Ahnah's expression, as if she was remembering something, or someone. It vanished so quickly Allie wasn't sure she'd actually seen it. "I know how easy it can be to think you are in love with someone who rescues you from an intolerable, painful, frightening situation," she continued, "especially when they've sacrificed so much, as I think my son has for you." Allie swallowed, knowing the truth of Ahnah's words. She forced herself to look directly into her intense dark eyes. "So please, examine your feelings closely. If you think you love my son, be sure that you truly love him. When he gives himself to someone, he gives himself entirely. No holding back."

As intimidating as Ahnah seemed, Allie appreciated the fierce love and protectiveness she obviously felt for Chris. And it moved her to know that he was loved so deeply and completely by his parents. Allie shored up some courage, her gaze never leaving that of this strong, devoted woman. "I understand your concerns," she began, "in fact, I've asked myself those same questions. And believe me when I say that I know just how much Chris has sacrificed for me."

Ahnah folded her arms, waiting.

"I think . . . I think maybe . . ." Allie closed her eyes and gripped the edge of the sink as a realization burst inside her. When she looked again at Ahnah, the woman had a concerned look on her face and reached out to grasp Allie's arm. "I think that's what got me into a bad situation in the first place. I was looking for a hero. Someone to throw me a safety net after my parents died. Stephen became that safety net for me. Or at least that's what I thought."

"And now? Are you looking for another hero?"

"No. No, I don't think so. You said you wouldn't ask me, but I will tell you. I love your son. And I promise you, I will do my best not to hurt him. He means too much to me. And he is the most amazing man I have ever met." She held Ahnah's gaze, trying to communicate her resolve and commitment.

Ahnah stared back and replied, "I'm trusting you to know your feelings, Allie. Please be sure of yourself. And please, please take care of my son."

"Hey, it's almost midnight!" Chris said as he and Chingachgook strolled into the kitchen. In unison, Allie and Ahnah turned to them.

Allie wondered if her smile was a bit strained. She felt Ahnah squeeze her arm gently then let go. "Should we watch the ball drop?" Ahnah asked.

Chingachgook smiled at them both. Slipping his arm around Ahnah's shoulders, he replied, "Best way to know when it's midnight, right? At least on the east coast."

"I have some sparkling cider . . . well, for Chris and me. There's a bottle of champagne, too, if you'd prefer," she directed her comment to Chingachgook and Ahnah.

"Sparkling cider will be fine for all of us," Chingachgook replied. "Shall I get it?"

"Yes, thank you," Allie said as she pulled champagne flutes from a cabinet. In the living room, they turned on the TV. As the countdown began, Chingachgook popped the cork and poured the cider. They clinked their glasses together. "Happy New Year," Allie said.

"To the best of times ahead," Chingachgook replied.

"To the best of times ahead," Chris and Ahnah echoed.

Without hesitation, Chingachgook turned and kissed his wife. Chris put his glass down, pulled Allie to him and kissed her gently. "Happy New Year, love," he whispered.

"Happy New Year, my sweet Fox," Allie murmured.

"I like her, Ahnah," Chingachgook said later as he and his wife prepared for bed at a nearby B&B. The house Chris and Evan rented had only two bedrooms and they hadn't wanted their son, with his injuries, to sleep on the couch.

"She seems kind. Sweet. I just hope she knows her mind. And her emotions," Ahnah replied. "It's not easy to move on to a healthy relationship after what she's been through."

"True. But I think she is ready."

"What makes you so sure?"

Chingachgook shrugged. "It's the same kind of feeling I had when I decided to accept your . . . shall we say, 'terms,' when I asked you to marry me."

"You made that decision pretty darn fast."

"And look where we are now, my love," he replied as he took Ahnah in his arms and began slowly swaying and singing. "Baby it's you, you are my sunshine. I am your guiding light, just like a ship out in the night, returning for a light. I really love you. And it's really real, the way I feel. Look into my eyes and you'll realize . . . it's really, really, really, real. Oh, you're my woman . . . "

"You know you get me every time with that song."

Chingachgook simply smiled and continued singing to his lovely wife.

Author's Note:

I do not own "Sunshower" by Chris Cornell

I'm not sure if this is the right song for this chapter but I think it's the right song for Chris and Allie. I love the line: "All you'll be you are today" I think it's particularly fitting for these two because they are maybe a little broken right now, but they will bloom and shine . . . as we all sometimes get a little broken, like flowers trampled underfoot. But we all have amazing capacities within us. And for all of us: "I know all your graces/Someday will flower/In the sweet sunshower." What a beautiful sentiment.

I do not own "You're My Woman" from the album, Tupelo Honey by Van Morrison – the song Chingachgook sings to his wife at the end of the chapter. Whenever I heard this song, I envisioned him singing it to her. And every time I listen to the album, Chingachgook pops up in my head. I have no idea why! My only conclusion is that this must be his favorite album. 😉

So, a short chapter, but a necessary one, I think. I'm not sure Ahnah is completely convinced about Allie's feelings for Chris, but I think Chingachgook will work his magic so she understands that Allie is truly committed.

A few of you wondered if Allie was "holding back" her love for Chris. I don't see her as "holding back" so much as being true to herself and her own identity. I think sometimes people get so intense (and maybe even obsessed) with someone they love (or think they love) that they lose themselves in the relationship, or sacrifice who they are for the sake of keeping the relationship together. I don't think that's particularly healthy—or that jealousy and possessiveness are necessarily indicators of how much someone loves another. I think they reveal insecurities. Which we all have (sometimes more strongly than at other times)—it's why I think our emotions can fluctuate and spin out of control unexpectedly. One day we might feel jealous and another day, a similar situation might not bother us. We humans are a complicated bunch, but I find it interesting to explore the greys, the contradictions, the inconsistencies.

As always, thank you for reading, commenting, PMing. You readers and writers are the best. You keep me going!