Chapter 25 – Now We Talk
::beeeepbeeepbeeeep::
Ugh, another day started on a poor night's sleep. I groaned as I threw my blanket toward the foot of the bed and after some serious straining, managed to slam my hand down on the screaming alarm clock to turn it off. My eyes stung with that familiar burn they get when I haven't had enough sleep. And if you know what I'm talking about…it's a feeling that doesn't go away with a splash of cold water to the face. It's one that lingers around all…day…long.
It's been a few weeks since I broke up with Greer. I know…despite thinking it was a mistake…I haven't been able to bring myself to talk to her – or to tell her what I really feel. I've passed her a few times in school these past few weeks – less often than you would think, actually. Though, if she were avoiding me…I wouldn't blame her. The few times we did see each other in passing, though, were the most awkward encounters ever.
Most of the time, I tried not to make eye contact...But if we did? It was like a slap in the face. The pain in her eyes was too much to bear so…I've gotten to know my shoes pretty well.
April's still in the hospital – receiving a longer course of chemo this time around. I've stayed over with her a few times to keep her company and she seems to be doing okay, I think. The same old stoic, April. The best news so far, though, is that we've found a good match for April from the bone marrow registry. The plan in the next few days is to give her the bone marrow transplant and monitor her from there. As far as I understand there's a lot of risk with this but…if it could save her life…it's obviously worth it.
That being said, the collective worry is running high in the Carver household.
If there's one positive that came of my break-up with Greer…it was that Ford and I have gotten a little closer over the past few weeks. The initial awkwardness of our rekindled friendship was slowly fading and we began to spend a little more time together both in and out of school. Our relationship is definitely different since we mended things a little while back. I think Ford's changed a bit since that time – you know…grown. She's not as…broody…if that makes sense?
And, no, in case you're wondering…it's not lost on me that Greer had a large part in us being able to patch things up...
I lay in bed for a few more minutes when I noticed my room was a bit brighter than it usually is. It was almost as if there was this white-washed glow filling my entire room – and my blinds weren't even fully opened. Hopping out of bed and running to the window to open the blinds, I was assaulted by the unrelenting glare as the morning sun lit up the street full of freshly-fallen snow. How much snow could there be? Maybe a foot?
"Mom!" I yelled, still looking out my window.
"You STILL have school, Brenna!" she called back from downstairs.
"What?! Are you kidding?!" I yelled back. "It's like a blizzard out there!"
"Stop yelling and deal with it!" she called again. "Breakfast in twenty minutes!"
"FINE!" I yelled finally, moving over to my dresser to grab clothes for today.
This day wasn't off to the most ideal start and the snow-laden trudge to school I had ahead of me was the cherry on top of it all.
I got to school a good ten-minutes before homeroom, thankfully, which gave me enough time to get to my locker and trade out my soggy socks and snow boots for some dry flats. Who keeps an extra pair of shoes in their locker, you say?
I do…duh.
"Hey, Bren," Ford said coming over to greet me. "You ready?"
"Uhh, give me a sec," I said as I stashed my dripping-wet boots and socks into my locker. I feel like this was going to make a huge mess in my locker…but whatever. "Alright, all set."
Hoisting my backpack onto my back, we started to make our way through the crowd of students now scurrying to make it to homeroom. If there was anything I hated more than the feeling of wet socks and wet shoes…it was the incessant squeaking of everyone else's wet shoes as they trampled through the hallways.
We were almost at our rooms – which conveniently happened to be next to each other – when I saw Greer from the corner of my eye. I tried so hard not to make eye contact but I was just a few seconds too late in looking away – as our eyes met…and there was that slap in the face, yet again. I mean, it was too late to turn away now…should I smile? What do I do? As she passed us going in the opposite direction, I gave her a sad smile – one of those tiny ones that sort of says I'm sorry but also I don't know what to tell you.
I'm not sure what I was expecting in return but all I got was a head-nod and an empty stare – devoid of emotion.
"Oh my God, you guys are killing me with this awkwardness!" Ford said to me, nudging me in the arm. "Just talk to her!"
"I can't, Ford," I said, frustrated.
"Why not?" Ford asked.
"You wouldn't understand," I said, defeated. Though, a thought crossed my mind.
Maybe it was time I told Ford about what happened between me and Mrs. Danville. I mean, I told Beth…but maybe telling Ford would be different. Maybe she'd have advice for me – or some other opinion on the situation. Well even if I were to tell Ford…now wasn't the time nor the place.
"Try me, Bren," Ford said sincerely. In fact…it was weird to see this much sincerity and genuineness from her. Maybe she really has changed?
Looking at her for a few moments, trying to make a decision, my homeroom teacher stepped outside the room and said, "Ms. Carver, let's go…You're gonna be late."
"Sorry," I said, smiling politely at my teacher and making my way into the room.
Turning around again before my teacher closed the door, I called after Ford, "After school!"
At the end of the school day, I headed to my locker to change into my previously-soggy-but-now-cold-and-damp snow boots. My locker was a mess and this was going to be all kinds of unpleasant…
Ford and I decided, once school was over, we'd meet by the school entrance and would walk to 99 Café together. Hurrying to meet her, someone grabbed me by the arm and swung me around swiftly.
"Are we ever gonna talk?" Greer asked, staring at me intensely – her eyes darting back and forth, to and from my own. "Or...just keep trying and failing to avoid each other in the hallways…"
So she started a conversation with me...Maybe she doesn't hate me.
"I can't right now, Greer," I said hastily – which was true. Nor was I even prepared to have a conversation with her. "I have to go…"
"Brenna, it's been weeks," Greer said. "That phone-call out of nowhere…the break-up…and then nothing. For weeks."
"Greer, I really can't do this, right now," I repeated, clenching my fists out of nervousness – my eyes dropping to the floor.
Greer looked at me for a few more moments, her stare some blend of devastation and a desire to understand what possibly could have been going on in my head. Honestly, I couldn't tell you, either…
"Fine," she said finally – dropping the conversation altogether.
I seized the opportunity to walk away from her as fast as I could – never once turning around to look back.
On the walk over to the coffee shop, Ford and I spent our time talking about our respective days at school. You know, the usual banter revolving around silly things teachers said or the waste-of-time assignments they had doled out.
Finally grabbing our cups of coffee, we settled down at the table by the bay window. After sitting down, I was overcome with this weird sensation – like I felt out of place, almost. This was mine and Greer's table, after all...
"Alright, you've dodged the subject long enough," Ford said with purpose. "Why won't you talk to her? You both could not look more miserable."
"Well," I began, trying to choose my words carefully in explaining the situation. "Greer's mom kinda made us break up."
"What?!" Ford exclaimed. "That's messed up!"
"Yeah, tell me about it," I sighed.
"When did this even happen?" she asked, still taken aback.
"New Year's Day," I answered. "I went over that night to have dinner with her and her parents. After I said bye to Greer that night, her mom came out after me and basically gave me an ultimatum. Either I break up with Greer…or…I don't know what. I guess she would break us up, either way."
"Seriously?" Ford asked, still in disbelief.
"Yeah," I confirmed. "So the next day when I went to go visit April in the hospital…I just decided we'd be better off if we broke up."
"Brenna," Ford began, sounding almost irritable. "That is…the stupidest thing you've ever done."
"What?" I asked in return.
"So what if her mom doesn't want you guys together?" she asked, rhetorically. "See Greer without her finding out about it."
"Ford, she'd find out eventually," I fought. "Then it'd be even worse for the both of us. We'd never see each other, again."
"Then don't get caught," Ford countered, as if it were the easiest thing in the world to maintain some sort of secret relationship.
"That would never work," I reasoned.
"No, you don't know that…because you haven't even tried!" Ford said.
"I'm not about to ruin both our lives," I said. "Eventually we'd get caught, and it's gonna hurt much more than it does now."
"Brenna...," Ford began calmly. "I can understand – with all that you've been through and all that your family's been through – that you don't wanna jeopardize anything…and you wanna be super careful…"
She paused for a bit, looking at me almost as if to silently ask my permission to continue – which was oddly considerate of her. I nodded to indicate I wanted to hear more of what she had to say.
"I also understand," she continued, "…that she's made you the happiest you've been in a while. You'd think I wouldn't notice these things…but I did. I mean, come on. I was such a jerk to her…and she still reached out to me to come here – right here! – and talk it out with you. Why would you give a relationship like that up? Why would you give her up?"
"I mean, honestly, Ford," I began. "Even if we were to get back together, I can never tell her what her mom did."
"Why not?" Ford asked, throwing her hands up in frustration. "You can't let her mom get away with that!"
"What am I supposed to do?" I said, equally frustrated.
"Tell her," Ford repeated. "Just…tell her."
"How? I wouldn't even know where to begin!" I added.
"Well…you better figure it out," Ford said – and I would soon finally understand why she was pushing this so hard. "Because I texted her to come meet us here."
"You did what?!" I said, almost shouting – looking around to see that the owner was indeed glaring at me.
"Yeah, I texted her on our way over here," Ford repeated. "I knew there was no way you were going to talk to her on your own…or at least soon enough. So…this is…a shove in the right direction."
"How do you even have her number?" I asked, incredulous.
"I have my ways," Ford said, shrugging. "But you should probably...instead...focus on what you're gonna say to her..."
"I don't even know where to start!" I said panicked – though now at a whisper lest I be glared at some more. "Why are you doing this, Ford?"
"Because I'm your friend, Brenna," Ford said with conviction. "And I want you to be happy."
Standing up and grabbing her cup of coffee as a familiar blonde entered the coffee shop, she continued with a smile, "And that pink-loving weirdo over there…makes you happy."
Greer really does love pink…
With that, she walked out of the café, flashing Greer a genuine smile before heading out the door. This room was beginning to feel smaller and smaller...and I was beginning to feel more and more trapped.
Oh God, Brenna – say "hi". Just…say…"hi".
Instead, I struggled to peel my eyes away from my coffee cup until her voice broke my staring contest.
"So…now we talk?" she asked quietly, standing before me - her eyes full of hope, I think...
I nodded, "Now we talk."
Enjoy! I must say, your comments and compliments thus far have been thoroughly appreciated - Thanks for reading along!