Part Twenty Five
The first week of classes goes by slowly. Just seeing Oliver around gets on your nerves. What he said about Daniel really got to you. You couldn't believe that he could say something like that. Luckily for you, Daniel has been sending you letters every few days. You had given him Lupin's address since Lupin lived in a small muggle town, and because Lupin promised he wouldn't open the letters before sending them to you or vice-versa. Every time you open Daniel's letter, you enjoy the look on Oliver's face. Just knowing how much it irritates him, helps you get through the day.
The first weekend after the whole blow out with Oliver, he finds you in the library, alone. He comes to sit down. "We've decided to grow up have we?" you say to him, sarcasm dripping from each word. "Look I know I shouldn't have said that, okay, I felt bad about it all week. Can we please be friends again…or at least on speaking terms?" He asks you quietly. "Really, Oliver. You want to be friends. How many times are we going to do this this year? Each time I say yes to being friends with you, you go and make sure I regret it. Some days I really wonder why I ever became friends with you in the first place. And then I remember it was because you were nice, caring, and not conceited like some of the other guys I met. That's where you proved me wrong. You are full of yourself, and no matter what, you try hard not to let anything be your fault. Maybe you don't remember how you ended up with Hayley that weekend, but I'm pretty sure you do remember agreeing to go out with her after what happened. Oh and the whole silent treatment, it was entirely my fault for sleep walking and telling you how I felt so that you would think I wasn't serious." You say sarcastically, as you continue. All your pent up anger flowing freely out of you. "Well this time it's all on you. You decided to make those spiteful remarks when you don't even know anything about Daniel… and I'm not sure I want to forgive you. You can't always make assumptions and believe you are right…I'm not even going out with Daniel. Now you think by telling me how bad you feel will make everything all right. No it won't, I'm tired of having to hear the same thing every time we have a row. I don't need you to distract me from my studies. I'm weary of playing this game with you. If you really love me like you say you do, then put me out of my misery. Let me go. You're with Hayley now. Stop caring about who I see, can you at least be happy for me. It's not fair to Hayley that you keep trying to get me back, while you're with her. I thought maybe we could be friends, and let this stuff go, I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe it's time we stopped trying to be friends when clearly neither of us wants to be just friends." You say to him, spilling to him what you've been feeling for the last while, your voice is holding steady although you can't help but feel like your heart is breaking into tinier pieces.
Oliver sits there in front of you looking quite stunned. "You can't be serious…I mean aren't you being hasty…how can we not be friends?" He splutters, reaching for your hand. You pull your hand away from his reach. "I think we need to concentrate on getting ourselves together, before we get together with someone else…And I think we both need to take a break from this drama, and you need to figure out if this constant tug of war is what you really want. Because I know I don't want to be avoiding, hiding, and ignoring you every day, but also I don't want to be a part of this tug of war anymore." You tell him quietly. "I can't stop loving you…" He says staring at you. "I'm not asking you to stop, I'm asking you to let me go. If you love me then let go." You say to him, your eyes are starting to water. You are trying hard to not let a single tear fall. "Will we ever be friends again?" He asks you…the tone in his voice scares you. "Time will tell." You say…you can't seem to look at him. "I mean it's not like we won't see each other around. We'll still talk when we see each other around, it'll just be easier without the tension. I'll still come to the Quidditch games. We won't have to avoid each other." You say, trying to make it sound like your friendship ending will be better for the both of you. He's silent. You look at him. His eyes seem to be filled with hurt and pain. "I think in time we'll be okay again, this is for the best Oliver. I mean its not like we're saying goodbye forever." You try to convince him, and yourself. "I'm scared…" He whispers. "Why?" You ask him. "Because if I let go, what if I lose you forever?" He says whispering his fears to you. "I'm sorry…" You trail off, your throat chokes on the words and the feelings you try to keep inside. Minutes pass by as you two sit there not wanting to let the other go.
After a while, Oliver is the one to move. He reaches out for you, one last time. You…pull away from him. He slowly gets up, and you watch him walk out of your life. You choke back the tears and the pain.
Harry comes around looking for Ron and Hermione. "Hey did you see Ron, or Hermione?" He asks you. "No I haven't seen them since I got here." You tell him, looking down at your book. Your eyes are filled with tears that the words written in front of you are blurry. "Are you okay? I saw Oliver walking out, he looks kind of like what you look like right now." He says to you. "I'm fine. I just need to finish some work before turning in for the night." You say making sure your voice is steady. Harry leaves you.
Alone with your thoughts you close your books, knowing that there is no way you'll be finishing anything tonight. You put your head in your hands, as you see a tear drop fall.