…

Fifty Ways to Annoy the Soutaicho

Pipadae

…

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Nor do I own this idea. It was all Kirani56's idea, and I'll love her forever for letting me use it in Bleach. In fact, if you love Danny Phantom, you should go read 52 Ways to Annoy Vlad. It's fantastic. (: I also don't own Harry Potter or Death Note. Darn. Don't own Twilight either, but who cares.

Warning: Spoilers ahead for Harry Potter, Death Note, Twilight, and Bleach. If you havn't finished them and don't want to know what happens next, don't read this chapter.

23. Spoil every book/movie he has not read/seen.

"Hey, Yamma-jii!" Ichigo called, hopping once more through the soutaicho's hospital window. "Renji and I figured since you're still in the fourth division, you're probably lonely."

"Yeah!" Renji called, joining his friend. "We love talking to you!"

"I'm asleep," Yamamoto deadpanned. "Go away."

"Oh." The two fell silent.

"Maybe we should wake him up!" Renji cheered. "We could 'bother' him 'til he gets up."

"I'M AWAKE," Yamamoto shouted, sitting up very suddenly. "No need to do anything, er, drastic."

"Great!" Ichigo smiled evilly. "So, you ever read any real world books, Yama-jii?"

Yamamoto blinked owlishly at the grinning ginger. "I couple, I suppose. Why?"

"Ever read Harry Potter?" Renji threw in.

"Um, the first one, once. I never had time to read the rest," Yamamoto sputtered. Why on earth were the two asking him this?

"Oh," Ichigo said. "Too bad, cause the end was really cool, right Renji? With the huge battle, and Voldemort taking over everything, and Dumbledore dying, and all that?"

Yamamoto groaned. There was something to take off his summer reading list.

"Didja ever watch Death Note, Yama-jii? It's really cool. Too bad L died and then Near tricked Light into revealing his was Kira and then Matsuda shot him and all." Ichigo said.

L…died? Nooo! Yamamoto thought. And who the heck was Near? He had never gotten a chance to finish reading the manga.

"How about Twilight, Yama-jii?" Renji asked. "You gotta like vampires, right?"

"Oh, I didn't like that one." Ichigo shot back. "See, that thing with Bella having a kid and Edward making her a vampire and then Jacob being left out but then going pedo for Bella's kid? Not cool."

Dammit. Yamamoto had really wanted to read that one.

"Hey, Yamamoto, you ever watch Bleach?" Seeing Yamamoto's confused look, Renji plowed onward. "It's about this weird kid named 'Strawberry' or something, and he becomes a shinigami and fights hollows and stuff until this guy kidnaps his annoying friend, and he rescues her and kicks everyone's ass because he's secretly a hollow himself, but then he loses all his power and has to be a human again." Renji let out a breath of air.

Yamamoto stared. Ichigo stared.

"Oh, look," Renji said. "I accidently broke the fourth wall."

Alternate Ending:

"Great!" Ichigo smiled evilly. "So, you ever read any real world books, Yama-jii?"

Yamamoto stared. "No..." O_o

...

Haha. Anyway, for those of you who don't know, the fourth wall is the conceptual barrier that keeps fictional characters from knowing that they are, in fact, fictional characters. Breaking it is probably never a good thing.

Review, if only because I am now informing you that you, too, are only a fictional character.