Chapter Twenty Four

Lucas Taylor died late in the evening ten days after being brought back to the colony. Nathaniel took the task of burying his son on alone. Beyond the markers of memorial field, separate from those of the colony and those who had given their lives to protect the colony he buried Lucas.

A plain headstone bearing only a name and the dates, he doubted if any other than him would visit this grave. In twenty four short years his son had done more harm than good, he struggled to mourn the man.

It was a long walk back to the colony and within the gates everyone watched, most were hidden within their homes but there were faces in every window he passed. Entering his home he sighed, never had he felt so alone. He'd buried many people in his life time.

His friends, his men, casualties of war and even his wife; his son was the first he buried alone. Washington was always there, even when she should have been in a hospital somewhere or taking a night off she had always turned up. They'd share a drink and remember the good times.

That wouldn't happen tonight, why should Washington mourn her torturer? He still didn't understand why she had spared his life. And she claimed not to remember but he knew she did; it was just one more thing she wouldn't say. Another sign she could never really trust him.

Nathaniel poured himself a generous drink, this wasn't a good idea; alcohol would only help the memories along. Yet he was so tired of being sober, of pretending it didn't break him. Ten days and he only glimpses of her, he watched for her but she rarely left her unit. Going to the market early in the morning and spending the days inside.

She was moving better, she had ditched the crutch and limped along stubborn as ever; the doctor no doubt argue that. Any time she was in the market some of the soldiers would stop her, they looked to her and he knew she had told a few that she was done. It was making the rounds of the colony and no one was happy.

But did they honestly think he was happy? She had a measly four years left until she'd hit the twenty and he had figured he'd loose her then; not now. Did they think he gave up the only part he had her in his life because he wanted to? No, but after everything that had happened, after every thing his son had done it wasn't right to deny her the right to retire. He'd been putting too much on her shoulders for years, relying on her because Wash didn't let him down.

When he tried to think of his son he saw her, her back torn, bloodied and burned, her face bruised; her body falling back from that shot. He tried to think of his son as a boy and he remembered clenching his hand around her thigh slick with blood. Lucas had done that to a woman he'd known as a boy, and that was the replay stuck in his head.

He poured another drink, dead Lucas was not a threat to the colony or to this world. Lucas couldn't hurt anyone else now. Yet he thought of the woman who had been hurt, nearly killed three times as she tried to protect the citizens of Terra Nova from his son.

She was never far from his mind, but just beyond his reach. He didn't just want her. No, Nathaniel was slowly growing more confident in the fact he needed her. Not for the colony, not for the reasons that were acceptable to him. He needed her because without her he felt alone, more alone than when he had lost his wife; because she had been there. More alone than after a hundred odd days out here, she'd been the first face he had seen.

Nathaniel could cope with her retiring, he couldn't cope with her running out of his life. His steps weren't as sure as usual as he moved to his counter, those damn papers had gone everywhere with him since he filled them out. He'd sign, he'd sign them off and hand them over; but she was going to talk to him first.

…..

Alicia woke to someone pounding on her door, she'd hardly crawled out of bed when she heard the door open and shut; heavy steps in the hall. Somehow she knew who it was, she scrambled for the pajamas she had kicked off in the night; it really shouldn't surprise her.

Nathaniel opened her bedroom door as she pulled the top over her head; the pants still lay in a heap at her feet. He paused, for a moment she thought he was going to step back; she yanked the pants up her legs. He had been drinking; she didn't blame him. She followed him to the living room, started to turn to the chair; his arm wrapped firmly around her middle.

"Sit with me." His voice was hardly more than a whisper, Alicia allowed him to pull her down onto the couch.

His strong grip was unrelenting as he brought her to his chest but his hands were almost gentle when he settled her. One wrapped around her ribs didn't squeeze or shove, the one on her pulled steadily until she was tucked into his lap. Her instincts said to fight but her emotions were different.

He was hurting and there was nothing anyone could do to fix that; he had lost his son. Alicia hadn't seen him since the night she came home, her information had come through Elisabeth, some of the soldiers and old friends. Nathaniel was struggling.

His hand slid from her hip, digging in the pocket of his pants until he produced a packet of papers and shoved them into her lap. Slightly crinkled and out of order Alicia unfolded her discharge package, she looked to the bottom of the page and sighed; he hadn't signed them.

"I want you to be happy Alicia but I don't want to let you go." His arms tightened around her then, like smooth steel holding her tightly. "Give me another chance."

His quiet words rolled in her head, he was the man who always gave another chance. He had been a part of her life for so long, and he was asking for another chance. She was the one who had asked him if there was a chance for them; it had taken a matter of weeks for it to come apart.

"I am trying to do what you wanted Wash, and I hate it! I miss having you there, I hate when you won't look at me; won't talk to me. If you don't want to deal with the military anymore I'll deal with it but don't walk out on me." His tone edged on desperation and he cheek pressed against her shoulder; his breath tickling her neck.

She was silent, he hadn't signed them but he still figured she should go. She should leave the military, the only job she really knew but she should stay with him; a constant reminder of her old life. Elisabeth's warning came back all to clear, it would only hurt her, his words hurt her as often as they encouraged her.

Even now he was stopping just shy of giving her orders, he was lonely and he was drunk so he came to her. And as stupid as it was she still cared. When she was hurt and lonely it was a toss up as to whether he would be beside her and supportive or a whirl wind angry and barking off orders.

He argued that he wanted her to come back to the job when she wanted to leave, when she caved to him, he turned around and handed over her discharge papers. He'd taken his sweet time with those and hadn't even signed them. He didn't tell her things, but expected her to tell him everything. And he wanted a chance.

"I already told you I won't follow orders in my personal life." Her voice came out much softer than intended; but his head perked up and she knew she had his full attention. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life with a commander."

He let out a slightly choked sound and she felt guilty for her words; but he had to understand this. If there was any chance of them he had to get a grip on it. "I might spend it with the man beneath the title."

He stared at her and she sighed, it might take him a while to sort that one through and probably meant she was going to deal with plenty more of his snits. But Alicia could color it any way she wanted, she had missed him and missed a lot more than the job in the days she hadn't seen him.

Shifting in his arms she pressed her mouth to his, tasting whiskey and him; she could learn to deal with the man. But he was going to have to learn to step away from the job. His hands shifted, one buried in her hair and the other splayed on her back, both keeping her close as he took control. His mouth slanted across hers possessively, the contact between them making her body ache.

When he had started this weeks before he had been gentle, each exploring the other; seeing if they reacted. He knew she reacted to him now and she knew he was using that. Intentional or not his mouth was marking her, he was reminding her that she did want this for better or worse.

His hands slid to frame her rib cage and his eyes held hers as he shifted them back. They broke apart as he stretched out, pulling her with him; pinning her between his chest and the couch. She chose not to be idle, slipping her arms around his neck and pillowing her cheek on his shoulder.

"Mine." He kissed her again and Alicia arched into him, it had been so long since her body felt this good. His body pressed solidly against her, his hands stroking her side possessively. She could be his, but he would be just as much hers, she liked being in his arms.