Chapter 25 - A Moment in Time

After a beer with Sam and Michelle while Rachel was at dance class Thursday night, Callen was feeling more positive about seeing Katie to apologize. It was late when he got home and he didn't want to send her a text so he decided to wait until Friday morning to call her before she went to work. The full reality of what had happened hadn't really sunk in yet for him but maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't have to when she heard what he had to say. Callen didn't see his optimistic outlook as a plan to beg, but more as an opportunity to 'plead his case'.

Friday Morning, OPS

"Mr. Callen & Mr. Hanna, my office now," Hetty called out as she walked past the bullpen.

"For fuck sake!" Callen said loud enough for most of the office to hear him as he walked back to his desk to get his bag to head home and prep for an undercover assignment with Sam. It suddenly hit him when he saw his bed while he was getting clothes from his bedroom, that if he were gone weeks or months, Katie might move on before he had a chance to apologize and hopefully get back together. How ironic was it that the one thing that had her giving him an ultimatum might also be the reason Callen wouldn't have a chance to make amends?

A text from Sam had Callen packing the last few things he needed and heading back to OSP where they obtained a vehicle from the Motor Pool and headed off on a road trip to their assignment. After a short distance had been covered, the partners reviewed their identities and objectives.

Pulling up outside their new temporary home an hour later, Sam broached the subject that had been intentionally ignored by both men during the drive, "For what it's worth G, she'd be crazy to not try and make things work."

"Thanks. I needed to hear that." He glanced out the window as three young women walked by and nodded, "At least they're not dressed in rolled up jeans with suspenders."

"You'd never catch a brother in those."

Callen laughed at Sam's reference to his previous undercover assignment. His face softened as he took a deep breath before getting out of the car, relieved Sam was with him. Not just as his partner, but as his friend.

Anatoli Kirkin, a criminal with his hands in a little bit of everything, had sold out his loyal followers to keep from being sent to prison with them. But after a call from Assistant Director Granger to an old friend at the CIA, it came too light that one group wasn't on the list of followers Hetty had been given. Kirkin had placed them in the US to assist in his local operations and Callen's gut instinct told him this group, or at least one person in the group, knew of Arkady Kolcheck's whereabouts. Sam and Callen's assignment was to infiltrate that gang, find where Arkady was being held and get him out. Kirkin had left this wayward group off the list for a reason and they were going to find out why.

Callen had been unable to find information on the location of his long time friend, despite many tries, including attempting to handle it on his own. That solo act not only resulted in Arkady still missing but also put a strain on his relationship with Hetty. She had never turned him down for a drink, but that night after LAPD and NCIS apprehended Kirkin, he offered talking things out over a drink, but Hetty told him to drink alone. Basically, she put him in a time out to think about the unauthorized methods he used to try and find Arkady, who was, without doubt in Callen's mind, still alive and being held by not so nice Russian's somewhere on the planet.

Callen had chosen not to call Katie and join him for the drink he should have been having with Hetty and instead, sat alone in his living room, with his thoughts. What Hetty failed (or refused) to acknowledge was that she was the one who taught Callen the methods he used to get things done. He never forgot that Hetty Lange was solely responsible for getting him back on track when he was a young teen who had gone astray and he had proven time and again that he would protect her at any cost. All of the good he was, he owed to Hetty but there were also things about himself he wished at times she hadn't instilled in him. The killing of other people bothered him but not to the extent the sneakiness did. Learning how to get around things at a young age served him well many times but as an adult, doing stealthy things has more serious consequences. What was once typical behaviour for G. Callen, as a child became a perfected skill, courtesy of Henrietta Lange.

The Special Agent and the Operations Manager had many ups and downs over the years but the threat, make that the promise, to terminate him with full prejudice if he ever again "pulled a stunt" like the one he did to find Arkady on his own, often ran through his mind. Was she serious or was it just a scare tactic? Only time would tell.

The seasoned Federal Agent had only one woman on his mind though as he and Sam slid into undercover mode as they greeted their hosts. Although "fabricating the truth" came naturally to him, (and Hetty had most definitely honed in on that skill when she first met him) his commitment to Katie Mitchell was anything but a lie and he needed to get out of this assignment safely and quickly. Between Hetty's lingering words about termination and determined to change Katie's mind about ending their relationship, Callen had a brief moment of skepticism about his and Sam's ability to find Arkady. It was short lived before he slipped back into yet another alias.

Callen was focused by day on his job at hand, while some nights were focused on hand jobs. A distraction was needed from the gruelling monotony of the operation until a lead broke. His mind automatically went to Katie Mitchell. She ended their relationship, but she would never be out of his thoughts. A soft smile formed on his lips as her face filled his vision. He could pull a million images from his memory, any one of them more than enough to assist him in completing the task at hand. But this one came from his imagination.

What if, as they had been packing up to check out of the resort a few weeks ago, Katie offered some information to Callen that only he could help her with? She was very sexually aroused and needed some help tending to it. He would have thought she was teasing him at first, but that seductive look reserved just for him would shine through her eyes and onto him, and of course, he had to help her out.

Removing his underwear, he lay in the bed, alone. The room was cozy and servants were available to tend to his every need with the press of a button but money couldn't buy what Callen needed. It had been months since he and Katie had intercourse and then his stomach tightened at the realization it might never happen again. That didn't stop him from pulling down the sheets and putting one hand behind his head while the other nestled between his legs. The strokes of his hand were slow and steady at first. He needed this release before sunrise, so he closed his eyes and ditched reality.

With Katie face down on the bed, his hands grabbed her inviting hips and forcibly pulled them upward just enough for his aching cock to get inside her. For a brief moment he wondered is she would allow him to go a little higher to penetrate her but he quickly shook that thought from his head. He would save that fantasy for another night.

Cascading hair down her back provided a sexy background to watching his dick plunge in and out of her. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead as his thrusts quickened and the incoherent words and noises from her mouth escalated. The angle of penetration proved too intense and his goal was achieved a little sooner than anticipated. After filling her, he took a few quick breaths then ordered her to all fours. Katie obliged after a quick glance at his smoldering eyes.

Breasts bouncing, sweat now forming on her brow as the thickness of her hair falling over her face, combined with Callen's vigour, pushed her well into the ecstasy zone. Longing to feel her body flush against his, he pulled her up until her back was positioned against his chest, strong arms and hands encasing her before one reached down and ever so gently caressed her nether region. He encouraged her to rock her hips until she found the pleasure she sought. It wouldn't be until she turned her head slightly and their eyes met that she would find it. Cries of pleasure surrounded by a lone "I love you" passed through his ears with his current life's mission to pleasure her, his only thought. Her body soon went limp and fell to the mattress, his body following. Soft kisses, combined with proclamations of their love and dreams of their future, ensued before getting dressed and heading home.

Dreamland did what it was supposed to and after cleaning up, Callen got back into bed, closed his eyes and tried to let sleep come to him. Unfortunately, he was left with the reality that Katie had ended their relationship. And unless this assignment wrapped up fast, he just might spend the rest of his life relying on memories and his imagination to satisfy him. Not being able to work things out with Katie would most certainly leave him lonely and regretful for the rest of his life.

Moments before he felt his body succumbing to sleep, his mind drifted back to when he told Katie his life was like a jigsaw puzzle. In that puzzle, pieces had been attached to Katie over the past year but it was at that moment he noticed a gaping space next to her. Was it pieces that would form the face of a person or just some random filler pieces? Callen's bet would be on the former. But who was it? The only person without a face in his life puzzle was his father but he felt, in the pit of his stomach, that it was someone with a connection to him and Katie.

He sharpened his focus on the imaginary gaping hole. What did that space mean? Then as if his mind wasn't running at full tilt at all, he realized it wasn't a face that was missing. The missing pieces were about the fact he and Katie, together, hadn't grieved the loss of the child they had conceived. Callen thought about their baby often and what could have been but never talked about how he felt about it except that one brief time with Katie. He had been so focused on Katie's physical and emotional recovery that he had put his grieving aside. Regardless of what happened between them, Callen would always have that connection with Katie and he would find a way to let her know he would always be there for her if she needed someone to talk to or a shoulder to lean on when the painful memories filled her.

Eight Weeks Later, Friday Night

Arkady was found in San Diego and had been there the entire time. Callen wasn't able to see him face to face as a Navy SEAL team had been called in to retract him. Sam had asked Granger to put in a request with SECNAV to have a specific team execute the rescue so as to keep Callen's mind at ease until his old friend was safely back home and Kirkin, permanently, behind bars where he belonged.

Although two months had passed, Callen still remained hopeful for a reunion with Katie. As he and Sam gathered their belongings from OSP, Callen was surprised to see a call from Katie on his personal phone he had left at work.

Sam noticed the look on Callen's face after he had grabbed his bag from his locker and stopped by the bullpen on his way out.

"What's up? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"The friendly kind." He held up his phone although Sam couldn't read the numbers or letters. "She called eight days ago."

"That's good, right?" Sam knew exactly who she was.

The tired, blue-eyed Agent nodded his head, "Yeah, it's good. Just wish my heart wasn't beating so fast."

"It's called love G." And with a quick wink of his eye and reassuring smile, Sam bid him a good night and headed home to be with his wife and daughter.

Oh yeah, it most definitely was love. Falling out of love with that incredible woman wouldn't happen easily – if ever. He didn't care why she had called; he was just elated she had. Glancing at the time on the screen, he was relieved it was only eight fifteen. His finger instinctively knew what button to press and without hesitation he pressed it.

The call was quick and pleasant. Katie was out with friends from work for dinner but would be home by nine and she asked if he could come over then. Callen really didn't want to sound desperate, but he just couldn't tone down his excitement and agreed without reluctance. He had forty-five minutes before he would see her and estimating thirty minutes for driving time at that hour, he opted for a quick shower in the gym and a change of clothes from wardrobe.

The butterflies in his stomach somewhat settled when Katie came to view. Beautiful Katie. Keeping his expectations at bay was challenging given what was at stake.

"Thanks for coming," Katie said after opening the door to see a visibly tired and worn G. Callen.

He removed his shoes and followed her to the living room where she had been on her laptop. The silence was awkward for Callen as Katie sorted through a pile of papers beside her computer.

"Here, I thought you might want to read this," she said as she handed him an envelope that had several stamps on the front of it. Postmark was from Kenya.

He peered over at Katie who nodded for him to open and read what was inside. Carefully he pulled out the single sheet of folded paper that covered a picture of a baby.

"Read it," Katie directed as she slid the chair back in front of her computer and tapped a few keys before closing it.

Callen was taken aback by Katie's behaviour. She was calm, assured and if he wasn't mistaken, happy. Was she happy to see him or was she just happy to have received a letter from her friend from across the world? And why was she sharing her letter with him?

Katie remained silent as she watched him read the letter.

The first paragraph was pleasantries and Callen had no trouble reading Kamaria's handwriting. He smiled as she wrote about Jabari finding a new chess partner but not as charming and witty as his American friend. He glanced at the picture after Kamaria explained how a group of volunteers came three weeks after they had left and had brought with them some old Polaroid cameras for the villagers, complete with a healthy stock of batteries and film paper.

Very cool, he thought and continued reading.

… a pleasant surprise to find out I was pregnant. We send you a picture of our son …

Callen would later swear his heart missed a literal beat as he read the boy's name.

…Callen Mitchell named for our very special friends in America.

Callen's head darted upward from his position on the couch to see Katie smiling. And it was that smile that made all of the butterflies he had accumulated in the pit of his stomach disappear before he continued to read how Kamaria had been pregnant when she and Kaisa had been attacked.

No words could say thank you to Callen for making our baby and me safe. We give our son the names of his saviour and golden angel.

After Callen finished the letter his eyes locked on the picture of the baby boy staring back at him. Chubby cheeks and Jabari's eyes were what made him smile but his name was what welled his eyes with tears that he wouldn't try and suppress.

Katie could no longer hide behind her façade of being calm, cool and collected, so she stood and then joined Callen on the couch. Before she started to talk, a quick memory of their first "study session" flashed through her mind. He had been upfront about his job being dangerous that evening. She had heard him but didn't pay as much heed to it as she should have and for that she chalked it up to being smitten by the older, handsome and charming man who made her palms sweat, groin tingle and lips form a smile whenever she thought of him.

"I called you right after I read it even though I knew you were on an assignment."

"How did you know?"

"Hetty sent me an email."

"Oh, I didn't even think about telling Hetty she would no longer have to do that."

"I'm glad you didn't."

And so was he.

"That's quite the honour they gave us," Callen stated as he tucked the letter back into the envelope but left Callen Mitchell's photo on top before placing it back on the coffee table.

"Yes, it is."

Emotions were brewing and Callen took the moment of haziness to pull Katie onto his lap and silently recalled the first time they had sat like that on her couch. He was tired and worn but found the strength to hold her tight as she shifted to get comfortable.

"Is there another reason you asked me to come over?"

"Yes. We need to talk about …"

Before she could finish, their lips met at Callen's initiation. Katie responded with eagerness that both surprised and delighted Callen. The deep seeded passion they (still) shared surfaced as Callen's hands moved up Katie's back and stopped at her shoulders. Temptation to use that position to turn and lay her on her back was overshadowed by a longing to make that almost surreal kiss linger. One of Katie's hands moved through his slightly longer, fluffier than usual hair. His lips parted, not to welcome her tongue against his but to acknowledge the appreciation for his longer locks.

"Sometimes what we want and what we need aren't the same things," she said quietly after touching her lips, already missing his.

His grip tightened on her body before he allowed a hand to slide up under her shirt stopping just below the strap of her bra. "I want you, oh fuck yeah I do." Callen was using the never-lost intense physical connection to his advantage and hearing him talk like that had Katie responding by squeezing her thighs tighter against his. The physical connection was still very much alive, as was the emotional one. "As for needing you, there are no words."

Unexpectedly, but more than welcomed, adrenaline started to course through his body and with that he took the opportunity to say what had been embedded in his mind the past two months.

"I'm sorry I intentionally lied to you Katie. It was done so I wouldn't have to deal with the reality of what you were asking. Of what you were needing." I didn't want to lose you and yet I did. It was a selfish and obviously, redundant move on my part." He cupped her face with one hand while the other remained firmly around her back, "I'm sorry Katie."

She leaned into his hand. The sorrow that flowed from his hands and eyes touched her to the core of her being. In the moment, the pleading his case was to prove he was worthy of her love despite the heartaches she had endured since he came into her life.

"I say selfish because I've seen the grief loved ones of an Agent suffer when the job takes a life." His voice softened but his eyes stayed rigidly focused on hers. "I'm very aware that the risk is high for me and you."

She leaned back a bit to get a better view of his face. The lines around his eyes were more prominent than she remembered but the blue of his eyes still mesmerized her.

"I missed you," she said as she got off his lap and picked up the picture from the table.

His hand met hers as she held the picture of the baby boy who had instantly captured both their hearts from thousands of miles away.

"And I missed you," he replied before taking the picture from her and placed it back down on the table. He entwined both sets of fingers in hers.

Katie's instincts two months ago told her to get out before … Panic struck her like a lightning bolt before she could talk and dashing for the kitchen is what she did. The sudden movement took him by surprise and it wasn't until he registered the sound of her crying that he met her in front of the kitchen table.

"Come here," he said quietly as his arms opened for her.

Katie remained motionless.

"Come here," he repeated.

Katie stepped into the never forgotten warmth and security of his arms. These weren't the tears of sadness that he had seen before but tears of anguish. He held her tight against his body until she moved slightly to see his face several minutes later. In those few seconds her usually cheerful eyes conveyed a sorrow, a pain that literally scared him.

"What happened while I was gone?" His heart was aching for her.

"I'm not expecting anything from you, I just wanted to share Kamaria's letter with you and say that I'm sorry for telling you to choose between me and your job." That was just the tip of the iceberg that Katie had knocked off, but the relief she felt was unprecedented.

She might not have been expecting anything from him, but she certainly wanted something from him as it was written all over her face and ingrained in her eyes. She wanted him. His confidence that they would work things out soared and he took control of the conversation.

"I want it all Katie and I want it with you."

Still relishing in the warmth of his arms around her, she relaxed a bit as more of his confessions spilled out. He wanted her as much as she wanted him.

His voice was as soft as the blue of his eyes. "We all have fears Katie. I took great strides to overcome some of mine to be with you."

Katie's body continued to relax but only for a brief moment until mention of his "three mental lists" caused her to recoil from him.

Callen knew it wasn't the I'd die for you or the I live for you affirmation but the I'd kill for you admittance. The vivid memory from Kenya was briefly pushed into the forefront of both their minds. It was an extremely tense moment for both of them as Callen reminded her that it was his job that had given him the lethal skills to protect those he cared for and loved. He nodded towards the living room where the photo of the dark skinned baby, bearing their surnames, lay. He wouldn't be knocking off people left, right and center, to which Katie smiled nervously at, but he would do whatever was necessary to keep those close to him-and her-safe.

Katie's not sure who was hit hardest by his next words, "You are the first person to be on the second list," he said quietly.

"First one?"

"I know, it's sad isn't it?" he replied somewhat jokingly.

"No it's not sad." Her lips briefly met his. "It reminds me of how much you love me. And that what I'm going through affects you as well. I've been so caught up with myself that I'd lost sight of that."

Callen led them back to the living room to the couch after obtaining a box of tissues from her bedroom. As Katie waited for him to return, her eyes were drawn to the picture on the table and it was then that she suddenly realized Callen had intentionally not put back in the envelope – and why.

Sitting back down beside her, he handed the box and she wiped her eyes before setting the box down beside the picture.

Katie talked about how she was still going to therapy and the support group every week and that it was very helpful. Well it had been until she read Kamaria's letter. Callen's actions in Kenya weren't in question anymore but the news of the birth of Kamaria and Jabari's son had been a double-edged sword of emotions for Katie.

Elated that her friends had a child they loved, she also worried, literally, about how they would survive with another mouth to feed. They didn't have much but they had love and faith in each other those things would somehow work out. And even though the possibility of a better life, in Kenya or somewhere else bordered on impossible, they always did their best with what they had.

On a separate piece of paper that Katie hadn't shown Callen, she shared what Kamaria had written. She thanked Katie for all of the supplies she had sent, and that she and Jabarai would most definitely be using the condoms included. Although Callen Mitchell wasn't planned (it was almost never a planned pregnancy in that region of Kenya) he would be treasured with every breath he took.

Callen was impressed with how well Katie had dealt with things while he was away. It was a lot for her to deal with on her own, and it wasn't the first time nor would it be the last. Guilt was resurfacing in learning what her life entailed while he was on assignment but he quickly reeled it in and replaced it with responsibility.

As Katie talked, Callen was reminded of how fortunate he and Katie were to live where basic existence wasn't a literal struggle from day to day. As soon as that thought traveled through his mind, Katie's next words brought him back to reality and to what he and Katie hadn't dealt with together.

"I then became angry," Katie announced. "Angry that she has a child and I don't." Katie knew it wasn't logical to think that way but it got the best of her, albeit for a short time. "Six therapy sessions and four support group meetings alleviated that anger but certain things still trigger a relapse."

They moved back to the kitchen where Katie made some snacks and they talked about how they both often wondered if their baby was a boy or girl. Both thought it would have been a boy and shared what features and characteristics their child might have had. Blond hair and blues eyes were a given. Katie's cute, button nose and Callen's smile along with Katie's compassion and Callen's loyalty. Peacefulness flowed into their bodies and minds as they talked, shed a few tears and even managed a mutual laugh when thinking about Deeks (and Kensi) babysitting for them. And how their baby would have been loved by so many.

A few silent moments resonated between them, that peacefulness bridging the gap between them but Callen still needed to know, hear it from her, if there was a future for them and like many times before, Katie "read his mind" and addressed the root of her fears and the reason for their breakup eight weeks before.

"It was a rough two months," her voice was shaky.

He nodded.

"I got through it though, but you know what the hardest part was?"

He shook his head.

"Regretting my last words to you. We're not supposed to have any regrets."

They continued to talk into the night, lots of coffee fuelling their physically and emotionally tired bodies. Callen had moved back to the couch, Katie in the chair across from him. It was crucial they keep their physical connection at bay until their emotional connection was solidified.

Various feelings were revealed, both garnering a renewed confidence that there would be a future for them. Katie's admittance that she (still) didn't like his job but accepted it, wholeheartedly, removed any distrust he had in Katie that she would again end their relationship only to change her mind. His heart couldn't take it and when he told Katie that, he was reassured that the past two months had been the epiphany she had needed to get past her unhealthy fear of losing Callen to death.

"I knew the fear was controlling me and I had to let it go but I just couldn't get to that point. Every time I tried to reach out to grab it, it slipped away. My therapist finally told me, after I went on for thirty minutes about you being away again, there is no magic cure for worrying about a loved one. You just have to learn to not let those worries control you. You have to be in control of them or they will wreak havoc in your life and cause misery."

"Wise woman," Callen replied.

"She also said that for two hundred dollars an hour, it was the more logical choice to "get over it". And then I received Hetty's email and knew you were coming home."

And there they were, exhausted and still as much in love as they were two months ago. In fact, even more so with a renewed pact that they would never let their anger about anything linger and would work to resolve it before allowing it to fester.

Callen had one more thing to tell Katie before he accepted the offer to spend the night in her bed.

"I got to work and was summoning the courage to call you Friday morning, a week after we last saw each other, when Hetty called me and Sam into her office with an undercover assignment. I was so pissed off with myself for not having called you yet at the same time if I had, I would have been a no-show without explanation." He realized what he had just said. "That is if you had agreed to see me that night."

"I would have."

He had needed to hear those words for fifty-six days and nights. The pleading his case was no longer needed.

"There are no words to reassure you that everything will be okay, but I need you to know that sometimes it's by obligation that I am away for extended periods of time." He leaned forward, his arms folded across his legs, before continuing. "An old friend was missing and needed my help. We worked together several times, years ago in various countries and more recently our paths crossed here in LA. I could have asked that Deeks and Kensi worked the out of town case but I needed to find him. He made a sacrifice the last time I saw him so the rest of the team and myself could get out a "sticky situation" -alive." He moved to a kneeling position on the floor in front of her, "You are the most important person in my life Katie."

"But …"

"Sometimes I have to be with or help the other important people in my life."

Katie could understand that, as she wouldn't and hasn't hesitated to help a friend or loved one in need.

"There is something else about this friend that you need to know."

Her ears perked up.

"He is most likely the only person on the planet who will be able to help me find the answers to the questions I have about my past."

Katie knew how much he longed for those answers.

"How is your friend?" she asked.

Callen took that particular moment in time to reveal a little more of his secret life with Katie.

"Arkady. My friend's name is Arkady. And he's doing well despite the situation in was in for several months."

Katie didn't question "what situation" that was. She accepted, unconditionally, what Callen offered before suggesting they go to bed.