I'm sorry, I know I suck, but I'm back! At first I really had fun with this chapter, then I lost my inspiration. But I found it. I guess I can really be a psychologist now. I researched so many mental disorders and such. Woah, I even found some that describe me perfectly..O.o Whoops!
Thank all of you who reviewed or added the story to favourites. ^-^ That really makes me feel good about myself.

There will be a couple of songs in this chapter and I HIGHLY RECOMMEND listening to them so you can..understand the situation better. I put the URL-s here but I had to add spaces because FF is a douche..xD So remember to remove the spaces before pasting into the search box. If it isn't working just PM me, I'll gladly help.

Oh and all those who asked for more romance...Well, it'd be a bit weird if I put more of it because they only know each other for 2 weeks. But it is in plan and...*SPOILERS*

I really hope you'll enjoy in this chapter, possibly learn something new aaand..Yeah, that'd be all.

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note characters nor any of the songs I used.

***UPDATE***-I removed the links because I wrote the name of each song in the chapter. If you however want to listen to the version of Stairway to Heaven on harp, just pm me. :D

Chapter 25.

Saturday morning

Idri's POV

"In the end, positions on the list didn't change." Near stated after hours of silence. We were building his train track through the Lego city we already had. It was quite nice. Buildings, shops, few cars, even a park. Nothing is impossible when you have Lego's. The track wasn't that complicated to build but we wanted a difficult route so we had to experiment. It was rather interesting. Especially the manoeuvring through our town without knocking 'sky-scrapers'.

"No. Odd isn't it? It appears our intelligent quotient is equal after all." I asked and he nodded slightly. I turned my head to the right, adding another piece of track where Near stopped with building.

"I wonder what L is going to think about this." He said silently.

"He will probably be confused, just like Roger and the rest of us."

"Right. Now he will have to think about us working together."

"Yes. I just hope he won't have to decide right now. Or any time soon." It's not like I want L to step out and lets us carry on the L name. Not yet at least.

"I think we're here just in case." Near said, being brutally straightforward.

"I know that L will continue with his work as long as he's capable. Although he doesn't actually view us as a replacement." I defended him.

"We're much more." Near added and I smiled, nodding. L was like our family, sort of. More than Roger or Penny ever were to me, after the death of my real family of course.

I sighed, continuing with the track building. Near was building from other side so we can connect them in the middle. It gave each of us more freedom. We can solely build, making it look as we want, even though they're connected.

After meeting Jacob I became much more interested in Near. He was, indeed, fascinating. All his likes, thoughts, and ideas. Though, it bothers me how I have to extract everything from him, because he is so antisocial. I thought he wants to talk with me, but he doesn't really talk much. And since I'm not social myself, I don't exactly know how to make him talk. This is so confusing.

I sighed, staring at my white arms who were covered by long sleeves of my light pink tunic. My favourite colour is still white, and I love wearing it, but Kim insisted I wear clothes with colours. Because with that I don't look so soulless. Perfect choice were the light colours, because bright colours don't really fit me.

"Come in." I heard Near's monotone voice and I raised my head to see what's going on. Roger walked in, fixing his glasses.

"Near, Idri, Jacob is expecting you in classroom number eleven." He informed us, immediately leaving the room. I believe I was lost in my thoughts for too long that my brain just left out his knocking.

"Why do we have to go again?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

"Not to mention that Jade and Mello didn't see him yet." Near added and I nodded. He's right, they didn't see him. Unless Roger estimated they don't need to see him. I wouldn't bet on that.

I stood up, fixing my tunic and placing my braid over my shoulder. I liked it much more that way. Near stood up as well and we went downstairs.

What does that psychologist want now?

In the mean time with Kim, Matt and Mello

Kim's POV

"Roger said classroom eleven, right?" I asked, going through the hallway.

"Yeah." Matt answered from my right.

"Why do I have to go? And why Jade doesn't?!" Mello was still pissed off. I rolled my eyes, ignoring him.

Matt and I were playing games as usual when Roger came and said that Jacob is expecting us in classroom number eleven. He said Mello and Jade have to come too, but Jade still has a stomach ache, so she doesn't have to come until she feels better. I think she wants to avoid Mello with this as well, but whatever.

I opened the doors, finding giant room without desks, just cupboards and few instruments lined up. A piano, few violins, harp and a-

"Why are there two drums set?" Matt asked and I nodded, looking at two drums set. I grinned, stepping in classroom excited. Thank God I didn't wear skirt today, although I planned it. Instead, I was wearing brown short pants with orange stockings underneath. I also wore an orange T-shirt and long fingerless gloves made of wool.

"We already know why." Near suddenly spoke, and I jumped on the side, almost knocking out Idri.

"D-don't do that!" I yelled and he just blinked, twirling his hair. I put a hand over my heart, trying to calm down. He scared the shit out of me, that's for sure.

Matt and Mello entered in as well and they turned to Near and Idri.

"Idri, what do you play?" Matt asked and she went to harp on our left, taking a seat in front of it. She traced her fingers, making melody by pinching the strings.

I couldn't recognise the melody, although it sounded very familiar. She continued to play, making beautiful sounds, and I soon imagined I'm in heaven. The melody was so light and soft, like I'm on clouds. Idri was fully concentrated on the strings, but from time to time she simply closed her eyes and pinched the strings without looking.

After three minutes she finished and gave us a smile. Near started clapping first and we soon joined him.

"Wait, was that Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin?" Mello asked and I gasped. Yes, that's the name!

"Yes it is." Idri responded, still smiling.

"Near what do you play?" I asked and he pointed to violin.

"Cool." I commented while Mello scoffed.

"Okay, Matt your turn." I turned to him, and he turned to piano.

Interesting.

I followed him as he sat on the bench, stretching his fingers. He then tilted his head like he's thinking before he started to play.

I recognised Fur Elise, and I smiled. His fingers flew over the keyboard so lightly, looking like he didn't even touch the keys. (AN: If you don't know how Fur Elise goes..well..bad news for you.)

I was so lost in sounds that I didn't even realise he's finished and I'm still staring at him.

"Kim?" He asked and I shook my head, going over to him and plopping myself next to him.

"That was so amazing! I wish I know how to play like that." I said, watching the keyboard amazed. How does he do it?

"I was bored, so I learned how to play it." He simply said and I looked at him. He was smiling sheepishly and I grinned.

"Can you play one more?" I asked and he nodded.

"This one is one part of Robert Schumann's Butterflies." He announced and started to play.

I was soon lost in melody. The piece was really beautiful. First slow and then fast, then slow again, silent, fast again. It exchanged quickly, balancing between deep and light tones. On the second thought, it did remind me of butterflies.

After few minutes, Matt was done and I hugged him, still amazed.

"That one was truly beautiful Matt." Idri commented and Near nodded. I let go of Matt who blushed slightly.

"Yeah, good one." Mello added, looking around.

"Okay, okay, hear this one." He then chuckled, placing his fingers on the keyboard.

He started to play and I opened my mouth in awe and utter surprise. He continued to smile at the keyboard, both of us ignoring Mellos sigh. He was soon done and I looked at him with my eyes wide.

"THAT WAS SUPER MARIO BROS. THEME!" I yelled and he nodded, still grinning.

"But, how did you learn that?" I asked.

"I listened to the soundtrack for ages, I just had to find correct notes." He explained.

"That was so epic!" I yelled again and he chuckled.

"Anyway, what do you play?" Matt asked and I grinned.

The show is about to start.

1 hour later

With 'sick' Jade

Jade's POV

"Nice to see you Jacob, please come in." Roger's voice came from his office and brunette man entered in. The doors closed and I exhaled, sneaking downstairs.

Yeah, I admit, I faked my stomach ache. But just because of that jerk psychologist. Kim looked rather disturbed yesterday and that can't mean good. Then again, I can't stay in my room forever, because it's boring. And I really want to see what boys play. I wonder what Mello plays?

Well, I guess I'll have to go and see for myself. No, he's still angry at me. I'll be the best if I ignore him until he chills out.

As soon as I turned to the classroom hallway, a loud sound of drums sent chills down my spine. The rhythm was enjoyable and I started to tap my fingers on my jeans. I didn't hear such awesome performance for a long time. Kim was doing a pretty good job. I guess her practices finally paid off.

As I approached the classroom the rhythm got louder and goose-bumps appeared on my arm. I opened the doors, my eyes widening from the shock.

Kim wasn't the one playing drums.

Mello was.

I just stared at him in shock while he played the drums like he plays them for his whole life. His eyes were following his hands and while turning aside, his bangs flew around him. He was very skilled, I can tell you that. The rhythm changed, meaning it's going to be over soon and he hit the cymbal, ending it. He raised his head, grinning proudly and I blinked, not fully registering what's going on.

"Not bad. But I can still play better!" Kim shouted, tapping her sticks.

"Hello Jade." Idri said and everyone turned to look at me.

"What are you doing here?" She continued and I felt confusion.

"Umm...What was I? Well..shit." I mumbled, closing doors behind me. I observed the classroom.

Idri was sitting in front of a harp and Near beside her, playing with his toys. Matt was sitting on the piano bench, his chin on his fist, looking bored. Kim was on her own drum set and Mello on his', and they looked like they're competing.

Oh shit.

"Jade can you please tell him that I play drums better than him." Kim said and I sighed, not wanting to interfere.

"No you don't!" Mello shouted back.

"Yes I do!"

"No you don't!"

"Yes I do! And I'll show you!" Kim started to play and I turned to the right part of the classroom, searching for my instrument. While Kim played another great song, I went to closet behind Matt.

"How long has this been going?" I asked him, opening the closet.

"Too long. As soon as Kim picked the sticks and Mello saw it, he wanted to prove that he's better. Kim doesn't agree, of course, and they've been competing for an hour or so. And I tell you, you should have stayed in your room." He explained and I shook my head, closing the closet.

"Why would I-"

"Jade tell him!" Kim shouted, ending her performance.

"Jade did you hear me play from the hallway?" Mello suddenly asked.

"Yeah."

"Then tell her that I'm better!" He shouted, glaring at Kim.

"No way! I'm better!" She shouted back and I gulped, realising why Matt told me that.

"Jade I'm your best friend!" She added and I looked at them irritated.

"Matt, I'm your best friend!" Mello yelled as well.

"Matt, tell Mello I'm waay better!"

"Jade, you tell her that I'm the best!" Mello added and I looked at Matt who slammed his head in the keyboard making random sounds.

"Idri." I looked at her hopefully, but she shook her head, pinching a string on her harp.

"You're not going to drag me into this Jade." I turned my look at Near, almost pleadingly.

"I'm not siding with anyone." He simply said and I groaned, going to the other side of the room, wishing to search through other closets.

"Okay, I'm going to play again. After this, you'll realise I'm the best player here." Mello said and Kim scoffed, but he started to play again, enabling her to comment.

The rhythm sounded familiar and I started to tap with my fingers again, rummaging through one closet. I don't understand how they don't have it? A bunch of violin and trumpets and God knows what, but not a single-

My eyes widened and I grinned.

Perfect!

Mello's POV

I finished my solo, turning to Kim victoriously. She rolled her eyes, tapping her sticks.

"Nothing special." She said, uninterested.

"What? It was awesome! You're nothing special!" I shot back and she gritted her teeth.

"Oh yeah? Playing drums is in my blood and I'm so much better than you!"

"Huh? How can that be in your blood?" I was confused by this.

"Duuh, my dad is from Australia and they play drums there. Obviously."

"That doesn't mean anything! Just because-"

I was cut off by a loud guitar riff. I turned to see who's playing it and I could just stare. Jade was holding red and black electric guitar, doing a riff. I didn't even see her taking it. Must be beause of my argument with Kim.

Jade finished her short performance, turning to us annoyed.

"Enough! You're both awesome! Now shut up!" Jade said, taking her guitar back to the left part of the room.

"Jade? Aren't you going to play something?" Kim asked.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because." She put the guitar next to the closet, going to sit on the floor next to the doors.

"Okay, Mello." Kim exhaled beaten. "Truce?" She proposed.

"Fine. But one day I'm gonna prove it to you." I said.

"You're on!"

"Oh, thank God it's over." Matt muttered behind piano.

"Hey Matt, can you play something again?" Kim asked and Matt put finger on his chin.

"Well, there is one other song I know. But I have to remind myself. How about I play that tomorrow?" He proposed and Kim nodded.

"Can you play something Near?" She turned to him.

"I already did."

"When?" Matt asked.

"Before you came. Near played Ave Maria." Idri said with a smile.

"Wow." Kim said and I rolled my eyes.

"Because that's really slow, right?" Jade asked and Near nodded slightly.

I picked up my sticks right when someone knocked on the doors. Everyone turned to the doors when a brunette man with glasses, wearing green shirt and jeans entered in. Idri and Near nodded in greeting, and Kim turned her head on the side. Strange, everyone recognises him except me.

That means..

Fuck, that's the psychologist.

"I apologise for the interruption but I have to talk with Mello and Jade." He said, looking at me. I narrowed my eyes at him and he just continued to stare at me.

"Oh, this will be interesting." He muttered loud enough for me to hear.

"What was that?!" I exploded.

"Jade, please stop hiding yourself behind the door." He said, ignoring me.

"I'd be glad if you follow me to the classroom number eight." He said, leaving. I remained on my seat for a while, until Jade silently stood up, leaving. How come she's so calm?

Knowing her, she's not calm at all.

Fuck, you again.

You should be grateful I wasn't here for a week.

Whatever.

"My name is Jacob Velo. I specifically asked to deal with you two last, because it seems you two have the most on your mind." He said as soon as I sat next to Jade. She was still calm, her hands crossed over her chest. I turned my eyes to him.

"Like what?" I asked.

"I will find out." He answered, taking out his notebook.

"Now, Mello..Roger told me that you hate Near for being first and that you try everything to beat him."

"That's because I am better than him. One day he just came and took my place as the smartest. He's arrogant, egoistic jerk and-"

"Tch." Jade cut me off.

"Excuse me?" I turned to her angrily.

"You're doing it again." She said.

"I'm doing what?"

"I think Jade is trying to say that you're behaving like that imaginary Near of yours."

"What?" I turned to him.

"I talked with Near already and he doesn't show any signs of being arrogant. He doesn't look down on anyone particularly. I think he doesn't like ignorance, and you don't seem ignorant at all. But that Near you described, is only your perspective of him. An illusion."

"What the hell? I know who Near is! I have to deal with him everyday."

"Inferiority complex it is." He scribbled in his notebook.

"I'm not inferior of him!" I shouted.

"You're afraid of failing. The inferiority complex is often described as the lack of self-esteem." He explained.

"I don't have low self-esteem!" This guy is really going on my nerves.

"Because you hide it. If you don't have it, why do you try to beat Near so much?"

"Because I'm better than him." I repeated.

"No. If you truly think you're better than him, you wouldn't try so much to prove yourself. With your desperate attempts to take his position, you show how you think lowly of yourself, therefore, you really do have low self-esteem, because you're trying to prove that you're better. And that doesn't exactly say: Hey I have confidence in myself."

Is this guy serious? I don't have low self-esteem. I always knew I'm better than Near.

"You have so much hate inside yourself. And jealousy."

I raised myself, my blood boiling. This really crossed the line!

"Who do you-"

"Don't say a thing. He is doing this on purpose." Jade cut me off, her voice cold. Which only irritated me more.

Her position was same as before. Only this time her stare was turned to the floor.

Maybe he really is doing this on purpose. I'm not risking it.

I sat down and tried to calm myself, which wasn't going as easy as it seemed since I didn't have chocolate. Damn him!

"Your profile did say that you have experience in this, Jade. Remind me, how many times have you been to psychologist?" Jacob turned his attention to her. I expected her to start shouting, cursing, anything..But she remained silent, not moving at all.

"You read how many, I don't need to tell you that." She replied.

"Now that I know most of the information about you from my colleagues, it won't be so difficult to see what's wrong with you. Without those notes we'd be in for one long session of self-discovery. Although I did discover something..rather obvious I'd say, but no one before me wrote that."

"And what would that be?" She raised her head to look at him, and I noticed the anger raising inside of her.

"First things first. First two months of orphanage you had PTSD."

"PTSD?" I looked at her confused.

"It's Post-traumatic stress disorder." Jacob explained like I'm an idiot.

"Yes, I know what it is! Seriously, you say that I'm trying to prove myself to everyone and now you're treating me like a retard! So please explain me how not to go insane?" I pointed out and he narrowed his eyes, pushing his glasses up.

"Post-traumatic stress disorder is an anxiety disorder that develops after great psychological trauma. It usually occurs through flashbacks or nightmares." Jacob continued. "There were witnesses of those situations. You were usually found secluded from everyone else, saying nonsense. After two months, it stopped."

So, in order for her to have these flashbacks where she's talking nonsense, she has to be secluded?

Wait..Wait a minute. That did happen already.

"But the same thing repeated in the-" She turned to me immediately, indicating to shut up.

That's what happened in the forest. She did it again.

"Oh, so it happened again?" Jacob didn't miss this and Jade exhaled, biting her lip. This is getting weirder and weirder.

"Now, this only lasts for a month after the trauma, rarely as long as two months. I don't believe it continued through the years. Maybe it's a split personality?"

"Hah, I don't have a split personality. If I did, most of you would already be dead." She hissed.

I rolled my eyes, still looking at her. I was right in the first place. There was more going on with her than I thought. And now I will finally find out what.

"It appears you also had Melancholic depression, almost for 2 years." My eyes widened and I looked at him. Is this serious?

"Care to explain that to us Mello?" Jacob looked at me scornfully. I returned the hate, starting with my explanation.

"Melancholic depression is a mood disorder characterised by a loss of pleasure, anhedonia, in most of the activities. A depressed mood often pronounced than that of grief or loss, excessive guilt, excessive weight loss." I said, staring at Jade. She had all of that? What happened to her to cause such a damage?

"Good. And here we get to the blank space. No one knows why do you feel such guilt."

"There isn't a reason for you to know." She replied, her voice deprived of the calmness.

"Then how can we help you? You refused every medicine for that state and for PTSD. It's like you actually want to suffer. Why do you want to suffer?" Jacob leaned to her.

"Why do you think you're guilty for the death of your parents?" He said and Jade punched the table with her fist.

"And what do you know about that?! Just say what you have to and shut up!" She shouted. However, Jacob didn't look a bit intimidated by her outburst.

If this continues like this, I'll punch that guy I swear.

Can't stand to see her upset?

She's beyond upset.

"Moving on." Jacob proclaimed, writing notes again. Jade retreated her fist, still giving him a threatening stare.

"Since you still seem under depression, I assume you have Dysthymia. Low capacity for pleasure in everyday life, low self-esteem."

"Are you sure she has that?" I cut him off.

"Diagnoses of dysthymia are difficult since patients can often hide them in social situations. And the symptoms are very subtle and can be misdiagnosed." I stated.

"True, it also says that people who have dysthymia are often diagnosed of anxiety disorders, cyclothymia, are drug addicts or alcoholics."

"So just because she had Melancholic depression in the past she has to have dysthymia?"

"I didn't monitor her behaviour daily, but from my sources, it's possible she has cyclothymia, which is mood disorder. She has mood swings, in certain ways."

"But not that bad!"

"So you admit she has them. I don't believe she's drug addict or alcoholic, she's too smart for that. So I have to rely on anxiety disorder she had once."

"If I wanted to be a drug addict I could have just taken some of those pills everyone had offered me." She commented, her voice full of hatred.
Jade a drug addict? That's absolutely ridiculous.

Think Mello. Which is also considered a drug, but not nearly dangerous as the heroine or such?

I don't know. Some people say chocolate is just as addictive, but there's no-...

Chocolate! That's it! That must explain why she loves chocolate so much!

But that makes you a drug addict as well. Since you love chocolate without no particular reason.

Aw fuck.

"Yes, well, I think we just proved that you still have serious mental problems."

"Weird how I'm not in Asylum already. Since I have serious mental problems that can make me kill half of the people here without reason." Jade commented sarcastically. She does have a point, though. If she was able to deal with them before, then there's no point in over exaggerating it. She's doing fine without medicine.

But it still seems like she's suffering too much.

"I talked with Penny before this meeting. She claims that you're not trying so hard to beat Idri. I thought you and Mello will share the trait, but apparently..I was wrong. Why aren't you trying?"

"Because I know she's more intelligent than me. No matter what I do, she will be first. I don't care any more." Jacob went silent, his eyes focused on Jade's face. This guy is irritating as hell. Oh how I would love to break his glasses.

"As I said to Mello already, I am trying to beat myself. I am trying to be better than I already am." She said.

They continued to stare at each other and even I felt annoyed by his glare. Even though he wasn't turned to me a bit.

Suddenly Jacob chuckled, leaning back on his chair. He scribbled something down, his laughter roaring through the silent classroom.

"You, my dear, are lying." I looked at Jade bewildered, and she turned her stare to the floor again, not contradicting him.

"But you told me you're trying to be smarter than you already are!" I shouted, but she just continued to ignore me.

"She's lying. In the end, she is like you."

"How do you even know she's lying!?" I was completely pissed off, not exactly knowing why myself.

"With all those disorders, there's a similar subject. Guilt, low self-esteem, and depression eventually lead to self-loathing."

She hates herself?

"You Mello, you hate yourself as well."

I stayed silent, searching for reasons to hate myself. He was right..I never really liked myself. Always the second. Never good enough. Never actually happy. A lot of reasons were here. Did I ever actually feel proud of myself? Did I ever feel good in my skin?

"You two have so much self-loathing it's a miracle you're not in mad-house already. But, giving all your mental issues I can't say it didn't leave any trace. It did."

Why am I not happy? How can I be happy? By beating Near? But that just doesn't seem like it would help me in the end.

What did I miss?

"Why do you hate yourself is another question, but you will answer that on your own."

"Moving on. Jade, there's one more problem that is very obvious to me and can be a possible reason of your self-loathing."

"And what would that be?" She asked.

"You have really, really big trust issues." He said and Jade's face went white again. I kinda knew that before, but..why is she so surprised?

"I don't have trust issues. If I did have them, how the hell would I survive?" She yelled.

"Prove it." Jacob simply said and Jade's mouth opened in slight surprise.

"What?"

"Prove it to me. Turn to Mello and show him your eyes. Right now. If you do that, I'll let you go."

My eyes widened as I watched her turn to me. That was right, she doesn't trust anyone and that's why she hides her eyes. She seriously doesn't trust anyone.

You want her to trust you Mello. Don't be oblivious. That's why you're so irritated by that.

But, everyone is irritated.

Did Matt say anything about that? Near?

They don't care about that.

Then why do you care?

I..I don't know.

Jade continued to stare at me, her face white as Near. Once again I saw the beauty behind contrast of that white face of hers and black hair that framed it. She raised her hand, moving it to her bangs, and I waited impatiently. I could feel Jacob's cold and reserved glare, but all of this didn't seem right. When I asked her to show me her eyes she refused, but she's actually going to do it because that dumb psychologist asked for it?

Jade turned her head to the side, slamming her fist on the table.

"I can't do it.." She said silently.

"I didn't think differently. But, as they say, you can only hope." Jacob said, standing up and going to his bag on the other table.

"I'm sorry." I heard Jade whispering and I felt more confused than ever. Why did she apologise to me?

I was angry and confused in the same time. I turned my head to the Jacob, reorganising my thoughts.

"Here. Half of this for each one of you." Jacob said, pushing a box of some pills to us. Though there wasn't a name of the pills, just an instruction on how to take them.

"What is this?" I asked.

"It'll help you get through your depression and hopefully get rid of this self-loathing you have."

"Are you insane? I'm not taking some pills!" I shouted, but Jade grabbed them.

"Shut up Mello." She hissed and I looked at her not believing.

"You said you don't like to take pills and now you're contradicting yourself?"

"Just shut up!" She replied harshly.

Maybe it will better if you listen to her once.

I narrowed my eyes at her, suppressing my retort. There's no way in hell I'm taking pills. And she has some explaining to do.

"I'm glad you finally did the right thing Jade. The first step towards your health." He said, zipping his jacket.

"I will come again. To see you and maybe others. But they don't have such big problems. Please try to trust others a bit Jade. And you try to question all your reasons for self-loathing Mello. And calm down." He said, taking his bag while I stared at the table.

"Until next time." He said and a moment later, doors closed, leaving us in silence that stretched for another 2 minutes.

I already formed a whole load of questions so I can see what the hell is Jade thinking with these pills, but she intercepted me. She opened the box, shaking two different packages of pills on the table. The pills were white and blue, in each package was eight of them. Jade took one out, observing it.

"It doesn't look like anything I had gotten before." She muttered.

She broke the pill and white powder with a trace of yellow fell on the table.

"Fuck. They gave me antidepressants again. And they camouflaged them!" She looked completely pissed off. She scraped the powder off the table and into her hand. She then stood up, going to an open window and throwing it away.

"Now, would you explain me why did you take them?" I asked, trying to sustain my calmness.

"Are you serious? I never intended to take this crap. But if I didn't take them, they would have put them into my food. I'm not going to starve again."

"They did that to you?" My curiosity got the best of me.

"More than once. So after that I accepted them regularly and flushed the pills down the toilet."

"Why don't you simply take them?" I had to ask that. I was new in this stuff. Not that I regularly talked to a shrink.

"Because." She answered, going out of the classroom.

"That's not a valid reason!" I shouted, following her. But when I got in the hallway, there was no sign of her.

I exhaled, going to the window next to the library. I just found out something more about her..But I still don't know nothing. I just know that she suffers from depression for many years, has trust issues and hates herself. I was close to understanding her behaviour now. Why does she act like that? What happened to her?

But why did she apologise after not showing me her eyes. Why did she say she was sorry?

Maybe she wants to trust you, but doesn't know how to?

I don't know.

With Jade

Jade's POV

I closed the doors of the classroom as silently as I could, leaning on the door with a sigh. I purposely left the lights off so Mello couldn't find me. I don't even know in which classroom I am. I just entered in the first one that was unlocked.

So..It's finally out. One of my secrets. And now Mello knows it. Which is extremely bad that he knows, while Idri and Kim don't. That I hate myself, hate that I'm never good enough, never satisfied with anything. I hate that. I hate myself because of that. I hate myself because I cannot trust anyone. I hate everything.

I slowly slide down the door before I plopped myself on the floor.

And I really want to trust him. He's different..He looks like..like he can understand me.

Or maybe I'm still blind?

I don't know what to do.

I don't think I even care any more.

Please review and let me know what you think! :D