Chapter question at the end! Thanks for reading, as per usual! Also, I would like to issue a formal apology to those who I punched in the nose (not literally). Whoops. Also a more formal apology to those who found the character death to be a little too heavy for their tastes! A trigger warning has been issued! Sorry for the inconvenience/pain/etc. I always forget to tag things because I write impromptu and usually never know until things happen. I rarely think ahead. (Hey man, you guys where shocked, how do you think I felt? Fucking RIP, man.)

Anyway, thanks for reading, sorry to those who felt it was too much! I completely understand.
No one else will be dying in this story! Though I am not done fucking people up. Hang on tight, yeehaw.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes!)

"You two should go home for a while." Dave's nurse had advised Jake and Dirk after realizing that they had sat in the same spots, nearly in the same position for three days with hardly a wink of sleep. They nodded and gathered their things without a word, leaving with a silence that made her stomach flip. They were like zombies – dead in the eyes, moving stiffly. She watched them go down the hall and catch the elevator.

She sighed and continued her work. "Poor boys."

Dave had a sudden, rapid change in pulse and blood pressure before stabilizing. She froze and saw it out before recording the change on her clipboard. "Man, you've really, done it, Strider…" She said aloud to him with no particular goal. Talking to patients became a habit when you were a night shift nurse in the coma ward. It made you feel a little better, a little more hopeful that they would wake up.

Jake and Dirk were silent all the way to the hotel. Without a need for words, Dirk followed Jake to his room. As soon as the door was shut and locked behind them, Jake collapsed. Before he could hit the ground, Dirk caught him and pulled him back up and carried him to the bed.

"Get your shit together, man." Dirk whimpered. Jake sobbed into his chest, beat his hands against his shoulders. "Hey! Hey! Cut it out, Jake! That's not going to help! J-Jake!"

Jake's face was red and his cries were silent. There was no air left in his lungs. He gasped for oxygen and after a moment he spoke. "It's my fault."

Dirk sighed with exhaustion. "I wish you would stop acting like you're the only one who feels guilty." Before Jake could open his mouth Dirk continued. "You aren't alone in this. Okay?" He brushed his thumb against his cheek. "Look, I think we both need to sleep. You especially. Yeah?"

Jake nodded. Dirk offered him a broken smile before he helped him get undressed. "I didn't mean it…"

"Shut up. Go to sleep." Dirk grumbled before pulling off his shirt and jeans, rolling over and trying to do the same. He felt Jake's warm cheek press against his back and his arms wrap around him and pull him close. He felt terrible for Jake. He was afraid for him, even. Dirk knew that he wasn't strong enough to deal with the loss of John or Dave's condition thinking that it was all his fault.

He had a bad feeling in his chest about it. Jake made bad decisions, rash ones without even considering the consequences. But Dirk promised him that he'd get him help, and he had every intention of keeping that promise.

He heard Jake snoring softly against his back and wondered how long he had been laying there worrying. He forced himself to silence his brain and fall asleep.
When morning came Dirk was the first to wake up. He slid carefully from Jake's grip and sat up on the edge of the bed, his bones popping and cracking as he stretched. He got in the shower quickly and dressed in a hurry. He grabbed one of the hotels complimentary pens and note pads and wrote a quick note.

Jake,
I've gone to the hospital. Didn't see any reason to wake you up. Be kind to yourself, I'll be back soon.
- Dirk.

There wasn't much Dirk could do but sit and wait but he tried to do something good with the time he spent carefully listening to his pulse from the monitoring and hoping for movement behind the lids of his eyes. He read to him, made playlists full of his favorite songs and played them for him, talked to him as if he were awake and… alive.
At the end of the day he went back to Jake at the hotel. Jake was sitting in a tub of cold water – had been for hours. Dirk drained the water and filled the tub back up with hot water and soap. He joined Jake in the tub.

"Hey…" He said, urging Jake to look at him. He took his face in his hands and made him look him in the eyes. "Jake, how long have you been in here? Your skin is like a prune..."
Jake thought about it and finally replied, "About four hours."

"Aw, man. Christ, Jake… don't do this." He rubbed body wash into his skin and massaged him. Jake groaned. His muscles were stiff and sore from hitting in uncomfortable positions for hours on end. Dirk pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. "I need you to keep it together. I-… Jake?" He noticed that Jake was too disoriented to listen to anything he was saying and comprehend his words. He sighed. Dirk rubbed his neck and had him lay his head on his shoulder.

"Dirk, I-"

Dirk kissed him for the sake of shutting him up. "Don't, okay? Just shut up and relax."

Jake exhaled and it almost sounded like a chuckle.

Neither of them remembered going to bed nor falling asleep that night. When Jake woke up, Dirk was gone, same as the day before. He tried to take his advice though and not fall too hard into depression. He dressed himself and grabbed a bagel before going out. He left Dirk a voice mail as he wandered from the hotel into the city:

"Hey, uh, Dirk! I'm trying my best. I just wanted you to know… I've gone out for a while. Call me if you get back before I do. Bye."

He had no particular destination in mind but found that wandering was a good enough distraction. The city was big and full of sights, smells and people; All kinds of people all around him. He found himself people watching from a park bench midday. One middle aged woman was covered in short animal hair, probably from a cat, and wore a light knit jacket with her hair in a bun. She had on glasses that made her eyes (and the dark circles under them) appear much larger than they were.

A handsome man with a wedding ring on his finger passed by him. The man smelled of women's perfume – multiple scents. However, Jake didn't think he was cheating on his wife. While a cheating man wore his lover's mark on his neck, he still had a faint tint on his lips and his nails were lightly stained blue. He liked to cross-dress. Jake snickered to himself. Most people were just no good at hiding secrets.

Jake jumped when a teenage boy startled him as he sat next to him on the bench. "Sorry, didn't mean to spook you, man."

Jake shrugged. "S'okay."

There was a brief moment of awkward silence before the kid spoke again. "Hey, uh… you 'kay? You look pretty rough."

"I'm fine."

"Ahhh, alright, alright. I get it. I see." Murmured the stranger softly.

"See what?" Jake snorted softly. "There's nothing to see."

"Not from where I'm sittin', mister." The boy laughed. "You're sitting on a park bench watching people pass you by…"

"What are you getting at, kid?" Jake snapped looking over at him. "I'm sitting on a park bench alone because I want to be exactly that. Alone."

The boy then literally snapped his fingers and pointed to Jake. "There! I was right!"

Jake felt his eyebrows twitch. This kid wasn't very bright. Why else would someone be by themselves in a city full of people…

"What's your damage man?"

"What's your name?" Jake asked rather than answering his question.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! How rude of me to skip introductions." He cleared his throat and offered his hand. "My name's Robert, Rob, Robbie. Either of the three is fi-"

"Well Robert-Rob-Robbie, nice talking to you." Jake got up and began quickly pacing in the opposite direction.

"W-W-Wait! You never told be what your damage was!" Said Robert-Rob-Robbie as he chased after him.

Jake huffed and stopped so suddenly he had to dig his heels into the sidewalk. "You want to know my damage, pal?" He growled, baring his teeth (which would have horrified any sane person, but not Robbie didn't fit well into that category).

Rob paused for a moment, eyes wide but curious. "Yep!"

It was useless trying to scare the dumbass off. So Jake told him. He told him about cheating about losing his mind, about John burning alive, about Dave being in a coma and his guilt. Robbie sat and listened to every word as if he were listening to his grandfather tell him interesting war stories and they were just that – war stories.
"… so that's… that's my damage." Jake wiped his tears off his face.

Robbie sighed. "Geez man, here!" He tossed a little vial into his hands. "You need it more than I do." It contained a rather thick, green liquid.
"Wha-"

"Oh yeah!" He tossed him a syringe.

"W-What!? You're giving me drugs?!"

"It'll help you forget." Rob told him softly. Those four words were enough to shut him up. "You wanna forget, right?" Jake nodded after nearly a whole minute of silent contemplating. "Take it. Lie down, relax. Might hurt a little a first but then you'll be numb and you'll forget for a little while."

"… Thank you…" Jake put it in his pocket and began to walk away.

"Hey! One more thing! You want more… call me! My numbers on the vial. I deal pretty cheap."

Jake only nodded and made his way back to the hotel. The vial had a little 'S' on the side. Could this be… Sopor?

Question:

With Jake's current path, how do you feel about him? Do you think he'll end up like Gamzee? Do you think he'll end up becoming more self-destructive/abusive than before? He's putting in effort to recover but at the same time he's still good ol' Jake; doesn't know how to take care of himself. Dirk's got more than enough to worry about - how he feels about Jake, if he blames HIMSELF, John's death/funeral, Jake's mental illness(es), Dave being in a coma, etc. The last thing he needs to have on his mind is Jake doing drugs to cope with his problems and the possibly violent consequences of doing so. So what do you think of Jake's future? As always thanks for reading! You can follow my blog on tumblr, the url is disorganizedpatriot! Happy belated Valentines Day!