Title: Kowaku nai
Summary: Inspi Mou Nanimo Kowaku wa Nai by Chiaki Ishikawa. One of the Gundam 00 Movie themes. Note this sorta-kinda takes place in a TierMil Singer Universe I seem to have created. There are possibly more fics that fit into this universe and some will be after the events of canon while others will be AU.
Characters: Milly Erde
Format/genre: Fanfiction
Fandom: Gundam 00
Full Story: .net/s/5621449/1/Tieria_Mileina_Drabbles
Disclaimer: If I could sing the song as perfectly as Chiaki Ishikawa I'd be a singer, not some lowlife fanfic-writer. And if I created something as awesome as Gundam...I can't even imagine me doing something so pure awesome...I do not own anything except this story.
Words: 1 282
Notes: Again, another song-inspired fic. Same rules apply, listen to the song if you want to and see how it sets the mood for the chapter. I should be posting my version of a translation (that I slaved over for hours on) at the bottom. This song was one of the hardest I have ever had to translate in my life...its lyrics are all over the place! Please enjoy! And a note, the Gundam 00 movie is pretty much just an hour or so of action and flashy lights...they coulda done more, plot-wise. Either way, if you haven't seen it I can't stop you. It's still good because of the fact that the characters are in colour and moving. XD
Also, a note. This seems to be the last chapter I have complete. I might make new ones soon but it'll take a while for me to get the urge to update. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter-a-day update stream. It was my gift to you before I probably disappear for a year or so for school. Either way, I'll probably have a new fic for these two up soon. Look out for it, okay? The tentative title is Silent Angel. Stay tuned for more TierMil fluff! And also, I have no intention of abandoning this fic or dropping it or ending it...when I find a muse, I will use it, but for now this and one other are all that are left. Sorry for not posting this sooner...It was supposed to be one of the "Chapter-a-day" things, but school started and I have signed up for a ton of other commitments this year...so writing isn't too low on my priority list, but it's still below a lot of other things.
-Saph
Chapter Twenty-five. Kowaku nai.
"Nothing scares me anymore, I am not afraid..."
Her voice trembles ever so slightly as the lyrics leave her mouth. The singing idol, Milly Erde, is lying on her front on her bed inside what looks like a child's room. All of the kiddy things are gifts she received from fans and the like. She kept them all but they don't really mean anything to her.
She is lying on her bed, trying to write the lyrics for a new song.
It started a couple of nights ago.
After Celestial Being became martyrs she was left behind. They all made her go to the surface before the final mission because she wasn't eighteen yet. They all forced her on the life-pod and told her that she had a future but all of them were prepared to lose their lives in the battle.
She has accepted their choice but only because she never had a choice. She became a singer like her father always wanted. Ian Vashti wanted his daughter to live as a pampered princess. He always wanted that for her.
She found his last words to her in a note he slipped to her in a Haro. The little robot was programmed only to give her his final words after she had landed on the surface.
That Haro is the only connection she has to her past life. It sits on her desk, waiting to be commanded. This one little Haro was not linked to Veda or anything else. It was given its own operating system. It was sort of a goodbye present from Celestial Being. They gave her a working Haro they were sure would survive even if all of their operating systems were destroyed.
It is a painful reminder but it is still the one and only thing she cherishes. The millions of dollars worth of gifts from the company and the fans all pale in comparison to that one Haro. It holds the voices and last words of all of the people she ever loved.
Mileina Vashti normally doesn't think about the past. She tries not to. She gets through her life now by working herself to exhaustion in hope of not having to remember their faces. It is sad for people to live and do so much only to be forgotten, but Mileina knows that she will never be able to forget no matter how much she tries. She can't bear it. Keeping the memories just makes her sad but forgetting them makes her sad too.
The only way she can keep on living is to sing for them and to keep them at the back of her mind. They are still in her heart and at the back of her mind; but they are in a secret corner where their memory will not make her inconsolable and unable to carry on with life.
A couple of nights ago she found herself thinking back. The memories pushed their way to the front of her mind and occupied it all. She found herself crying the whole night (needless to say her manager had a tough time the next day) and she found herself afraid.
She had so many fears. She was alone and the night never seemed so long.
That was when she looked up and out of her open window. Millions of bright stars shown down on her. That sky was just another painful reminder of her life up there with the stars and what she lost up there, but that night it was different. She found that she loved the light of the stars far better than the spotlights she had to stand under during a performance.
The night sky brought pain to her heart; but it comforted her at the same time.
That was when it started. That night she began singing. She didn't know any lyrics but she began humming and then she began to put her feelings into words. That's normally how her songs start anyway.
Nothing scares me anymore...I am not afraid...even when the seasons change...I am alive...and that is all I need to hold on...
It was supposed to be a night of tears. She was supposed to cry all night like she had done countless other nights. Instead, the night of sadness evolved into something beautiful.
She is putting the finishing touches on her song now.
It must have been them. Her friends sent these words to her and these lyrics.
She is alone now; but she will still have them. They will continue to watch her and she will continue to keep their memory alive.
They will always be there, comforting her and helping her as she lives out all of their lives.
When asked how she comes up with her lyrics all she can say is that it is a secret and that the stars gave them to her.
She will sing forever, giving voice to all of the voices that have been silenced.
Kowaku Nai. End.
Mou Nanimo Kowaku Nai, Kowaku wa Nai
Song by Chiaki Ishikawa
This translation by SaphSoul
Every time someone takes a breath
The clear water dirties
When I am in this forest I feel nervous
The flowers tremble
Rushing through their lives
Because I came to this place without hearing their voices
Nothing scares me anymore, I am not afraid
Even if I feel that the yellowed leaves
Are affected by gravity and fall off
Nothing scares me anymore, I am not afraid
I continue to live and that is enough
To grasp onto a definite seed
The lake in front of my eyes is what my tender skin is searching for
The precious place that cannot be reached
If these clouds are rolling away
Nothing scares me anymore, I am not afraid
The growth can be seen in the dawn
So the rain should flow
Nothing scares me anymore, I am not afraid
Just soaking my arms brings these feelings of satisfaction
Predictions, saying it is impossible, common sense
I don't need such weak reports of completing the crossing of the ocean
I am not afraid
Right now I am not afraid, I am not afraid
Even if I feel that the yellowed leaves
Are affected by gravity and fall off
Nothing scares me anymore, I am not afraid
I continue to live and that is enough
To grasp onto a definite seed