A/N: Reasons I love Fall Out Boy/Andy Hurley/Joe Trohman/Patrick Stump/Pete Wentz –
Interviewer: Is there any body part that doesn't have a tattoo?
Andy: Uh…I'll put it in Game of Thrones terms. Don't wake the dragon.
Patrick: I do not understand. At all.
Andy: Or how about in Joss Whedon terms. The hammer is my penis.
Patrick: Thank you.
That is all. Oh. That and the lyrics to the title song are by Mayday Parade and, once again, the lyrics to Calling All Skeletons are by Alkaline Trio.
Thanks for reviewing – Oddliver, x-writingfreak-x (twice), sooooooo, GeorgeFabianWeasley, noodlesandcheese and guest. You guys rock.
WARNING – remember how this fic is rated M for more than Tom saying fuck every third word? Also, I apologise for the quality of the writing and content at the end of this chapter, and I do not condone anyone's behaviour. Particularly mine.
Chapter Twenty-Five – If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?
(Victoire)
Mack McCormick was 6'4", with golden hair, golden eyes, an infectious smile, and I was 90% sure he was actually an anthropomorphic teddy-bear from an alternate dimension stuffed with rainbows and happiness.
This was in perfect contrast to Travis Crawford, who was dour, sarcastic, and so introverted he made me look social. So really, it was unsurprising that Mack was the one to invite all of us over for the first week of summer. Mack's mother was very friendly and lovely and baked constantly. She promptly declared Kate, Hannah, Regan, and me to be far too skinny and plied us with sweets the moment we set foot in their house. She told Olive that she was absolutely perfectly shaped and plied her with sweets for good behaviour.
The third night there found all us girls in Mack's room (confusing the hell out of all of us, Mack's mother trusted him to have girls in his room not because he was gay, but because she just trusted him) complaining about boys.
"Michael's an idiot," Olive moaned.
"I know," I replied.
"Yeah, Victoire liked him for a full year and he didn't cotton on until she told him," Hannah explained.
Olive groaned.
"You guys would be cute together," Mack said, taking a bite of his popcorn that he'd slathered in chocolate. He handed it around. "And then Hannah, you're in a stable relationship. Kate-"
"He's an asshat," she said, squeezing her pillow so tightly I was surprised it didn't explode.
"A painfully attractive asshat," Regan piped up.
"I dunno, I think Logan's better looking," Mack said pensively. "But then, I have a fondness for dark hair and green eyes."
"Really," I said. "It's almost like your boyfriend doesn't have those cardinal characteristics."
Mack grinned. "And you think Teddy's the most attractive."
"Teddy's a metamorphmagus," I pointed out. "Teddy can look however he wants and be perfectly attractive."
"Yes, but you like the way he looks," Mack teased.
"And speaking of asshats," I replied. Mack sighed dramatically.
"They're off on tour now, aren't they?" Olive asked.
"Yeah," Kate and I agreed.
"Because they put out an album," Hannah supplied. It was strange spending time with Regan and Olive and Mack because they weren't close friends with Hearts on Fire. They treated Rian and Tom and Logan and Teddy like they were already famous.
"Kids?" Mack's mother called, knocking on the door. She opened it and smiled at us. "The post came."
She handed Mack an envelope.
"Thanks, Mum," he said, opening it. It was made of some sort of ochre material that popped when he pressed on it.
"What is that?" I asked.
"Bubble wrap?" he said sounding confused. For a brief moment, I had forgotten that Mack was Muggleborn.
He reached into the envelope and pulled out a shiny plastic square. His face lit up and he immediately opened the object he had previously identified as a CD player.
"Is that what I think it is?" Hannah asked, taking the square from him. She grinned and pulled out a booklet. On the front was a picture – well, four pictures really. The far left slice showed the edge of a blond curl, a dark brown eye, and the corner of Tom's mouth. He had some sort of paint smeared on his face under his eye. The next slice included waves of chestnut and Rian and Adrian's unique cream coloured eye, her makeup done up much more than Rian ever normally wore. She had the same paint under her eye that Tom did. The third stripe featured turquoise hair and a grey eye ringed in black eyeliner. Teddy's jawline was in sharp relief against the background of the picture. The right edge of the cover was a lock of Logan's dark hair, his olive green eye, and surprisingly a hint of stubble. Across the stripes of paint under their eyes – all black – it read "War Paint."
"Well press play then," Olive instructed.
Mack obliged and suddenly Teddy's voice filled the room.
Here it is again and it stings like the first time
Seems it never ends, double nickels on your dime
We all sat in rapt attention listening to this new song that even Kate, Hannah, and I hadn't heard before.
I thought we were friends, I guess it just depends who you ask
These feelings tend to leave me with a hole in my chest
Kate was staring at me and I self-consciously pulled my knees up with a pillow between them and my chest.
Now the time has come, I just wish I could erase
All the damage done to your name and your keepsakes
"Honey, I think someone wrote you a song," Kate said quietly.
I ignored her and pulled the booklet out of Hannah's hands. The first picture inside took up both sides of the paper. From left to right, Teddy was leaning on Tom's shoulder rolling his eyes while Tom crossed his arms and looked exasperatedly at Logan, who was mooning over Rian, who was ignoring him. I almost laughed and flipped to the next page. Tom was sitting on the ground in a fabulous pair of jeans, sprawled back on his hands with his legs wide.
"Tom sits like a whore," I said.
"We knew that," Hannah replied.
Next to his picture was a lyrics listing for the first song, "Calling All Skeletons." It didn't say who had written the song. The next page was a picture of Logan laughing at something in the distance. The lyrics for the second song were there, but again, no credits.
Rian was on the next page, then Teddy. He was sitting like Tom, but had his guitar between his legs and his head resting against the neck. I pointedly ignored the soulful look in his eyes and kept flipping. Finally at the back of the book, superimposed over a picture of Logan standing on a ladder to kiss Rian, who was perched on top of some crates, was a credit listing.
It read "All music by Hearts on Fire."
I was about to give up in frustration but the track listing was underneath with little words at the end of each song that said "lyrics by…"
"Shit," I said.
"What?" Kate asked.
"Teddy wrote Calling All Skeletons," I said. Kate smirked at me.
The next song was called "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" and had been written by Rian. It started playing as I read it and I immediately liked it. It was upbeat and also spoke of going crazy and I often had that combination of emotions.
I skimmed the rest of the track listing quickly.
3. The Music or the Misery … Tom McEwan
4. The Strength to Go On … Tom McEwan
5. If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet? … Tom McEwan
6. All Signs Point to Lauderdale … Rian Calloway
7. Paint You Wings … Tom McEwan and Teddy Lupin
8. My Songs Know What You Did In the Dark … Tom McEwan
9. I Found A Way … Teddy Lupin
10. Time-Bomb … Teddy Lupin and Tom McEwan
11. If These Sheets Were States … Logan McEwan
12. I Surrender … Teddy Lupin, Tom McEwan, Logan McEwan
"Jesus, did Tom write every song on the album?" Regan asked, reading over my shoulder.
"Well, yeah, Logan was Head Boy and Quidditch captain, Teddy was Quidditch captain, and Rian was a prefect and Quidditch captain, so most of the song writing got left to Tom since he had the most free time," Kate explained.
"I really love that as they get popular, we're still going to have you guys to keep us up to date," Olive said.
"What's the fifth song called?" Hannah asked, looking concerned. I shrugged and Mack played it.
Baby, I sorely miss the vibrant gleam that's in your eyes
I'll write a song about it.
And maybe if the melody's just right,
I hope tonight it will find you, it will remind you
That what's holding me back is all the time we never had
My world's hanging by three words that I can't bear to say
When you hear this chorus do you miss the way the world was spinning for us?
Do you hurt the way that I do, when after all this time you leave me broken
This song is every word I left unspoken,
When you hear this girl I'm hoping that you'll think of us.
Baby, I told myself that I'll be fine but it's a lie
I don't want to talk about it.
The memories, oh, they cut like knives deep inside I'm falling
Baby, catch me if you can
What's holding me back is the thought of time we never had.
My world's hanging by three words that I can't bear to say.
When you hear this chorus do you miss the way the world was spinning for us?
Do you hurt the way that I do? After all this time you leave me broken
This song is every word I've left unspoken.
When you hear this girl I'm hoping that you'll think of us.
Baby, I sorely miss the vibrant gleam that's in your eyes.
As the song finished, everyone in the room turned to stare at Kate. She had her head buried in her knees.
"Stop staring at me," she instructed.
We didn't stop staring at her.
"I think he misses you," I said quietly.
Kate scoffed and picked her head up. "No, he misses having sex with me," she replied.
I tried not to let the shock show on my face. She hadn't told me they'd slept together. I was under the impression that was something you told your best friend, but she hadn't said anything.
"Well, you said he wasn't that good in bed anyways," Regan pointed out.
Oh.
So she told Regan, but not me. I knew Hannah and David were having sex as Hannah had told me within an hour of it happening the first time, but Kate hadn't even mentioned it in passing.
"He was getting better," Kate replied.
"The song sounded sort of like he wanted you back," I pointed out, doing everything in my power to not look hurt.
Kate laughed derisively. "He's welcome to try all he wants," she said.
I shrugged. I liked Tom. Not the same way Kate liked him, but I had been informed of his various misgivings about relationships, and understood where he was coming from. Mostly because part of me really wanted a boyfriend again, but the majority saw the word "boyfriend" in a sentence and panicked, brought up everything about Jeremy and Nick, and I immediately stopped wanting a boyfriend. It was not a situation helped by the fact I was really damn tired of being a virgin. I wanted to write love stories, which tended to include sex, but I didn't want to make everything up.
I quickly fell utterly in love with Hearts on Fire's new album and figured out through trial and error how to put it onto my iPod and quickly discovered I couldn't stop listening to either of the two songs Teddy had written. I was relatively sure the second one "I Found a Way" wasn't about anything in particular, but I was particularly taken with the line "I found a way over the fear and through the flames, I'm diving in - stay right here I'll be back for you someday."
I was given a mobile phone – tampered with by Adrian so it would work around magic – and as such ended up spending my entire summer texting Mack and Travis and Kate.
I woke up on September first with a text from Mack that simply read, "Someday they'll make music videos."
I laughed and collected my things. Louis was standing by the front door going over the inventory of his trunk for the fourth time in the past twenty-four hours.
"You'll be fine," I promised.
"Were you fine?" he asked.
I remembered back to first year and cringed. "Take after Nika, not me," I suggested, picking up Pan's cage and heading for the car.
"I don't know what I'm going to do with all three of you off at Hogwarts," Dad said, starting to get teary.
"You'll be fine," I promised. "You and your son both, honestly."
Dad laughed and then we were heading for the train station. Louis immediately found James, Fred, Lucy, and Frank Longbottom and the five of them ran off to get a compartment.
"Daddy, I want to go now!" Lily demanded as we passed. I heard Harry laugh and then found the compartment where Kate and Hannah and David and Michael were sitting. It was full of many more trunks than just theirs, however.
"Mackavis, Regan, and Olive?" I asked.
"Yeah," Kate agreed.
"You guys wouldn't mind watching my stuff too, would you?" I asked.
"Of course not," Hannah said, raising her eyebrow at me like I'd gone mad. I dropped my things and let Pan out of his cage before I ran to the prefect's carriage. Elizabeth Martin was our new Head Girl and the Gryffindor boy from seventh year was Head Boy.
Regan and Olive were sitting on one of the padded benches and stretched their arms up to me when I walked in. I leaned in to hug them and they promptly dragged me down so I was sitting on their laps.
"Alright everyone," Elizabeth said. "We've got your patrolling schedules and everything, so we should be good. We're only reassigning those of you who's partners finished school so-"
"I get to patrol with the Head Girl?" Mack asked, sounding as enthusiastic as ever.
Elizabeth laughed.
"Oi, don't go flirting with a girl, I'll think you're chucking me," Travis scolded.
Mack shushed him.
The rest of the train ride passed in relative peace, by which I mean Kate complained about Tom's existence the entire way to Hogwarts while Regan soothed her. Hannah sat in David's lap to conserve space and they both promptly fell asleep and sprawled across me. Mack and Travis started a game of reusable hangman, so I promptly drove them both insane by guessing their lengthy phrases on the first try (Mack was easy. He kept using Hearts on Fire lyrics). Michael doodled obliviously and Olive stared at him.
In the Great Hall, we lost Olive, Regan, and Travis to the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables and sat down. For the first time in a long time, I was actually invested in the Sorting. It was brought into sharper focus when Molly and Nika sat down next to me.
"All our younger siblings," Molly said, holding Jake Thompson's hand. She had bounded into my room in her first year – my third – to inform me she had a boyfriend named Jake Thompson, but I hadn't actually expected them to still be together.
"My last little brother too," Kate said, nodding at a smiling miniature boy in the first years' line. At the Hufflepuff table, Kate's little sister waved at him. From the Ravenclaw table, her other little brothers waved as well. Finally, Kate gave into the pressure and waved.
"He's going to be in Slytherin just to even out the family dynamic," I guessed.
"No, no," Kate replied. "He'll be in Slytherin because he deserves it."
Mack howled with laughter.
Finally, Neville took to the stool and unfurled his list. After a handful of students, Connors, Niall was indeed sorted into Slytherin. He waved at his siblings in all three other houses, and then received congratulatory pats on the back from his new housemates. It was really unsettling to look at the Slytherin table during a feast and not see Logan.
Neville did a great job accurately reading the list of names until he stumbled at the end of the Ls.
"Longbottom, Frank," he read, staring unabashedly as his son sat down on the stool. The Hat deliberated for a long moment and then placed Frank in Gryffindor. Neville looked so proud I thought he was going to break himself from sheer force of emotion.
The Gryffindor table was cheering so loudly for our head of house's son that the girl immediately after him, Rachel McFarlane, was quietly swept to the wayside off to Slytherin.
When James Potter was called, the whole Hall went silent. James grinned and had barely touched the Hat when it declared him a Gryffindor. He plopped into the seat next to Frank and started introducing himself to his yearmates.
The Sorting dragged on, until finally only three kids were left. Lucy with her fiery red hair, Freddie with his fantastically cinnamon afro, and Louis, pale and blond.
"Weasley, Fred," Neville called.
Freddie was in Gryffindor and immediately joined James and Frank in their already begun quest to rule their year.
"Weasley, Louis."
Nika squeezed my arm and we watched as Louis sat down on the stool looking nervous as hell.
The Hat debated for a long time. A very long time.
And then it shouted, "Ravenclaw!"
Louis looked confused and stayed seated for a moment, his hands squeezing the stool so hard his knuckles were turning white.
I immediately flashed back to my own Sorting. It had seemed so unlikely when the Hat had sorted me into Gryffindor instead of Ravenclaw that I had just sat there uncomfortably for a long time until Neville ushered me on to my House.
He did so now, taking the Hat from Louis gently and shuffling him off to Ravenclaw. He was immediately comforted by a combination of Travis and Adrian and I was devoutly thankful to be friends with both of them.
Lucy didn't wait for her name to be called before she walked up to the stool and took the Hat from Neville. The Hall took a baited breath to see if Lucy would be a proper Weasley like Fred, or if she would take after Louis. She was sorted into Hufflepuff and happily skipped off, taking her seat next to Olive.
Olive found my eye and mouthed, "She's so adorable and tiny."
I nodded in agreement and then had to reach down the table to stop James and Freddie and Frank from pelting one of their new dormmates with dinner rolls.
OOooOOooOOooOO
"Can we talk about Hearts on Fire?" Travis asked as we walked our rounds in early November.
"What about Hearts on Fire?" I asked, shining my wandlight into a dark corner where people were known to snog.
"My elder sister just saw them in Manchester where they were opening for someone else and…" he trailed off to scold the fourth years who were bundled into the corner wrapped tightly around each other.
I groaned. "Molly," I said with exasperation. Molly tucked her red curls behind her ears and Jake looked annoyed with himself. "You two are in the same house. At least snog in the common room."
"You're not giving us detention?" Jake asked.
"Just a warning," I said. "Now piss off."
They ran away quickly and Travis snickered.
"What were you saying about Hearts on Fire?" I asked.
"She said they're popular," he replied. "Like…really popular. And all the fans have major crushes on Tom and Teddy."
"That would make sense," I said. "Since they're both stupidly attractive."
Travis sighed heavily. "Fuck," he said.
"What?" I asked.
"Mack was right," he replied. "Damn it, Weasley, now I owe him money."
I raised my eyebrow at him in bewilderment. "What do you mean you owe him money? What was he right about?"
"You do think Teddy's fit," he said.
I grumbled incoherently and we continued our rounds.
"But haven't you known him forever?" he asked.
"Yes," I agreed. "And he's always been a fucktrumpet and I have no romantic interest in him."
Travis shrugged. "You don't have to have romantic interest in him to want to fuck him."
I gaped at him. "I do not want to fuck Teddy Lupin," I said.
"Right," Travis replied with a smirk. "You just ended up in his lap on his broom during last year's Quidditch game because you have purely platonic feelings towards him."
I blushed and made to punch him in the shoulder. Since Travis was the same height as Tom and Logan, it should have landed square in the soft part of his upper arm. But, since Travis is Travis, he ducked and my balled up fist collided with his nose.
"Ow!" he exclaimed, holding his bleeding nose.
"Oh Merlin's wand, I'm so sorry!" I spluttered, covering my mouth in horror. "Are you okay? Should I take you to the Hospital Wing? I didn't mean to hit you in the face, you just ducked, and I didn't react in time! I'm so sorry!"
Travis squeezed his bleeding nose and glared down at me.
"Remind me not to piss you off again," he requested.
"I'm sorry!" I said. "I'm so, so sorry!"
"It's fine," he grumbled. "So you do want to shag Teddy?"
I sighed, much more annoyed than I had been three seconds prior.
"Honestly? At this point, I'd gladly shag you and you're gay and I like your boyfriend very much," I replied.
Travis sniggered and then winced when it hurt his nose. "Regretting your virginity?"
"Most of the time," I agreed. "Not helped by the fact you and Mack spend all your spare time fucking like bunnies, and then HannahandDavid are a single word these days, and Kate had sex with Tom and didn't tell me…"
"I thought she was your best friend," Travis replied, frowning at me.
"She is my best friend," I said. I sighed. "I'm just not sure I'm hers."
OOooOOooOOooOO
The problem only intensified as November dragged on and we had the first Quidditch game of the season. It was against Ravenclaw again, which just brought the memory of the last Quidditch game with Teddy into further relief.
We won, because Evan was a good captain and because our new Chaser wasn't entirely hopeless. Bertie was already starting to crumble under the horror that were OWLs, and I felt bad for him, but he still played well. It was just not the same without Tom and Teddy trying to injure each other in the middle of the pitch.
After the game, I found myself surrounded by my friends as we ate at the Gryffindor table for once. Adrian had joined our group due to his utter lack of friends beyond Hearts on Fire.
Halfway through dinner, HannahandDavid left, whispering together. Moments later, Olive dragged Michael off to the library so she could flirt with him while he sat there obliviously, and then Mackavis turned into their conglomerate rather than individual parts and slunk off.
"I'm going to die a virgin," I announced. Regan looked horribly sympathetic while Kate shrugged.
"Sex is seriously not all it's cracked up to be," she said.
"I think you might be misguided," Regan replied.
"Don't tell me," I said. "You're not a virgin either, are you."
"Nope," Regan said. I groaned.
"Why are you going to die a virgin?" Adrian asked, looking highly confused.
"Because I keep thinking I might like a boyfriend, and then I remember Jeremy and I really don't want one," I said. "And I've barely even liked someone since fourth year, and I'm going to be one of those crazy cat ladies who writes smutty romance novels in my ramshackle cottage in Cornwall – or maybe not Cornwall, my parents are there, maybe the Lakes District – except it's all going to be bullshit because I'll be a virgin. And besides, look at me."
All three of them looked at me and then gave me blank looks.
"What?" I asked.
"You do realise you're pretty, right?" Regan asked.
"What? No I'm not," I said.
"Yeah, you are," Adrian replied.
I was now severely concerned for all of their mental health, but let it go.
"Oh shit," Kate said suddenly. "Transfiguration essay. Professor Davies is going to kill me."
She stood up and sprinted for the dormitory.
Regan's eyes went wide. "Fuck, I've got to do research for History of Magic!"
She ran out of the Great Hall and disappeared.
"Am I seriously the only one to actually do my homework on time?" I called after them.
"I do my homework on time," Adrian mumbled.
Suddenly, a very bad idea wandered through my head.
"You're still a virgin too, aren't you?" I asked as calmly as I could, trying to disguise the fact my pulse had started skittering from adrenaline.
"And I'm more likely to stay that way than you are," he replied.
This is a horrible idea, the rational voice in my head said.
Do shut up. You're not helpful, the other voice replied.
"You know, Tom left me a bottle of Firewhiskey before they went off on tour," I said. "Fancy a drink?"
"God yes," Adrian agreed.
"I'll meet you back in your dorm in fifteen minutes," I said, standing up and grabbing my bag of Quidditch gear.
"Why my dorm?" he asked.
I pointed out all his roommates, who were still sitting at the Ravenclaw table and very clearly had no intention of moving any time soon.
"And besides," I said. "You can't get into my dorm."
He nodded in agreement and I set off for Gryffindor tower. I passed Kate in the common room and grabbed the bottle of whiskey out of my trunk. She stared at me suspiciously as I walked back by her but I didn't say anything.
The Ravenclaw doorknocker was ridiculously easy to get by, and I made my way to the seventh year boys' dormitory. Adrian was sitting on his bed reading and I took a moment to evaluate him before he noticed me.
He was pointlessly tall, taller than Tom and Logan and even taller than Mack. He was also skinny like Rian, and had the same thick, wavy chestnut hair as Rian, and the same olive skin. His coffee-and-cream eyes were darker than hers, though, and he was more angular. Actually, if I hadn't known that Rian was a year older than him, I would've assumed they were twins.
He wasn't angelically beautiful like Tom and Logan, and he wasn't pretty like Teddy, but he certainly wasn't ugly either. Plus, he was nice enough for someone with no social grace.
I pulled the stopper out of the whiskey bottle and took a drink. Adrian looked up and closed his book. I handed him the bottle and sat down next to him.
"Seventh year sucks," he said, drinking deeply. He handed the bottle back to me. I took a long pull and felt it burn down my throat before it filled my stomach with warmth.
"Pretty much all of Hogwarts has sucked," I replied.
"But like," he said, taking the bottle and drinking more. "I've only ever really had one friend, you know? Tom liked me well enough, and Logan has to tolerate me because of my sister, but Teddy's been my only friend."
"But he's a dick," I said, drinking again. My legs felt sort of wooden and my face was going numb.
"Yeah, but he's nice to me," Adrian replied.
"He's been a dick to me for years," I said, falling backwards on the bed. Adrian took another drink and fell over as well.
I had the sudden impression that this was going to be my life. Spending my Saturday nights drinking very quickly with a random acquaintance. I would have Pan, and several cats, and maybe a dog, and I was going to be utterly alone. Somehow it didn't seem like that bad a future, as long as I got the various important reference points out of the way first.
"We drank half your bottle," Adrian said.
"Whoops," I said, drinking more of it.
The alcohol was starting to go to my head and I could feel myself slowly losing time. I was perfectly aware of things immediately as they were happening, but when the next thing happened, I couldn't really remember how I got there. Because Adrian was drinking more and then his head rolled sideways.
"You're really pretty," he said.
My head rolled sideways because my limbs were made of jell-o at that point and I smiled at him. "The only guy who's ever called me pretty was that asshole," I said.
"I'm sorry," Adrian replied. We were close enough that our noses were touching.
"It's not your fault," I said.
"Can I kiss you?" he asked.
"Sure," I replied, and then he was kissing me.
Moments later, I couldn't really remember how it happened or why I had my legs wrapped around Adrian's hips and my tongue in his mouth. I had no objection to anything that was happening, except that his hipbones were sharp enough that they were digging into my thighs and it kind of hurt.
I was definitely responsible for pulling his shirt off first. He was being very tentative about taking my shirt off though, so I helped him out by pulling it over my head. I remembered at the last second that my bra was violently pink.
"Are you going to hate me in the morning because we're snogging and drunk and I don't have a crush on you?" he mumbled. He was trying very hard to keep his hands from touching either my bra or my breasts and it was starting to annoy me.
"Are you going to hate me in the morning because we're snogging and drunk and I don't have a crush on you?" I asked, picking up his hands and putting them where I wanted them.
"No," he admitted.
"Good," I said, kissing him again. He had very soft, rather full lips and I enjoyed kissing him.
He hesitantly slid one of his hands under my bra but retracted when I squeaked.
"That's allowed," I said. He nodded and returned his hand. His hands were quite soft and it was very pleasant to have them touching me.
Even in my drunken state, I knew I was the one to take off my bra and the one to kiss his neck and it only took me a very short span of time to realise he had a hard-on pressing through his jeans.
"Have sex with me," I requested.
He froze with his lips on my collarbone.
"Sorry?" he asked.
"Have sex with me," I repeated. "I mean, only if you want to, but I'd like to have sex with you, so…"
"Are you only asking me because you're drunk?" he asked.
"No," I said, and I wasn't. I really meant it. My knickers were uncomfortably damp and I really wanted to have sex with him.
"Erm…okay?" he said slowly, reaching over my head to fumble with something in his bedside drawer. He returned with a condom which I didn't think to question. I was the one to unbutton both our jeans and actually stood up to take my jeans off, very proud of myself for not falling over. I was also incredibly thankful I was drunk when my knickers hit the floor because it occurred to me I'd never actually been naked in front of someone before.
Adrian dropped his pants and I actively forced myself not to just stare at his junk. Instead I kissed him and handed him the condom. Everyone had been forced to sit through a lecture on contraception in fourth year, so I was pretty sure he knew how to do it. He laid me back on the pillows and kissed me again.
He let one hand rest on my breast over my rapidly beating heart and let the other wander down, touching me very gently. I squeaked again and was suddenly annoyed with myself. I knew people made noise during sex, but the gaspy, breathy, high pitched moans coming out of my mouth when he slid two of his fingers inside me seemed entirely unnecessary and out of character.
I was suddenly very curious and trailed my hand down his chest to his dick. He stopped kissing me with a quiet groan. It was much warmer and heavier than I had ever imagined.
"You can't do that," Adrian said in a strangled gasp.
"Why not?" I asked, realising as I asked that I had been squeezing.
"Because if you do this isn't going to take very long," he replied, kissing me again and pulling his fingers out of me. I wanted to protest, but then he was pressing at my entrance with a slightly more relevant appendage. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yes," I said, kissing him again, and then he was inside me.
Everyone always said it hurt your first time, and maybe it was because I was drunk, but it didn't really. It was vaguely uncomfortable, but in a distant sort of way. It got progressively less uncomfortable as we went on, and then it was very comfortable and those stupid noises kept coming out of my mouth and I kept speaking French for some reason (I blamed the alcohol for that last). It was just getting really pleasant when Adrian shuddered and then lay still.
I didn't protest when he rolled off me. Instead I sat up and pulled on my knickers and my jeans and my shirt and tried very hard to deal with my hair. I didn't feel remotely drunk anymore and was steady on my feet when I pulled on my shoes.
"Erm…" Adrian said, immediately reverted back to his normal social awkwardness.
"Yeah," I replied. "Erm…see you at the prefects' meeting?"
"Yeah," he agreed. "Er…thanks?"
I almost burst out laughing, but managed to contain myself. "Yeah," I said, picking up my bag and the remains of my whiskey and heading for the door.
Now I could be a crazy cat lady in peace.
Review!
(maybe. Actually, I might not want you to. Fuck it. Don't review. I hate myself a little for this chapter and fully expect y'all to hate me as well.)