A/N: I don't know what's with me and choosing songs as my chapter titles? ANyway, you know the drill - read and review. :) Enjoy!
A Moment Like This
Ella
"We had something in the past, Violet and I," I feel a strange ambivalence stirring inside me. I want to push him away, but at the same time, I want to pull him closer as well, "But now-" His voice fades slightly as he leans closer and before I can do anything I feel his lips on mine. Then, his arm snakes around my back, drawing me closer. There's a part of me that wants to push him away. How can he kiss me when he's talking about Violet? When he's just kissed Violet? There's something repugnant about what's happening but I don't resist. There seems to be another part – the dominant one - that pulls him closer, deeper into the kiss. He brings me closer still until there's not even a breath of a gap between us. His hands caress my back while his mouth melts on mine. I haven't felt like this in such a long time; it's been a long time since someone kissed me with such passion. I wrap my arms around his neck; allowing my fingers to play with the long tufts of his black hair. I forget everything. There's nothing else – nobody else – but me and him.
Then, he stops. I don't want him to. I push my mouth closer to his, asking him to continue. I look into his eyes; his usually warm dark, almost black eyes are clouded with distress.
"Ella, you're weak. You need rest. You need to sleep."
Sirius
I didn't expect her to kiss me back. The Ella I used to know wouldn't have been so forthcoming, but I don't complain. I welcome her as she burrows into me, deepening the kiss, and teasing my hair. It makes me forget – for a moment – everything. I want to continue, but I force myself to stop. The image of her weak, frail body flashes through my mind and I gentle push her away. I can't do this to do her, not now. She's weak. It would be like taking advantage of her. It was wrong to even kiss her in the first place. After all the terrible, awful things that she must have been through, she doesn't need this.
"Ella, you're weak. You need rest. You need to sleep." I tell her, my voice full of concern. Even now, as she stands, encaged in my arms, I can feel how weak she is. If it weren't for my arms, I doubt that she will even be able to stand straight. She looks into my eyes, and a frisson travels down my back; I can't see it but I can almost imagine a strange link forming between us. I want to hold her close, and wrap my arms around her as a shield. I want to hide her from the world and protect her. Anything. I would give anything for her.
Her face twitches slightly. She probably still hurts. She shouldn't have gone for the walk. It was far too risky.
I lift her in my arms and carry her to the bed. Then, as gently as I could, I put her down on the bed. I'm about leave but the soft pressure of her fingers as they cling to my hand stops me.
"Stay," she says.
Ella
I never would have imagined this. Two seconds ago, I was so consumed by passion that I didn't realise just how weak I really was. Still, I want him to continue. I guess, once you stray from the path, you always get tempted for the wrong things.
He looks at me, with kindness and a strange sort of a pain shining in his eyes. I don't know exactly why he stopped, but I don't doubt him. In that moment, as our eyes locked and I looked deep into the heart of his soul, something happened. I would have told him the truth there and then if it wasn't the sudden, acute pain in my arm, reminding me of what I was.
He frowns, and then before I know what he's doing, I find myself in his arms, my left arm around his shoulders. He carries me to the bed and gently puts me down. His hand lingers on my waist. I want his hand to remain there, around me. The pain in my arm grows slightly but I ignore it. I hold his hand, and one word escapes my lips, "stay"
Sirius
Soft, translucent rays of golden light stream in through the windows. They set the whole room alight in a blaze of golden hues. The room looks different. It used to be mine when I was a kid but everything seems strange slightly, tinged with the deep, intensity of happiness. I look at the person cuddled next to me. She's still sleeping. I don't move, slowly resting my head back on the pillow. She looks so peaceful, at rest. There's nothing like deep slumber to calm your heart's worries. I can't help it; my hand moves of its own accord, my fingers slowly caressing her face, re-familiarising themselves with the softness of her skin. She eyes flutter slight. I stop, but I don't move my hand. She doesn't wake up but behind her lids, her eyes move frantically; a frown engraves itself on her forehead. Her lips purse as if in deep concentration, but something tells me that the look she has on now is not one of concentration, but of agony.
"I do, I do, I do" she whispers in her sleep, the words issuing from her mouth with an aggressive vehemence. It makes me shudder, and though she's still asleep, I put my arm around and pull her closer.
Ella
I'm back there, at the altar. My faceless groom stands next to me. The Death Eaters stand to the left and Sirius, Lily, James and the others on the right. I know what is about to happen; I know about the groom but I want to move away, I want to run. My red dress is stained with red – blood? Whose, I wonder. I try to move. I call out to Sirius but he simply smiles at me, an empty cold smile and his eyes equally, if not more, cold and detached. He hates me. "Sirius, help me! This is not me." I yell but the words have no effect; it's like he can't even hear me. Something, some force turns me on my feet and instead of words of help, two words escape my mouth, repeatedly. "I do" I try to stop myself, I try to keep my lips firmly closed but the words escape nevertheless, "I do. I do."
I wake up. I feel someone's arms around me, holding me. It takes me a moment to realise that it's Sirius. He doesn't move away. He continues holding me, whispering soft, comforting words in my ear. His hand strokes my back as he tries to sooth me. I can feel my heartbeat reverberating off his chest, fast and ceaseless, fear punctuating each lub dub sound. I wonder if I screamed in my sleep. What did he hear? It wouldn't be the first time but it unsettles me. What if he heard something that he wasn't supposed to?
Slowly as my heart beat calms down, he moves slightly away, a firm hand resting on my sides. "Are you ok?" he asks. I nod. He kisses the top of my forehead. I thought that he was going to ask me more but he doesn't. He caresses my face with his hands. No more questions asked.
I love him, I realise. And also with a pang of regret, bitterness and anger, I can't be with him. He won't like what I've become. I remember the dream. I remember how he'd continued to stare at me with those blank, impassive eyes. He didn't care about me in the dream. He will cease to care about me if I tell him.
"Ahem, ahem." Someone coughs at the door. It's Madame Pomfrey. Sirius blushes, and I think I am too. She doesn't day anything.
"I'll see you later," he mutters in my ears as he slips off the bed and leaves.
Madame Pomfrey approaches with a tray of medicine that I must take. "So how are you feeling today?" she asks. Is there a sly hint towards Sirius in the question?
"Good," I respond; the monosyllabic word is the safest answer. She 'mmm's, giving me the two tablets and a small cup of a green potion. I take it, swallowing the bitter pills and even bitterer liquid.
"You should get dressed and come down to breakfast now." I nod, but as she leaves I lay back on the pillow. It takes me another few minutes to dredge up the energy to shower and get dressed.
When I go downstairs, the sight that meets me makes me wish that I hadn't woken up at all. I want to return to that moment when I had Sirius' arms wrapped around me. Everyone is gathered in the main hall, assembled in a circular formation around the centre. In the centre stands the statue; frozen, asleep, the white scar of his face shines coldly back at me.