AN:

Quotes in the opening scene are from:
#1, No show in particular, but I'm sure it's been said a bazillion times
#2, Spongebob Squarepants
#3, LeAnn Rimes "How Do I Live Without You"
#4, True Blood

Chapter 25

Remy stared bleakly at the television and flipped aimlessly through the channels with a beer in his hand and a whole case more of them on the coffee table.

"But I love you."

Click.

"And Patrick is a dirty, stinky, rotten friend stealer!"

Click.

"How do I live without you,

I want to know how,

How do I breathe without you,

If you ever go,"

Click.

"I don't know how to start forgiving you. I don't know if I ever will."

Remy looked at Sookie Stackhouse in despair. Anna Paquin even looked like Marie, if she ever decided to dye her hair blonde. Remy finished his beer, disposed of it in his usual manner, and grabbed the next one.

"Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters," Jubilee said professionally upon answering the phone.

It was a couple of days after Thanksgiving, and most of those who had gone home for the holiday had now returned.

"Hi Jubilee," Marie said pleasantly, a little too pleasantly for Jubilee's taste. "Would Kitty, Storm and Logan be there? I'd very much like to talk to all of them on speaker if it's possible."

"Oh, uhh, yeah they're all here," Jubilee replied. "Hang on, I'll put you on hold and get them for you."

"Thank you, sugar."

Jubilee shivered a little as she put Marie on hold and then hit the button for the PA system.

"Would Logan and Kitty please report to Storm's office. You have an urgent phone call," Jubilee said.

This announcement was promptly followed up by Storm opening her office door and giving her a querying look.

"What phone call?" Storm asked.

"You know how when Marie is really, really angry about something, but has too much time to think about it so she starts sounding really nice and polite and sweet?" Jubilee asked. "Well, she's on the phone right now, and I'm so glad I'm not you."

"Did she say what it was about?" Storm asked.

"Nope," Jubilee replied. "And I wasn't about to ask her."

Fortunately, any further conversation was cut short by the phone ringing again, and Jubilee turned from Storm to answer it. Logan and Kitty arrived not long thereafter and Storm picked up Marie's call.

"Marie?" she said after putting the call on speaker phone.

"Hi Storm," Marie practically purred. "Are Logan and Kitty there?"

Kitty visibly winced at Marie's tone.

"Yeah, we're all here, kid," said Logan. "What's up?"

They listen to the sound of Marie drawing breath.

"Why the hell didn't you ever fucking tell me the Cure was a placebo?" Marie demanded, yelling down the phone line. "I thought you were my friends! I trusted you, and you deliberately withheld important information from me! And you can't tell me that you didn't know, because we all know perfectly well that when the X-men aren't playing political activist, they're damn well learning and teaching power control. There's no possible way you didn't know it had a placebo effect when it wore off naturally after one or two months!"

Storm let out a long slow breath.

"We thought we were doing the right thing by you—" she began.

"By lying to me!"

"Placebos are tricky things, Rogue," Storm said firmly. "We are all well aware just how important being able to touch is to you, and we wanted to make sure that, whatever happened, you wouldn't lose that. If we told you and you weren't able to accept it, it may have hindered your ability to actually get control. We had been trying to set things up so that you'd figure out you had control on your own. We had no idea that you'd been buying the Cure off the black market—"

"Katherine Pryde!" Marie shrieked and Kitty cringed. "I asked you not to tell anyone! What the hell? First you conspire against me, then you deliberately choose not to tell me even after I admitted I was buying the damn stuff off the black market, and now I find you can't even respect my wishes?"

"I was worried about you, Rogue," Kitty said, sounding upset. "I didn't mean to hurt you, but I just thought that it was important that Storm and Logan knew what was happening."

"Ohhhhh so it was important that Storm and Logan knew what was really happening in my life, but it wasn't important for me to know?"

"I wanted you to be able to finish college without worrying that your powers were going to come back and not be able to control them. We were going to tell you when you graduated, I swear."

"Yeah, and in the meantime I've been taken advantage of by a snake oil salesman!" Marie yelled.

"Which could have been avoided if you had told us your powers had come back," Storm said patiently. "Yes, perhaps we should have told you earlier, but we're not the only ones guilty of withholding information, Rogue."

"And maybe I would have told you if I thought any of you would actually accept my decision," Marie snapped at her. "A little support for my original decision to get the Cure would have been appreciated. It wasn't a mistake, I don't regret it, and I wish that at least one person could have understood that!"

Storm looked away from the phone. Was it possible that in their eagerness to plant the idea that it wouldn't be so bad if her powers came back, they could have forgotten something that important?

"Okay so I guess we didn't go about things the right way," said Kitty. "But please believe me, Rogue, we did have your best interests at heart and we were trying to help you."

"Speaking of which," Logan said, and move his hand up to the phone to make sure Marie heard the 'snikt' as his claws extended. "You want a hand dealing with your snake oil salesman? Maybe a claw or six?"

Marie was silent for a long moment, then replied with dignity: "I have the matter well in hand."

"Let me know if you change your mind," Logan said. "I'd be more than happy to skewer him for you."

"And I can't believe that you of all people held out on me, Logan," Marie said tersely. "I would have thought you would have been the first to tell me."

"We had a vote, majority ruled," Logan replied. "Besides, why do you think I was pushing you so hard in the danger room and the dojo?"

"Because you were making up for all the time I was in New Orleans?"

"Well, that," Logan conceded, "and I was trying to put you in a situation where you'd absorb someone instinctually."

"How did you find out, may I ask?" said Storm.

"I absorbed someone instinctually," Marie replied dryly.

Logan chuckled.

"Just how many people there know, anyway?" Marie asked.

"All the teaching staff, and a handful of the students," Storm told her. "We have learned a lot from the placebo effects of the Cure, and it is proving to be very helpful information in teaching others to learn how to control their powers."

"I'm sure it is," Marie said. "It's just a shame you never thought to share that with me!"

"Rogue—"

"No, I'm still pissed off with you, and with everyone else who knew and deliberately chose not to tell me," Marie said. "That was information I had a right to know. Information that I needed to know, which could have spared me a lot of pain and anguish. Just consider yourselves lucky that I'm stuck here until June, and not until December. Maybe, maybe by June I'll have calmed down enough to forgive you."

Marie hung up. There was a momentary silence in Storm's office as the three looked at each other.

"Well," said Kitty. "That went better than expected."

Remy sat on the lounge in his living room. On the coffee table was a quarter of a case of beer. In his drunken stupor he was admiring the magenta beer can in his hand. He never really thought about how he charged things up with kinetic energy before, but now that he was paying attention, he could see billions of micro particles all floating around in every direction. It was fun to spin them around and make then go fast and slow. A man could get lost forever watching them.

Unfortunately, the particles in his beer can seemed to keep forming Marie's face. Endless copies of Marie's face. It didn't matter which cluster of particles he looked at from the billions to choose from, he kept seeing her face. Her angry face, with eyes flashing at him in that sexy way she had, looking at him accusingly, and with full lips that kept saying the same words over and over again: "I never want to see you again."

Remy crushed the can in his hand and tossed it over his shoulder where it exploded behind him. Clearly he wasn't drunk enough yet.

Marie walked into her dorm room after coming home from dinner and found Jackie sitting on her bed. For a moment the women just looked at each other.

"So," said Marie dropping her bag down on the floor. "Are you here to kill me?"

"Nah," Jackie replied in all seriousness. "If I was, you'd already be dead."

"Nice to know."

"I thought you might go to the cops," Jackie said, watching Marie carefully. "After all, I have to assume you know enough about me to get me the death penalty should they actually succeed in catching me, and holding me long enough to get that far. You probably know enough to send the Guild into hiding for years."

"What? And risk Guild war when there's no heir?" Marie asked dryly. "Make your parents have another child when they don't even like kissing each other?"

"You have no reason to care about the Guild," Jackie stated.

"You're right," Marie replied. "But I do have reason to care about the X-men, and I won't risk the Assassins deciding to slaughter innocent children in retaliation."

Jackie didn't reply.

"Besides," Marie went on, "I also care about you, Jackie. I'm still mad at you for not telling me but...but I understand why you didn't. I know how conflicted you've been and I think that having to deal with your father being...being all over me is probably punishment enough."

"So..." Jackie said hesitantly. "We're good then?"

Marie sighed and sat down next to her.

"I don't know, sugar, but I would like to salvage our friendship if we can."

"So would I."

There was silence for a moment, then Marie turned, looked Jackie in the eye and took her hand.

"Look, Jackie," she said. "I want you to know you can confide in me, okay? I'm not a blabbermouth, and I know that you really need someone to talk to sometimes. And see, now you can talk to me about anything, even Guild stuff, if you need to."

"A very generous offer considering I tried to kill you," Jackie replied, a slight hint of suspicion in her voice.

"I can also help you control your powers," Marie went on with a slight smile.

"If you know me as well as you think you know me," Jackie said. "then you also know that I'm now not trusting you one bit."

Marie shrugged. "All I ask is the same in return, sugar. Can I confide in you? And, in a way, you did help me find out that I had control of my powers all along."

Jackie nodded slowly.

"Okay," she said, then fished something out of her pocket. "By the way, you left these behind."

Jackie turned over Marie's hand and put the something in her palm. Marie frowned when she recognised the keys to her car.

"I don't want the car," Marie said tersely, trying to hand them back to Jackie.

"Want has nothing to do with it," Jackie replied, almost smugly. "You need the car."

"No, I don't," Marie insisted.

Jackie clamped her hands around Marie's making her keep hold of the keys.

"This is the problem with you honest people. You insist on putting the wrong kind of value on things," Jackie said with obvious scorn. "The car is a tool, one you're going to need at least while you're still in college. What's more, everyone's seen it by now. What are you going to tell them when you don't show up with it tomorrow? That it was stolen? That you were in a car crash? There's this thing, it's called 'insurance'. They're going to question why you don't get a new car at the very least."

Marie closed her eyes.

"I don't want the car," she said stubbornly. "And if you tell me I conned it out of him one more time—"

"Well, when you think about it, given that the Cure he was selling you turned out to be vitamins, I have to say that you've done exceptionally well as a con artist," Jackie said wickedly. "And what I was going to say was that you're being very irrational about all this."

"Irrational!"

"Yeah, what are you concerned about? That it's going to make you think of him when you drive it?" Jackie asked. "You're not likely to forget mon père, regardless of whether you have the car or not. May as well keep it for now and prevent having to be the focus of more gossip. You can always dispose of it in the manner you see fit later."

"It's not that simple—" Marie began.

"Fine, you want it simple?" Jackie said. "You gave the car back to Papa. Papa got all stupid too, couldn't bear to look at it, so he gave it to me. Actually I stole the keys from him, but that's not the point. I don't need a second car, so I decided to give it to my friend Marie, who does need a car."

Marie closed her eyes and sighed. "You're not going to go until I accept the car back, are you?"

"Pretty much," Jackie replied smugly. "I really think that the future of our friendship depends on this."

"You do not," Marie said, opening her eyes again.

"Oh yeah? You're not the only one who can put false values on things," Jackie said. "Besides, you abandoning a perfectly good, functional car because of some guy is wrecking havoc on my sense of expediency."

Marie laughed. She tapped the fingers of her free hand on her leg for a moment and finally nodded.

"Okay, sugar," she said. "I'll take the car."

"Good, 'cause it's already in the parking lot," Jackie replied. "And I think you left some college stuff in there."

"Huh," Marie grunted thoughtfully.

"See? I'm looking out for you," Jackie said with a smug tone. "I saved you from having to go back to mon pere's place and having to ask for the keys back."

Marie blanched and Jackie chuckled.

"Anyway," Jackie said, standing up and finally letting go of Marie's hand. "I should get going."

Marie nodded and stood up as well.

"Okay," she said. "Did you need a lift?"

"Nah, I'm sorted."

"Alright. Umm, Jackie?" Marie said tentatively. "About Perry..."

"I don't want to talk about it," Jackie replied tightly.

"That's fine," Marie said seriously. "You don't have to. But at least... Look, what happened was—"

"I said I don't want to talk about it," Jackie interrupted angrily.

Marie took a deep breath and held Jackie's gaze.

"As I said, that's fine," Marie said patiently. "All I wanted to say was that if you ever change your mind, you can talk to me. Or, if you don't feel like you can talk to me even though I've got your memory of the night in my head, then maybe you should try going to a rape victims support group. You know how to disguise yourself: you should be able to attend a meeting without anyone recognising you, if that's what you're concerned about. If nothing else, it might help just knowing you're not alone."

Jackie turned her back on Marie and stalked to the window.

"Thanks for the advice," she replied irritably, and left without another word.

Midday Tuesday, Bella Donna opened her office door and looked straight at Cassie on the other side of the room.

"Has he showed yet?" Bella Donna asked.

"No ma'am," Cassie replied.

"Very well. Assume he's not coming in today."

"Already had."

Bella Donna shut the door once more and glanced at the clock for the second time in the last two minutes. With an irritable sigh she picked up her phone and dialled.

"LeBeau," said Henri upon answering the call.

"Henri, your frère is missing from the office again," Bella Donna said. "He didn't show up yesterday either, and he's not answering his phone."

"Alright," Henri said. "I'll just finish what I'm doing here, and then I'll check up on him."

"Thank you."

About a half hour later, Henri arrived at Remy's house. After a couple of unanswered knocks on the door, he let himself in.

The first thing to hit him was the smell. There was half a case of beer on the coffee table, and a larger than normal black patch behind the lounge. When Henri got closer he found Remy lying on the floor between the lounge and the coffee table, in a pool of his own vomit.

"Merde," Henri muttered under his breath, hurrying to Remy's side.

It was with some relief he was able to confirm that Remy was still breathing and hadn't choked on the vomit or anything. He got Remy up off the floor and onto the lounge, then when looking for things to clean up Remy and the mess with.

Remy was still out cold by the time Henri had him and the floor cleaned up. While he waited for Remy to come to, he called Mercy to let her know what was up, then Bella Donna to give her an update, and finally to Emil, asking him to go on stand by for when Remy woke up.

Bella Donna had been looking forward to coming home and having an evening to herself, so when she walked through the door and discovered Henri and Remy in the lounge room, she was not at all impressed.

"What is going on here?" she demanded, glaring at Henri who had quickly gotten up at her arrival.

"Belle," Henri said urgently with a nervous glance back at Remy. "This one's bad."

Bella Donna paused and looked at her estranged husband. He was just staring straight ahead. He hadn't even so much as looked at her. She frowned slightly.

"What makes you say that?" she asked.

"He won't go to the brothel," Henri replied, shaking his head. "Emil tried everything he could think of to talk him into it. He just refuses to go. He's only said five words to us: 'No' and 'It's not the same'. Emil tried calling the Rising Sun to see if they'd send anyone out—the Madam flatly refused, but she did say that Remy hasn't been there in months. We can't get the names of his mistresses out of him either. The only one we know about is Marie. We can't get his phone off him, and the only other person we know who can contact Marie is Jackie and well... Yeah, neither Emil nor I have any interest in asking Jackie to arrange a booty call for her père."

"No, of course not," Bella Donna said, frowning thoughtfully at Remy. "Why is he here?"

"Well, I was hardly going to leave him home alone in this state," Henri replied. "The mansion's too big, it would be too easy for him to evade us, and we've got drinks stashed everywhere. Here it's much easier to keep an eye on him."

"And I don't keep alcohol here," Bella Donna added, flashing Henri a dark look.

"Good thing too," Henri said dryly. "The first thing he did when he finally woke up was head straight for liquor cabinet. He reeked of so much alcohol when I found him I wondered if he'd been drinking himself silly the whole weekend. Belle... I haven't seen him this bad before."

Bella Donna nodded slowly.

"I shall call Jackie," she said.

"I wasn't hinting—"

"I know," Bella Donna assured him. "Jackie isn't a child any more, though. I think it's about time she knew. Would you stay here for the time being?"

Henri nodded. "Of course."

Jackie was more than a little surprised when she arrived at her home and found Henri and Remy in the lounge room. It had been years since she last saw Remy at home, let alone Henri as a visitor. Henri noticed her arrival and gestured towards the kitchen. Remy just stared blankly at the wall and didn't even acknowledge her, if he even saw her.

"Maman?" Jackie inquired as she entered the kitchen.

"Bon, you're here," said Bella Donna from behind a cup of coffee. "Have a seat."

Jackie sat down on the bar stood at the kitchen counter beside her mother.

"What's Papa and Oncle Henri doing here?" Jackie asked.

"That's why I asked you to come," Bella Donna said gravely. "There's something you need to know about your père. We didn't tell you earlier because we didn't want to worry you but...well, you're an adult now, and it's about time you knew the truth."

Jackie eyed Bella Donna apprehensively. This seemed to be the week of people learning 'truths'.

"Oh?" Jackie asked.

"Your père hates himself."

Jackie blinked, then burst out laughing. Bella Donna sipped her coffee while she waited for Jackie to get over her laugher.

"I see he's got you fooled too," Bella Donna said blandly.

"You're not serious," said Jackie with obvious skepticism. "Papa hates himself? Papa?"

"I'm very serious Jacqueline," Bella Donna said, putting down her mug and looking her daughter in the eye. "He truly hates himself, and has done for years. I'm not entirely sure when it started, but if I were to pick a day, I would choose the day of Etienne's Tilling."

"Etienne?" Jackie frowned. "Etienne who?"

"His cousin, Etienne Marceaux. Theoren's little brother."

"Theoren has a little brother?" Jackie asked in surprise.

"He did," Bella Donna said softly. "He died. Remy was his Registrar on his Tilling. Something went wrong, and they got captured by slavers. Etienne died during the escape. Remy has never forgiven himself."

Jackie's frown deepened. "Is that why Papa and Theoren don't get along?"

"Theoren has always blamed Remy for Etienne's death," Bella Donna said with a nod of confirmation, and then continued matter-of-factly: "We didn't realise at the time how badly it affected Remy. And then Julien set him up, and he was gone deux years, abducted and experimented on by Stryker. I've always wondered about that. Why did it take him deux years to escape? Did it actually take him that long to get out? Or did he deliberately linger, believing he deserved the treatment he got?"

Jackie's eyes widened in horror. "You're not serious."

Bella Donna picked up her mug again.

"It's just a thought," she said. "I have no way of proving my theory one way or another. Only your père knows the answer to that one."

Jackie glanced in the direction of the lounge room, although she had no chance of seeing her father through the walls.

"Sometimes he has these...rough patches, I suppose," Bella Donna went on. "It pretty easy to tell when he's having one: it's the only time he ever drinks heavily. Heavily and relentlessly. Your Oncle Henri and Emil figured out if they get him laid, they can get him out of his slump."

"I see," Jackie said slowly. "Is...is Papa having one now?"

"Oui."

"Why is he here then?" Jackie asked, then gave her mother an alarmed look. "You and Papa aren't—"

"Perish the thought," Bella Donna replied. "He's here because Henri needed somewhere to keep him where he could be watched and kept away from any more alcohol. He refuses to go to the brothel, and the only mistress of his they know about is Marie, and they have no way of contacting her."

Jackie pressed her lips together and said nothing. She was not bringing Marie back into this. No way. Not that it would work, anyway, seeing as how Remy and Marie weren't sleeping together in the first place.

"It's funny," Bella Donna said thoughtfully. "Henri said Remy hasn't been to the Rising Sun in months. That's his favourite brothel."

Jackie still didn't say anything and Bella Donna had another sip of her coffee.

"In any case, none of that is really the point," Bella Donna said. "Henri and Emil figured out that sex helps Remy get out of his slump, but they never bothered to ask themselves why it gets him out."

"And you did?" Jackie asked.

"As I said, Remy hates himself," Bella Donna said, looking at the wall, rather than at Jackie. "He relies on others to give him what he can't give himself: love."

Jackie looked at her mother for a long moment.

"Okay," said Jackie. "I'm trying to remember that you're being serious, but right now I feel like I'm in some sappy Hallmark movie or something."

Bella Donna looked at her daughter with grave eyes.

"This is no laughing matter, Jacqueline," she said firmly. "Your papa goes through woman after woman because to him sex is confirmation that he's worthy of love. He even lies to himself when he sleeps with women he's paid."

"How can you even know that?" Jackie asked.

"Hmph, I knew your père even before Jean-Luc adopted him, to say nothing of being married twenty-three years. I just wish I'd known in the beginning of our marriage what I do now," Bella Donna said, then sighed regretfully. "I should have realised that the brown-eyed man I married was not the red-eyed boy I fell in love with."

Jackie fidgeted uncomfortably.

"I should have realised he wouldn't cheat on me," Bella Donna said, and looked down at her coffee. "I really don't know who cheated first any more. I was so sure it was him, but... The only thing I'm certain of now is that regardless of who cheated first, he only cheated because I drove him to it."

Bella Donna sipped more of her coffee and Jackie licked her lips nervously.

"There are deux reasons why I called you here tonight," Bella Donna said, setting her almost empty coffee mug on the counter top. "The first was to fill you in on your père's...condition. We didn't want to worry you as a child, but it's important that you know now."

"And the second?" Jackie asked.

"He's in a bad way this time. You may be the only one capable of snapping him out of it."

"I'm not calling Marie," Jackie said firmly, shaking her head.

"No one said you had to," Bella Donna replied calmly.

"Then what?"

Bella Donna offered Jackie a slight smile. "Your papa loves you very much."

Jackie's eyes widened in horror. "You're not suggesting that I—"

"Don't be utterly ridiculous, Jacqueline. I would never ask that of you, and Remy would certainly never want or expect that from you," Bella Donna said. "Nevertheless, you are his daughter, and when you were much younger and I started to notice his slumps, I also discovered that I could snap him out of it by leaving you in his care for an hour or so."

Jackie looked unconvinced.

"You grew up of course, and I stopped being able to do that while you were off making a life for yourself, as all children do. Remy started spending more and more time in brothels and with mistresses," Bella Donna said with a sigh. "What he really needs is some therapy, but...he's never going to get that."

Jackie nodded, understanding why that was the case. Telling the whole truth to an outsider was risky business, and not a decision Remy would make lightly, even if he was inclined to get help.

Bella Donna reached out her hand and stroked Jackie's cheek gently. "I don't think you quite realise the profound effect you have on your papa, chère. I can tell you one thing though, if you go out there and tell him you love him, his face will light up faster than the Fourth of July."

Bella Donna ignored the dubious expression on Jackie's face and finished off her coffee.

"Come," she said, standing up. "I'll divert Henri and let you have some privacy."

Jackie slowly got up and followed her mother to the living room. Bella Donna called Henri's attention, and as Henri left the room, Jackie sat down next to Remy.

"Hi Papa," she said, feeling very awkward about the whole situation.

Slowly Remy's head turned towards her, his face blank.

"Hi," he replied quietly, not really meeting her eyes.

Jackie chewed her lip nervously. She couldn't remember the last time she told her father she loved him, and if her mother was right, then that meant it had been way too long.

"So, umm," Jackie said. "I'm really sorry about what happened with Marie."

Well, she wasn't really. She was actually thrilled to pieces that their farce of a relationship was finally over. Knowing full well that the Cure was a fake, Jackie had been convinced that Remy only wanted Marie for sex and that telling Marie he loved her was just all part of his scheme to get her into bed. The idea that he might have actually meant it...

Remy just gave Jackie the barest nod of acknowledgement. It was so strange seeing her father so quiet and subdued.

"You know," Jackie went on, "it occurs to me that we haven't really spent much time together in recent years. So I was wondering if maybe you wanted to do something on Saturday?"

The smallest hint of a smile quirked at the corner of Remy's mouth.

"Sure," he said.

Feeling encouraged by the faint spark of hope in his eyes, Jackie smiled at him.

"Great," she said, hesitated for only a moment and finally said: "I love you, Papa."

Bella Donna was right, Jackie decided, Remy's face really did light up like the Fourth of July.

"I love you too, Sunshine," he replied.

Jackie leaned in to give Remy a hug, and he hugged her back tightly. For the first time in her life, the significance of his nicknames for her hit home: Sunshine, as in "little ray of sunshine", something that makes him happy. All her life he'd been telling her how happy she made him, and she never had any idea.

"You know what? We should make up for lost time and make a day of it," Jackie said.

"I'd like that," Remy replied.

"Good, and I'll pick you up this time," Jackie said smugly as she pulled away from the hug, but kept her hands on him. "Will you be at home? Or will you still be here on Saturday?"

Remy paused as if only just registering where he was.

"Uhh, no, definitely at home," he said ruefully.

"Alright then," Jackie said, grinning at him. "I'll pick you up at seven for breakfast."