Author's Notes: Been off the pure humor for a while, thought I'd try getting things back on track.

Also, I'd like to point out that since the last update, seven other fics in this section have been updated/published. Is Toradora's popularity finally growing around here? I hope so, and If so, looks like I'm destined for internet obscurity. Maybe it's time to move section. What other series could use some fics...

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Ryuuji could sum up his entire time with Taiga in one phrase right now. A bad idea. Right now was a prime example of why. God, oh god why was this happening? Why in the hell was...

"Dammit." Taiga pulled back her hand, sucking on her index finger.

Why the hell was he letting her cook?!

He'd left the stove for thirty seconds, at most! Then he came back to find Taiga had taken over, and she quickly made it clear she was cooking lunch today. Naturally, Ryuiji's concern was keeping a roof over his own head (and Yausko's), and he quickly protested, but Taiga gave him a swift introduction to a more immediate need.

Or maybe it was two, she'd made her point by cutting a cylinder-shaped vegetable. He'd thank the gods of old that it wasn't going to be a complex dish, but then he remembered this was Taiga, that'd probably actually make things worse.

He stood behind her, hovering over her as he watched with mounting frustration. He watched as she forgot to put in an ingredient. ("Taiga, the-") "Shut up!" She put in the-too much! He was gonna taste that later. Well, classes at school, and her brief observations of him had not been completely lost, just more than any teacher would be comfortable with. Still, if nothing else, she was making an honest effort. At this rate she'd just might make a good wi-"Whoh-!" Her knife hand came up. Ryuuji fell back, slamming on the floor.

She'd make a good widow.

He watched as she hacked at his cutting board with her familiar rage. "Gonna need a new cutting board." She dumped the last of her ingredients into the correct pan. He'd be done within three minutes at this point.

It took Taiga much longer. She gave the stove a glare before she walked away.

"You serve it."

Ryuuji rolled his eyes. He shouldn't have been surprised. He got to work, putting the meal he had only partly cooked onto plates, and the soup into bowls. In short order he had the table set up, their lunch ready to eat.

Well, maybe, it was Taiga who'd cooked this meal. He sat down, noting the potent glare he was getting from his...well, he still needed a word to describe their relationship concisely. He didn't want her choosing that word (or phrase) though. He looked down at the meal before him, reaching for his chopsticks. He picked up what would be his first bite.

He just hoped it wasn't his last. He took the plunge.

He chewed. A second later, he chewed again. He slowly chewed, running through a mental check-list.

Concious? Check.

No urge to violently vomit? Check.

Still alive? Check.

Taiga had made something...genuinely edible. He continued chewing, analysing intently as he did so. If Ryuuji were unkind, he'd say just how obvious Taiga's lack of skill was in the cooking department. The taste was there, and in itself mostly correct, but it'd been dulled noticeably compared to his own preparation of this dish, and was a little overcooked. Still, for a first effort it was a good try, and if nothing else would be filling. (for him anyway, Taiga not so much)

Now it was time for the soup. He picked up the bowl with hesitance, half-expecting the thing to suddenly explode. He swirled the cup around, looking for any danger signs. Well, he couldn't see anything sharp or obviously dangerous. (though Ryuuji knew all too well that appearances could be deceiving) He put the cup to his mouth, as did Taiga.

They drank.

Ryuuji took a few seconds to let the soup remain in his mouth before he swallowed. Alright, not to thin, not thick the ingredients were cut right and left a pleasant aftertaste in his mouth. Taiga decided to get inventive with the ingredients, this wasn't his trademark soup. He wondered what she used.

"Hm?" His mouth felt...he started breathing quicker. Oh god, what the hell had she used?! Across from him Taiga was visibly uncomfortable, clearly she'd not intended for this to happen.

But, in typical Taiga fashion, it had.

"HOTTTTTTT!"

They reached for their teas.

They emptied their teas.

...

"Hot! Hot! HOTTTTTT!"

They jumped up and ran, reaching the sink in under a second. Two cups bumped as water fell from above them. Once filled the cups were pulled back. Only to return a few seconds later.

And return again seconds after that. "That's it! I'm never letting you near the stove again!"

"I have to become a really good cook!" She filled her cup, frantic at her failure. "How else will I make a good wife for Kitamura?!" She sealed her mouth with her cup, turning another cup of water into an empty one.

"Just order takeout!" He downed another cup, what on earth could possibly make food this hot!? Had Taiga somehow invented some new kind of super spice? Wouldn't surprise him much, really. Trust Taiga to accidentally make something which could burn your tongue off. He prepared and emptied another cup. He took a few breaths, finally able to feel something other than burning. He took a look next to him, finding a shaking Taiga. "Taiga?" He gazed closely, was she having a reaction? He gazed closer. "Taiga..."

She met his gaze, her glare chilling the air to temperatures far below absolute zero. "You sabotaged me, you mutt!" Her fangs bared themselves, flooding the air in lust for blood. "I just wanna cook like you, and you made me mess up!"

"Wha-?! WHOH!" Taiga pulled a knife from the sink. "H-hey, Taiga, let's not take this too far, we'll try again!"

She advanced a step on him. "Nobody..." He took a step back, seeing murder in her eyes. "Nobody comes between me and Kitamura!" She brandished the knife, aiming it where no man wanted anything sharp pointed at. "Prepare to be neutered, mutt."

He did the only sane thing a man could do in his position.

He ran. "HELLLLLLLLP!"

He charged for the door...

Outside, a figure was slowly ascending the stairs. Her name was Yuuka, but to the Takasu's she was certain she was only ever referred to as "the landlady". Though that may have been soon to change. Yuuka was not deaf to the rising noise of recent times. The Takasu's used to be such a quiet, if odd family. But then one day it was like they started hosting a circus up there. It wasn't like she wanted to get rid of the pair that turned her spare floor into a source of income. She'd had it on market for months before the pair had come, and accommodations of her calibre were not exactly in high demand, curse that skyscraper next door.

She didn't want to lose a source of income, but something was going to change.

"HELLLLLLLLP!"

"Huh?"

The door burst open, the scary-looking son of the family running out scared!? What on earth could frighten him?

She soon found out. A roar of some unholy creature rang out. Ryuuji screamed as he was grabbed from behind before he even had a chance to turn, howling as something with flowing hair, a deathly growl and a knife dragged him back in. The door slammed shut, but it did not silence his screaming.

Yuuka stood there, frozen in place. So that was causing the noise. The Takasu residence had become home to a demon. She would not provoke its wrath. She turned away, quickly clearing the stairs and retreating to the safety of her own home.

Noise or not, the Takasu's had to stay. Stay to keep that demon away from her. She just prayed they survived. Thud. Yuuka looked up, quivering in fear.

The demon was exercising her wrath.

Ryuuji fell to the floor, and crawled away franticly, the advancing Taiga's footsteps like the shadow of Death, reaching for him. "Taiga, stop! Please!"

Taiga advanced, her knife brandished. She grabbed Ryuuji's shoulder, rolling him over as she knelled, putting the knife to the collar of his shirt. "You'll pay you mutt! You'll-"

Taiga froze, as next to them the door slid open, a sleepy Yasuko looking at the pair of them with disinterest. She took in the position of her two children. (Well, her son and would-be daughter) Taiga was pretty much in Ryuuji's lap, and by the looks of that knife...she sighed.

"There's easier ways to get a guy's clothes off, Taiga. Now will you two keep it down? I'm sleeping."

With another yawn, she closed the door, leaving the pair in their position.

In their position, and a deep red. Taiga dropped her knife, though Ryuuji was in no position to care. Taiga slowly got off him, moving away slowly.

"Y-y-you'll cook all of mine and Kitamura's meals until I can, got it?"

Ryuuji was still blushing, damn Yausko, she always said the-"Wait-" What did Taiga just say? No way was he doing-

"Shut up. I'm..." Her voice trailed off, and she put herself in front of the TV. Ryuuji looked on, cautiously. Even unarmed, the Palmtop Tiger was a Tiger in human form. He slowly backed away a step, then another, and slowly he got to his feet. He sighed softly in relief, he was safe for now. Only for now, he was going to have to try this again, one day...he was going to have to teach Taiga to cook properly.

Now where could he get some body armor?

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End

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Author's notes:

Was the landlady ever named in the novels? Ain't read 'em all yet. If she was named I'll correct it. Otherwise I'm sticking with Yuuka.