Saturday December 6.
Two weeks has passed since the day Rick and Carrie had parted ways at the Kingdom, and in the days that followed she was surprised by how quickly life began to feel normal. Days passed and people carried on as though nothing was amiss, and in a way nothing was amiss. Five of their people were absent, but they were safe. There was a roof over their heads, food in their stomach, whatever medical care they needed…that would have to be enough reassurance for those like Carrie who waited at home. Besides, Carrie wasn't the only one who was missing someone. Maggie and Glenn's house was a fraction quieter without Michonne's easygoing companionship, while Tara and Tobin were also missing their significant other. Conscious of this, she tried to keep perspective so that she didn't descend into self pity.
Somehow it became normal…a new kind of normal, anyway. After a couple of restless nights she got used to going to bed alone, to waking during the night and hearing only silence, not the sound of Rick's breathing. His absence at night was quickly filled by Judith, who also seemed to be adjusting to the fact that her dad and brother were no longer around right now. After a couple of nights coming in to find Judith asleep in the main bed, having snuck out of her bedroom to sleep beside Carrie, she stopped putting her back. It was a bad habit to let Judith stay after she crept in, but while it had always been nice cuddling up to her in the mornings, it was even nicer having her there all night. Rick would never have to know, and she wouldn't let this go on forever…just one more night.
Soon other things began to settle too, Carrie starting to get used to the fact that she was just about the only adult who occupied her house. Despite being around and still living there, Daryl was more often than not out hunting, or doing whatever it is he did these days. Nevertheless he was always home in the evenings, lending an extra hand when Carrie was tired or Judith was resisting her bed time…he wasn't around much, but he seemed to turn up when she needed him.
Alexandria had celebrated Thanksgiving last week, she and Maggie having cooked a small dish while Glenn watched the kids, and then the entire community ate together in the church, everyone bringing something. It was far from the smorgasbord of the old days, rations were strict even on the holidays, but it had been nice. As she ate and gave thanks for all they still had, she tried not to dwell on the fact that her first Thanksgiving as a family with Rick was spent apart. Now Christmas was approaching, in nineteen days to be precise.
It was nineteen days until a guaranteed visit from her husband and step son, that had been Rick's promise. They might come sooner, just for a couple of hours when Carl was deemed well enough to leave Mak and Brea's supervision, but there was no guarantee. Christmas on the other hand was a guarantee. It had been his promise, one that she trusted he would do everything he could to uphold…he would do whatever he could to get there and celebrate their first Christmas together. It was nineteen days away…not that she was counting down.
They'd had word from Rick on the previous Monday, their agreed upon schedule for a meeting and update. Carl was thriving in the Kingdom, bolstered not only by the intensive antibiotic therapy and a calorie high meal plan, but also by a genuine enjoyment of his time there. From what she had heard he was having the time of his life at the Kingdom, settling in well and making friends, eagerly taking on various jobs and chores. There was plenty there for him to do, something with which he could occupy his time…he didn't always have that in Alexandria where not a lot happened. He was having fun, eating well - he had gained three pounds in a week, progress that had been almost unheard of in the last five months.
His first surgery had been scheduled for this time last week, the wound debridement that would remove all dying flesh to leave nothing behind but a healthy wound bed, but they'd been forced to delay. A sore throat and a temperature had turned into the flu, an illness that had been spreading around the Kingdom as it tended to do in close quarters. The last they'd heard was that Carl wasn't exactly bedridden, still insisting that he go to work washing dishes in the cafeteria, but that it was enough to deter Mak and Brea from performing his surgery. So it had been delayed, and Carrie knew nothing more than that. He might have had it already by now, but she wasn't to know until the next meet up with Rick on Monday.
Though there had been no end to her community's support, today Carrie had politely declined any offers to take Judith off her hands, preferring instead to spend the day with her going about various tasks. With Rick away a lightbulb seemed to have turned on inside Judith's head, as if she suddenly remembered that Carrie was still relatively new at this whole parenting thing. For the first time ever she had started testing boundaries with her, ignoring what she had been asked to do, breaking long standing rules that she had always happily adhered to. Somehow they had both made it through the last two weeks alive and with their happy relationship in tact, thanks mostly to Barbara who had assured her that some gentle discipline wasn't going to break Judith's heart.
Today things had been better, Judith having awoken on the right side of the bed and started her day well. Hopeful that things stayed that way, Carrie declined offers of taking a short break. They had spent the morning hanging out at home with one another, going about various tasks like sorting out the abundance of baby clothes that were being handed down from Herschel or retrieved on supply runs. As Judith helped in her own way Carrie found her frequently looking at the tiny jumpsuits and diapers, trying to understand why Herschel's clothing were spread out on the floor of their spare bedroom.
"It's for your baby brother or sister," Carrie had explained, trying to gauge Judith's comprehension of this. She hadn't really understood Herschel's impending birth until he was there, but it seemed she was struggling to make the connection that it was going to happen again.
"Herschel's," she stated, clutching his tiny shoes before dumping them at the bedroom door as if they'd return them to him.
"He's giving them to the baby to wear," she explained, keeping her voice light and happy as she pointed to her belly. "Remember? There's a baby in Mommy's belly."
Judith just looked at her, skeptically casting her eyes over her belly. Completely uninterested, she broke out into a cheerful babble of nursery rhymes as she returned to the plastic tub of baby clothes and continued passing them to Carrie one by one. Figuring it might be easier to understand when she could really feel the baby moving, Carrie was content to leave further explanations for now, instead contenting herself as she and Judith worked on sorting out the clothes they would need, sorting through the sizes and choosing what she did and didn't like. There was an absolute abundance, and she had the luxury of choice.
Wanting to leave some of this work for when Rick was home, Carrie only spent an hour or so in the baby's room. Later in the day they ventured outside to check on the gardens, pulling a couple of weeds and admiring what would soon be an abundant winter crop. Elsewhere in the community their livestock numbers had grown, thanks to the generosity of the Kingdom. After meeting up with Rick earlier in the week Daryl had returned home with not only more general food and supplies, but with six pigs for them to start breeding. It seemed an arrangement of some kind was in the works, Alexandria helping to breed livestock while taking a cut. The construction crew were already starting a hasty expansion of the walls that would soon encompass a field in which they would keep two cows, Rosie and Meatloaf would who hopefully also breed.
By early evening the day was winding down, but not for everyone. Making the most of Saturday, Carrie was getting ready for a night out on the town with all of her friends…sort of. Over the last few months Saturday's had turned into girls night, all those who were free heading up to the church to hang out together and have a few drinks, this being one of the more exciting elements of their social lives in the quiet community. Tonight though things were considerably more low key, such to the extent that it had been pretty much called off. Maggie had a tough day with Herschel, while at least a dozen others had come down with sore throats and stuffy noses. Not wanting to risk it, Carrie wasn't willing to set foot into the church to spend time with those who had braved the cold weather to go out and spread their germs. Instead she was joining Lana and Mina for a cosy night on their terrace, having been repeatedly assured of their good health.
Like the week previous, Daryl was taking over the care of Judith, not looking at all put out that Carrie had asked him to spend the evening at home with her. Simply agreeing to it and ensuring that Sasha didn't put him on watch, he came home early from whatever it was he did these days and took over. He would feed her, bathe her, read her to sleep, the whole deal. Though he was perfectly capable of looking after the small child it seemed Judith's mood had taken a turn for the worse as dusk approached, and after being perfectly behaved all day she was putting Daryl through the wringer. While Carrie got ready upstairs, going to the effort of putting on a clean shirt and brushing her hair, she could heard Judith downstairs screaming as though her life depended on it, but by now she knew not to take it to heart. Not only had she learnt to differentiate between the various cries and screams, when she came down to find Judith in her highchair she saw that she was safe and not being mistreated. The problem was that she wasn't getting her own way.
"Ah more!" she wailed dreadfully, her upper body slumped over on the tray of her highchair. When she briefly lifted her head she took no notice of the mashed potato stuck to the side of her face. "Dayhl…more!"
At the kitchen counter Daryl sipped at his beer, unconcerned by the tantrum. "Eat yah carrots, then you can have more."
Glaring at him, Judith drew a deep breath. "Mom!" she cried pitifully, losing her breath before taking another. "M-mom…I need more!"
"Oh Judy Pie," she gently soothed, encouraging her to sit up and then pushing her light brown hair off her face. "You have to eat your carrots first." Noticing she hadn't even gone to the effort of shedding genuine tears, she wiped the mashed potato from her face and used her fingers to scrape the carrots in two easy to manage groups. "Eat your carrots, and then you can have more peas after that."
"No," Judy wailed, shaking her head and looking up at her with those big, pleading eyes. "No more…peas now."
Not giving in, for tonight this tantrum wasn't her problem, she simply kissed Judith on the crown of her head and said goodbye. "Have a good night Daryl."
"Behave yourself, right?" he grunted at her. "Don't lemme find you in some episode o' Girls Gone Wild."
She laughed as she slipped her gun into her leg holster. "I'll keep my top on," she assured him. "Good night."
Stepping outside into the cool night she closed the door behind herself, thankfully drowning out the sound of Judith who was making a renewed effort towards her tantrum. Unconcerned to leave her in such a state, for Daryl knew how to handle her even if he was secretly as soft as her, Carrie pulled her coat further up her shoulders and set off through the darkness, glad she had remembered to bring her flashlight. She had stumbled the other night when she was walking home from Rosita's house, and though nothing had come of it she'd briefly been confronted with the horrible sensation of a fall. It seemed silly to be afraid of it, for she wasn't clumsy by nature…but what if she tumbled forward and couldn't break her fall with her hands?
Trying to shake the dark worry, for so many fears confronted her these days, she concentrated on where she was going and safely made her way through the streets of Alexandria. Night had come quickly this evening, and the only light visible was that which shone through the occasional gap in someone's drapes, the soft glow of solar powered garden lights near the lake's edge. In one short minute she had arrived at her destination, climbing the front steps with care and then knocking on the front door of Lana's townhouse.
"I brought cookies," she announced when Lana opened the door. Halfway through a greeting of her own Lana stopped short and looked at her suspiciously, and instantly Carrie knew what the issue was. "Yes, I cooked them myself, but they're fine."
Lana seemed to disagree, but she stepped back and allowed Carrie in regardless. "Mina's chipped tooth says otherwise.
"She didn't chip her tooth on my cookie, she chipped it on a mug," she argued playfully, knowing the teasing was mostly just jest.
"According to you," Lana muttered, quickly closing the door before collecting her own coat from the rack. "Good timing by the way, hot chocolate's ready. You carry your jaw breakers, I'll bring the drinks."
Looking into the living room for a moment, Carrie said hello to Vetor and Mitchell who were watching television, and then she made her way upstairs as Lana followed. "Mina's not joining us?" she asked, having noticed the tray only had two mugs of hot chocolate.
"No, she's being a little bitch today."
Used to the sometimes unkind way Lana talked, Carrie didn't question her choice of words. "Is everything okay between you two?"
"Yeah, it's fine," she assured her. "She's just being a bitch, that's all. I didn't even disinvite her, she did that all on her own."
Carrie resisted the inclination to ask anymore, knowing that sometimes it was better not to get Lana onto a tirade when she was unhappy with someone. "So just you and me, huh? That'll be nice," she mused as she reached the first floor and then headed for the second staircase. "We haven't caught up one on one for ages."
"Yeah, doing the shipping container inventory together wasn't exactly fun."
Agreeing with that, Carrie made her way up to the second floor and then stepped out onto the upper terrace, grateful that the air was still tonight. She held the door open and let Lana through, and in no time at all they settled down onto the couch and put their feet up on the coffee table. Kept warm by their coats, a comfortable silence fell as they spent a moment basking in the night sky, admiring the infinite beauty of the stars. These days the opportunity to admire such things came far more frequently, but she always took a moment to stop and admire it.
"Thanks," Carrie said when Lana passed her a mug of hot chocolate. "How was your day?"
Lana shrugged, taking her own mug and then settling back into the couch. Cold, she brought her legs up onto the seat and raised her mug to her lips. "The usual. Vetor and I have been getting ready for the run tomorrow, that's about it."
"You're only going out for the day, right?" she asked in concern, knowing that Glenn intended to join them. "Not overnight?"
"Just the day." She took a sip of her hot chocolate and then quickly sat up and reached towards her. "Whoops…I think you got mine there."
"Is yours better?" she asked suspiciously, playfully leaning back and protecting her mug.
"If by better, you mean spiked with peppermint schnapps, then yes."
Carrie sighed and looked into the mug, now for the first time noticing the sickly sweet smell of the schnapps. Trying not to think about how she'd miss drinking egg nog this year, she reluctantly swapped mugs and took the one intended for her. As if they'd been friends for years they settled into easy conversation and talked at length, comfortable with one another despite their many differences.
"So, two whole weeks without your hubby," Lana soon changed the subject, sounding as though she had been impatient to find a natural transition to it. "Have your rubbed yourself raw yet? Flicked the bean, so to speak?"
Carrie laughed, never failing to be both horrified and amused by Lana's explicit talk about sex. "Once or twice," she admitted with a grin. "I miss him."
"I bet he misses you too. How much do you reckon he's been jerkin' off?"
"Probably not as much as you think," she replied, having already given this subject some thought during the lonely hours she lay awake without a bedfellow. "He tends to do that in the shower, and they're pretty strict on the two minutes thing."
Lana scoffed. "A guy doesn't need a shower to rub one out, especially if he's hard up for it. All he really needs is his hand…or someone else's."
"Lana," she admonished her, not liking the latter part of what she had said.
"It's going to be weeks before he comes home. You don't think he's looking for another hand? You guys didn't…come to an arrangement?"
Carrie shook her head in exasperation. "No, we didn't come to an arrangement."
"You should give yourself an early Christmas present while you wait for him," she suggested now. "The Pantry has a secret stash of Bobs. You know…Bobs."
"You're suggesting I gift myself a battery operated boyfriend?"
"Yeah!" Lana teased, nudging her knee. "Go on, it would do you good."
Carrie bit the inside of her cheek, trying not to smile too much. "What makes you think I don't already have one?"
Simply rolling her eyes Lana sipped at her drink, but she frowned the longer she looked at Carrie. "What? You with a…no."
"I'm a newlywed and my husband has been gone for two weeks."
Lana gasped, her face lighting up in shocked amusement. "Wow!" she laughed. "Fark, I'm impressed. What one did you get?"
Carrie laughed too, but in horror. "I'm not telling you! I'd never be able to use it again."
"Does Rick know you've got it?" she asked eagerly, sitting up on the couch and turning to face her properly. "Will you show it to him, or would he get all weird and threatened by it?"
"It's tiny and not the least bit threatening."
"Just because it's not bigger than him, doesn't mean it's not threatening. A decent Bob can get you off in minutes, but him? Come on, have you ever had to fake it with your Bob?"
Carrie opted not to answer the latter. "I got it after he went to the Kingdom. I'll show it to him if he's lucky."
Lana grinned in amusement, pressing Carrie for more details until eventually giving up. Still laughing to herself, and perhaps wondering if she'd really be brave enough to show Rick how she had passed the time in his absence, she sipped at her delicious hot chocolate, disappointed that she was nearly finished. Inside her she could feel the baby moving, a little pressure growing in her lower right abdomen before it eased a moment later. She wondered if it was reacting to the sugary drink, or if it was just making its presence known now that she had been sitting still for a little while.
"Is Rick into any weird shit?" Lana asked, pestering her when she shook her head. "Come on, he's such an uptight g-"
"He's not uptight!" Carrie protested, surprised that she thought that of him.
"No, I mean…he's such a good guy, like old fashioned isn't he? He must be into some weird shit, all the nice guys are."
Carrie just laughed, unable to believe this was the subject they had turned to. "Honestly Lana, where do you get all these misconceptions about men and sex? Not all nice guys are into…unusual things."
"So he's not into anything weird?" she asked in disappointment. "Not granny trannies, or making you shoot ping pong balls out of your-"
Giving a quick gasp Carrie brought her hand to her belly, her eyes widening as she leant forward and put her mug on the coffee table. "I think I just felt a kick," she smiled, looking up in delight.
Lana looked at her wide eyed. "T-the baby?"
She nodded. "Do you want to feel it?"
In an instant Lana's pushy enquiries about Rick's sexual tastes vanished, and she hastened to set aside her mug and come closer. Carrie lifted her jacket and shirt before directing Lana where to put her hands, but when she saw the excitement in her eyes she started to feel like a horrible friend. She had been lying when she said she felt the baby kicking, but she had wanted a quick and easy way to change the subject, and the baby usually served that purpose. There was a long silence as Lana waited, her excitement slowly beginning to wane.
"I'm sorry," she said, feeling even more bad now that Lana was disappointed. "Must have just been stretching out."
"It's cool," she shrugged, playing down her disappointment. Taking a long drink of her hot cocoa she settled back into her seat again, but now the comfortable sense of companionship seemed to have faded.
"Everything okay?" Carrie asked, noticing that she appeared to be in deep thought. "You look worried about something."
Shaking her head Lana smiled, but it very quickly became clear that something was bothering her. When she saw that Carrie was on to her she gave an answer. "Vetor's been talking about going to the Kingdom for a couple of weeks. You know, to check it out…make sure our people are okay."
Though she didn't dare say it, Carrie knew that Rick would never allow that. Aside from a general dislike of the man, he had very little faith in his integrity. Rick knew of Vetor's original plan to gain Alexandria's trust before stealing from them, and he would never risk that happening at the Kingdom. The relationship between the two groups was critical for them, for Carl's health, for the safe delivery of her baby, for Alexandria's future…he wouldn't risk that going up in smoke just for Vetor.
"If you're worried about missing him, you could go with him," she suggested, though she knew Rick wouldn't support that either.
Lana shrugged, not looking satisfied with that. "No. I don't want him there at all."
"Why not?" she enquired. She held her breath, for Lana was unaware of how much Rick knew about what Vetor planned, let alone that he had shared this with her.
"Seriously?" Lana questioned before laughing self-consciously. "I don't need the extra competition."
Carrie frowned, having not expected that. "Competition, from other women?"
"Well, he's not in to guys, so yeah. Other women."
"Lana, you shouldn't think like that," Carrie started, even though she had no basis to say so. It was common knowledge that Vetor and Lana were not exclusive, and that she was unhappy about it.
Lana just shrugged dismissively, looking as though she regretted bringing it up. She turned her body away just a fraction, no longer facing Carrie like she had been before. For a few minutes she thoughtfully looked up at the night sky, dwelling on Vetor while Carrie allowed her the silence.
"I don't know how you let Rick stay there," she finally said, her tone becoming judgmental. "Him and Michonne alone together, practically living in each other's pockets. I wouldn't let that shit fly."
Carrie chose her words carefully, knowing that Lana was just trying to project her own fears onto someone else. "Rick and Michonne aren't like that with each other."
"You think they don't have chemistry?" Lana said bluntly, trying to stir the pot. "They have chemistry together, I've seen it. They'd be good together."
"Of course they have chemistry. But that doesn't mean they can't be trusted, that Rick can't be friends with women."
"You didn't want him being friends with me," Lana reminded her, giving her a smug look. "Remember the party?"
Carrie held her tongue for a moment. "That was different, I-"
"How was it different? You didn't trust him with me, you-"
"I did trust him."
"Yeah right. You swooped in and-"
"Lana," she cut her off impatiently. "I didn't stop you flirting with him because I don't trust him. It was me…I was jealous. It was my issue."
There was an awkward pause, Lana appearing to realise she was about to overstep the line of their friendship. Nevertheless, she didn't have the tact to change the subject. "I know you were jealous, you told me ages ago."
"Then why are you bringing it up?"
Lana shrugged, that apparently being her answer to many things that night. "So you're not threatened by Michonne?"
"No, I'm not. Michonne has no interest in him, and he has no interest in being unfaithful."
"But how do you know?" she implored. "They could be doing anything, and you'd never know. They could be fucking right now. He could have her bent over a desk playing teacher."
Carrie took a deep breath. She didn't want to flaunt a happy relationship in front of someone struggling with theirs, but she would defend her husband's integrity without question. "I just know."
There was a brief pause, but still Lana wasn't done. "Did you think that about your first husband too?"
At this Carrie sighed, regretting that she had ever let her guard down and told Lana about what happened with Logan. That was girl talk for someone like Rosita or Maggie, someone she trusted not to throw it back in her face…she ought to have known not to share that with Lana.
"I do not want to talk about Logan," she said calmly, keeping her tone even. "And I'm not going to keep defending Rick to you. Can we change the subject, or do I need to go home?"
Getting the hint Lana made an apology, and despite her tenacity for stirring up shit and not knowing when to stop, her apology seemed genuine. Though they tried to brush it off, there was definitely a feeling of discomfort between the two of them, though Carrie kept trying to remember how unhappy Lana was, how insecure she must feel. She knew first hand how devastating it was to know that you someone you loved was being unfaithful, that they were betraying you. Logan had cheated on her twice, that she knew about anyway. Both times had been crushing for her, even though a part of her had always suspected that it was in his nature to be deceptive, to be unfaithful. The fact that they had been together almost a month before he broke up with his previous girlfriend should have been warning enough for her.
Despite understanding where she was coming from, Carrie did occasionally wonder if it was such a good idea that she and Lana be friends. Lana had this uncanny knack of making her worry about things that she normally wouldn't. Like, would Rick find her attractive after the baby was born? Would he look upon her stretch marks and soft belly with disgust? And now, was he going to cheat on her with Michonne? It didn't matter that she didn't harbour a genuine fear of this, it didn't matter that she trusted his fidelity to her without question…thanks to Lana she was actively thinking about it now, picturing it in her mind. Paranoid. Sometimes she thought it might be better if she and Lana weren't friends at all, if they still hated each other like they used to. She was an odd friend, definitely the opposite of those like Tara or Rosita.
"Should we have another?" Lana suggested, gesturing to their empty mugs. "We might need it to soften the cookies."
Knowing she was just teasing, for the cookies were delicious if she didn't say so herself, Carrie nodded. "Another one sounds amazing," she sighed, craving the sugar tonight. At the same time she breathed a mental sigh too, for it was a relief that the awkward silence was broken now.
"Allow me," Lana grinned, taking a handheld radio from her belt. She smirked as she raised it to her mouth and held down the button. "Vetor, do you copy? We need more hot chocolate up here. Over."
Carrie smiled, wondering if Vetor would wait on them hand and foot. Though Rick tried to keep his fussing minimal, he seemed generally happy to wait on her hand and foot these days. How long would that last after the baby was born? How soon until she had to get off the couch to make her own damn snack?
"Vetor," Lana said again, her smirk never wavering. "Come on, you owe me. Over."
There was a long silence before eventually he answered, sounding rather put out. "Get it yourself," he said curtly, his tone not even softened by his lovely accent. "I am not your slave."
Despite his refusal Lana smiled and then set the radio down onto the coffee table. "He'll bring it," she assured her without concern. "He owes me, and he knows it."
Trusting her, for Rick too enjoyed the pretence of refusal when she asked him to wait on her, Carrie dared to hope for something extra. "Do you think he'll bring marshmallows?"
Lana hastily reached for the radio again. "Carrie wants marshmallows, and I'll need some peppermint schnapps in mine. At least a fifty-fifty ratio. Over." Seeing the look she was getting from Carrie, Lana rolled her eyes. "Please."
"You'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."
Lana laughed shortly as she set the radio down and helped herself to a cookie, making sure to pass one to Carrie too. "Sometimes I think he is a fly…"
"And other times?"
She shrugged yet again, her go-to response tonight. The awkward silence almost resumed again, their discussion of hot chocolate being far too brief to really get them going again. Not for the first time she wished that there was a least one other person with them, that Tara and Rosita weren't both so sick they had to be quarantined at home. Maybe she shouldn't have so eagerly accepted the second hot cocoa, though if she really wanted to get out of there she could just fake sick. Being pregnant meant she was carrying a ready made excuse to get out of just about anything, and according to Maggie and Glenn it worked perfectly after the birth too. Thankfully Vetor didn't take too long with their hot drinks, and a few short minutes later they heard his footsteps on the stairs behind them, his silhouette appearing on the walls. For all their faults Lana knew him well, and had known he would come through for them despite his refusal.
"Thank you," Lana said sweetly, practically fluttering her eye lashes at him. She seemed to laugh at herself after that, to which Vetor just shook his head in exasperation.
He passed Carrie her drink first, brushing aside her words of gratitude. "Only because you said please," he said sternly, setting a tray down onto the coffee table.
"Carrie made me say that," Lana giggled, eagerly reaching for her drink.
"Ah, well in that case," he playfully scolded her. Taking a step back so that she couldn't reach him he took a large sip of her drink, though his stern glare faded into a twist of disgust at the taste. "Eugh…no," he cringed as he swiftly passed it to her.
"How come Carrie gets three marshmallows and I only get one?" Lana pouted. Carrie giggled, unable not to be amused by Lana's cheery and affectionate demeanour. She must have had a couple of drinks before her arrival that evening, for she normally tolerated liquor a little better.
"Because you take care of pregnant ladies, else they complain," he explained. As if to support his statement he picked up the plate of cookies and offered the last one to Carrie, which she gladly accepted. He smiled at her before collecting the empty plate and mugs onto the tray, but as he started to leave he slowed and looked at them critically. "I'll get you ladies a blanket. You'll catch your death out here."
"Thank you, Sexy Legs!" Lana loudly crooned as he left, her voice ringing out across Alexandria.
Carrie had never thought highly of Vetor, having agreed with Rick's perception that Lana would be better off without him, but he seemed to be friendly enough when it suited him. "He's very sweet," she commented. Cute too. She was allowed to notice.
"Mmmm," Lana nodded in agreement, taking a long sip of her hot chocolate. "He is…his hair is so dreamy." She trailed off into a shameless giggle. "You just like him because he gave you extra marshmallows."
"Well, I am growing a human being here," she reminded her. "What's the last thing you grew?"
"My tits, probably. Not a spine, that's for sure."
Carrie grinned, looking down at herself before readjusting the uncomfortable bra she wore. "On the supply run tomorrow, could you look for some new bras for me?"
Lana nodded, and without shame she pulled back Carrie's coat and took a look at her chest. "Can't contain 'em, huh? What size do you want?"
"Nothing smaller than a C cup. And no underwire either, please. That's just a cruel joke these days."
"They're looking spectacular, I'll give you that. Oh," Lana moaned dramatically. "I bet Rick just wants to stick his face between them…God, even I want to!"
When she realised what Lana had said she burst into horrified laughter, feeling her entire body quaking in amusement. Her laughter was infectious, and soon they were both doubled over, unable to stop. Lana was pulling back the front of her own shirt and looking down at her cleavage, reaching over to do the same to Carrie's until her hand was batted away.
"I love hanging out with Princess Drinksalot," she laughed when she managed to draw enough breath.
Lana was taking some deep breaths, still trying to contain herself. "All the boys love Princess Drinksalot!" she cheered loudly, trailing off into a fit of giggles. There were tears of laughter in her eyes when she turned back to Carrie, and she was still laughing as she wiped them with the sleeve of her coat. "Spencer always has wine in the fridge when I come over. The good stuff too…not your average goon sack."
"Are you still seeing him?" she asked curiously, her laughter sobering now. Conscious that Vetor could return at any minute she made a point of keeping her voice low.
Lana shook her head, giving an uncharacteristically shy smile. "Sort of…Not really."
"It wasn't anything serious?"
"Fuck no," Lana laughed. "He's a good lay, but that's about all. Have you ever tried holding a conversation with Spencer? Don't bother. He's not that interesting." Laughing again, Lana took a long drink from her mug and sank back into the couch, and when she continued she made no effort to keep her voice down. "Spencer gave me a good time, if you know what I mean. But you're right," she admitted, giving Carrie a knowing smile. "Sleeping with him was never going to make Vetor fall into my arms."
Glad to hear this, Carrie let out a slow breath. "I'm glad you can see that now. Are thi-"
"I mean what the fuck was I thinking?" she questioned to herself, looking up at the night sky and asking it too. "Vetor was never going to think Spencer was a threat. I bombed out there, but I've upped my game."
Carrie bit her tongue, not knowing what to say to this. She ought to put a stop to the conversation, Lana's escalating behaviour and loose tongue telling her it was time to call it a night, but she had to ask one more question. "What do you mean you've upped your game?"
Lana looked at her as if the answer was obvious. She grinned now, giggling under her breath as she slurped the melted marshmallow into her mouth. "I upped my game," she said simply. "I fucked someone who was more on Vetor's level…someone he'd see as a threat."
Carrie took a deep breath, concerned about what Lana was doing. "You know how I feel about sex these days," she began gently, not wanting to come across as judgemental. "Consenting adults should have as much sex as they can get. But sleeping around to make Vetor jealous is not going to make him want to be with you."
Looking completely unconcerned, Lana just finished the rest of her hot chocolate with one gulp. When she lowered her mug and licked her lips she seemed satisfied. "I know what I'm doing…I got the right one this time."
"Lana," she started to say, but she trailed off when she heard footsteps on the staircase. Vetor was bringing them a blanket, concerned about their comfort while they sat on a roof terrace in early December. But while she fell silent Lana did not, and the smug expression on her face told Carrie that she saw the opportunity. Hell, maybe she had planned for this. As the door opened and Vetor's shadow was cast over them, Lana spoke.
"I fucked Daryl."
As this declaration hit home Carrie physically jolted, so taken aback that she simply gaped at Lana. There was no mistaking what she had said. I fucked Daryl. Speechless, Carrie sat there and endured the awkward silence, relieved when Vetor finally came forward and did something. He put the blanket across the back of the couch and tried to leave, but Lana wasn't done yet.
"He didn't quite know what the hell was going on the first time," she laughed, looking at Carrie as she went through the motions of spreading out the blanket. "But he caught on pretty quick. He knew what to do with me."
Carrie knew not to say anything, and she sat there seething and looking at her lap. All three of them were painfully aware of what had just transpired and why, that Lana had done that intentionally. The heavy silence was drawn out for longer than any of them would have liked, Carrie feeling the way her heart pounded inside of her chest. She thought about Daryl, horrified that it was him Lana had now drawn into her sick game…he knew what was going on between Lana and Vetor, he had to know that he could be getting himself into a shit fight.
Finally there came the sound of shuffling feet, Vetor crossing the small terrace in silence. He left without a word, and when she heard the door closing she breathed out slowly, setting her half finished hot chocolate onto the coffee table. Nevertheless she didn't relax, and instead made a point of turning away from Lana. The heavy silence continued as she looked down at her lap, watching the way her fingers turned pink as she clenched them in her lap.
"You did that on purpose, didn't you?" she quietly asked, holding her anger at bay for now.
It took a moment before Lana replied lowly. "There's no point in fucking him if Vetor doesn't know."
"So is it true?" she demanded, looking up at her now. "You had sex with Daryl?"
Lana looked at her incredulously, and then she seemed to square her shoulders for a fight. "What? Do you think Daryl's not good enough for me?" she challenged.
"No. I think you're not good enough for him," she replied bluntly, not caring if she sounded cruel. She looked away and took a deep breath, holding it and then releasing the air slowly. "Don't drag him into your mind games with Vetor. Don't get him involved."
To her immense surprise Lana actually seemed hurt now, a flash of vulnerability appearing in her features before she quickly fired back, defending herself. "That's a bit rich," she spluttered defensively. "You just said people should get as much sex as they can."
"Not you and Daryl."
"Why the fuck not?"
"Just leave him out of this," she shouted at her, not caring who heard them. She got to her feet and took a few steps away, pacing a little as she tried to keep her temper in check. Lana could be reasoned with…surely she could be reasoned with. "You're playing games Lana, and you could get more than yourself hurt."
It seemed to fall on deaf ears, for Lana just gave a heavy sigh and stretched her legs out on the couch, setting her feet onto the spot Carrie had just vacated. "Daryl's a big boy. He's not going to get his heart broken."
Carrie grit her teeth, wishing she knew how to make her understand. She wasn't concerned about Daryl's heart, doubtful that sleeping with Lana necessarily required an emotional connection for him…but he was going to get caught in her twisted scheme to make Vetor jealous. This could go so horribly wrong, and while she'd been less concerned by her sleeping with Spencer, Daryl on the other hand was different. He was her family…that made it different.
"This is the only time I'm going to tell you this," she said quietly, coming a little closer and holding her gaze. "You are to leave my family out of your mess. Do you understand? Stay away from them."
Lana nodded without hesitation. "Alright. I understand."
It was clear she didn't, that she was just placating her. "Seriously, Lana," she sighed, trying to empathise. "What are you thinking? You going to go after Glenn next? Abraham?"
"Already tried Abe," she said with an uncaring shrug. "Struck out."
"Y-you…" she started before trailing off incredulously. She swore under her breath, unable to believe she hadn't seen this coming, that she hadn't seen any of it coming. For weeks now she had known what Lana was doing in her attempt to make Vetor commit to her, that she was Spencer to make him jealous. Why hadn't she realised that eventually she would move on from Spencer, find someone more incendiary like Abraham or Daryl? "Abraham and Rosita have been together almost two years now. Why would you even bother with him?"
"I've heard great things about that magical dick, why wouldn't I want to try it out?" she protested. "I'm a free woman."
"Well Abraham's not a free man. Leave him alone."
"Don't worry your pretty little head," Lana said condescendingly. "He wasn't interested in me."
"Yeah, funny that."
Lana quirked an eyebrow, looking rather smug with herself. "Please…his dick wasn't interested in me, but it sure isn't interested in Rosita either. There's another woman."
Her hand on the door knob, Carrie gave a heavy sigh. "Stop it, Lana," she pleaded, at her wits end already.
"Seriously, I give it a month and he's leaving her for someone else."
"Stop it!" she shouted again, losing her temper. "Stop stirring up shit with other people because you're unhappy. Leave Daryl alone, I mean it."
To her incredulity, Lana laughed in her face. She sat up straighter and faced Carrie over the back of the couch, staring her down. "Leave Daryl alone, or what?"
Carrie paused, considering this question. In that moment she felt a change coming over her, a sense of righteousness and determination she didn't often feel. Lana was pulling a member of her family into a web of drama, and she couldn't let it happen. "You're a shit magnet, Lana. You're creating drama, and someone is going to get hurt." Releasing the door handle she walked back across the terrace and stood over her, and it didn't take much to show that she was serious. She looked down and held her gaze, refusing to blink. "I will not let that person be Daryl."
Slowly Lana realised the seriousness of what Carrie was saying, her features falling incrementally as she looked up at her in surprise, regretting what she had said. She seemed hurt now, upset that this was how things was turning out.
"Are you threatening me?" Lana quietly asked, her voice one of disbelief and shock.
Having Lana's rapt attention, there was no need to raise her voice. "You're fucking right I am."
Lana warily looked up at her, unable to believe how quickly this had escalated out of her control, how seamlessly Carrie had gone from being her friend to threatening her. "Carrie, I…I'm sorry."
Only half believing her, Carrie turned away and began to leave, but she stopped in the threshold and looked back at her. "It's easy to forget that you're only twenty three," she said gently, trying to cut her some slack. "You've still got some growing up to do…just don't alienate the people who you're going to need."
Without another word she departed, closing the door behind her before slowly descending the stairs. She couldn't yet breathe a sigh of relief, for this was't the type of argument that could be fought and then forgotten about. This one was going to have repercussions beyond her control. Barely had she reached the second staircase when she heard the door upstairs open and close, the sound of heavy footsteps telling her that Lana was now in hot pursuit. Nevertheless Carrie continued on, her hand skimming the railing as she made her way downstairs to the first floor, wanting only to go home. But Lana was having none of it, and before Carrie could even reach the door she shoved past her and stepped in the way. There was a moment of tension now, Carrie waiting expectantly for her to say her piece…but she didn't. Instead she simply stood there, staring at her as she tried to summon words.
"I'm leaving," she said impatiently, keeping her tone calm. "Get out of my way. Now."
Her upper lip curling into a snarl, Lana took a step closer, trying to intimidate her. "You're telling me to grow up?" she questioned, her voice becoming a high pitched snarl when she continued. "Who the fuck do you think you are, bitch?"
Even as Lana came right up to her, repeating her question and screaming in her face, Carrie stood her ground. She wasn't afraid of her, particularly given her behaviour had drawn attention from Vetor and Mitchell. They had been sitting in the living room adjacent to the front hall, and from the corner of her eye Carrie saw them getting to their feet, looking at them cautiously.
"Stop now, before you make it worse," she said quietly, imploring her to see reason.
Lana had already escalated to the point of hysteria, her eyes wide and accusing, her hands clenched into fists. "Don't tell me what to do!" she screamed at her, the volume echoing in the small entrance hall. "I don't need you! You're nothing to me, you-"
"Lana, stop!"
"What the fuck have you ever done?" she demanded, ignoring Vetor who was also imploring her to stop. "You got yourself knocked up by the first man willing to touch you, so he'd have to take care of you," she snarled. "But while you're playing house with your perfect fucking family and your perfect fucking life, you're judging me?"
Carrie jolted when she heard the sound of a loud bang, certain she had even felt it within her body, and she found herself shaking as she looked at Vetor. He had slammed his fist down on a hall table, infuriated and pushed to the brink by what Lana had done.
"Stop this!" he roared, jabbing a finger in her direction. "Won't you hear me for once? Stop this!"
The silence was startling now, the stillness of the scene such a stark contrast to the raging emotions that dominated a split second ago. Her heart pounding in her throat, Carrie stood stock still and looked at Lana, and despite everything that had just transpired she felt a surge of pity for her. She was looking at Vetor in desperation, her eyes brimming with tears that Carrie hadn't seen since the day she thought he was dead. They spilled down her cheeks now, her lower lips trembling as she struggled to speak.
"When is it going to be enough?" she managed to ask. A poorly stifled sob slipped from her throat before she continued. "What else do I have to do? Just tell me…"
"Don't start this now," he warned her. He said something else in Portuguese, his tone softening as he stepped closer to Lana, trying to calm her.
Lana replied in equally fluent Portuguese, more tears spilling from her eyes. She stopped and then drew in a great shuddering breath, trying and failing to collect herself. "You don't know what I've done," she moaned, turning back to Carrie and looking her in the eye. "You don't know what I've had to do for him. For all these ungrateful shit stains!" she suddenly screamed, her voice catching in the back of her throat. "You don't know any of it!"
Carrie thought long and hard before speaking, for although she knew what she wanted to say, it wasn't something she felt she could ever trust Lana with. She wanted to stand her ground, to tell Lan that she did know what it was to do things you regret in order to help your people, but she couldn't. The story of what had happened to her before Rick's group was too much to even talk to Rick about, it had been hard enough talking to Denise about it. She would never be able to trust Lana with that information.
A part of her wanted to stay there, to offer comfort and support for everything she was going through, but tonight she needed to think about her own family first. "I'm going home," she said lowly, looking Lana in the eye. "Let me past."
To her relief Lana did so without any further argument, simply looking down at the ground as she stepped aside. When she left she rejected Mitchell's offer to walk her home, taking her flashlight from where she had left it at the front door and then stepping out into the cool night. As she walked home she didn't allow herself to look back, taking a couple of deep breaths to calm herself. She felt angrier than upset, and it was a relief to know that she wasn't going to dissolve into tears like occasionally happened these days. Each of her heavy footsteps on the pavement was a relief, like the magnitude of what was happening was being extracted from her like venom from a bite.
Her only stop on the way home was at Rosita and Abraham's house where she loudly knocked on the front door. Inside she could hear the television playing, and it was a few moments before Abraham opened the door.
"Welcome to the House of Horrors. Phlegm and snot are our specialities tonight," he said, this being his greeting to her. "Sasha and 'Sita both have it, and they're a terrifying sight."
He stepped back to allow her inside, but she shook her head. "You need to check on Lana. Make sure she's okay."
Without another word she turned on her heel and crossed the porch, resuming her short journey home to the other side of Alexandria. There was no need for her to clarify what her request really meant, that it wasn't necessary for Abraham to go over there and knock on the front door. He was the one who spent time monitoring the surveillance bugs planted inside Lana's home, going to that point of surveillance would be his first step. Reassured that if the fight between Lana and Vetor escalated that someone would be aware, Carrie extended her journey home by a few minutes, grateful that it didn't take her too long to settle down again. All she wanted to do right now was sink down into her bed and read a book, maybe finish watching The Notebook and have a good cry…these days things always felt better after a good cry.
When she opened the front door and stepped inside the revelled in the feeling of coming home, how good it felt to return to her sanctuary. Hearing the sound of the Teletubbies on the television Carrie just smiled to herself as she removed her coat and hung it by the door, removing her gun holster and securing it into the safe where it was stored. The house was clean when she looked around, the kitchen tidy and Judith's high chair wiped down and folded away in the corner. The books and toys were all picked up, not a thing was out of place except the young toddler who sat on the couch, curled up against Daryl's side.
"We're just watching this last one," he said sheepishly, unable to hide the fact he had allowed Judith to stay up past her bed time. "It's nearly over."
"Ah huh," she teased, trudging into the living room and slumping down beside him. She looked over at Judith, glad to note that she was sucking her thumb and her eyelids were drooping. "She knows how to work you."
"Nuh," he shook his head in denial. "She ate all her carrots, just like I told her."
It was tempting to tease a little more, but Carrie held her tongue and turned to the television, waiting for the episode to finish. From the corner of her eye she watched Daryl, still taken aback by the revelation that he and Lana had slept together. It had come as a shock to her, for until Carol took up with Tobin she had always thought she and Daryl had been slowly working up to something. Even since then she honestly hadn't given much thought to Daryl's private life, though it was naive to presume he didn't have one. Most days he was out doing his own thing, and had recently only made a particular effort to be home more often because Rick and Carl weren't around. How long had things been going on with Lana? Who had initiated it? What was their arrangement? Did he care for her? Did he love her?
"Everythin' alright?" he asked when the episode finished, passing Judith over to her. "Girl's night out you normally ain't home 'till after nine."
Carrie smiled and nodded to reassure him. As she got to her feet she settled Judith against her shoulder, glad when she snuggled into her neck and closed her eyes. "Everything was fine," she lied. Daryl's private life was none of her business…concerned or not, she had no right to intrude. "Lana just wanted an early night before the supply run tomorrow. I think I might have one too."
Satisfied with her answer, Daryl just nodded and then turned the television off. "About the run t'morrow," he started, catching her as she headed for the stairs. "Imma go with 'em."
"On the supply run?" she frowned. She had thought there was an unspoken understanding, that even though she didn't necessarily need him around to cope with Judith alone, he had been sticking around for that reason.
"Tara and Rosita are both out sick," he explained, not sounding overly concerned about the change of plans. "And Glenn's goin'…shouldn't be just him trying to manage Spencer, yah know."
It was with reluctance that Carrie agreed. Tomorrow would only be Spencer's third supply run, and with Rosita and Tara both out she knew that Glenn would want to be sticking close to him, helping him. That in itself made Glenn more vulnerable, putting his own life at greater risk so that he could teach someone. Having Daryl accompanying him was the right thing to do, for even though they didn't like to say it out loud, Glenn's life was more important than Spencer's. Glenn had a wife and a baby waiting for him at home, a baby who deserved to grow up knowing his father.
"I understand," Carrie said softly. With a heavy heart she returned to Daryl's side and kissed him on the cheek, a familial gesture that he tolerated from only a few. "Thanks for watching Judy tonight."
Leaving things at that, Carrie went upstairs and gently laid Judith down into her bed. Making sure that her bedroom was warm and cosy, she slipped some socks onto her feet to keep them warm and then tucked her in, hoping that she would sleep through the night undisturbed. She was fast asleep when Carrie kissed her forehead and then slipped out of the room, leaving the door slightly ajar and then double checking the safety guard at the mouth of the stairs, something she checked meticulously every night.
Glad that the evening was over, she went to her bedroom and slipped into a loose shirt that counted as pyjama's, trying to ignore how large and expansive the king size bed looked without Rick there to fill half of it. Beginning to feel rather down in the dumps she went about her nightly routine, washing her face and then brushing her teeth. Forlornly she looked at the empty toothbrush holder, embarrassed to think that she missed seeing Rick's toothbrush there. When she put hers back it looked very lonely, and though it felt silly she removed it again. This time she set it onto the edge of the sink, the place where Rick tended to leave his when he was too lazy or rushed. Normally it drove her crazy, but tonight it warmed her heart to see a toothbrush there, and she looked at it affectionately while rubbing lotion into the swell of her belly. Rick sometimes did this for her in the evenings, standing behind her with his arms around her waist, rubbing the lotion in and feeling their baby inside her. Usually it started with him hoping for something a little more, the kiss to the side of her neck and his hips pressed against her ass a signal that he was in the mood. One night she had slipped her underwear down her legs and allowed him to have her then and there, braced against the bathroom counter while they looked at one another in the mirror.
When she returned to the bedroom, her heart heavy with longing while she wondered if she might make good use of the small device hidden in the back of her sock drawer, she sighed in annoyance to see her bedfellow. Judith lay on Rick's side of the bed, and when she saw Carrie come in she promptly clenched her eyes shut and went still, perhaps hoping that she wouldn't be seen. Knowing that she was at fault for encouraging this, that Rick had always been consistent and strong when it came to returning Judith to her bed in the middle of the night, Carrie had to let it slide. Instead of returning her daughter to her own bed, she went around and moved aside the excess bedding, trying to ignore the small smile that was playing on Judith's face.
"Judy," Carrie began as she lay down beside her. Reaching over she gently roused her daughter, knowing she was still just pretending. She opened her eyes and innocently looked up at her. "You know when Daddy comes home, you have to sleep in your bed. You know that, right?"
Judith frowned, but it quickly turned into a smile. "Yeah."
"When Daddy's home, you stay in your bed all night. Got it?"
"Yeah."
In spite of her apparent agreement, Carrie knew not to bank on it. "You're just going to do whatever you like, aren't you."
This time Judith giggled, and then she turned away and settled onto her other side, clutching her duck under one arm while she resumed sucking on her thumb. Pretty much giving up on it, Carrie reached for the remote control on her nightstand and turned on the television. In the days that followed Carl's gunshot he had been recovering in the main bedroom, for at the time he and Rick had still been sharing. He'd been thrilled when Rick brought in a television for him to have, a television that had somehow managed to remain when Carrie moved in despite her disapproval of it.
Last night she had fallen asleep watching television, and with only Judith for company she had every intention of doing the exact same thing again tonight.
A/N I hope you enjoyed that little bit of dra-ma! I can only promise more and more to come! Thanks readers, please leave a review!