Killian Jones wasn't usually drinking out of nervousness. He's never actually panicking about anything in his life...until now.
The pirate has been sitting at Granny's since this morning, drinking rum. Granny brought him food for lunch, but he still hasn't touched it and it's already dinner time.
Killian was too distracted by his nerves to even notice, that there was food in front of him. He just couldn't stop thinking about the last 24 hours.
They've been one hell of a roller coaster ride.
Yesterday at this time everything in his life was perfect. He spend the day with David and helped him figure out what happened to his friends father. When they were ready with that, he asked David for Emma's hand in marriage.
Surprisingly the prince gave the pirate his blessing to marry the princess.
As Killian was on his way home to Emma and Henry, he couldn't stop thinking about how lucky he is. He was full of hope and planning the perfect proposal for Emma. That seemed very tricky to him since he really wanted it to be 'perfect.' Emma deserves nothing less than that.
But as soon as he reached his home, all his happiness and hope was taken from him. August arrived with his motorcycle and gave him pages from the storybook, that he once stole from Henry. The pages told the story of Davids father and as soon as Killian saw the illustrations on the pages, he realized, that King George didn't kill David's father after all. Killian did.
So he didn't just destroy his own family, he also destroyed the family of his true love. He doesn't know how to deal with that information. He knows, that Emma deserves to know the truth, but he's afraid. He never wants to lose her.
But when she finds out, she might leave him.
Killian finishes his latest glass of rum and walks home.
His Swan deserves the truth and if the truth will tear them apart, then so be it. But Killian just can't lie to her anymore. It's hurting him too much.
As soon as Killian enters his and Emma's home he calls for her and she instantly runs down the stairs and into his arms to welcome him home with a sweet kiss. It's as if she had been sitting on the top of the stairs, waiting for him to come home.
As she pulls away enough to look at him, she smirks at him.
Emma: "Oh, wow. Captain Morgan. I thought we were switching to water."
She says it in a teasing tone with a big smile on her face, but it still pains Killian when he realizes, that he let her down in more than one way, but he instantly pushes that thought from his mind. He can't get distracted. It would only end up in him not telling her the truth, which he doesn't want.
Killian: "I'm afraid it wouldn't give me the courage that I need. There's something I need to tell you."
He looks at her and she gives him a small encouraging nod even though he realized, that she is a little worried.
For a moment he doesn't continue to speak. He just stares at her, which gives him the strength to continue. This is hard for him, but he loves her, so it makes it a little easier.
Killian: "Its just...what I have to say isn't exactly easy. And I'm not entirely sure how you're going to react."
He doesn't know what exactly he did, but her face softens and there's a little smile on her face. She takes his hand and squeezes it. She doesn't say anything though. They don't really need words to communicate, so Killian knows, that she's waiting for him to continue talking.
He takes a deep breath and leads them to the couch. This is very hard for him and he's afraid, that he might pass out any second. There are many confusing thoughts in his head of basically any reaction Emma could have.
They sit next to each other. And Emma puts both her hands on his hand.
Emma: "You can tell me anything. I love you no matter what."
There's still a smile on her face and Killian is still very confused about it. Why does his Swan seem so happy right now? What happened?
Did Dave tell Snow about yesterday? Killian thinks to himself. Then Emma might know about the ring and she might think I'm going to propose right now, which I'm not. It's not like Snow can keep a secret.
Killian takes another deep breath and then looks deeply into his Swans eyes.
Killian: "There's something I recently found out about my past...and I'm not proud of it."
Emma's smile fades and she seems disappointed. But why? What did she expect this conversation to be about? Did she really think he would propose here? Right now?
Emma: "Killian, I know there are a lot of things in your past, that you regret. But you don't need to worry about any of them. They're in the past and you're a changed man now. A hero. My hero. But if it makes you feel better to talk about it, I can help you..."
Killian: "Sure it was a long time ago, but this time I think I really messed up...terribly."
Emma: "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad. And it's in the past as I said. You can forgive yourself."
Killian: "I don't think, that I'll ever be able to forgive myself for this..."
Emma: "Why? What could possibly be that bad?"
She puts a hand on his cheek and looks at him through the tears in her eyes. She doesn't like it when he's blaming himself for his past. She forgives him for it, so why can't he do the same? Why can't he see himself the way she does?
Killian: "I won't forgive myself for this because it's different than my other sins. I...I killed...your...grandfather."
Emma: "What?"
Killian: "Yesterday I helped your father figure out what happened to his father. He didn't wanna involve you since he didn't wanna worry you. We investigated it and it lead us to King George. But we also asked your friend August for help, so he brought me some pages of the storybook, that he took from Henry years ago and I realized, that I knew the man on the pictures. King George didn't kill your grandfather. I did."
There was a long silence in the room. It was shaking Killian confidence. He just assumed, that Emma won't forgive him for this, so he slowly got up from the couch and gave her hand a light squeeze.
Killian: "I'm sorry, love."
Then he began to leave the living room, but the Savior ran after him.
Emma: "Where are you going?"
Killian turned around to face her and stopped moving. There were tears in both of their eyes.
Killian: "I was going to get my things from our room."
Emma: "Why? Are you...moving out?"
A single tear streamed down her face and others followed soon.
Killian: "Its for the best, Swan. I'm a awful person. You shouldn't ever forgive me. I don't deserve you."
Emma: "I think that's my decision and not yours..."
She steps closer to him and puts her arms around his neck, looking him deeply into the eyes.
Emma: "And I don't need time to forgive you. I already do. You're obviously sad about this, so you're not a villain. Villains don't regret anything. It was a long time ago. I never even knew him, so I won't let him take you from me. I need you. You once said, that every sin can be forgiven, when someone loves you and I do. I love you. And I forgive you. Also I really appreciate, that you were honest to me. I can't lose you, Killian. So if you want to move out, fine, but then I'll move out with you."
She leans in and touches their noses together.
Killian: "I love you too and I'd never wanna lose you either, but how could you possibly forgive me? I destroyed your family."
Emma: "You didn't destroy my whole family. I won't lose you for someone I don't know. David might not agree with my decision, but I don't care. Sometimes I need to be selfish, I guess. Don't leave. Stay here with me."
Killian pulls her body even closer to his and embraces her tightly. He's glad that she's okay with this. He might think, that she deserves better than the murderer of her grandfather, but that doesn't mean, that he'd ever want to lose her.
He already hates himself a lot for killing Davids father, but he knows, that he'd hate himself even more if it would have cost him Emma. He loves her more than anything in the world and he never wants to lose that. Never.
Killian: "As you wish."
Emma chuckles lightly and there's been this question in Killian's head for a long time now. He can't keep himself from asking anymore.
Killian: "Why do you always seem so happy when I say that, love?"
Emma: "Because you're quoting my favorite movie, The Princess Bride. So it means a lot to me. I know it sounds kinda silly."
He shakes his head and puts his hand on her cheek, smiling brightly at his true love.
Killian: "Its not silly at all, love. You could never be silly. I think it's adorable, that that makes you happy."
Emma: "Now you're acting kinda cheesy, but I must say, that it doesn't even bother me. I love you. No matter what."
She stands on her tiptoes and presses her lips softly to his.
Killian: "Why were you so radiant when I arrived?"
Emma blushes lightly at that and she quickly looks down to the ground, but Killian soon puts his hand on her chin to make her look at him again. His Swan looks just as happy as when he arrived home.
Emma: "I just-I thought, that you were so nervous because of something else."
Killian: "About what, love?"
He looks at her with a confused expression on his face and he realizes, that Emma is currently deciding whether she should tell him or not. What could it possibly be?
Emma: "I-I might've found something in your sea chest, that I shouldn't have..."
Killian knows by now about what his Swan is talking about. He also knows it's probably not the right time to propose, but he doesn't stop her, when she suddenly pulls something out of the pocket of her jeans. He looks down at the ring, that he meant to give to her. It was his mothers.
Emma: "Are you mad at me?"
His Swans voice is barely a whisper and that totally breaks Killian's heart since she suddenly seems sad. It's all his fault because he stared too long at the ring in her hands, frozen in place.
He shakes his head madly and answers her, while he still looks at the ring.
Killian: "No. How could I ever be mad at you?"
It wasn't actually a question, but a truth. He could never be mad at his Swan. Even when she didn't tell him about her visions. There was always a part of him, that understood her.
He wasn't mad at her then anyway. He was mad at her vision. He was angry, that his true love was going to die.
When Killian finished his answer he looked her into the eyes again since he was finally brave enough to do so.
She still seemed happy even though there were tears in her eyes. He didn't know whether it were tears of pain or joy.
Might she be mad about the ring? Maybe I'm going too fast. Maybe I should've waited a while longer.
Emma wasn't mad or sad about the ring though. She was quite happy when she found it. She wants their future together more than anything in the world.
Emma: "Its just you and me. No walls. No secrets."
There were even more tears in Emma's eyes now and she smiled brightly at Killian before placing the ring in his hand.
Emma: "I know I ruined the surprise. But what do you say?"
Killian knows this isn't the right time nor the right place to propose to his princess, but he couldn't help it. There was so much hope and joy in his Swans eyes. He didn't wanna take any of that away from her.
So he went down on one knee and looked up at his true love with a smile.
Killian: "I know this is probably not the best time or the right place to do this, but who cares? We've never really been traditional."
It's true. Emma thinks. We haven't even been on a second date yet and he's already proposing.
The Savior laughs at that thought, which earns her a bright smile from her pirate.
Killian: "I just can't wait any longer. I've honestly known you were the one when we climbed that beanstalk. I just didn't really admit it to myself back then and you weren't the nicest person to me. I mean you did kinda hold a knife to my throats and left me on the beanstalk. But that's probably what true loves about. I remember your father telling me, that your mother hit him with a rock when they met, so I think we're fine.
Emma Swan, you've done what I never thought anyone could do. You changed me back to the person I once was before my brother died. You made me believe in love again and you didn't just let me love you, you also loved me in return. You make me wanna be the best version of myself and I love you for that.
Of course it's not the only reason I love you, but that's probably a story for another day. If I were to tell you all the reasons I love you, we'd never leave this house, which wouldn't be a problem for me since I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but it's Storybrooke, so we'd get interrupted anyway.
So I'll make this quick before Leroy decides to grace us with his grumpy company.
I know, that you face an uncertain future, but there's one thing, that I want you to be certain of. That I will always, always be by your side. So what do you say, Emma Swan? Will you make me the happiest man in the universe and marry me?"
The tears from Emma's eyes have been streaming down her face throughout the whole speech, but Emma couldn't care less. It's easy for her to be vulnerable around Killian. She's never scared in his presence. Except for his life since he isn't that much of a survivor after all.
Emma kneels down in front of Killian to look him in the eyes and puts both her hands on each side of his face.
Emma: "Yes. Killian. Yes."
They both have the biggest smiles on their faces and share a long, passionate kiss. After their kiss Killian slips the ring on her finger and they share another kiss, while heading to their bedroom to celebrate their engagement.