Chapter 25:
"What did you guys find out?" Clarke asked upon their return. She was getting stir crazy inside the bunker, which really didn't bode well for her since they were likely going to be there for a long time.
"Calm down, Griffin. We literally just walked in." Raven had a bag filled with something over her shoulder and she dropped it to the ground as soon as they were inside the building. Niylah did the same after her.
"Sorry, I'm just…"
"Crazy. We know." Raven retorted. "We found some stuff. Nothing major. I got some stuff to help with the electronics and I found a Tesla!"
"She's excited." Niylah explained. "She hasn't stopped talking about the car she saw."
"Says the girl that got excited over a coat." Raven smirked at her.
"I've never seen a coat like that before."
"It was reversible." Raven told Clarke. "There was this store that had heavy outdoor gear in it. It was almost untouched. We should go back. If we've got to make a long walk or stock up on stuff for the road if we ever get out of here, that stuff might come in handy."
"We'll go back tomorrow." Niylah told Clarke.
"She just wants the coat." Raven knocked shoulders with her.
Clarke just looked between the two of them and then she understood. She looked down for a moment and tried to hide her smile. She would not have predicted this at all, but if the two of them ever actually figured out what appeared to be going on between them, she'd be really happy for both of them. Ever since she fell in love with Lexa and really understood what love was for the first time, she started finding it easier to notice the beginnings of potential relationships in others.
"We'll go back tomorrow." Niylah repeated.
"Oh and we did take a look around too." Raven explained. She pulled out a map she'd brought with her and Clarke watched as Niylah picked up both bags. Raven didn't notice because she was too busy unfolding the map in her hands to show Clarke.
"I'll take these in." Niylah told them.
"Thank you." Clarke looked at her.
"Okay, so here's the main stretch of the town." Raven explained.
"Raven…" Clarke looked at her and nodded with her head toward Niylah.
"Oh, Niylah?" Raven stopped her. Niylah turned back. "Meet me in electrical in 20?"
"Sure." Niylah smiled.
"Oh and tomorrow? Same time? We'll go south instead."
"I'll be there." She seemed pleased and turned back around to walk away.
"And thanks for… carrying the bags." She tried.
"Sure." Niylah replied, but Clarke noticed a slight smile and wondered if she could hear Raven's unspoken subtext.
"This is all flat." Raven started. "Hardly any good lines of sight from the town so I don't think they'll be coming in this way at all even though it's the best direct access here. They won't have any advantage. They'll actually bottleneck." She pointed.
"So, their numbers won't do them any good." Clarke added and the two of them began walking down the hall toward the war room.
"We haven't gone west yet, but south is the best option from what I can tell just by driving around a little. The ridge gives them good angles for those arrows you said they shot at you."
"What if we can get them to go through the town instead?" Clarke asked her.
"How are we going to do that if they're already south of us?" Raven considered. "It's not like they'll move to a crappier vantage point just because we ask."
Clarke sighed.
"I don't know."
"You know who you could ask?" Raven suggested.
"Indra."
"Clarke, come on."
She understood her meaning.
"Raven, I told her I'd stay away until this was over."
"And you don't think the great Lexa, Commander of the 12- Sorry 13 clans wouldn't have a good idea how we can beat these guys? You two working together…"
"I'm sure we can come up with something. Octavia and Indra should have an update soon and we have more and more guards arriving every few hours now that the group is so close. None of them have been attacked yet so the fake injuries are working. Besides, weren't you the one that didn't want me to see her because you thought it was bad for me?"
"You seem to be doing okay now. It's weird actually." Raven folded up the map as they continued down the hall. "This all started because I created this black and white world that had nothing in it just to see if I could engineer the City of Light again."
"Yeah."
"And Clarke, when we got stuff setup in Denver, I pulled up the code and it's crazy now."
"What do you mean?" They made it to the war room and they sat down.
"I don't even recognize it anymore. Some of it, I can't even figure out what you've done in there."
"I don't know what I'm doing or how I'm doing it."
"I know. It's like it's fused with your brain. I don't know if that's good or bad, but you seem to be okay unless you're lying to me about the headaches or-"
"I'm not." She paused. "When I was kidnapped, it got bad." She admitted and then she told Raven the story of what happened in the tent.
"Clarke!"
"I didn't have a choice. I thought they were going to kill me and it's not like I really even knew what I was doing."
"I get it, but that was risky."
"I know. It's one of the reasons Lexa told me to stop going there too, but I don't know. It's strange. I feel like I can control it."
"You've said that before."
"This time is different though. I'm talking to her from here or as close as we can get to it and I'm creating things easily now. I'm not getting headaches anymore."
"But you haven't been back in a while either so maybe it's just because of that."
"I guess. I just don't think so."
"Well look, I think you're right. We get everyone's heads together on this and we'll figure something out. You don't have to see her if you don't want too."
Clarke's eyes got big.
"That's still all I want to do, Raven." She confessed. "I know it's selfish, but it's like you said, you'd want it too if Finn were in there."
Raven seemed to be considering something.
"This whole going cross country thing, it's given me time to think about that. You getting the chance to be with Lexa again even if it isn't all the time or out here even made me wonder what I would want if it were possible for Finn and I."
"And?"
"And I don't know anymore." Raven admitted. "I thought a lot about what would have happened if you guys weren't sent down here and we were still on the Ark and it was just Finn and I and I guess I have a hard time thinking we would have ended up together now."
"Why?"
"Because he fell in love with you so easily." She realized that came out wrong. "No offense."
Clarke let out a silent laugh.
"None taken."
"It's just that if he was able to fall in love with someone so easily after what he and I had, I don't know if what we had was meant to be forever."
"And you're okay with that?"
Raven thought about how best to respond.
"I think I finally am, yeah." She let out a small smile.
"And would this have anything to do with someone else?"
Raven looked confused.
"What do you mean? Wick? God, I hooked up with the guy a few times and people are still asking me the will they, won't they question."
"I'm not talking about Wick, Raven."
"Who then?" She still wasn't getting it.
"Hey, are you ready?" It was Niylah standing at the door. It was about time for Raven to meet her in electrical.
"Yeah, just a sec." Raven told her and looked back at Clarke who had a lifted eyebrow. Raven's face changed when it finally dawned on her what Clarke had been referring to only a minute ago. "Oh."
"Yeah." Clarke replied.
"Raven? Should I just meet you there?"
"She's ready." Clarke answered for her.
"Wait. Are you…" Raven looked at Clarke. It was as if she was trying to ask something with her eyes. "I mean… if… would that be…"
"It's great, Raven."
Raven looked down at the table as if she just came to the realization that she had a crush on the girl standing in the doorway waiting for her. She actually wasn't sure if it was a crush or not. They'd spent a few hours together that day. Less than a day in total of actual alone time probably, but they'd spent the entire time talking and Raven had laughed with her and Niylah seem to laugh back at her too. She'd never felt this way about another girl before. She'd thought about it and always knew she'd be open to it since it was about the person to her just like it was for Clarke, but she'd been with Finn for so long and then after getting here, liking someone and possibly really liking someone; maybe having a real relationship with someone had been so far from her mind. It felt foreign to her now to even be considering it when there was another war coming their way, but she lifted her head with a smile and shook it sideways at Clarke in a "I can't believe this" kind of head shake and then stood.
"I'm ready." She turned to look at Niylah for a moment and then back to Clarke. She seemed to almost shake herself out of something. "Oh, she had an idea she wanted to run by you." She turned back to Niylah. "You should tell her."
"It can wait." Niylah suggested as Raven approached her and then did something neither Clarke nor Niylah had anticipated her doing. She wanted to make her way out the door, but Niylah was still standing in the doorway so she moved to the right of her to slide past and ran her hand over the girl's stomach grazing her shirt as she moved beyond her. Niylah's head followed her hand at first and then turned to watch her walk into the hallway and stand waiting.
"What is it?" Clarke asked her to try to bring her out of her stupor.
"Uh… I was thinking that there are going to be supplies and likely rationing."
"Yeah."
"I could be in charge of that." She offered.
"Yeah, you could."
"That would be okay with you?" She seemed to be asking one thing, but meaning another.
"It's a good idea." Clarke gave her back.
Niylah nodded and she turned back to Raven who was still standing there waiting.
"You ready?" She asked.
"Yeah." Raven answered her.
"Will you tell me more about those cars?" Niylah questioned as they started to walk away.
"I've been teaching you stuff all day. When are you going to start teaching me something?" Raven replied in jest.
Clarke could overhear them and could practically feel Raven's smirk.
"What do you want me to teach you?" Niylah teased back.
"You tell me."
Clarke sat in the chair and thought about how much she missed Lexa. She just wanted to see her; to feel her. She wanted to do what Raven suggested. She was a better leader to her people with Lexa than she was without her. She tried to busy herself with more work; more planning and as the evening wore on and she ate dinner with a few of the new arrivals and watched Raven and Niylah flirt endlessly as if they'd finally been allowed to do it, she missed Lexa even more.
She returned to her room after and before she could even decide how to try to occupy herself for the rest of the night, the radio on her hip answered that question for her.
"Clarke?" It was a whisper from Octavia.
"Octavia, I'm here." She whispered back.
"Hey, we've got all 4 here and Matias helped us convince them to help us."
"That's good. What about the other one?"
"We're making our way back now. He's radioed the guys a couple of times to check in. They've told them nothing's happening so we're good there."
"And do they all think Jac is on Nerva's side?"
"They're pretty sure, yeah."
"Then, all we can do is capture him and bring him here. We'll keep him locked up until this is over and then figure out what to do with him."
"Okay. We've got one of the guys here that they think might be able to pass for him on the radio. Either way, it'll take us another day and a half to get back without a car. That should buy you guys some time in case something goes wrong."
"Thanks, Octavia."
"We're calling it a night. Going to camp out here and start walking at first light."
"Good. Get some rest."
Clarke put the radio on the battery charger on her table and did her new nightly routine since entering the bunker. When she was finished, she moved to the bed and flopped down ungraciously before rolling over on her side and staring at the new maps and sketches she'd drawn up and hung on the wall. Octavia and Indra were going to capture Jac in about a day and a half. If something went wrong with their attempt, he could warn Nerva and the attack could come at any moment. Whatever she was going to do to try to get them to come through the town and possibly bottleneck and make it easier for their guns to take them out if it went that far, needed to take place within the next couple of days. She needed a plan and her mind was too scattered and too tired to focus. She needed Lexa.
It happened before she could stop it. She was standing in their house. Her hands were at her sides and she was looking around trying to figure out how she'd gotten there and deciding she needed to leave. She told Lexa she wouldn't show up until… Lexa.
Clarke's eyes met the surprised ones in front of her. Lexa had emerged from the bedroom and had seen her standing there in the living room. Clarke had forgotten for a moment that she could always feel her when she's about to arrive. She looked as if she had been in the middle of something when she felt Clarke appear and she rushed into the room to see if it was true.
"Hi." She gasped out and dropped her clutched hands at her sides.
"Hi." Clarke replied with the same gasp. "I'm sorry." She followed. "I didn't mean to-"
"It's okay." Lexa took a few steps toward her, but didn't go all the way. "It's okay."
Clarke was so grateful to be looking at her again. It felt like it had been forever since she'd laid eyes on Lexa's green ones.
"Can I stay?" She asked hopefully.
Lexa looked surprised again.
"Of course you can stay."
Clarke took the rest of the steps to close the distance and her arms were around Lexa within seconds. Lexa returned her embrace and it felt to both of them almost as important as the one they'd shared in the City of Light when they saw each other for the first time after her death.
"I missed you." Clarke muttered into Lexa's ear.
"I missed you too." Lexa responded and they pulled away to connect their lips in a gentle, yet firm kiss. They pulled back and looked at one another exchanging shy smiles before reconnecting their lips in a deeper kiss. "Are you okay?" She asked Clarke after several moments when their foreheads were pressed against one another.
"I'm safe." Clarke ran her fingers through Lexa's hair, which was down and toyed with the ends. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about everything that was happening. I didn't want to worry you."
"I know. It's okay." Lexa gripped the front of Clarke's shirt; taking in that it was somehow one from the closet.
That movement caused Clarke to take in Lexa's clothing for the first time.
"You're wearing my shirt." She commented and pulled on it gently.
"I wear it a lot." Lexa confessed.
"And no pants." Clarke finally acknowledged that Lexa was standing in her shirt and underwear only.
"I was about to go to sleep." She defended.
"Can I sleep with you?"
"I'm sorry I sent you away. I regretted it immediately."
"You were right. I needed to be there."
"Stay tonight." Lexa told her. "We can talk and you can get some sleep."
Clarke smiled and Lexa took her hand and walked her toward their room.
"How are you?" Clarke asked her as Lexa pulled back the blankets on the side of the bed Clarke normally occupied. She didn't say anything about the fact that she'd been sleeping there whenever Clarke wasn't.
"I should be asking you that question."
"Lexa, you're alone in here. I-"
"Lie down." Lexa commanded politely. Clarke complied and watched Lexa walk to the other side of the bed and climb in beside her. She could swear relief hit her instantly when she felt the weight of Lexa and her arm reach around and slide under her shirt; just feeling her fingers dance along the skin of her back as they stayed facing one another. Her hand traveled to Lexa's face and then her back as well. She pulled the girl in tighter and breathed her in.
"I am so tired." She admitted. It had hit her so quickly.
"Rest, Clarke."
"We should talk."
Lexa pressed her lips to her forehead.
"Rest now. We can talk when you wake."
Clarke closed her eyes as Lexa pressed soft kisses all over her face and continued to move her hand around on Clarke's back soothing her into a deep, restful sleep.
She woke up to the sunlight coming in from the window, the smell of food and the sound of something sizzling in a pan. She rolled over to see that Lexa was gone. She stretched and climbed out from under the blankets. She gathered herself and made her way into the kitchen.
"Can you feel me when I'm just coming into the room too?" Clarke asked her as she made her way over to Lexa and stood behind her; wrapping her arms around the girl's waist and kissing her on the shoulder before looking over it to see that she was cooking eggs.
"No, but I can hear you when you roll around on the bed when I leave it so I know you're about to wake up."
"And you decided to make us breakfast?"
"I think I've gotten better at cooking." She announced.
"You do?" Clarke laughed a little.
"You can tell me." She was sliding a spatula around in the pan. She was making scrambled eggs apparently.
"Okay." Clarke pulled back and began milling about the kitchen. She grabbed plates and poured drinks and made note of the many changes in the house. She had made some obviously, but Lexa had made many in her absence. She turned back to take her in. She was standing in front of the stove; still in Clarke's shirt and only her underwear. She had a slight bounce in her right foot that was tapping and Clarke could only assume it was because of her presence. That was something that was beyond remarkable to her even after all this time and understanding how much Lexa loves her. The fact that she can impact her mood like this and make the normally stoic Lexa tap her foot and cook them breakfast in her underwear while Clarke slept, was like a dream. Actually, it was better. It was heaven. This would be her heaven.
She smiled as Lexa divvied up the eggs she had cooked them and sat the pan back in the sink. Clarke couldn't believe how domestic she suddenly seemed and it made her smile yet again.
"When do you have to go?" Lexa asked her after taking the first bite. Clarke waited for her reaction before trying one of her own.
She reached into her mind without traveling back to try to uncover the time in reality.
"I can stay for a little while."
"Should you?" Lexa checked.
"Yes." Clarke shared and knew she needed this. She needed this time with Lexa if she was going to be any good out there. She took a small bite of the scrambled eggs and tentatively began to chew.
"You look surprised." Lexa teased. "Thought they'd be terrible, didn't you?"
"Yes." She admitted. "They're good. I haven't had eggs in a very long time. We had this substitute stuff on the Ark sometimes, but that doesn't compare."
Lexa seemed proud of herself.
"Will you tell me about what's going on?" She asked before taking another bite.
"Do you want me too?"
"Yes, Clarke."
Clarke took a drink and leaned back slightly in her chair.
"Okay."
She started with the jeep attack and the guard's death. She continued with information she was pretty sure Lexa had already obtained from her inadvertent updates. She also filled her in on the events that had transpired with Octavia and Indra. Lexa seemed to be happy to have an update on her general and she also seemed glad to know that Indra was supporting Clarke in the same way she'd supported her.
"You need a plan to create the bottleneck." Lexa stated at the end of it all.
"I don't see a way around it. Apparently, she's worse the Nia."
Lexa changed at the mention of Nia's name.
"Then, you have no choice, but to protect our people, Clarke."
"Coming from the south gives them the advantage. I don't know how we can get them to move and I don't think we can take them even if our numbers match and we have guns. They're mostly soldiers. We're mostly just people."
Lexa seemed to be thinking and she took a long drink while Clarke awaited her reply.
"Remember how we met?"
"Of course." Clarke recalled, but wasn't sure where Lexa was going with this.
"You killed my warriors."
"You sent them there to kill us."
They smirked at one another.
"You saved your people that day."
"I blew up everything in sight including your men."
"That was war, Clarke. You did what you had to do just as we all do." The domesticated Lexa was gone. The Commander had returned. "You could employ similar methods."
Clarke looked off to the side as she considered Lexa's suggestion.
"Do you have-" She stood.
"It's over there." Lexa answered her question.
Clarke moved to the table in the living room and picked up the journal she imagined up and returned to the table.
"Wait. How did you know?" She asked when she realized Lexa had finished her sentence.
"Because I know you, Clarke."
Clarke slid her chair until it was right next to Lexa's. Breakfast was over. She opened the journal and rushed through the pages to find something she just knew had to be there.
"I can't believe you read all of this." She remarked as she took in her own scrambled thoughts. "Okay." She pointed at the map her mind had sketched onto the small journal pages. "Here, right?"
"And there." Lexa leaned in and added. "Station your guns-"
"Here." Clarke finished. "And then come from this side."
"That's what I would do." Lexa leaned back. "Indra should lead the swords, but you'll have to be careful your shooters-"
"Don't take out any of our own people, yeah." Clarke finished for her. "What if we get them to move into the town down the main street?" She moved her finger to the map. "We have shooters camouflaged on the roof. Raven says some of the buildings are in good shape, but we can move some debris up there for cover."
"Snipers?"
"And the other guns are at the front. Indra-"
"Comes in from there." Lexa completed this time. "That would do it." She looked over at Clarke. "The question is if we do win, how many people do we lose in the process?"
"As few as possible, but as many as necessary." Lexa replied with her standard wisdom.
"Victory comes on the back of sacrifice?" Clarke looked over at her.
"I hope this is the last time you are forced to make decisions like this."
"Me too."
Clarke felt Lexa's hand on her own.
"You will be safe, right?"
"Lexa…"
"I know I can't stop you from fighting and not just because I'm here, but because it's who you are. All I ask is that you-"
"I'll be okay, Lex."
Lexa slid her fingers between Clarke's and lifted their combined hands to place them in her own lap.
"Does anyone other than Raven or your mom know about what we have here?"
"I haven't told anyone."
"And Nerva… has she expressed interest in the Flame?"
"Oh." Clarke looked at her. "No, she doesn't seem to care about it. She wants the power of Wanheda to try to gain more followers and power." She leaned in toward Lexa. "If something happens to me out there, I'm still coming here." She proclaimed.
Lexa just gulped in response. They sat there for a while longer and worked out a few more plans together. They'd both missed that part of their relationship. Then, Clarke walked Lexa through the pictures she'd sent including the one of Wells whom Lexa had never met. She knew their time was short and while she wanted to do so many things with the time they had left, she wanted Lexa to walk her around and tell her about the things she'd been doing while Clarke had been absent more than anything else. They made their way around the house at first and then outside where they walked hand in hand and Lexa pointed out additions to the backyard. She even made requests for things Clarke could create for her and Clarke smiled and made them on the spot.
When Clarke could feel time was getting away from them, she took that time to embrace Lexa as they laid side by side in the grass with silent touches and gentle, yet purposeful kisses until Lexa told her it was okay to go and Clarke gave her one more kiss with the promise she'd return when it was over and Lexa told her to stay safe. They exchanged the important words that had escaped them when Lexa was alive and Clarke vanished in front of her eyes. Lexa wasn't sad though. She felt happy. Clarke was home to her in every way.