Chapter 25

Tara is quick to cringe at the image before her in the bathroom mirror. She looks horrid, feels even worse. She supposed this is what a hangover felt like, only she was minus the alcohol consumption. The thought alone made her giggle, thus making her head throb. She could drink with the best of them and wake up completely normal. But she spends a night crying herself to sleep and she's trash in the morning. Groaning, she reaches for the ibuprofen in the medicine cabinet and cups her hand for cold water from the faucet. She jumps at her father's voice.

"You and the biker have a fight last night?" He asks, leaning against the doorway with a coffee mug.

She bites back a "none of your business" comment, "No, we had a fight last night." She reminds him. Like hell would she confirm what her father already thought about her relationship with Jax.

"That explains the trashed living room." Frank sips from his coffee up. Briefly, she wonders if he's spiked it. "Make sure you clean up." She sighs in relief as he walks away. "Oh, and tell the biker not to sleep outside like some vagrant. My friends already talk about the two of you enough."

"Wait?" Tara heads down the hallway to stop him. "Jax was here? Last night?"

"Winston woke him up, bitching about getting to the shop." He places his mug in the sink and steps over cracked frames, too embarrassed to ask his kid whether she broke them or he did or both. "Just what I want to hear, his loud, gruff-ass voice at seven in the goddamn morning."

Asshole got what he deserves, Tara thinks to herself in reference to her father's untimely awakening. Biting her lip so he can't see her smirk, she offers a lame, "Oh, sorry about that." The apology sounded fake to her own ears.

Frank's raised eyebrows tell her he can hear the lack of sincerity. "I won't be home tonight." He says, grabbing his keys and leaving.

He didn't even bother to tell her where he would be, not surprisingly. "'Bye." She whispers at the closed door. Taking a deep breath she looks around the living room. Damn, they really did a number to the house. While it's wasn't their first intense fight, she and Frank don't normally get this…violent. "Oh God." She murmurs quietly, reliving what lead to World War III."Jax." She plops down on the couch, deciding to wait for the ibuprofen to kick in before tackling the messy house. Cleaning up messes was sadly nothing new in her world. She has no idea how to clean up the mess she made with Jax. She's not even sure if there is anything to clean up. But he tried, right? Surely that was why he slept outside. Why did he sleep out there? Did she frighten him? She giggles at the thought. Nothing scares Jax. But she definitely frightened herself, going after that girl in such a blind rage. What had she been thinking? She could have hurt her. She did hurt her. Looking at the clock on the wall, she realizes it is already noon. Jax would be getting off work in two hours. Oh God, would be come here? Did he still want to try to fix things with her? What the hell would she say to him? Sorry, I went nuts but I love you and don't want to lose you? More importantly, I love you and no other chick needs to have her hands on you? "Ugh!" She definitely cannot tell him she loves him now. Not after she's messed things up, not after being so unsure that they should even be together. "Fuck it." She looks around the living room and decides not to clean. She needs a shower and an exit strategy just in case Jax comes by here.

#############

"You look like shit." Lowell Jr. tells Jax. The garage as usual is busy on a Saturday morning.

"Leave the little shit alone, Junior." Piney's gruff voice orders pity for the biker prince. "And go get more synthetic out of the shed." Piney waits for him to scurry off before turning his attention to Jax. "You ok, kid?"

"Yea." Jax shrugs, not meeting Piney's gaze as he quickly details the inside of Unser's Buick. "Why wouldn't I be?" If she was any other girl, he would have reminded the old man that pussy wasn't worth getting spun out over. Then again, if she was any other girl, he wouldn't be spun out. Tara was different from the beginning.

"Not every morning I find you asleep under a girl's window." Piney knew from the grapevine that Tara beat the shit out of some crow-eater trying to get a ride from Jax. What he was surprised about was the fact that Jax clearly hadn't made any headway in getting through to Tara. He had kept up a rouse for so long, lying for the boy when he clearly was sleeping at Tara's every night. "She lock you out?"

Jax didn't want to talk about this with anyone that wasn't Tara. He didn't need to hear the same old shit about how they came from different worlds and wouldn't work. He didn't give a shit what anyone thought. No one understood how she fit in his world, his arms, and his heart. "Not sure, I fell asleep." Jax replies only because Piney wouldn't settle for silence. He thought the truth was obvious considering the first nine member, kicked him to his sore shoulder and bitched at him about being late at the ass crack of dawn. Well, not technically, but it felt like it to him.

His father's oldest friend was nice enough not to call bullshit to his face as he watches Jax rub his shoulder. "I told you from the get-go that she was different." When the boy finally makes looks at him, Piney can see the pain in his blue orbs. "But you two will work it out."

"Yea?" Jax asks, the relief is evident. He would never tell anyone the thoughts floating through his head. Just a few short hours without knowing if she was still his or not and his thoughts were so dark, he was afraid. When the old man nods, the cocky young biker smirks, "Think I can cut out early?"

"Not happening shithead." Otto answers for Piney. "Ain't nobody getting out of here on time today, let alone early." He motions towards the clubhouse. "I'm gonna take my lunch then you kids can fight over who breaks next."

Jax instinctively looks around, in hopes of seeing Tara. On Saturday's, she liked to surprise him by joining him for lunch. It stopped being a surprise weeks ago, but it thrills him nonetheless. It doesn't thrill anyone else though because they all bitch that he's shit for the remainder of the work day. At first, she packed them a lunch but he knew how much she loved bar food so packing a lunch when they could get free hot food seemed like a waste. Taking a disappointed deep breath he tells Lowell, "You can take your lunch whenever. I'm skipping mine."

##################

"Hey baby." That term of endearment was exactly the one he wanted to hear but definitely not the voice he wanted so desperately to hear it from.

"Christ, Mom." Jax groans, thankful that he wrapped the towel around his body. "I need to get dressed." He nods to the clothes on the bed. "And then get out of here."

"You were so busy today, I didn't get to talk to you." Gemma puts out her cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand. "You and Tara get everything worked out?'

"Yea." He lies easily. He wasn't sure what was happening with him and Tara but he knew it wasn't any of his mother's business. "We're good. In fact, I need to go pick her up."

His mother hears the gentle reminder. "Have you talked to Tara about the lifestyle?" He was so hard to read these days and she blamed that on Tara as well.

He so did not need this shit right now. Not when he needed to see Tara, talk to her, fix this shit with her. Because that was the only choice. He refused to accept anything else. "I tell Tara everything." And he did. "Now get out so I can get dressed and free up this apartment."

"Okay, baby." She rises from the bed and kisses him on the cheek. "Bring Tara by tonight. Show the girls that there are no hard feelings."

Jax snorts. "Tara beat the shit out of Brittany. I'm pretty sure there are hard feelings."

##############

Dusk was settling in at the Lodi Park. Tara ignored the nagging feeling telling her to get home. It wasn't like she had never frequented this park before. It was where she met up with Kyle weekly to score some weed. Since she starting hanging with Jax and Opie, she started buying a bigger bag. But this was the first time she ever took Kyle up on his offer to hang out. She only did it because she didn't want to go home and possibly run into Jax. Or worse, have him come looking for her.

"I've never seen you babysit a drink, Knowles." Kyle teases.

The Boone's Farm had a sweet taste and she could have easily finished off the bottle but she this was different than toking up. Drinking resulted in a loss of inhibitions and she didn't trust herself to let loose around anyone that wasn't Jax. She drank every weekend with him. But he always made sure she was safe. She didn't feel safe with Kyle or any of his friends sitting with them. Tara didn't think he'd ever hurt her but he sure wouldn't give a shit if she made it home safely the way Jax did. "Don't feel much like drinking I guess." Plus, she was used to the bitter taste of the hard liquor that Jax and Opie always lifted from the clubhouse.

"This have something to do with Jax tapping that crow-eater?" Her dealer asks directly. Of course, he would see no issue as he was practically chomping at the bit to be attached to SAMCRO.

"He wasn't tapping shit." Tara defends her man. Because he was her man. Even with whatever this was, she knew she didn't want to lose him. Being a part and fighting made her thoughts go to a dark place today. Thoughts that should have had her looking for a professional to talk with but instead she just wanted Jax. He could fix her battered heart and she could fix his and the damage she did to his last night. "And how do you know about that?"

"Shit spread like wildfire. It's like an old lady rite of passage or some shit. " Kyle passes Tara his bowl. "If you aren't drinking, you might as well as smoke up."

#########

Her goddamn window was still locked, so he had to use his driver's license to open the front door. Who the hell locked their door in Charming anyway? "Tara?" He calls out, thankful that the absence of the Cutlass proved her old man wasn't home. "Babe? You home?" He looks around and notes the mess from last night. He's surprised she didn't clean up yet. She usually kind of neurotic. Stepping over the debris, Jax heads down the hall and directly to her bedroom. The lights are off and he notes her unmade bed. "Where in the hell are you?" Seriously, where would she be at seven o'clock on a damn Saturday if not with him?

Twenty minutes later and he's pounding on his best friend's door, thankful that Opie's bike is in the driveway because he really didn't want to head over to the clubhouse and make himself look more like a pussy.

"Since when do you knock?" Opie throws open the door.

"Donna here?" Jax ignores his friend's question and walks into the house. Seeing as how she is adjusting her shirt, he supposes he should feel bad for interrupting their evening, only he doesn't. "Have you seen Tara today?"

"Nope." Donna answers. "Why?"

"She's not home." He's already heading for the door. "I've tried the park, the library, and the school. I don't know where the fuck she could be."

Donna had a suspicion of where she was but damn if she'd tell Jax. Let his ass suffer a little longer. "Good luck."

"Did you try Lumpy's?" Opie actually feels bad for his friend. He's never seen Jax this twisted. "She's got to eat, right?" Jax throws Opie a peace sign before taking off.

He makes it to Lumpy's in record time, "Hey Peggy, has Tara been in today?"

"Nope, sorry hon', haven't seen her." She is wiping down tables, obviously eager to close for the night.

"I'm sure she's back to her regular life after learning the truth about you Teller." Hale comes out of the bathroom in the back. "Now that she's seen how unfaithful you really are."

"You don't know shit asshole." He starts to charge for Hale but is stopped by Peggy's arm. How dare this prick act like he knows shit about him and Tara? By the time the story from last night made it to Hale's circle, God only knows how much of the truth was in there.

"I know that it's Saturday." Hale smiles. "And pre-dating Jackson Teller, Tara always went to Lodi."

Jax wanted to knock that knowing smirk off Hale's face. He hated that Hale might be right. He hated that Hale knew something about Tara that he didn't. Sure Jax knew she spent time in Lodi and Stockton but he never knew it was her weekend "thing" before they hooked up. The more he thinks about it, the more he thinks Hale is probably laughing his ass off by pulling his leg. What the hell would Tara even be doing out here this late? The library had to be closed by now. Driving passed it, he confirms his thoughts. He pulls over in front of the building to collect his thoughts. He didn't even know where to look for her here. He hears the faint sounds of music and giggling and his gaze automatically looks in the direction of the sounds. Putting his bike in park, he follows his instincts and heads across the street and into the park, lit by a few old fashioned light post. He tells himself to calm down, tries to ignore the clenching of his stomach muscles but before he can stop himself, his voice loud and angry shouts, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Tara's head pops up immediately and her eyes follow Jax's glare to Kyle's hand on her thigh. She saves his life by pushing it away and quickly standing with her solo cup, spilling it in the process. "What are you doing here, Jackson?"

"Are you drinking?" He's fucking pissed. He's worked his ass off all day, skipped lunch, thought of nothing but her all damn day, and searched for her. And she's what? Partying it up?

"Not that much." She tells him honestly. He's furious. She can see him trying to reign it in. "What are you doing here?" She asks again, walking closer to him.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Tara?" He demands angrily. "You been here all damn day? With him?" He glares at Kyle. "Let's go Tara." He nods in the direction of his bike that he doubts she can even make out. "We're leaving." She's finally close enough for him to grab her hand.

"Jax!" She tugs her hand free, "I don't want to leave." With you. She doesn't say the words but they are implied and it sends him over the edge.

"Really?" He yells, kicking someone's boom box as hard as he can. It goes flying several feet and the several large D batteries scatter. "You think I'm letting you go home with Hobart here?"

"Letting me?" Tara shrieks.

"Bro, you've got it twisted." Kyle begins but is met with Jax's quick and steady right hook.

"Stay the fuck out of my business and stay away from my girl." Jax bites out to Kyle but is looking directly at a shocked Tara.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Tara yells and then starts stomping off.

"Tara! Wait!" Jax shouts.

"No! You want me to leave?" She turns around angrily. "Fine, I'll leave. But I'm not leaving with you!"

"Like hell you're not!" He's on her before she can even blink, throwing her over his shoulder and stomping across the street to his bike.

"JAX!" She smacks his back but knows it isn't hurting him in the least. "Jackson! Put me down!"

"Not until we talk." He's out of breath but he refuses to put her down. She's done enough running. They finally make it to the bike and he puts her down but has a tight grip on her. "We can talk here." He nods to the park where the crowd has started heading in their direction. "In front of your friends there." He hands her the helmet, "Or we can ride somewhere, anywhere, and talk."

Like that was even a fair choice. Kyle was pissed and heading in their direction with a few of his friends behind him. Tara knew how bad he wanted to prospect so she didn't really believe he'd mess with Jax but she didn't want to risk it either. "Fine." She takes the helmet and quickly puts it on, she's climbing behind Jax before his helmet is even on. As usual the feel of the wind automatically relieves the tension in her body as she molds herself against Jax. It was probably the smug bastards plan all along, she thinks. When he turns north on I-580 she asks loudly, close to his ear, "Where are we going?"

"You'll see….." He shouts back. He just needs her to himself, without interruptions, and without an escape route. Shit, he sounds like some crazed kidnapper. She makes him feel crazy damnit. They arrive at his planned destination in thirty five minutes and he's thankful he timed it right and no other bikes are around as he parks his Dyna.

"Where are we?" Tara looks around but the dusk has given way to darkness and it is hard to make anything out.

"Piney's cabin." He pulls her hand towards the porch but she doesn't budge. "Come on, Tara." He pleads.

"We can talk right here." She isn't exactly sure why she's being so damn difficult. Didn't she want to work things out with him?

He sees her scratch her arm. And notes that she wasn't wearing a jacket, never a good idea while riding. "No bugs inside." He tugs her more gently by the hand this time. "Please, Tara."

"Alright." She relents but tells herself it is only because she's been here two minutes and already feels the itch of several bites. It has nothing to do with how much she's missed him or how she desperately wants to be in his arms. She watches as he knowingly grabs a key from under a potted plant. "Are you gonna piss Piney off by coming here?"

"He won't know." He hopes his voice comes off as confident. Truthfully, he was certain the old man would either bust him in the act or just know he had been here later. Jax catches her doubtful look, "It's fine, babe. I promise." Once he gets her inside he locks the door and flips on the muted lights. "Want something to eat or drink?" He didn't know what Piney kept up here on a regular basis but he was starving.

She was starving actually and her stomach growled at the thought of food. She really hope it went unnoticed by Jax. "I thought you wanted to talk." She crosses her arms across her chest. She wouldn't be able to eat with things like this between them.

"I…I do, Tara." Christ, he got what he wanted. He had her completely alone and now he had no idea what to say. Not that she looks receptive to anything he could possibly say. "Last night…I don't know what you think was going on…"

"What I think?" She laughs bitterly. "What I saw! I saw you, Jax!" She swallows back the threat of tears. She hates that he can make her feel this way. Even the mental image is enough to make her nauseous all over again.

"I didn't do anything with her Tara." He yells in exasperation. Fuck, they aren't getting anywhere again.

"But you have before, right?" Her words are soft but pack a knowing punch. He looks directly at her and she can see the truth in them. "Christ Jax, how many? How many crow-eaters have you even been with?"

He can't answer that question. He knows nothing good will come from that. "Why?" He asks instead. "Tara…."

"How many have I actually came into contact with?" She continues as if he hasn't said anything. "Do you give them a signal or something? Keep them away until I'm out of sight?"

"NO!" He yells, kicking over the wooden coffee table. "Damnit Tara, just listen to me for a goddamn minute."

She recoils when he kicks the table and will no longer meet his eyes. "Fine, talk." She swallows thickly, hoping to push the tears down. She's cried enough over him.

"I did not encourage Brittany." He pleads for understanding.

"Yes, yes you did." Tara's fight is suddenly back. "By not stopping her, you encouraged her. And it never even occurred to you to stop her, did it, Jax?"

"I wouldn't have let it go anywhere!" He runs his hands through his hair. Why the fuck wasn't she hearing him? "I would not have done anything with her? Why don't you trust me?"

"Trust? This is about trust?" She stalks angrily towards him and hits his shoulders with both hands, pushing him back several steps as he wasn't prepared for it. "This is about some half dressed slut humping you for the whole world to see! You act like a possessive dick when I even talk to Hale or Hobart."

"Because they want you!" He yells.

"Brittany clearly wanted you." Tara practically growls. "Hale and Hobart don't want me. They're…friends." The wording is even odd to her own ears. Kyle will never really be anything more than a weed source but Hale? Hale is possibly her friend. "And you punched Kyle tonight Jax."

"He was touching you!" Jax voice practically vibrates off the walls and he hates her smug look. "Point made, Knowles."

"Look, this is your life." She can't control her tears at this point because she knows what she has to do and her heart aches. "And I knew that going in. Christ, before we even started this I saw the girls flock to you. But I'll never be okay with them getting a piece of you, Jax. Even if you're not sleeping with them, you're still…."

He was losing her. He knew it. And it scared the hell out of him. "Did you mean what you said last night?" He can hear the desperation in his voice, hopes to hell she can too.

She looks at him in confusion. She didn't remember saying much. She was too angry at that point. "I usually say what I mean." She answers honestly.

"Do you love me?" He's so goddamn open and vulnerable and he hates it. It scares the shit out of him to let her see him this way.

"Don't do this." She cries. Tara hates crying in front of him. Only he has the power to do that do her and it makes her feel weak. She turns away from him. She needed to end this before they hurt each other more, protect both their hearts and souls. "Don't do this now, baby please." What good could come from saying I love you now? She couldn't admit those words, that feeling to him and still walk away. She wasn't sure how to walk away without even saying it.

"Because you said you did last night." He continues anyway. She didn't think that was exactly true. She never directly told him that. But as always, he could see her truth in her eyes and hear it in her words.

"What does it matter how I feel Jackson?" She's sobbing now but still refuses to turn around and look at him. She'll never be able to end it if she has to look at him. "You live a life, I don't think I'll ever fully understand."

The vulnerability in her voice gives him hope. And that hope was all he had at the moment. "I'm not asking what you understand, Tara." He squeezes both her shoulders gently, Christ she feels so good. He turns her around so he can see those beautiful hazel eyes. They are floating with so many emotions right now. He's sure she can see all those same feelings in his. "Do you love me?"

"Yes." She cries softly. "I love you, Jackson…"

His lips are on hers instantly, his right hand holding them to his as left desperately grips her hip. The kiss was intense, frantic even. He needed her all day. This, right here, the connection they shared, he couldn't live without it and he didn't think she could either. He moves both his hands down to her ass and lifts her up, ignoring the pain in his shoulder, as he moves them to the couch. Tucking her securely underneath him, he whispers against her lips, "I missed you so much Tara."

"I missed you too." She admits easily. Christ, she couldn't imagine days or weeks without him. She barely survived a few hours. She ignores the voice telling her that she's in over her head, his lips and fingers easily override her intuition. Her fingers pull at his hair, she needs him to lift his head up so she can get his shirt off. Jax knows what she wants. He wants it too but he doesn't want to take his lips off her body. "Lift up, baby." She whispers huskily in his ear.

Powerless to her at the moment, he gives in and lifts up, removing his shirt in one sweep as she does the same. She lifts up, lips attacking his the moment her shirt is over her head. Her quick, sure fingers find the way to his belt buckle as he kicks his shoes off. Hearing them hit the floor with a flood reminds Tara that her Doc's need to be unlaced. "Damnit." She curses as his fingers work the button on her jeans.

"What?" He gasps breathlessly. "What's wrong?" Christ, he'd explode if she put the brakes on now.

"You're gonna need to sit up." She giggles.

"What?" He bites out. "Why?"

"Because I need to take my boots off." She laughs.

"Oh." He looks back and notices her Doc's for the first time. He knows she loves these boots, has more than one pair in fact, but damn if the laces aren't a pain in the ass. He groans, kisses her once more, before sitting back and unlacing the dark gray boots. Her dimples, brought out by her wide, beautiful smile, light up her eyes and almost make the tear stains unnoticeable. He finally gets her boots unlaced and removes them along with her socks and pants. The sight of her laying before him in nothing but her panties and bra reminds him of another night, not so long ago. "Babe?" He whispers, reverently as he starts kissing up her right leg.

"Yes?" She knows his destination and the heat pulls low in her belly. She wants him so bad, she's not sure if she can handle his sorcerous tongue at the moment.

He pushes her panties aside to get to his desired location but before he goes any further, he meets her gaze. "I love you too." The words he's felt so long, come with a freedom he's never expected.

"Oh, God." Tara's groan comes both from his tongue on her clit and hearing his honest words. As much as she wants the release she knows his tongue will give her, she needs him inside of her more. She grips his hair tightly. "Get up here." She orders.

He lays over her, "You don't want…."

"I need you, Jackson." Her husky whisper is his undoing as they both push his jeans and boxers down. He tugs her panties down as she works her legs through the holes.

"You got me babe." He whispers, raining kisses from her lips, down her neck, and to her breasts, pushing the cup of her bra aside. "Always." The promise is evident as he enters her slowly and watches her eyes roll back. Yeah, all is right in their world, finally.