Chapter 25!
Olivia's POV
I sat on the couch with Fin one minute, and the next; I'm choking on my water, wasting the small amount Jack actually gave to us. Then, Jack grabs my wrist and wants me to pay him back for wasting his water. I jerk my hand free of his grasp. "No. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" I try telling him, but he won't listen to me. I try to run, but he catches my ankle and I fall straight on my face. I can feel his hands everywhere, and hear him whispering in my ear.
"Liv." I hear him call me. I try scratching him, but it doesn't seem to hurt him. I can't fight him.
"Leave me alone. Don't do this. I can't do this anymore." I plea one last time. I know he'll eventually get his way.
"Liv, I'm not gonna hurt you." He offers, and I know it's a lie, but I have to give in now before he becomes angrier and gets more violent with me. He will hurt me, just not as bad, if I give in now. I stop fighting, and I allow him to sit me up gently. He is always gentle before he brutally assaults me.
"Do whatever you're gonna do. Get it over with." I tell him, and wait for him to reach for my clothing.
"Liv, it's over. He's not gonna hurt you." I hear Nick say from beside me, and I realize I must have passed out for most of the assault.
I fall into his lap, crying. "When will this be over!?"
"I don't know, but soon. You'll get through." He comforts me.
I look down at my body, and I realize I am still fully dressed. He never lets me wear clothes. 'It never happen. All that never happen. None of it happen. He hasn't even touched me yet. I still have a week of torture left to go.' I think to myself. "No. No. I can't do this. I need out!" I start hyperventilating.
"You are out. Liv, you're safe." I heard Fin's voice tell me, and I looked up at him while I still tried to catch my breath. I could see the concern, and unsureness written on his face.
"I know, I'm sorry Fin. I'm back." I collapsed in his arms, and he comforted me while I cried.
"It's okay. It'll be okay. Shh. You're alright. You're safe now." Fin offered these words of comfort to me while I remained hysterically crying in his arms. I tried to let the words sink in, to let them soothe me, but the constant nightmare my life had become begged me to believe otherwise.
Amanda's POV
The days at work with the new guy were hell. Benson, Amaro, Fin, and myself had all left a lot of cases incomplete when the two went missing. I was trying to make a little progress, but the cases kept on coming. Then, Fin left me with all the work plus a new guy to train. I told him to watch me until he had it down, figuring it would take less time for me to do it, than it would for me to try to explain it until he understood. He asked a lot of questions on the calls we went on, and I tried to explain without wasting too much time, and just enough so he could get by until I got my squad back.
All I wanted was to get away from everything, like everyone else seemed to be doing. I went back to my apartment after talking to Olivia, but there was nothing there for me. So, I got in my car, and I headed to an old spot that was all too familiar to me.
…
The warm liquid slid its way down my throat, and I could feel all the headaches and suffering slide down with it. "Hit me." A Jack. There went half of this month's paycheck, already. I had only been there a few hours, and all I could do was lose. I knew I should have called it a night, and gone home. Then, I'd think about work, and Liv, Nick, and Lewis, Jack, Patton. I ordered another round, and placed another bet.
Nick's POV
It was after our final meal, and I still hadn't been switched to solitary. I wondered if Olivia wasn't able to do anything, how her conversation went. I couldn't imagine them being too eager to help me, knowing I got myself in here. I didn't deserve any privileges that the typical prisoner didn't receive, but I also couldn't stay in this cell. I couldn't. If they came in to my cell again, I would fight back, and provoke them to kill me. If that didn't work, I'd have to get creative, and think of a fool-proof way to do it myself. The last thing I wanted was to resort to that, but I couldn't handle it happening again. I couldn't even look at myself anymore, I couldn't look others in the eye, and my thoughts were constantly being haunted by the worst hours of my life, and I didn't need any more to be added to it.
I heard footsteps down the hall, nearing me, and I hoped they were coming to move me back to solitary. They finally stopped at my cell, and opened it for me. I breathed a huge sigh of relief, and I couldn't get out of there fast enough. They lead me to a different block, where I could sit alone, and not have to worry about the threat again, unless they ever moved me back. I could finally relax, and have the space I needed.
Amanda's POV
I arrived at work that Monday with the worst hangover, and a lot poorer than the last time I had been there. The new guy walked up to me as soon as I sat down. "Woah, what'd you do this weekend?"
"What?"
"You don't look the best." He replied with. I already knew, he didn't need to tell me.
"But I still manage to look better than you. Imagine that."
"Ha ha. Very funny."
"I ain't joking." I said, and I turned my attention to my computer.
A while later, Murphy came out of his office, and told us to go check up with the victim from a couple days ago. Carisi nearly jumped out of the building, he was so anxious to go. Just as I was heading out, Murphy pulled me aside. "Rollins, how was your weekend?"
"Good. I saw Liv, you know, went to a couple meetings." I couldn't have said something any further from the truth.
"You go out for drinks after?"
"If you have something to ask me, just ask."
"Look, I know we're all having a hard time dealing with everything that has been going on, and I just want to make sure you're not going down another one of your holes."
"I'm fine. Okay. You don't need to check up on me."
"Consider it, holding you accountable, and I do think you need someone to do that for you."
"Well, thanks." I said and walked out of the precinct. Was it that obvious? I started to think that maybe he knew, and wasn't telling me. I felt guilty for lying, but I couldn't confess to him that I had fallen, even though he helped me so much last time. I couldn't disappoint him, and I couldn't let him know what he done hadn't mattered. I hoped it was just coincidental timing, and not that he actually knew something. I knew I should've called in sick, but that also would've made them suspicious. It didn't matter what I did, it felt like it would be written all over my face, no matter what.
Fin's POV
I was running out of ways to try to help her. She never wanted to do anything but drink tea and sleep, and sit on the couch, and stare off into the distance. I wanted her to do something for herself, I couldn't stand to watch her give up on everything like she was doing. "Wanna go for a walk?"
"No, you can go by yourself."
"Wanna read a book then?"
"I don't really feel like it."
She never wanted to do anything, but the reason I was given time off work, was to take care of her, and all I ever did was watch her sit on the couch. "Then, let's do some yoga." I shot out there, without realizing what that would mean for me if she agreed.
She gave it half a laugh. "You?"
"Yeah, why not? It can't be that hard." The look she gave me, told me I had no idea.
"I think I'd like to see this." She said, and stood from the couch.
"So, how do you do this?"
"Well, you start off with breathing right." She told me, and I just mirrored whatever she did. I guess she used to take a yoga class, and so she was actually still really good at it. I kept up the best I could, but I didn't mind messing up because, it made her smile or laugh, and I loved seeing that.
We did this one pose where you stand on your hands and feet while you stick your butt in the air. The name of it had something to do with a dog, it looked easy. Then, directly after that, we went to another pose, that was basically the same, but you had to put your butt down, and arch your back, and then go back to the dog pose. It looks easy, but man, I must have fallen at least five times. Then, there was Olivia, mastering it with only one arm. After the fifth time, I gave up. "You know, I think I'll just wait for the next thing."
"No! Fin, you can't quit!"
"You win. I can't keep up with you."
"If you quit, I get to make fun of you for it, for the rest of your life."
"Deal." It was worth it to see the smile spread across her face.
...
The next morning I couldn't move a muscle. I never thought yoga could be such a workout, but I had never been more sore in my life. I was glad she had got through the night without screaming from a nightmare because, I don't know if I would have made it in her room. I walked into the kitchen, and I was met by Olivia looking in my fridge. "Hey, you need help with something?"
"I was just looking for something, you know, it's the first time I haven't felt nauseous to the point of death, and so I thought I should eat a little something."
"Yeah, I'll make you something."
"Thanks."
I wasn't certain, but I was thinking the yoga really was helping her, and helping her to stay calm and relax during this hectic time. I just hoped she would do it on her own, and not make me go through all that pain every day, but I would do it if I had to.
Three days later
Amanda's POV
It was finally the weekend, and Carisi and I, well mostly I, had just wrapped up a tough case involving a child, those always seems to be harder than the rest. I don't know what it was about this particular case, or if it was because I had skipped a couple meetings, but I ended up at the same place as last weekend, making it my new normal hangout. This time, I won a small amount, but I quickly lost it, thinking I was on a lucky streak.
Olivia's POV
Fin and I had just finished our daily yoga session, and I headed back to my room, when I heard a loud BOOM.
Nick fought Jack for the gun, but he still managed to get a shot off. It hit the ceiling.
BOOM.
I felt the pain in my shoulder immediately.
BOOM. BOOM.
I felt the gun ripping through my insides. Nick never opened his eyes. He shoved it in deeper.
BOOM.
It was over. I could feel it tearing through me, and it was only a matter of time before I bled out.
"Liv, you okay?" I looked over at Fin, who rushed in my room once he heard it. Fear was clearly painted in my eyes, and I know he saw it. The tears had already made their way down my face, and I had curled myself into a ball on the bed, codling my arm. "Liv, are you okay?" He repeated as he cautiously approached me.
I slowly started to nod.
BOOM.
I jumped a mile, and the tears increased their flow. Fin was by me in a second, and I grabbed onto him, knowing he would keep me safe. I tried to stay coherent, but each BOOM sent a wave of fear i-
BOOM.
I hid my face in his chest, and he held me, protecting me. "What's going on?" I asked when I was given enough time to breathe in between.
"It's Independence Day."
The day we are supposed to celebrate our freedom. I had no reason to celebrate that. I was trapped in my own mind, and I would never be free of the memories, the images of the worst week of my life. One of my best friends, was in jail, for no good reason. Why do people celebrate our freedom, when not everyone is free?
Nick's POV
BOOM.
I could see blood.
BOOM.
It was so loud, I could see the bullets hitting her. I covered my head with my pillow to hopefully quiet the sound.
BOOM.
I flinched at the sound, and tried to maintain my composure, and not attract the attention of a guard. There was nothing I could do to make it stop, or make it any better. I would have to suffer through it, and fight the flashbacks for another four to five hours. I didn't know if I could handle it, and thought this could be the end for me.
BOOM.
Fin's POV
She had been curled up in my arms for the last half hour, flinching at every boom. A couple times she would start to push me away, and I would offer her comforting words until she calmed down, and realized she was safe. I heard her gasping for air, and I got an idea. "Liv, can you sit up? Liv."
She pulled her tear soaked face from my chest, and looked up at me.
BOOM.
She jumped, nearly slamming her head into the wall, and the tears following, as she continued to look at me, but not feeling any of my comfort.
"Let's try those breathing exercises you were showing me. Yeah? Okay?"
She nodded, and took my hand while looking me in the eye as I did the exercises with her. Breathe in for four seconds. Hold it for four seconds. Out for four seconds. Hold it for four seconds. Repeat.
BOOM.
She flinched a little, but she continued looking in my eyes, and I could tell I didn't lose her for a second. It was working. We continued the breathing exercises for hours to come, and then she un-expectantly stopped. "I need to use the restroom."
"Okay, just keep breathing like you're doing, and I'll be right out here if you need me. You might want to leave the door unlocked, just in case."
"Okay."
BOOM.
She jumped more than she had in the last hour. I was so worried, I had never seen her as bad as she was doing tonight, and I just wished I could silence the world around us. I knew this would be a rough night, but I had no idea how hard it would actually be for her, and how long the fireworks lasted.
BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.
"FIIIIINN!" I heard from the bathroom, and I rushed to the door.
"Liv." I lightly tapped. "Can I come in?"
"FIIIIN!" She yelled again, and I decided to go in. I slowly opened the door to find her huddled on the far side of the restrooms, in the corner of the tub.
"I'm right here." I said softly as I rushed to her side. "Liv, I'm right here. You need to breathe, Liv, you were doing so good."
She looked up at me, and started to catch her breath.
BOOM.
She jumped, and grabbed onto my arm.
BOOM. BOOM.
"Fin!" She jumped at each one.
BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.
"Liv, look at me. Let's breathe like you were doing, okay?"
She nodded, and followed my lead.
BOOM. BOOM.
She was calmer this time. I decided we should move out of the bathroom, and we went back into her bedroom where we continued to breathe.
…
It was a few hours later, and the fireworks started to calm down until, we didn't hear them anymore. "I hope they're over." She whispered. "I'm so tired."
"Get some rest." I said, and stood, but she grabbed my hand.
"Don't leave. I'm so scared." The tears were building up, and the fear was evident in her eyes, and I couldn't leave her like that. I sat beside her in the bed, knowing this would be a rough night, and glad I wouldn't have to run in from my room every hour. It took her two minutes to fall asleep, and luckily there were no more fireworks for the rest of the night, besides the ones in her head.
Happy Independence Day to us.
So, rough night. This chapter was one of my longer ones so, I hope you enjoyed! I just couldn't find a place to stop, so lucky you, you guys got a little extra! Haha. Let me know what you thought.