"Deidara! Tut tut tut! Come here quick"

I'm being summoned!

That tut tuts always get me. It's like a drug. Tut tut here, tut tut there, tut tut and I'm on my way! Come here quick though? Would I come any other way? Well, I may not move as fast if he tutted me while I was pooping. I love my Danna, but I certainly have my priorities.

"It's here! The custom order plush is here!"

Custom order plush? Oh right, about a month ago he was squealing over getting another me, I got mad and left a turd on the washroom floor, yeah. Danna wasn't too happy about that, but in my head it sure sounded like he either wanted to replace me or fall in love with another me. Both ideas I'm not too fond of. I'm a mad pooper though. Make me mad and my turds will be on everything y'all love.

I guess my main punishment was a photoshoot though. Aunty Konan came over and we took some regular pictures which weren't so bad...and then some glamour shots. We got the finished photos awhile ago and Aunty cried from laughing. I thought Danna and I looked so handsome. A little on the froufrou side though... Pink and frilly doesn't really suit Danna. Nor does it suit me so let's not ever do that again. Flashing lights also are bad. I hate that flashy box that Aunty has.

Hiss hiss.

Anyway, photo frames full of new pictures aside... What is in the super fun box Danna-Dear and can I have it afterwards, yeah. Oh! I was angry before an I can't remember why. Something about poops...

"Wow wow! It looks just like you!"

What the great golly fish sticks is that hideous thing!? THAT looks like me? Is THAT what I look like? I'm gonna kill it.

What is it you say? Oh right, I need to tell you first what I am looking at. It's just uh... Well I actually don't know what it is!

"I can't believe it only cost me eighty dollars to get a plush replica of my baby made!"

Did you understand that? I didn't. I got baby and I assume it's me since I'm his only baby as long as he's not secretly seeing someone and I really doubt it since he hasn't left the house in two weeks, yeah. He does take the garbage out I guess, but he skips on back indoors pretty quick.

Didn't he used to go to work? I wonder what happened...

"Isn't it cute?" Danna asks and shoves it in my face.

Is it bad that I don't know if that THING is alive or not? What I do know is I can tell it's a feline or perhaps a dog. I'm gonna hiss at it though. Y'know, I still have issues with that cat I sometimes see when I hop on the forbidden washroom counter. Wait! Wait a minute! This cat looks exactly like the cat in the washroom! Danna said this cat looks like me! AM I THE CAT IN THE WASHROOM?

Whoa! My head is like whoa! Danna, did you know about this? I am finding it hard to believe so I'm going to say it's wrong. I am so totally not the other cat on the bathroom counter, yeah.

"I can even put different little bows in its hair! How precious is that!"

You can put different little bows in MY hair.

I'm going to destroy that when he's asleep tonight. Danna is paying far too much attention to it and and and and where is he putting it? It's up there, yeah! Up on the bookshelf? Where I can't reach? Danna you clever chicken.

He picks me up and we sit on the couch together until Danna grabs his computer. "What should I buy next..."

This makes me think, Hidan says humans work, yeah. Hence why Kakuzu is never home with him. They work to make money, which Kakuzu loves more than anything. Money is used in exchange for goods. If Danna doesn't work, where does he get the money of all these dumb things?

All I know is Hidan told me that Kakuzu works so much as a distraction. Money is a distraction. He got a kitty in an attempt to get happy like Danna did with me, but working and earning money makes Kakuzu super happy much more, yeah.

"I'm going to let Konan know the plush came in..."

Which is why Kakuzu often threats to send Hidan back to the pound if he misbehaves. He and Danna say having a kitty can be expensive!

Hum, I don't know cause I am without a money paying job. My life is pretty luxurious although sometimes Danna can be a bit of a hassle, yeah. Do you kitty havers spend lots of money on your kitties? Are their lives luxurious?

I would say good if they are, but I like to fight other cats. Just like that awful thing that came in the box. I love boxes, but that thing ruined it for me!

I might only sit in that box one or seven times now because that other thing has been in it, yeah.

"Y-yeah! The Deidara plushie has come in... Aw Konan, you are going to think it's so cool."

Deidara plushie? Cool? Konan think it cooler than me!? What is this world coming to! It's me who is supposed to take care of Danna; not this weird plushie thing!

How dare he let it make him happy!

"I'm not sure... Let me call him over. Tut tut tut tut tut~"

Ugh! Not the tuts! Well too bad Danna, I'm going to give you a box of cold shoulder!

"Deidaraaa~ Tut tut tut!"

Frozen shoulder, baby!

"..."

Ooh so cold in here. This friends is how you let your man know you're grumpy, yeah! Silent treatment all the way! If I was super mad though I would poop on something. Did you know I do that? You did!?

How... Why... Do you watch me poop too!?

"Konan, I'll call you back... I think Deidara might be mad at me."

Hmph! Told ya!

"Hey lovely lips, why are you not looking at me? Did I do something to upset you?" He coos coming near me. I ain't even gonna flinch though.

Of course you did! Hmph!

"Baby, what did I do? Let me know so I take care of it and fix everything."

That thing up there! Looking up at that stupid PLUSHIE I just gotta hiss.

"Hm...? Oh? Oh! The cat plush? You don't like the cat plush?"

Plush, plushie... Whatever you call it! It's obvious you're trying to replace me with a clearly not superior cat. Danna, I know you're a little wacky quacky, but come on. Get your act together. I rule this catdom, yeah.

It's like when Hidan comes over. I don't let him boss me around!

Huh? What's that you say? But I let him make me feel insecure about my appearance? You're not helping me win the argument! You're either with me or against me you stinky humans!

Oh - oh Danna don't bring the plush thing towards a me! No! No I just wanna kill it! How dare you Danna touch and look at that monstrosity when you could do those things with me!

I'm going to hit it!

"Whoa baby! Gentle, this thing cost me a pretty penny."

I don't know what a penny is, but I hate it cause it's being used against me and my desire to destroy the stupid plush, yeah.

"Deidara-sweetie, this thing here isn't real. It's just a toy. Like the little toy mousies you have."

You mean my collection of dead mice is a collection of fakes? You sayin I didn't slay them? ARE YOU SAYING I AM A FAKE?

"Whoa! Sugar, you need to calm down and not hiss so much..." He looks at the toy and oh that makes me madder. "I didn't think this would be such a problem... You sure are upset."

I AM FURIOUS.

"Let's get you some catnip. That might help you mellow out..."

Oooh! Catnip!

-x-

Whoa! So friends I am whoa... Okay so I need to... What was I mad about?

"Now you're all loopy, I'm going to put this away and hope you forget about it. For my little babies sake, we can pretend I never purchased it."

Whatever you say man. Whatever.

"Konan is on her way over though."

Whaaatever, yeah.

Hey friends... Do you know what I think? I think what if life would be like is Danna was tha catta and notta me-ah.

I'm so funny. Bye friends, I need to... Whatever.

"Hey Deidara, tut tut tut, come snuggle with me."

Yes sir...

fyi sasori does have a job. he works part time at Kisame's business when he's not feeling too sick. like paperwork he can do at home. Kisame is such a sweet and supportive friend :)