When a Choice Isn't Just a Choice

I didn't have the heart to tell him that from where his room was I could clearly hear all of his late night ejaculations. I was sure that it would have mortified him to know. But I knew that it was Jace's name he was always screaming when he came. It was so erotic that one day, I just had to go in there. I used a rune to unlock his door and another one for silence. He didn't notice right away as I came up beside him and replaced his frenzied pumping with my own gentle touch. Soon though, his eyes popped open and he looked over to see who was stroking him.

I smiled and said, "I heard you from my room and I thought you might like some help?"

"You know that I'm gay, Clary, why would you bother?" He asked me.

"Well, I don't mind if you pretend it's Jace who's touching you. But it's harder to pretend that if you're the one touching yourself isn't it?" I asked, pumping him with more force. My words must have reached him because he lay back on the bed and relaxed to my touch. When he finally came it was like a geyser shooting straight in the air and he screamed his release into a pillow. I licked up as much yogurt as I could off of his tan banana and decided it wasn't enough for me.

"Do you think you could still pretend I was Jace while you put it my ass, maybe?" I asked genuinely wanting to know if that would work for him.

"You would let me do that?" He asked me with a hopeful look in his eyes. "You wouldn't feel like I was just using you?"

"Naw man, I know it's gotta be hard to want something, knowing you can't have it. Aww, who am I kidding? I'm in the same boat with him that you are. The only difference is that I had him for a brief moment in time and then he slipped through my fingers. In some ways that's almost worse, because now I know what I'm missing and how much this sucks."

He sighed, motioned me over and asked "Have you ever done anal before?"

I shook my head and bit my lip. "No, have you?"

"No, I haven't but I have read a lot about it so I thoroughly understand the process." He said and began to explain it to me. He made it sound pretty simple. First there would be a finger…then two…then three and when I was ready, he'd slip on a lubricated condom and try to be as gentle as possible. He warned me that no matter how cautious and careful he was, it was probably still going to hurt. I assured him I could handle it but suggested we go downstairs and have a couple of drinks first, just to loosen up our nerves and anesthetize me a bit. He agreed and we spent the next hour just hanging out and getting to know each other over drinks in the Institute's ginormous kitchen.

We talked about Jace and what we loved about him as well as all the jealousy we each felt over the other's connection to him. We talked about stupid laws and social taboos and how they were keeping us both from the boy that we each wanted. He told me he thought it would be easier to be me because there was an actual genetic reason for me and Jace not to be together, unless, as he put it we wanted to have three headed alien babies. And that, when we found it hard to be apart we could just remind ourselves of that.

But I said he had it easier because he didn't have to worry about a concrete obstacle like that, if he wanted to be with Jace they could just go live as mundanes and say screw the Clave. But he laughed and said that Jace would probably rather have the three headed alien babies with me than take off with him to be a mundane because Jace didn't desire him that way.

I smiled and reminded him that tonight, there was nothing Jace wanted more (because I was going to be Jace for him) and then we were out of that kitchen in a flash, heading to Alec's room to fuck like rabbits, well, gay rabbits.

"Aaaahhhoouuch!" I exclaimed as he entered from behind me. "You weren't kidding it would hurt, huh?" I clenched my teeth trying to ride out the pain.

"I'm sorry, Clary!" He said worriedly.

"Clary? What's she got to do with it?" I asked in my best impersonation of Jace, which didn't sound exactly like him but sounded a lot more like him that it sounded like me. And it seemed to be close enough for Alec's liking because he started to get into the roll play aspect of it.

"Jace, oh Jace! It feels so good to finally be inside of you Baby. I love you so much. I wish it could be like this always!" He grunted slamming into me, forgetting to be gentle. It wasn't too long before we were both getting off, him from being buried to the hilt in 'Jace' and me from touching myself while he plowed me. (After all, I couldn't very well ask for the wrap around when I didn't exactly have a very 'Jace like' body for the most part. Maybe we should have invested in a strap-on for this.

"Oh yeah, Jace! Jace! Jace!" He said as he came hard and fast into me.

"Alec, what were you calling me for? I could hear… Oh." Said a voice from the doorway, I guess in all our drunken frenzy we must have forgotten to put runes on the door! All was silent in the room for a minute. You could have heard a pin drop.

"You could have at least made her put a hat on to cover up all of that orange fire! She doesn't look a thing like me, its offensive!" He said coming straight over without acting a bit awkward about the situation and tugging on my curls.

"Well she ought to look at least a bit like you, she is your sister." Alec said, not making a move to pull out yet. He hadn't even had time to go flaccid since Jace coming in at the end of it must have had him turned right back on again. "Plus she's damned good at making herself sound like you. With my eyes closed I could hardly tell the difference. A tight ass is a tight ass Jace."

"I see. So what happens now, do you switch your position and you pretend to be me for her next? I mean if a tight ass is a tight ass, then a hard dick must be hard dick too right? It's all the same, isn't it? Should I buy the two of you a pair of matching t-shirts that say 'I'm with Jace' and have arrows pointing to each other now?" He sarcastically quips.

"What the fuck do you care? You refuse to be with her because it's 'wrong' and you would never in a million years lower yourself to admit it if a part of you did have any feelings for me. So let me ask you how this right here has anything to do with you whatsoever!" He yells referring to that fact that he was still buried hilt deep inside of me.

Well, I guess I knew Jace was unpredictable but I don't think I realized to what extent. He walked over and kissed Alec deeply with tongue for a good five minutes and then proceeded to do the same to me. Then he took a step back from both of us and spoke words I would never forget in my lifetime.

"It has to do with me, Alec, because the two people I love most in this world, I am apparently now at risk of losing to each other. And not, I might add, because they have any feelings for one another whatsoever, but simply because they are too fucking impatient to wait for me to get my shit sorted out and my head screwed on straight! So, yeah, I'm pissed. Because apparently they both don't love me nearly as much as I love them. After all, if you've got a tight ass and a hard dick, I suppose it doesn't really matter whose they are, now does it?" and he stormed out of the room.

Of course, we never told anyone else about that night. And thankfully Jace never did either. Things started to get themselves worked out eventually and a lot of the stress melted away once we each figured out a little better what we wanted out of life. Alec and I never forgot that night though, or the lesson that Jace had taught us. Because we both almost lost the one person who truly mattered to us over something that in the end amounted to a whole lot of nothing. Because a tight ass and a hard dick could never be just that, everything we do in life means something. A choice is never just a choice and nothing is ever as insignificant as it seems.

AN: With congratulations to Ficsmith, the other winner of Mystery Ship 2, who also correctly guessed that it was a little slice of Clarelyn Morgencest for you all :-D Keep those requests coming people!