A/N #1: Please note that this chapter picks up immediately after the previous one...

Chapter 25

When he could even bear to think about this particular evening later on, Wyatt would have absolutely no idea how long he stood paralyzed staring at his front door as Lucy Preston walked out of his life for, what? a couple hours? a day? a week? (please, God, not forever). It might have been a few seconds, more likely only a few minutes, but to his increasingly numb brain it felt like he stood there unmoving, possibly barely breathing, for an eternity. What the hell just happened? What had he done? Wyatt blinked sluggishly, the thunderous pounding of his heart roaring through his mind like a runaway freight train as he struggled to comprehend the sheer magnitude of the devastation his goddamned temper had just ruthlessly, single-handedly inflicted on the woman he loved.

When that dismal realization finally sank in, his ferocious wrath drained away as swiftly as it had come upon him, and Wyatt's suddenly wobbly knees buckled as he slid gracelessly down the wall beside the door into a tangle of boneless limbs. Balling his fists and pressing them tightly against his eyes, he tried in vain to slow his panicked breathing. Wyatt realized with growing horror as the angry, venomous words he had thrown so accusingly at Lucy echoed around and around in his mind that his wayward temper might just have destroyed his second chance at love. He could live for another fifty years and never forget the shocked, disbelieving (my God, apprehensive?) expression she wore or the pain he saw reflected in her big dark eyes. But, he reasoned, taking a deep breath, she would forgive him, of course she would (she had to). Lucy was one of the most gentle, loving, kind-hearted women he had ever known. "But what if she never forgives you, or worse yet, never even speaks to you again? What then, Logan, you stupid, reckless hot-headed bastard, what then?" his anguished conscience mocked.

Tormented by his frantic thoughts, Wyatt was taken aback when a small, concerned voice beside his ear asked, "Hey, Daddy, why you sitting on the floor? You got a tummy ache, Daddy?" as his son peered at him curiously. Wyatt's eyes widened in shock as he rapidly considered what, if anything, he should tell Jamie, who asked (right on cue), "Daddy, where's Miss Lucy? I was looking for her 'cause I'm hungry and I want her to make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich." Wyatt cleared his throat painfully and mustered a fake smile for the child (more like a grimace, to be honest) before making a snap decision to bend the truth. "Um, Miss Lucy wasn't feeling very good, son, so she decided to go home," and while the five-year-old seemed disappointed, Wyatt consoled himself that at least he hadn't burst into tears and thrown a tantrum (much like his father fervently wanted to at that very moment).

With great effort, Wyatt slowly got to his feet, and tried not to stagger as he made his way back into the kitchen (the scene of the crime, his traitorous mind supplied) and fixed the requested peanut butter and jelly sandwich, along with some goldfish crackers and a sippy cup of chocolate milk for Jamie. Setting him in front of the television with his simple meal, Wyatt started to walk out of the room before turning back and leaning down, softly kissed the crown of his son's blond head. "You know I love you, buddy, right?" Preoccupied with his food and Spongebob, Jamie nodded distractedly, "Yeah, Daddy, love you, too," and in his present emotional state, the little boy's matter-of-fact tone made Wyatt's eyes fill.

He barely made it to the bottom of the steps before weakly collapsing in a heap (again). What was he going to do? He had to make this right, do whatever he could to fix things. Wyatt hastily pulled his phone out of his pocket and feverishly thumbed through the "favorites." Tapping on Lucy's number, he held the phone to his ear with a trembling hand, muttering, "C'mon, Lucy, sweetheart, please answer the phone, please," but after ringing four or five times, her voice mail message came on, and at the sound of her sweet, cheerful voice, Wyatt inhaled sharply and hung up. He quickly tried her cell again, several times, in fact, until at last, he was able to choke out a halting apology before asking her to please call him. His stomach churned uneasily as the minutes ticked by while his phone remained stubbornly silent (what if she didn't even want to hear his voice right now, after the heartless, accusing way he spoke to her?). But maybe, just maybe, Lucy would read a text, though, Wyatt decided (hoped), so after several attempts, finally he was somewhat satisfied, and tapped out:

Lucy, I know the way I acted just now was wrong, so damn wrong, and undeserved and pretty much unforgivable, and I want you to know how very, very sorry I am. It probably doesn't seem like it at the moment, but I do love and need you so much, and honestly, if anyone else had dared treat you the way I did, I would want to kill them. But since I'm the bad-tempered asshole who caused you this pain and anguish, all I can do is apologize and beg for your forgiveness with everything I have.

He looked over the text one last time, and closing his eyes in silent prayer, hit "send" and kept going:

Please, please, Lucy, I would be so grateful if you decide to let me explain, with NO excuses, what has been going with me the past couple of weeks. I know that I've been kind of moody and distant, but I swear it has nothing to do with anything you might have said or done, so please don't think that, and now I see that I should have opened up to you instead of thinking I could handle it, because, yeah, that was an epic fail on my part, for damn sure.

Wyatt paused, hit "send" and carefully considered a third and final text to Lucy before sending it on its way:

Lucy, one last thing, if you don't want to talk to me, I understand, and if you need some time to think about things, that's fine. I promise to give you as much time as you need, just please, please, I beg you to consider giving me another chance. I love you, sweetheart.

After the last text was on its way, Wyatt drew his knees to his chest and resting his forehead on them, cried like he hadn't since Jess died. Trying desperately to muffle his sobs, he was dimly aware of the distant sounds coming from the television in the other room, and knew he had to get his shit together before his child saw him in this condition. Standing abruptly, he nearly ran upstairs to the bathroom, and firmly shutting the unlocked door, Wyatt looked in the mirror above the sink and saw a broken man. He was sinking fast into the same darkness from five years ago; Wyatt recognized all the signs, and he couldn't put Jamie through this again. He fished his phone out of his pocket and sent another text. This time, however, the reply came mercifully fast. He sighed in relief, and splashing cold water on his face, resigned himself to waiting patiently for the next two hours.

At 8:30 on the dot, Wyatt turned off the television and hustled his drowsy, protesting son upstairs to get ready for bed. His chest tightened guiltily when Jamie fixed solemn blue eyes on him and said, "I hope Miss Lucy feels better tomorrow, Daddy, I miss her bedtime stories," and all Wyatt could do was hug the five-year-old to him and kiss his soft cheek before carefully tucking him in. "Good night, son, I love you," Wyatt whispered as the little boy's eyes eventually closed and he drifted off. Wyatt turned on the Spiderman nightlight and carefully closed the bedroom door.

Going into his room, he hastily changed into sweats and a long-sleeved tee and sneakers, scrupulously avoiding glancing at any reminder of Lucy casually scattered about his bedroom. Heading back downstairs, he absently straightened up around the apartment to give himself something to make the time pass, and then, with nothing left to do but wait, sat on the sofa and put his head in his hands and tried to subdue his tumultuous thoughts. With his son upstairs sleeping peacefully, everything was hauntingly still. All Wyatt could hear was the labored beating of his heart until promptly at 9:00, a quiet knock sounded at the front door. He stood, and squaring his shoulders like the good soldier he was, went to bravely accept the ass-kicking he so richly deserved.

Wyatt fully expected the weary glare Julie Baumgardner bestowed on him from the open doorway, as well as the sharply-worded accusation that followed, "What kind of stupid, bull-headed, idiot mistake have you made, Wyatt James Logan?" Even so, as he mutely looked at his friend with misery etched deeply all over his face, Wyatt was slightly surprised when the blonde immediately relented and sighing, stepped forward and put her arms around him while murmuring, "C'mon, Wy, let's go sit down and you can tell me what all happened," before leading him to the sofa. Toeing off her flats, his friend tucked her feet under her and gazed at Wyatt expectantly. Sitting down, he cleared his throat and never once taking his eyes off Julie's worried face, confessed everything, starting with New Year's Eve, and ending with the incredibly lifelike dream of Jessica early that morning.

To her credit, his friend listened calmly, with little reaction, letting Wyatt get it all out. Eventually, once his voice trailed off into silence, she raised a blonde eyebrow quizzically, and softly guessed, "There's more, though, isn't there? Because while none of what you've told me so far is anything to be proud of, it certainly isn't bad enough to make Lucy leave you. Are you up to telling me the rest, Wy?" and to his dismay, Wyatt could feel his eyes well up as he admitted in a gritty tone, "Yeah, there's more, and Julie, it is bad, so bad that I'm scared Lucy won't forgive me." Pressing her lips together firmly, she wordlessly reached over to clasp his hand for support and nodded briskly at Wyatt to begin the arduous process of unburdening his soul.

Flashback

After Wyatt dropped Bam off at his place, he was vaguely disappointed that Lucy and Jamie weren't already home when he got there. On top of getting a rough start that morning, as expected and previously experienced, he and Bam had endured a tiring day filled with various lectures and several hours of book work (Jesus, he was exhausted). Wyatt was definitely glad the training sessions were only held twice a year. Shrugging off his jacket, he glanced distractedly through the mail, and when his stomach growled faintly, decided to make a sandwich to tide him over until the others got there.

As he was pulling stuff out of the fridge, Wyatt heard the front door open, and his little boy's high-pitched chatter mixed with Lucy's softer tones in the hallway as they took off their coats. He smiled to himself in anticipation of a quiet evening spent with Lucy and Jamie, followed by some time spent in bed curled around his love after his son was asleep. Wyatt was bone tired, and wanted nothing more than to relax and try to enjoy the rest of his weekend, and admittedly, get through Jess's birthday tomorrow as best he could.

His musings were cut short as Jamie bounded into the kitchen and happily threw himself against Wyatt's legs, telling him all about his exciting day. As Wyatt listened patiently to the child, he felt Lucy press a soft kiss on his cheek before taking a seat at the table. Sparing her a quick glance, he decided she looked pretty tired also, and would probably be more than amenable to some quiet time together this evening. Refocusing his slightly amused attention on Jamie, Wyatt was a little surprised to catch him saying, "...and then me and Annie and Miss Amy and Aunt Julie went to look for Miss Lucy and Sadie, and we found her and Sadie, and there was a man and he was talking to Miss Lucy, and then Miss Amy said he was a cat and the man looked mad at Miss Amy, and he scared me a little, so I was holding Miss Lucy's hand, and then the man kissed Miss Lucy and went away..." before pausing to take a breath.

Wyatt's initial amusement turned to confusion as he wondered who the guy could be. As he glanced at his preoccupied girlfriend, he could feel his annoyance growing by the time she finally looked up at him, and he fought to keep his voice even when he asked, "So who was the guy who kissed you?" Lucy's dark eyes widened and her face reddened as she stammered, "Uh, well, he was, and I guess this might sound a little weird, but, it was, um, of all people, my ex-boyfriend, Noah..." before trailing off at the frown he wore.

For the briefest of seconds, Wyatt was incredibly sorry he'd asked because "ex-boyfriend" was just about the last thing he expected Lucy to say. The vaguely annoyed curiosity he'd felt at his son's innocent words swiftly, unexpectedly evaporated into unwelcome, ugly jealousy. Instantly concerned about upsetting Jamie, Wyatt sent him out of the room to watch television so he and Lucy could be by themselves to continue this conversation. Once they were alone, the atmosphere in the kitchen rapidly deteriorated. In a very small corner of his mind, a horrified Wyatt was aghast as he heard himself recklessly drawl, "Really. Well, now, that does seem a little weird, Lucy. I mean, you supposedly dump this guy months ago in San Francisco, supposedly never hearing from him since then, and now out of nowhere, all of a sudden, your ex-boyfriend shows up here in San Diego for some medical conference? And wow, pretty conveniently for him, you just happen to be at the very same mall he, again supposedly, decided at the last minute to visit while he was in town? Guess I should be grateful you were stuck with my kid all afternoon," he sneered hatefully.

All the color in Lucy's face faded alarmingly fast at his increasingly insulting comments, but Wyatt couldn't let himself feel bad about that. Because now, unfortunately, coupled with his already troubled emotional state of mind and the long day's physical fatigue, within seconds, a white-hot wave of anger, the likes of which he hadn't experienced in a very long time, began to consume Wyatt Logan. Let off the leash, the formidable temper he usually took such care to tightly control eagerly took over the situation, and one venomous word at a time, gleefully destroyed Lucy Preston.

Thank God he'd had enough presence of mind to send Jamie from the room before he basically accused Lucy of cheating on him, because somehow, irrationally, the more she tearfully tried to explain, the angrier Wyatt became until finally (thankfully), she had stood abruptly and swaying slightly, held up a shaking hand and told him enough, she was going home. Caught up in his rage, he couldn't believe she would actually walk away from him. How dare she leave him? He wasn't going to stand for another woman leaving him. Wyatt stared disbelievingly at her retreating figure and quickly followed, intent on making her stay. But even though Lucy immediately came to a halt at the touch of his hand on her shoulder, she refused to turn around. A heartbeat later, she whispered hoarsely that she would talk to him tomorrow, and holding her dark head high, walked out the door, leaving him standing there frozen in shock.

End Flashback

Staring at his lap, he repeatedly winced as he sorrowfully related to Julie what he'd said, unable to bear the look of disgust mingled with pity on her face he was sure she wore. Wyatt's exhausted, rasping voice dwindled away as he shut his eyes in defeat. Julie's hand tightened on his as she sympathetically murmured, "Wy, I'm so sorry," and he opened his eyes when she pulled him to her for a comforting hug and slowly patted his back for several long moments. Leaning back, she gazed wordlessly at him with compassion shining from her green eyes. "Go ahead, let me have it. I deserve every awful word you can think of right now," he muttered, bracing himself for one of his friend's legendary fierce set downs. Putting a small hand under his chin, Julie was silent until Wyatt reluctantly raised his unhappy blue eyes to hers.

"Believe it or not, I'm not gonna rip you a new one for what you've done to Lucy, Wy, because you're doing a fine job of torturing yourself already. I have known you for a long time, Wyatt Logan, and well enough to understand that under normal circumstances, you are a good, kind, honorable man who loves his son, his friends, and most of all, Lucy Preston. I'm also pretty sure you'd tear someone apart without a second thought for treating your girlfriend the way you yourself did. So I'm absolutely convinced you've been living through some 'not normal' circumstances for apparently a couple weeks now."

Squeezing his hand encouragingly, Julie continued, "And as tenaciously close-mouthed as you can be, I would bet good money Lucy has no idea what's been going through that head of yours, am I right?" and she smiled in satisfaction when he grimaced. "Here's the thing, though, Wy, you really are doing Lucy a disservice by hiding all this from her. I think it's very likely that as close as the two of you have become, she's been aware all along that something has been bothering you, and probably has been a little hurt by your bull-headed refusal to let her in. How can you expect her to trust it when you tell her you love her, yet won't share your troubles with her? If you are seriously thinking about a future with Lucy, well, you've been married before, taken the vows, and you know what I'm talking about. 'For better or worse', Wy, and now one last thing, I promise. Do you not trust in Lucy's love for you? Are you afraid if you do let her in and she gets to intimately know all of Wyatt Logan, that this darkness you carry around will eventually chase her away?" The blonde shook her head in frustration.

"Because I think you underestimate Lucy Preston. Sure, she's kind of shy and quiet until she's comfortable around people, but I guarantee the girl has more strength and courage than you're giving her credit for. She has told me bits and pieces of her past, and in my book, it took a hell of a lot of guts to walk away from her perfectly nice life in San Francisco. She had a decent job and friends, and Wy, I'm not saying this to piss you off, but I got an eyeful of her ex this afternoon, and while he's not as pretty as you, he's not a troll either, plus he's a fancy doctor who pulls in the big bucks and wanted to marry her. Lucy could have lived a very comfortable life as a doctor's wife, but she knew herself well enough to know he wouldn't make her happy. So, for what it's worth, I admire her for taking a risk and not settling for half a life. Don't you see? Her courage to take a chance and make a new life eventually led her to you and Jamie. So maybe you should believe in Lucy, believe her when she tells you she loves you, because if you can't bring yourself to do that, then all you're offering her is half a life, too. And Wyatt, she already left that behind once before, so please don't make her do it again."

Wyatt slowly, pensively considered his friend's words before coming to a decision. Looking intently into Julie's concerned eyes, he asked humbly, "Will you please help me, Julie? I love her so much and I do want a future with her, but first," and fumbling with his phone, he showed her the texts he had sent Lucy, with no response from her. "How can I apologize or even explain if she won't answer my calls or texts? I know it's a very big favor and asking a lot, but would you think about going to see her? First of all, I really want to make sure she's okay. As you can imagine, Lucy was very upset when she left here, and I'm worried about whether she got home okay, but I just couldn't take Jamie with me to drive to her place to check on her. And then once I know that she's safe, well, I'm not going to lie, I need her to just give me a chance to explain, even if she isn't able to forgive me. Hell, I'm not sure at this point if I can ever forgive myself. So will you think about it, Julie, please?" and Wyatt's heavy, desolate heart began to lighten when after a minute or two, the blonde nodded slowly.

Before Wyatt could get too excited, though, Julie stopped him in his tracks by saying, "Hold on there, cowboy, no guarantees, okay? First I make sure Lucy got home okay, and then, if she doesn't throw me out, I will talk to her. However, you need to remember that I'm not going to plead your case with her, because that's not my place. Besides, any explanation or apology or both, hopefully, has to come from you, because, Wy, how do you expect Lucy to ever trust in you and your love for her if she has to hear all these things from someone else?" Wyatt nodded slowly in agreement before asking, "Will you ask her to let me know if she's willing to at least text me?" and was relieved when his friend smiled and kissing him on the cheek, swore to do her best before standing up and slipping her shoes on.

Patting his arm gently, Julie headed for the door, promising to drive straight to Lucy's and text him as soon as she could. One last comforting hug, and away his determined friend went, and Wyatt was filled with such gratitude and for the first time in hours, maybe just a tiny sliver of hope. Contrary to what Julie said, Wyatt did believe in Lucy, and the thought of losing her love and trust filled him with despair. Five years ago, he'd been devastated and almost destroyed when Jess had been taken away from him, and in hindsight, he felt a large part of that had stemmed from the fact that because of the tragic circumstance under which she had died, he'd been powerless to save his wife. In this case, though, in spite of the fact that he had screwed up big time and made this hot mess all by himself, if Lucy was willing to forgive him and give their relationship (and hopefully, future) a chance, then this time, this time, Wyatt swore to himself, he could save the woman he loved, and in doing so, maybe he could save himself.

A/N #2: And the angst continues...I hope Wyatt doesn't come off too badly in this chapter. Our fave soldier is kind of in a rough place right now, and hopefully Julie can work some magic for him :) Next chapter will be the same period of time from Lucy's point of view.

Lastly, I want to note that I can hardly believe this is chapter 25 of a story that now contains well over 90,000 words and has received more than 200 reviews in addition to numerous favorites and follows. No matter how many more fics I write (hopefully, lots), this one, my very first, will always have a special place in my heart, just as all of you do. I couldn't be more grateful for the continuing support and words of encouragement from so many of you. Thanks bunches :))