Lost sanity

"That was a great sleep. I feel much better!" said Yuna.

"I'll feel better once we get out of these stupid plains" Rikku muttered.

The party was getting ready to leave the inn on the Thunder Plains. It was a task Rikku looked forward to. "I still gotta find Lu!" said Wakka. "Who knows where she could be?"

"I'm right here" said Lulu in an exasperated voice. "I was looking for Shiava. Has anyone seen him?"

"No, I haven't" said Yuna. "Do you think something's wrong with him?"

Lulu paused for a minute, as if she were choosing her words carefully. "Yes and no" she said finally.

"What do you mean, 'yes and no'? Stop talking in riddles! You're getting as bad as Auron!" said Tidus. He hadn't slept well that night with the constant thunder and lightning, and he was in a bad mood.

"Thank you for the compliment" said Auron dryly as he packed his belongings inside the Omnicase.

Lulu sighed. "What I mean to say is…" she paused. Then she took a deep breath. "There's something that I've been wrestling with telling you throughout this whole journey. It's about Shiava. I think something is indeed wrong with him." When Tidus opened his mouth, Lulu held up her hand for silence. "Let me finish. I don't mean physically. Mentally, I think he is suffering terribly."

"What do you mean? I know he killed his friend, but he said he's trying to repent---" said Tidus.

"He's lying" said Lulu cutting him off. "Not about killing his friend, no I think that's one of the only pieces of the truth this young sword mage has told us."

"Lu, we already talked about this on the ship, ya?" Wakka began weakly.

"Yes, but---"

"What…what are you talking about?" Shiava came walking around the corner.

Everyone was immediately quiet. "Nothing" said Tidus hurriedly. He didn't want to upset Shiava. The young sword mage looked terrible. His white hair stuck up at odd angles, as if he hadn't bothered to brush his hair at all. His violet eyes were bleary and they had dark shadows under them. He looked like the walking dead. Or rather, what one would imagine the walking dead to look like.

Shiava was tired. After the horrible nightmare he had experienced the night before, he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. He felt like he was walking in a dream. Everything seemed foggy and unreal. "Nothing…but you were having…having a debate or something…"

"It was nothing" Auron assured. He felt the same way as Tidus. The time would come for Shiava to face his secret. Either that or he would eventually go insane, consumed from within.

"Let's get going" said Wakka. He stuffed the remaining belongings into the Omnicase. Soon everyone was ready. After saying goodbye to the innkeeper (or in Kimhari's case signing) they headed out into the storm.

As they wandered in the blinding rain and deafening thunder and lightning that perpetually hung over the Thunder Plains, Shiava thought to himself. He had reached a realization, and it was not a pleasant one. The realization was, he was going mad. Slowly but surely he was losing his mind. Plagued by nightmares at night and besieged by regrets and reminisces by day, Shiava realized that his secret, no his guilt was slowly consuming his sanity.

Tidus looked at Shiava worriedly. His friend seemed to be troubled about something. Shiava's face was grim and set. He wondered if it had anything to do with the news of who Sin had chosen. Before this Shiava had seemed to be completely normal. Now he sometimes seemed to be a million lightyears away in his own tortured universe.

"Up ahead" said Kimhari suddenly. The Ronso was pointing at a group of trees that stood a few miles away. The trees seemed to be made of crystal and were shining with a strange light.

"Macalania Wood!" screamed Rikku. She began jumping up and down insanely. "She gathered Shiava in a crushing hug. "I just knew we'd make it!" she said, practically sobbing with relief.

"Arrr! Yes Rikku I'm glad we made it too" said Shiava when he could breathe.

As they entered Macalania Wood, Shiava felt himself relax. Macalania Wood was the only place in Spira where crystalwood trees could be found. The wood of the trees contained a substance that made it blue. As time went on the substance in the wood crystallized, without any adverse effects to the trees. The result was that most of the trees in Macalania Wood were completely made of clear crystal that reflected the light of the sun, bathing the Wood in delicate rainbow colors. Macalania Wood was only four miles from Bevelle, and Shiava had gone there many times with Arenna and Arnis. Sometimes just with Arenna… "Arrgh!" Shiava berated himself again. There he went again with the unconscious reminiscing. This was most likely another sign that he was going insane.

"Just look at that sunlight in that crystal. Makes you glad to be alive, ya?" asked Wakka. He was staring at all around him with wonder.

"Yeah, sure" said Shiava distractedly. He was pondering all around him. It was extremely beautiful, like Wakka had said, but Shiava wasn't interested in the beauty as much as he was interested in the memories floating around the crystal world.