Don't worry, there will be no talking swords. No crossover elements of any kind, either.

I take my fanfictioning very seriously, and poor quality product is already flooding the Naruto market. It might sound boisterous, but I like to think that this fic is better than that.

Anyway, here's a rushed chapter, the last one that comes out quickly. Speed of writing shaved off of quality a bit, but I think it's bearable.

Enjoy!

"He's not coming." One voice spoke.

"Shut up." Another answered.

"Correction. He's coming...with friends." The first one, correcting the earlier statement.

"And that's supposed to intimidate me?" A third voice.

"Blow me." Yet again, the first voice spoke.

"You're a chick, Tayuya. It's grammatically incorrect for you to use that." Came the last voice, it's owner idly juggling a dozen kunai.

"Is that your way of saying you want me to repeat myself?" She asked, planting her hands on her hips.

Given the fact that they were waiting for over an hour at the edge of some Senju-grown forest, the quartet of Orochimaru's bodyguards were getting somewhat nervous... or better yet, restless.

Of course, being as different as they were, the four of them had resorted to petty bickering and pissing contests to pass the time; Kidomaru was the only one who didn't seem bothered at all, having little issue with just focusing on keeping the blades in the air... his personal record with twelve was 40 seconds.

"Think lord Orochimaru will be pissed if we bring the Uchiha half-dead?" Sakon asked idly, staring into the distant lights of Konoha. He already knew the answer, his real curiosity being which one of his 'teammates' would be the one to answer.

"That's a stupid question, Sakon," Replied the colossal Jirobo, "Of course it would displease him."

The younger of the twins cocked an eyebrow, his answer coming from the one he least expected it from. While most people considered him and his brother to be hot-blooded, they were nothing compared to the titan when he lost his temper. Angry, the fat fuck was a savage in his own right, even though he was technically the easiest of them to beat...

Seriously, his only gimmicks were the big frame and the chakra-leeching jutsu. That sucked.

"What else were you expecting from our esteemed leader?" Came the girl's voice, arrogance more than obvious in the tone.

"Silence." The hulk replied, tilting his head a bit. Unsurprisingly, Tayuya shut up immediately after that.

"Right on! 69 seconds!" Came the spider's declaration.

"Heh." Came the collective chuckle in response.

They didn't really hate one another, but to say their relationship is anything more than strained would be a massive overstatement. That was the reason they never went on actual missions, instead staying at the sannin's side and dealing with the rabble he had no interest in playing with.

All four of them were random drafts, Kidomaru a former experiment, actually; after his first 'clean' mark on his old Konoha student, Orochimaru constantly sought to improve his formula, varying the chakra levels and the inscription method. While most subjects died a horribly painful death as their own chakra began rejecting them, a considerable few took to it well enough, unlocking a large chunk of its' still undetermined potential.

Of course, the four of them, Kimimaro and subject 0 were the only ones who could run stage 2 form without literally exploding... watching those was kinda fun, it's a darn shame he postponed the testing until he gets a pair of Sharingan...

Still, surviving Orochimaru's village was a feat in its' own right. Every day, people would just vanish, sometimes reappearing as grotesque parodies of their former selves, sometimes coming back stronger, but most often disappearing, never to be heard from again. It was a rule of terror in the sound, but progression was quick if you had the skills.

The thing was, Orochimaru never actually used his upper staff and officers for experimentation. Prove your worth, and he sets you up with a chance to kill one of them; you do that, and you're in. Full immunity for a day, then you have to defend the spot through savagery or constant results...

Heck, half the reason why Kimimaro was Orochimaru's right-hand man was because no one even dared challenging him. The Kaguya was simply that good.

Anyway, the four of them were the exception, proving their worth by surviving 'The barrel'. As a reward for their tenacity, they got to laze around the village and bully the lesser ninja any time the snake wasn't travelling... and when they weren't sent to retrieve underage boys from Konoha.

One would think Orochimaru was a pervert, but the fact of the matter was that the sannin was completely asexual. The reason for his obsession with young children was usually tied to some particular bloodline they possessed and the fact that he could cultivate the young to better suit his needs... The man was sick, but not sick in the way the world perceived him to be.

What a cruel world it was, discriminating the man just because he was different... Ok, maybe he killed a lot of people, but it was to be expected of someone named sannin by the Salamander himself... and if he didn't kill the majority of those people through experiments rather than combat...

Whatever the case, they swore to protect him, and so far not one of them had other plans.

"He's not coming."

"You said that already."

"Doesn't make it any less true."

"I hate you both so much."

"Shut up, Tayuya."

"Kiss my ass, lanky."

"So... if we don't manage to get the kid..." the 'lanky' Kidomaru began, throwing a tired look to the village's lights in the distance.

"As if." Jirobo immediately cut in.

"No, I think he might be onto something." Sakon or Ukon added. Telling them apart wasn't worth the effort, really.

"What, afraid you can't keep it up?" the girl asked with a sly smirk, daring him to try and defend himself.

"The only thing I'm afraid of is Kimimaro's reaction when he arrives to see that we don't have lord Orochimaru's kid in a barrel." he deadpanned, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, it's always down to big bad Kimimaro, isn't it?" She huffed, also crossing her arms, "Asshole."

"I don't know about you lot, but I'm skipping village. Just turn south and don't turn back until I see the ocean."

"They'll find you." Jirobo stated, knowing full well that the marks on their necks were just as much a part of them as they were a part of Orochimaru himself.

"But I'll be living like a king until then." the spider replied, the look on his face mildly amused, "besides, I'll be long dead before they get to me."

After all, suicide was preferable to whatever the sannin would have in store for traitors. He experimented on loyal subjects, so one had to wonder what he did to the ones that sought to rebel... whatever it was, given the man's track record, it couldn't be pretty.

Not saying anything else, the four shinobi all turned towards the village, impatiently waiting for the moment the Uchiha showed up.

"Roughly a kilometer further in that direction." Neji declared, letting his eyes relax.

Shikamaru frowned, turning to the assembled genin, "Decision time, folks. We can come at them straight up because of the numbers advantage, but we'd be losing the surprise factor..." he trailed off, leaning against a tree and frowning, "but it's our numbers that would make sneaking up on them difficult; if we get caught, we'd be out of formation."

"So you're making it into a vote?" Kiba asked, scratching the dog perched on his head behind the ears.

Shikamaru gave him a look, then shrugged, "for all we know, they might split the moment they sense we're coming. If they're staying their ground, I want to know which approach the majority feels more comfortable with."

"Well I say we just get in there and show them not to mess with leaf ninja!" Naruto was quick to speak, giving a confident smile.

"I agree with Naruto. If we will be hampered trying the stealthy approach, it would be better to be more direct!" Lee agreed, mimicking the blonde's enthusiasm.

"Any other hotheads?" Sakura inquired, slightly annoyed with Naruto's immature approach to what was an important mission.

No one else made a move to say anything. With the majority silently agreeing that the silent approach is preferable, all that was left was for Shikamaru to figure out how exactly they're going to do it. With a Hyuga on the table, recon was easy, but he had no idea just how skilled these foes were, which bothered him greatly. What if he's marching them into a fight out of their league?

The Nara sighed, "Right then... Back to Plan 1."

"Plan 1?" Kiba asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Isn't it supposed to be plan A?" Naruto added, equally dumbfounded.

"Plan A implies that I only have 26 plans." The chunin answered, giving a flat smirk.

Choji chuckled, but said nothing. Knowing Shikamaru, it really wasn't a stretch to consider that he really did, in fact, have over 26 plans in the works. It was just the way his mind worked.

The thing about the Nara clan was, while most were actually extraordinarily intelligent folk, those that weren't usually made up for it with the way they were taught to think their whole lives. Where any other ninja would see one or two efficient solutions to any given problem, a Nara would spot five, double that if given some time to ponder it.

"Let me guess, plan 1 is having me pretend to play along and lead them into a trap?" Sasuke asked, crossing his arms.

"Bingo." The chunin answered.

"That's a risk." Neji commented from the side, perfectly content to stay on the sidelines for the time being.

"What if something happens?" Sakura added, naturally uneasy with any plan that might get Sasuke hurt.

"Ah, I'm sure he can handle himself, Sakura." Naruto casually cut in, giving his teammate a look as if to challenge him to respond.

He did not.

"See? Moody like always!" He continued, still trying to get a reaction.

"And if they refuse to move?" The Uchiha asked, completely ignoring his blonde teammate.

"You use this," Shikamaru replied, handing him an explosive tag kunai, "we should be within earshot."

"Ehm... guys?" Choji cut in, sounding somewhat worried.

"What is it?"

"Where's Lee?" he asked, looking around once again to once again confirm the troubling fact that the blue beast wasn't there.

While green was the overwhelming color of their surroundings, not one of them could find the trademark color of the spandex suit. For all intents and purposes, Rock Lee was gone.

"That... He's moving towards them, we need to hurry." Neji spoke, having taken the initiative of checking the surroundings with the Byuakugan. As he feared, his impulsive teammate couldn't resist the promise of battle, and had made a beeline for their opponents with no concern for his own safety or the mission's success.

Of course, if he were his usual self, there'd be no way he'd ever do that... The only possible explanation is that the post-surgery medication was still in his blood to some degree; Neji saw no other way to explain his teammate's behavior.

They got into formation in a second, and were gone in two. Leaping from tree to tree, rebounding off of trunks and swinging from high branches, the Konoha genin progressively got closer to their overeager comrade. It wasn't long before they'd catch up to him at this pace...

Unfortunately, the pace they were moving at was intense enough to get them winded, something that would be very troublesome if the sound ninja somehow get the drop on them. After all, they had very little information about the foes' estimated skill, and they knew for sure that at least one of them had a curse mark. Those odds were definitely not favorable.

"We're getting closer!" Kiba announced. Judging from the scent, though, he wasn't quite sure if they could reach the taijutsu specialist before he's too close to the other scents...

"Just keep running! We gotta catch bushy-brows!" Naruto replied, zooming past everyone else with a surprising burst of speed. Even if he doesn't get there on time, at least he'd be right there next to the green-clad genin when he leapt into the fray.

Shikamaru sighed, knowing full well that the odds of them having a clean operation were plummeting. If Lee engages, they have to fight winded. If he doesn't, Sasuke would be at incredible risk if Plan 1 was to be implemented, due to their inability to circle around on time to set up a proper ambush.

If only they could catch him on time...

The impressive thing about Orochimaru wasn't the fact that he was ridiculously powerful and intelligent. Those things factored in, of course, but they weren't what drew so many to his banner. Over the half-century he built up his reputation, the snake sannin had brushed against death more times than it could be bothered to count. Against impossible odds, where even the gutsiest, toughest ninja would fall, Orochimaru always seemed to be the last man standing.

Simply put, the sannin refused to acknowledge his own mortality. The mere fact that he was mortal invalidated his dream of mastering every ninja technique out there, and as such needed to be changed. He was still far from reaching his goal, but the problem of mortality was less and less troubling the further he progressed.

Of course, even the pinnacle of his research, the Living Corpse Reanimation Jutsu had its' flaws. He could use it only every two to three years, else risk soul pollution, and unprepared bodies could only ever host him for that much time before they began dying.

Still, to have achieved so much in the window of a single lifespan...

Kabuto adjusted his glasses as he brought yet another carafe of water into his mentor's room. It was strange to see that the man who held so much power and influence had such a basic room for himself, but then again, it was strangely fitting for the sannin.

"Can I get you something else, lord Orochimaru?" the medic inquired, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall next to the door.

Orochimaru, who had kept his eyes closed and his face frozen in an expression of unease, stirred a bit, opening his eyes and glancing over at the water and his currently most promising student. Reaching out with great effort, he brought the water to his lips, taking his time in enjoying the brief relief it brought to his ravaged body.

"They will fail." He stated, easing himself back into his previous position.

"Oh? Their record so far has been spotless, I see no reason why you would think that." the young man replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Kimimaro... is he with them?"

"Hanging back, just like you ordered."

Orochimaru gave a pained grin, chuckling weakly to himself, "A boy with unlimited loyalty... and yet he cannot help me in any way..."

"They could still..." Kabuto began, only to be cut off.

"No."

"But..."

"No, Kabuto. Head to the cells and find me a suitable replacement. Sasuke Uchiha will not arrive here in time." The sannin concluded, closing his eyes once more.

Nodding, Kabuto left the room and started down the hallway. The descent to the cells was always a sobering event, the misery and desperation of the prison's residents being almost palpable in the air. The somber orange tones of the torchlight and faded brick walls did little to change the impression, and even he, who was usually completely distant from the feelings of the cattle, found himself wondering if the breakthroughs justify the methods of getting them.

But of course, Orochimaru didn't send him to philosophize about the morals of science, what he wanted was a body, and Kabuto had just the candidate.

Genyumaru, like many of his peers, was the top ninja of his clan. Gifted with a powerful body and chakra to match, the man was a local legend in the sound, but fell quickly when faced with the power one such as the sannin was able to bring to the fight. His fall, like the fall of so many, was quickly forgotten, their lives becoming little more than bleary reruns of the same motions, only rarely interrupted by the occasional survival clash when the cells became overcrowded.

Dragging the weakened man up the stairs, Kabuto tuned out the screams of protest from the other prisoners, tightening his grip on the man's collar and focusing on climbing the half-ruined staircase. Reaching Orochimaru's room, he simply threw the unfortunate vessel-to-be down, keeping him down with a quick kick to the back of the head.

"As you instructed, Lord Orochimaru. This one was kept for an emergency like this one." he spoke, turning to leave the room. He knew better than to wait for an answer.

Just as the door closed, a wave of chakra hit the air, and the usually stoic Genyumaru began screaming. It was an elegant technique that the sannin used, one that so clearly reflected his core personality. Just as he imposed his will on the outside world, so did he quash and suppress the very existence of the man or woman whose body he had chosen to overtake. By the time the white snake was through with them, all that remained of them were memories.

Now all that remained was to wait for the Five to return with the Uchiha.

In the ninja world, you are supposed to thrive on the unexpected. Surprises are part of your playbook, not the opponent's.

Of course, having a green blur zip out of the woods and connect with your head at 40 km/h isn't something you can prepare for, per se.

"Dynamic entry!"

The collision was perfect, and the girl's head ricocheted off of his foot, straight into the side of a tree. Of course, Lee knew better than to expect that any foe will fall after a single strike, so he leapt up, spinning all the while, then jerked his leg outwards, letting all that concentrated force plummet down his leg and into the point of impact.

Coincidentally, the point of impact was once again the girl's head.

Tayuya flew through the tree she initially hit, smashing into the one behind it, crumpling like a wet rag afterwards. She might've been the toughest woman in Otogakure, but she was, unfortunately, human. Without the reinforcing quality of the curse mark, she had all the same vulnerabilities as any other regular person. One of those vulnerabilities was a tendency to faint after having your head kicked in at speeds aiming for the mach category.

Needless to say, her squadmates stared wide-eyed at what had happened.

"Did this kid..."

"I think he..."

"How could she..."

Lee grinned.

"I am sorry for having to resort to such underhanded tactics," he spoke, slowly placing one hand on his back while simultaneously extending the other in a gesture that mixed guarding and invitation, "But I am not yet at my best, and needed to somehow even the playing field. A dishonorable fight would not be in anyone's interest."

The three exchanged momentary glances, before scattering. Kidomaru was quick enough to chuck a glob of some kind of pseudo-liquid at the genin, but the boy dodged with the same speed he demonstrated moments earlier.

"What is that?" the genin asked, continuously checking his flanks. He should be able to monitor the three opponents long enough for the rest of the team to get there. The reasoning for his decision was simple - by taking the enemy head on, contrary to what they would expect, he would sow confusion among them and take control of their reactions.

The spider had clambered halfway up the tree, and was readying another glob of white mass to throw.

"This old thing? It's a technique unique to my physiology, you see. You make one slip up, and you're little more than chowder." He chucked it once again, only to have Lee dodge it with the same ease as he did the last one.

"I see." Lee muttered, his voice faltering, "In that case, I will not slip up."

"Yeah, we'll see about that."

What the hell kind of monstrosity was this kid? Tayuya wasn't too tough, sure, but to have her clock cleaned by a single move... Maybe Konoha had more tricks up its' sleeve than he thought... That was good, having this be a complete walkover wouldn't be any fun.

He'd put his aim to the test with this green thing, then pick him apart, burying golden blades in each limb, one at a time. If red wakes up by that time, she could join in the fun; after all, he wasn't so rude as to deny the lady a chance at some payback...

Easing back into stance, Konoha's beautiful blue beast readied himself, then darted forward. He wasn't afraid of the opponent's ranged techniques, he wasn't even afraid of the fact that the opponent had access to the curse mark, something which would undoubtedly make him stronger. None of that mattered so long as he stays aware of his surroundings and stays light on his feet.

After all, help was on the way.

oOoOoOo

Neji frowned, although a mild sense of pride was also there. Lee's approach was devastatingly successful, taking out one of the sound ninja immediately. Unfortunately, such a dramatic approach allowed for two of them to split.

"Northwest and due east. Lee and the other two are right up ahead." He announced, barely even feeling the slow strain of keeping the Buyakugan active for so long; he's done worse.

"Ok. You and Sakura back Lee up."

The moment the words left his mouth, the two genin broke formation, zipping on ahead. According to Neji, the two of them would reach Lee within minutes, and with Lee in the condition he was in, every second could be the crucial one.

They never actually interacted much, Neji and Sakura... In fact, other than what little they picked up from their mutual friends, neither cared much for the other. To Neji, Sakura was just another kunoichi who was unable to fend for herself; to Sakura, Neji was the prodigious and uptight Hyuga who got knocked down a peg by none other than her idiot teammate.

It was an inspiring fight, sure, but with everything that had happened after that, hardly anyone talked about it anymore. Still, Neji was a favorite for a reason, and she had no doubt that the stoic Hyuga would do the lion's share of the work in the upcoming fight...

That was ok. She could help in other ways... She was a member of Team 7, after all.

The other group, now counting five, exchanged looks for a brief moment, never once losing their rather swift pace. On his end, Shikamaru was puzzling out the optimal solution for the two remaining sound ninja. After a few moments, the pieces fell into place, and he gave his orders.

According to Neji, the hothead was the one who went east. If he was quick enough to dodge a chidori, which was by no means a slow technique, they needed the numbers advantage. As for the Hulk...

"Choji, Sasuke, you're with me. We're going east. Naruto and Kiba can handle the last one."

Both boys nodded, ducking away.

"Three on one? Isn't that overkill?" The Uchiha inquired, eyes focused on a point in the distance where he imagined the enemy was.

"It's viable, that's all I really care about." The chunin replied without skipping a beat.

"Besides, you get to do your arm thing." Choji added from the side, giving a smile.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, giving no other sign of noticing the jab. If he was aiming for that, he would've started with the spider-guy. Of course, who he beats to a pulp hardly mattered, so long as he drags them all back to Konoha. Back there... well, Ibiki was a professional after all.

"What's wrong, Shikamaru?" Choji asked, noticing that his best friend is frowning in the way he did when he knew he was kept from the optimal plan. It was the same face he'd make at the start of a game of shogi when he was handicapped for five pieces against Asuma-sensei. Unfortunately, unlike with shogi, the expression didn't seem to be fading now.

"I'm just hoping Naruto and Kiba can handle themselves. Having to bail them out would be troublesome."

The degree of his concern far overshot 'troublesome', but he was the team leader, and he had no right to show any doubt in any of his decisions. The play he was making was the best with the pieces he was given, and that was that...

After all, they were all his comrades, and he knew better than anyone that they could handle themselves.

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer the question! I love hearing your opinion, and I hope you'll keep being so forthcoming if ever I come up with a new question in some other chapter...

Also, this story has 10.000 hits! That's epic!

Anyways, hope you enjoyed the chapter! I have no clue when the next one will be coming up!