Okay everyone – I had planned a short epilogue – really, truly I had! The only problem was that when I started writing the story began to grow and grow! I realized there was more I wanted to say – so – this is the continuing story – or the first epilogue. It's not the end yet. For those who wanted me to finish – I'm sorry, I hope you'll forgive me. For those who wanted a bit more, I hope you enjoy.
As far as first dates went, it was probably pretty much near the bottom for both of them. After an awkward start they'd continued on in much the same vein and now sat looking at each other, across the candle-lit table, without a clue what to say. Oh, the restaurant was beautiful, the food exquisite and the ambiance romantic – but they both felt like they would rather be anywhere but here. Jack was even thinking that Ba'al's weird gravity chamber seemed preferable to 'La Petite Chou', the pricey French restaurant just outside of Denver.
This is what she'd worried about all along, thought Carter. She had always known it wouldn't work if and when she and the Colonel decided to get together. How could it work? She'd served under him for years, he'd been her commander. And he'd seen her at her worst. He'd seen her taken over by aliens – twice! He'd seen her focused to the point of obsession on her science, unable to let things go. He'd seen her spouting her 'chip on the shoulder', 'I am woman hear me roar' crap. And then there was her love life – any man or alien who loved her either died or went crazy. No, there was no way this was going to work!
He'd worried about this; worried that they'd finally get together as Jack and Sam and that it wouldn't work. How could it? He'd spent the last seven years telling her what to do. He, Jack O'Neill, career soldier and grunt telling her, Sam Carter, the most brilliant person in the universe what to do. How she'd taken it all these years he didn't know. And then there was the fact she'd seen him at his very worst. Hell, she'd experienced him at his very worst. He'd killed her, for god's sake. How could any woman love the man who had killed her? Okay – that was weird, he thought, but still – it proved a point. And of course he spent years watching as most of the men at the SGC and half the aliens out there fell in love with her. Any one of them would have sacrificed his life if so asked – except in the case of Jack O'Neill – who'd sacrificed her life instead! And finally there was the fact that she'd seen him at his obnoxious best – rude, sarcastic, angry, insubordinate or so weak he didn't want to go on. No, there was no way this was going to work.
But of course, she thought as she looked across the table at him, when he'd picked her up she'd thought she'd died and gone to heaven. He'd shown up at her door, dressed totally in black, looking handsome and oh so sexy. She'd wanted to reach out and grab him, like she'd done in her hallway the other night, and kiss him senseless. No, that wasn't quite true – she had actually wanted to rip those sexy clothes right off and have down and dirty sex right there in that same hallway with him. God, he was so gorgeous.
Hell, she was so beautiful, he thought as he looked at her, unable to think of a damn thing to say to this woman he'd worked with for seven years. The candle light made the blue of her eyes seem deeper and even more enthralling than usual. He could drown in those eyes – and go quite happily. Yeah, he could drown – he just couldn't talk!
When she'd opened the door tonight he'd really thought he was going to disgrace himself. Gone was the flippant, always ready with a witty remark Colonel, and in his place was a tongue-tied teenager. And it wasn't just his mind that had turned adolescent – no, his body had gone along with it. He'd had to have a quick and very severe talking to himself right there on her doorstep, or he would have died of humiliation and embarrassment at what his body was wanting – okay, starting – to do.
When Jack had called her, after their little talk of the other night, and had asked her out on a real date, she thought there was nothing in the world she wanted more. She'd been so excited she could barely work. She'd actually asked the General if she could leave early for an important personal reason. Since it was something she'd never asked for, in all her years at the SGC, the General gave her the go-ahead, not even wanting to know the reason. If he'd known it was so she could buy a dress for her date with Jack, he probably would have been shocked and disappointed in his star officer.
She had been torn between elegant and sexy for the dress. In the end she decided to go for both. She purchased a classic 'little black dress'; the operative word in this case was 'little'. She decided that the Colonel had pretty much seen her in pants or her uniform over the past seven years. He needed to see a little more of Sam Carter – so the dress had been short, very, very short. When she had looked at herself in the mirror, she couldn't help but acknowledge the fact that she did have nice, long legs. She hoped the Colonel would appreciate the dress – and the legs.
She'd even picked a pair of stilettos to go with the outfit. Jack was one of the few men she knew who was tall enough for her to wear heels. Even with the shoes she would only just be his height – perfect for kissing him, she had thought at the time.
Well, the outfit had been worth it if Jack's expression had been anything to go by. She couldn't remember ever seeing quite that look on his face before. Mind you, she'd thought, if she had she probably could have accused him of harassment. It was definitely not the look a commander should ever give a subordinate. But, from Jack to Sam it was – flattering.
So, the first few minutes of the date had gone pretty well until they'd actually had to start talking to each other. That's when the problem started. Neither of them knew what the hell to say! There were increasingly awkward pauses in the conversation and the longer they grew, the more uncomfortable both of them became.
"Anything more, Sir, Madam", the voice startled them both out of their silent panic.
"Uh – Sam, do you want some dessert or something?" Jack asked.
"No – thanks Sir, I'm fine." She closed her eyes – damn – she had to stop doing that. Jack, it was Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack – not Sir, not Colonel not O'Neill, not sexy man that I've wanted to jump for years. No, it was Jack.
"No, we're fine", Jack told the waiter. "The check please!" Good, maybe now they could get out of here. He was pretty sure he hadn't been this uncomfortable since he'd gone out with Suzy Blakey in the eighth grade and she'd tried to touch his –
"That was nice S – Jack."
He looked at her in surprise. How had she known about his – uh time– with Suzy? "Huh?" he looked at her in shock.
"The dinner – it was very nice Jack. I've never been here before."
Oh, thank God – she hadn't been talking about Suzy or his – "Uh, I haven't either." He answered. And I'm never coming again, he thought to himself. This was about as comfortable as Sokar's old place – the one they'd blown up. "Shall we go?" He stood up so quickly he almost knocked the chair back. Fortunately, the damned officious waiter grabbed it before it fell, looking completely unruffled by the whole thing.
He paid the – exorbitant bill – who knew it cost so much to spend an evening in hell - and they left the restaurant. He made sure to follow Sam – if this was his first and last date with her, at least he'd get to admire those legs and that a-
"Thank you Jack", she said again, "that was lovely". She tried to sound sincere, he knew, but the fact was it had been an abysmal date – and he was pretty sure it was all his fault.
"You're welcome", he'd answered, equally as formally and equally as falsely. Hell – he guessed he'd better just take her home and chalk this up to – wishful thinking and forbidden fruit. Damn it to hell, he thought. What is wrong with me that I can't even give her one nice evening? He'd been so looking forward to this all week – hell no, he'd been looking forward to it for years – and it had been a complete failure.
He opened his truck door and helped her in. It was difficult for her in her tight, short dress – and it gave him another opportunity to admire her legs. He was careful to only look quickly and surreptitiously and he was pretty sure she hadn't noticed. He then walked around to the other side to get in.
Well, at least he still finds me attractive, she thought, as she watched him checking her out. I guess it's just the person in the body he can't take. He obviously liked Sam the soldier, but not Sam the woman. She refused to think too deeply about it now, but knew the moment he dropped her off she was in for some serious 'cry into her pillow' time. And to think she'd gotten rid of her ice cream! God, now she'd just have to cry without it.
He drove quietly to her house, thinking the entire way that this was one of the worst evenings of his life – and that included being tortured and killed. He'd had such hopes – he'd wanted this so badly and now it had all gone to hell. He sighed – I guess that's just your life O'Neill. Did you think your luck was going to change?
As they drew near her house Sam had to bite down on her lip to keep from letting the whimper escape. She'd wanted this so badly, had wanted him so badly. Why had it all gone so wrong! She closed her eyes, knowing that soon they'd be there and that would be the end of years of longing and hoping. It would be the death of a dream.
The car slowed and came to a stop. She sat for a second longer and then took a deep breath. Reaching out with her hand she grasped the door handle. Turning to thank Jack again, for a lovely evening, she was unprepared when the car suddenly shot forward.
"What?" she cried, not sure what had happened. She looked around - was there some threat that she hadn't seen? She looked at Jack's face, to see him with that look – that look that meant 'don't cross me unless you want your cajones shot to smithereens'. He looked angry and determined and scary as hell.
"Jack?" she said in a small voice. "What's going on?"
She saw him clench his teeth and shake his head. He wasn't speaking to her and she grew increasingly worried. What had happened?
He'd pulled up to Sam's house, knowing this was it, this was goodbye. He faced her, trying to gather the strength to say it – to say goodbye – when he saw her close her eyes and heard the soft noise which escaped from her throat. Even years later he was to insist it had been that noise – that small sound – that had made him put his foot to the floor and screech away.
Damn it all to hell! He wanted this – he wanted her. Why was he willing to give it all up so quickly? He had barely given it a chance. So the date had been a flop – it was just one evening. And anyway, why had he decided to take her to that place? It wasn't them.
He couldn't speak to her – he was too terrified and too angry – at himself, not at her. All he knew was that he had to go somewhere – somewhere away from fancy French restaurants and officious waiters and busybody friends and kids who adored her and Colonels who felt guilty and aliens who haunted him. He had to get her away and tell her how he felt – how Jack O'Neill, just plain old human being – felt about her. He had to tell her, to show her, without anything getting in the way. He just had to find the right place.
"Jack?" he heard her say again, but he couldn't answer, couldn't speak – not here, not yet. He had to wait until he got to a place where he could be just Jack.
She still didn't know what was happening, what was going on. That Jack was taking her somewhere was obvious but where it was she didn't know. After the first few minutes of fear she settled down. This was the Colonel – no, stop, wait – this was Jack – and she trusted him with her life. In fact, she had trusted him with her life many times – her life, her soul, her honor. This was Jack. She knew she'd be okay, so she settled back and waited to see where he was taking her.
They drove for almost an hour, neither of them saying anything. They'd left the city behind and had travelled up a mountain road, up beyond the city lights and houses and civilization. Finally he came to a stop beside a small lake. He turned the truck off and suddenly there was quiet and darkness. The only sound came from the crickets and the only light from the small sliver of moon shining on the pond in front of them.
"Where are we?" she whispered.
"Where I can be Jack", he said, "and you can be Sam."
"And you couldn't be before?" She continued to speak softly, but without fear. For some reason this place stripped away everything that had been in their way all evening. She suddenly felt a rebirth of hope – here on this mountain road, late at night.
"No – I" He undid his seatbelt and faced her. "I'm sorry – that was – terrible", he said.
"It wasn't your fault", she answered. "It was – both of us. I didn't know what to say or do either."
"No", he laughed softly. "We can defend each other to the death, we can communicate without words when we're light years from home, we can save the universe, but we can't talk over dinner."
"We're talking now", she pointed out. "And I think this is – real."
"I hope so", he sighed. "I thought – I thought that was it, that we weren't going to make it past this evening."
"I know, me too. And I felt -"
"You felt?"
"Awful, devastated, lost."
"Yeah – that pretty much describes it." There was silence in the truck, both of them knowing there was a chance, but not quite sure how to get there. "So, what do we do now?" he finally asked.
"Well, let's promise never go to a French restaurant again."
He laughed softly. "Deal! But what else?"
"Well, let's just try and enjoy each other's company and not worry about anything else for now. We don't have a timeline, we don't have anything to prove. I'd just like to get to know you – the real you – not the Colonel you, or the hero you, or the father you – just -"
"Just Jack?" he grimaced.
"Yeah, just Jack."
"But what if you don't like him?" He decided to lay it all on the table.
She reached out and cupped his face with her hand. "I already do", she answered. "I like him a lot – I just want to get to know him a little better."
"So – no pressure, no timelines – we just – go slow?"
"Yeah, I think that's it. I think tonight both of us felt like we had to prove something. We wanted it to be so perfect that we messed up. I kept imagining myself falling into your arms like something out of Gone With the Wind and life's just not like that. Life and relationships are messy and uncomfortable and uncertain. It's not all about passion and romance."
"It's not?" he said, disappointment thick in his voice.
"Jack!" she laughed.
"Sorry – sorry, couldn't help myself", he grinned. "And I agree. I think – that we both spent so much time fanaticizing that there was no way reality could compete. Although I gotta say – that dress absolutely surpassed any fantasy I've ever had!"
"So, you liked it?" she grinned.
"Liked it? I loved it! Although there's one thing", he said seriously.
"What?" She gazed at him with a worried frown, wondering what was bothering him.
"If we're gonna go slow – you can't wear that thing", he pointed to her dress. "And definitely keep those shoes far back, far, far back in your closet – or else 'slow's' gonna be a word that disappears real fast from my dictionary!"
They spent the rest of the night simply talking. They sat in his truck in the middle of nowhere, listening to the frogs and crickets and watching the stars and shared a little bit of themselves with the other. Not too much mind – for it was still early and they still had lots of time. They knew now not to rush – but to go slow, to savor the joy of discovery of the other. By the time Jack turned the truck back on, and returned to the city, they both decided that this date had been by far the best either of them had ever had.
He dropped Sam off, only giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek as he stood at her door. Yeah, there was time. He smiled and watched as she entered her house Yes – this had been good, but the future was going to be even better.
With a smile Jack got into his truck, started his engine and drove home, just as the sun came up over the horizon. He wanted to be home before the nanny or the children woke up. He also wanted a bit of time to think – and to dream.
Daniel was going crazy. After Jack had told him that Sam had kissed him, he expected to see them together. Instead, things didn't seem to change at all. He'd tried talking to Jack and got absolutely nothing.
"Daniel, Carter and I are friends, okay? There's nothing else to say."
He'd gone to Sam then, sure that she'd tell him what was going on. She was always easier to talk to and much less secretive than Jack. This time however, he got nothing from her either – nothing, zilch, nada. All she would say is that she respected the Colonel and that they were still friends.
"He explained about the program Daniel – he didn't mean to exclude me at all. It's just that they want me to stay at the SGC." Okay, if that wasn't quite true – surely no one would blame her for the little white lie.
So, Daniel was left wondering – wondering what had gone wrong. He didn't think Jack and Sam were angry or upset at one another, but they clearly weren't together.
"What do you think is going on Teal'c", he'd asked his friend in frustration. "They haven't done anything and they can. Regulations are no longer an issue, so why aren't they together?"
"That is for O'Neill and Major Carter to know", Teal'c answered him. "If they want us to know they will tell us, otherwise we must let them be. Nothing good comes from trying to interfere."
So, Daniel remained frustrated and confused. He watched his two friends closely, when they were together, but there was no change, as far as he could see, in their relationship. Jack still teased her, Sam still rolled her eyes at him. He called her Carter, she called him Sir. Daniel wanted to scream.
It had been a few months since the start of the Training Institute and things seemed to be going well. Teal'c and Daniel's time was now spent divided between working for Jack and with SG1. They'd kept the team together, and Sam was in charge, but now they were on a lighter rotation. This allowed the men the opportunity to work at the Institute and Sam more opportunity to study the gizmos the teams brought back. In the end, she'd also spent some time working with Jack – but as a consultant, not as an officer under his command.
Life with the kids was going great. Jack was enjoying the role of being a father again and the kids were thriving. Oh, there were the typical issues of parenthood and the children weren't always angels, but for the most part they were great kids and their house was full of lots of laughter and love.
It was thanksgiving and Jack had invited the team over to his house for turkey dinner. Everyone had helped and they had all enjoyed the huge feast and were now relaxing after the big dinner. The kids were playing quietly on the floor while the adults recuperated from their over-indulgence.
"That was good Jack", Daniel said, leaning back and rubbing his too-full stomach. "I don't think I'll be able to eat for a week!"
"You will eat again tomorrow, Daniel Jackson", Teal'c informed him. "And it will most likely be turkey remains."
"Uh, that's left-overs, Teal'c. And yeah, you're probably right."
"Auntie Sam", Ali came over and climbed up into her lap. "I wuv you!"
Sam rearranged the little girl so she was sitting more comfortably and gave her a kiss. "I love you too sweetheart", she told Ali. "Did you have fun today?"
"Mmm hmm", Ali answered enthusiastically. "Da tuwkey was yummy. I hewped Daddy make it!" she told Sam. For some reason, which none of them had as yet figured out, Ali had suddenly started calling Jack 'Daddy' rather than Uncle Jack. He certainly hadn't minded although he'd been worried that the other kids might get upset. They hadn't and recently Chloe had asked if she too could call him that.
Matt still referred to him as Uncle Jack – which he'd told the boy was just fine. He understood Matt's hesitation. He was older and it would be harder for him to think of anyone else as Daddy, other than his real father. When he knew that Jack was okay with that he'd relaxed and everyone was happy.
"Good for you!" Sam kissed Ali again. "It was a delicious turkey and I bet you had something to do with that!" She looked over then at Chloe and Matt who were building something out of lego. Chloe had informed her that it was a turkey, although she couldn't as yet see the resemblance.
"Auntie Sam", Ali said again.
"Yes sweetie?"
"Can yus come fow a sweep over?"
"A sleep over? That would be nice Ali, but I'm afraid your bed is too little. There wouldn't be any room for Auntie Sam. Maybe you can come over to my place one night, with Chloe and we can have a girls' sleep-over."
"No – you can sweep wif Daddy. He gots a biiiiiigggg bed and he wikes to cuddow wif you Auntie Sam. He towd us dat!"
Daniel slowly looked up, to see both Jack and Sam frozen, with totally red faces. He wanted to laugh – he'd never seen his friends look quite so – 'caught' before. Uh oh, he thought, out of the mouths of babes!
"So, you like to cuddle with Auntie Sam, do you Jack?" he asked the Colonel. Jack's eyes slowly turned towards him, but he still seemed unable to speak.
"Yeah, he does", piped up Matt. "Auntie Sam comes over on Saturdays and they sit in Uncle Jack's big chair and cuddle" he paused, "and sometimes they kiss – yech!" He went on building with the lego, not seeming to realize the bomb he and his sister had dropped.
"Something you guys want to tell us?" Daniel asked in an innocent tone of voice.
Teal'c too was looking at them sternly, The Eyebrow raised, as if daring them to deny what the kids had said.
Jack sighed and leaned forward in his chair. "I guess we've been found out Carter", he said. "We might as well come clean."
She smiled slightly, kissed Ali, and gently lowered her to the ground. "Why don't you go play with Matt and Chloe", she told the little girl. With a deep breath she turned and faced her friends. "Okay – so yeah, we've been found out. It's not that we were trying to hide anything." At the incredulous look from both her teammates she grimaced. "Okay – so we were trying to hide it – but only for a little while. We didn't want to keep it from you it's just -" she paused, not quite sure what to say.
"Look guys", Jack stepped in. "It wasn't easy for us – moving from a professional relationship to a more" he waved his hands as if not sure what to say – "and we needed some space. We were planning to tell you soon, it's just we needed time to kind of figure things out for ourselves. And we figured if it didn't work out – it would be easier if no one knew we were seeing each other."
"So you are seeing each other – I mean, really?" Daniel asked.
"Yeah – although we've been taking it slowly" the Colonel explained. He wasn't about to tell either of his friends how difficult that was. He felt like he'd taken more cold showers in the last few months than he had since he was 18. "We needed to get to know one another in a new way without -"
"Without your friends interfering" Teal'c said calmly. "I understand O'Neill, Major Carter and I am happy for you. You are well suited."
"Thanks T", Jack grinned.
Sam finally smiled as well, although she looked at Daniel a little worriedly. "Daniel?" she asked. "I'm sorry – we hated not saying anything."
"It's okay Sam", he finally grinned. "I'm really happy for you both and I do understand. I knew something was going on", he said to Teal'c. "Although I admit you were both good – real good. You had us fooled." He narrowed his eyes at his friends – "so, Saturday night kissing and cuddling on the couch? Wow!"
Both Jack and Sam were actually relieved that the truth was finally out. They no longer had to pretend around their friends, although they still kept their relationship private. It was no longer prohibited, but both of them knew it would cause rumors to fly. Eventually it would come out, but by then Jack hoped that it would be old news. With him not working directly with Sam anymore, he figured that most people wouldn't care.
With their friends now in the loop, they both agreed it was time to 'speed things up'. It was time to take things to a more serious level – something they both greeted with relief and not a little fear.
Jack had quietly called Daniel into his office one day to speak with him. After beating round the bush for twenty minutes the younger man finally sat forward and looked at the Colonel with a concerned expression.
"Jack, what is it? I'm sure you didn't call me in here to tell me the latest hockey news. Is something wrong?"
Jack pushed his hand through his hair and looked mildly uncomfortable. "I wanted to ask a favor", he finally said.
Daniel frowned. "Okay, sure. What is it?"
Jack moved in his chair, trying to get more comfortable and began to play with his pen until in defeat it finally snapped in two. That meant, of course that for the next few minutes the two men had to clean up the ink from all over the desk and from on top of some important looking papers.
"Okay, now tell me Jack" he said when the mess had been cleaned up, "what is it you want me to do?"
"Uh – I was wondering if you would mind babysitting the kids", he finally managed to get out.
Daniel stared at him and then shook his head. "That's it? You want me to babysit? Yeah, sure – but why are you so uncomfortable? You've asked me to babysit before."
"Yeah – well, I was wondering if you would watch them for the weekend – next weekend."
"O –kay", the other man replied. Sitting forward on his chair he canted his head. "What's going on? Why are you so worried."
"I'm not worried – not exactly", Jack coughed. "I – uh – Look, I kind of wanted to take Car – Sam – away for the weekend. You know – a romantic weekend and I needed someone to watch the kids for me."
"Okay", Daniel replied easily, sitting back. "Just tell me when and I'll come over. Maybe Teal'c would like to come too. We could take the kids skating, I'm sure they'd like that."
"Oh – okay – uh, thanks Daniel", Jack replied, looking relieved. "I appreciate it."
"Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"Why were you so nervous about asking me to watch the kids? I've done it before so it's no big deal."
"Yeah – it's not that Daniel. It's just that I've never done this before."
"Huh?" Daniel peered at him in confusion. "You've left the kids before", he answered.
"It's not the kids I'm talking about. I've never – this is the first time – oh hell Daniel, I told you we were going slowly. This is the first time I'll have, we'll have gone away – I mean, with the kids and everything we've not – you know."
"Oh!" Daniel's eyes grew round. "You mean?" He suddenly grinned and stood up. "Wow Jack – when you said slow, you really meant slow." He walked to the door and opened it. Turning at the last second he spoke again. "Don't worry – we'll look after the kids. You just go and – have fun!" he grinned and left the room.
Jack sat for a second, looking at the closed door. "I will Daniel", his mouth turning up slowly. "Believe me, I will." He bent his head and began signing requisition forms.