Chapter 25

Closure was a tricky thing. It was never guaranteed and it should never be taken for granted. So, they all got back to their life and thrown themselves headlong into their work. The boys were right. At least Rory finally got some closure with Logan. That ship had sailed. He was able to protect her from everything, her comfortable person, her rescuer, her partner in her young adult life. Now, she had gained confidence and even if Logan will always be her first true love, she was now in a position to move on. Now, what about Robert and Finn? She was still in Boston, Robert in DC and Finn all around the world. So, she decided that keeping the distance between them would be the best thing until she made a decision. She was not going to set them all up for more heartache. Even though it wasn't intentionally, too many people that she cared for got hurt and it had to come to an end.

Logan had a headstrong and always gave a hard time when things didn't go his way, but this time he felt that he was part of the decision so he let go and went back to California and Laura. At least she was drama free and he could use that for a while. His father was now beginning to be back in his life so he had to keep his head clear to think about his offer.

Finn attempted to avoid Boston as much as he could. He had met her for drinks once when he was in town but was careful leaving her at her door. Robert who usually at least texted Rory every day, slowly lowered the frequency to finally stop. He still kept contact with the boys, but was always careful not to talk about her. At the end, Steph was the one who stayed in touch with Rory.

She'd got into this predicament all by herself and she had to sort it out. What was the right decision? That summer she realized how difficult it was to answer that question. Why can't I take a decision on my own? Rory was struggling and nothing seemed to be helping. No matter what would be her verdict, someone would get hurt in the end. Nevertheless, she had to admit that the friendship between Finn and Robert was unbelievably strong and that it would probably survive this turbulence. Even her pro/con list miserably failed. None of the answers were binary. Above all that, when she was trying to factor her loved one's opinion, everything got messier. For instance, without asking, she already knew that her mother would suggest forgetting about all three of them. Emily always was a Logan fan, but eventually she could convince her that Robert could be the right choice. Then it struck her that she could seek an experimented male opinion and decided to share her dilemma with her father. After all, just like the boys, he was coming from a wealthy family and he had a perfect knowledge of the Gilmores. She had never been closed to him, but over the last year they were sharing quality family time together, sometimes with Gigi who absolutely adored her elder sister. Rory had always missed having a father when she was a child, and she had to admit that even if this new relationship with Christopher would never make up for it, she was indeed enjoying it.

That evening, once Gigi had been put in bed, her father handed her a cup of coffee and sat next to her on the couch.

"So kiddo, are you ready to tell me what has been bothering you these past weeks?"

Rory stared at her father. When did her father became that perceptual?

"Are you ready to listen to my love life?" She smirked at him.

"As long as you don't get into sexual details, I'm up to anything for you, kiddo"

She smiled at him. She definitively liked the new Christopher. She took her time to tell him the ins and outs of her little drama. He listened attentively, regularly nodding and encouraging her to keep talking. At the end of her story he first hugged her and then kissed her on the cheek.

"I can't tell you what to do, it's your life, just that I'll be supportive with any decision given that it's yours. I can only offer you this advice that I learned badly at my expense. You have to be happy first with yourself before being able to fully commit to a relationship. At least I think that's why it never worked with your mother despite that she's the love of my life."

Rory's eyes got saucer-wide. She'd never heard her father confessing that way about his feelings for Lorelai. She could see he was emotional and she realized that their relationship had reached another level.

"I'm impressed, what you did with Logan was very matured, I wished I had done that with your mother. It took us twenty years to get closure and we hurt so many people in the process including you. Like most things in life, love stories also come to an end. Yours with Logan had reached this point, you have now to move on. Of course, things are never gonna be the same kiddo, but you're young and you're going to build new things with a new guy it can be Robert, or Finn or maybe another one and you'll be happy again."

"But how did you know you loved mom?" Christopher beamed at his daughter.

"For me I just felt it, she had invaded my brain even my whole body. She had, and she still has, this ability to draw me to her. I guess everyone is different, and when I was sixteen for me it was love."

He paused for a few seconds trying to find the right words.

"Kiddo, to make a decision, any decision love, work or whatever, of course you have to ponder, weigh your options, but you also have to trust your guts and not over think, in particular at your age. You're only twenty-five, keep in mind that you are perfectly allowed to make mistakes and it won't be the end of the world. Twenty-somethings screw up, it's normal. I know you like to make pro/con lists and I'm sure it helps, but remember that even the best-laid plans sometimes can go wrong."

It was the first time that she'd share such a deep conversation with her father and she liked how profound he had become. She beamed at him and hugged him.

"Thanks dad"

"You're welcome kiddo. Just for the record, I don't know him much, but I have the feeling that Robert has been falling for you for a while now. When I called him to ask him to pick you at the airport after your trip to Somalia, I could hear how relieved he was to get news from you and how happy he was to be able to see you again"

After this father-daughter discussion, she wondered if she had the ability to be happy. The only decision that she made was to take her time.

Since Robert left, she had stop running, but to her surprise, she went back to yoga. That evening she was in the couch with trying to read while her thoughts drifted. She remembered the long talks that she used to have with him, right there on this sofa while they were sipping wine. He would chat about his work, College and his memories from Africa and Asia or France, keeping her amused and bewildered at the same time. It was those talks that turned the cynic and irritating college student of her memories into the enthralling and dense man that she fell in love with. After the Logan debacle, the campaign trail, the reporting in war zones, coming home to Robert made her feel having roots. She needed permanence. However, was it him that she needed or the situation?

She sighed. Suddenly tears came to her eyes and she began to feel angry. Once again, she was abandoned by herself, hurting, mistrusting her decision. Why did they give up on her? Logan never reached to her after his stupid ultimatum and now Robert told her that he loved her, but left her to make the decision by herself. She knew it was unfair to believe that of Robert. She closed her eyes biting back the sobs as her emotions took over. She felt selfish, silly and messed up. She knew she was handling the situation poorly, but she didn't feel she had any other options without hurting more people. She genuinely thought she couldn't do it in another way.

# # #

Months went by and Rory immersed herself into work. At least it was the field where she excelled at and she needed that to compensate what she felt as a failure in her private life. The only positive outcome was that her relationship with her mother went back to the usual. She returned to Stars Hollow for the fall festival and Thanksgiving. She even had a week vacation in Connecticut at the end of December, her first real break since she started at the Globe. Steph was also visiting her parents in Hartford so they decided that they would have a girl's night at the Vanderbilt residence. They were having wine in the entertainment room watching "Love Actually" while Steph phone vibrated.

"It's Colin," she told Rory.

"Hey darling. How are you?"

"I know you're having a girl's night with Rory, but can I come?"

"You're sure you want to watch a Christmas romantic comedies marathon with us?" she glared at Rory. Rory smirked and nodded at Steph.

"I can't bear my new step mother. She keeps calling me kiddo and has an even smaller intellect than the redheads Finn used to date at Yale. She's barely older than me and my father is driving me crazy. Please baby. I could kill myself if I can't get out of here. I promise I'll behave! Spare me another evening with them. I swear I'll make it up to you. Please!" Colin begged.

"And what will you do?"

"Whatever you'd like, I'll do it"

"Okay then, bring your booze because we're not sharing our wine with you, it's too good" she blinked at Rory.

"Like you two know how to choose wine," he giggled.

"It's Robert's Christmas gift to Rory. He sent her two crates of her favorite wine"

"Oh…"

Steph hanged up and asked Rory "Are you alright with that?"

"Sure, we can't leave the poor guy. You're tough on him, we can share the wine with him you know. Where are the other stooges for the holidays?" Rory hadn't mentioned them for a while.

"All three of them are spending the week in Australia."

"Colin didn't go?"

"His father wanted him to spend Christmas with the family… And I'm working on the New Year's Eve so I kind of asked him to stay with me…"

"It's nice, you guys are really serious now"

"Yes, I guess we are" Steph beamed.

"Colin has always been very sweet"

"Can I ask you a very personal question?" Steph said carefully.

"Sure"

"Why didn't you get back with Robert after the Vineyard weekend?" Rory sighed.

"I don't really know, it's too complicated. I have the impression that I messed up their friendship. To be totally honest, I'm totally over Logan, but it's like I have still trouble moving on. I do have feelings for Robert, strong ones but it's like I was numb, paralyzed. Then you add the long-distance and the politic conflict of interest. We're not investigating the Democrat Party right now, but in American politics everything is linked to the White House."

"I totally understand what you're saying, but you need to know that Robert is hurting, just like you. At least you and Logan are really over now. Do you think you would be able to allow being with Robert?"

Rory sighed again.

"Maybe, but right now it's too soon. I feel we're in a weird place. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm thinking. Anyway, we're still not living in the same city. I learned that he's doing pretty well at the White House. The Globe correspondent already knows him. Which one of us would leave his job?"

"It's just bad timing. You could start long distance. We did it with Colin, you did it with Logan, it's not like if we were married, we're still at the beginning of our relationships, there's no rush, the clock is not ticking if you know what I mean. It's not that bad. At least, when we're together it's quite intense"

"New Haven is not that far from Manhattan. You two could commute every day if you felt like it. You know, I think that with Robert we started the wrong way. We never actually dated."

"You lived together for a year, it was like dating without being physical. And it's not like you two didn't know each other before. You did date once." Steph smirked "How was the sex though?"

"Incredible, absolutely mind blowing" Rory blushed just thinking about it.

"So then, what is stopping you?"

"I don't want to ruin their friendship. I felt so bad and guilty"

"It's not like if you would date all three of them. You don't have to answer but although I totally understand that you slept with Robert, but why Finn?"

"To be honest, I don't even know myself." Rory hesitated. She wasn't sure she was able to share so intimate feelings. "When I slept with Robert I hadn't been intimate with a guy since Logan"

"Really? During two years? Are none of the guys you've met worse it?" Steph was stunned.

"I don't know, I shut myself down, I believe it was my way of protecting myself from thinking of Logan. Being attracted to someone would open again all my feelings for him. Then when I had this amazing night with Robert, I guess every physical emotion that I'd buried surfaced up, I became aware of that and it was a little difficult to control them. So, when I woke up that night, I was lying with my head on Finn's chest and I could feel the warmth of his body, he smelt incredible and all my senses became so… responsive…"

"Okay I get it now. Don't worry Ror, it's totally natural. We girls all know how attractive he is"

"Did you…?"

"No, I think that until now, you're the only one from our group that had been intimate with him. He's eccentric but he also knows not to mess up things in the group. You know, 'don't shit where you eat' ".

"I just don't want to hurt Finn or Logan"

"Finn is a big boy, and not dumb either. Everybody including Finn knows that you had something special with Robert. It was just so obvious when you were living together. Only you two were oblivious to that"

"Have you seen Robert since the Vineyard?"

"No, but Colin talked to him a few times and I understood he's doing nothing else but work. He was preparing the State of the Union speech before he left for Sydney. He's not dating or even bedding anyone. You know that the ball is in your court, right?" Steph eyed Rory trying to decipher what was going on in her friend's head.

"I guess, but even if Logan agreed that we were over, I have the feeling he'll resent Robert if we would start dating"

"Probably because he's insanely jealous when it comes to you and that's why you need to make the first move, and anyway he made his decision, twice and he's in California now. I can't believe you'll pass on an amazing relationship just to not mess up their friendship"

"They were friends before I came along" Rory shrugged.

"So? It's not first come first serve. Friends also come and go. A lot people don't keep their friends for life. We lost you during your time in the campaign and nobody resented you. It's life, not everything is under our control."

"They have a particular friendship. Logan is closer to them than to his own family. They are his emergency contact even before Honor. They stayed with him after our break up until he could get on his feet. Of course, he's by himself now in California, but I know that he speaks to at least one of them every week."

"Yeah they are very close. It's also like the bond that you have with Robert now. I think one of the reasons you two got along so well is that just like you, although you two are coming from society families, you weren't raised in society, you in Stars Hollow, he abroad. The bottom line is that they're all bound to each other now, nothing will tear them apart definitively, just like even if you don't end up with Robert, you two have a unique connection"

"You're probably right, but I need time" Rory said sheepishly.

"Your call, but I think it's a pity for Robert and you."

"Can I give you a small advice?" Colin suddenly popped in the conversation. Both girls turned to him surprised. He had listened silently to the end of their conversation.

"Honey, we didn't hear you come in" He moved toward them, kissed them on the temple and sat in front of Rory.

Rory gazed at him curious about what her friend was going to say.

"You act too much like a woman, I mean you think too much about the pros and cons, the consequences and the feelings. Why don't you try the more masculine way, just act and tell him? In particular, if you decide not to pursue, you have to set him free. Anyway, he'll still be in love with you for a while after that. Trust me, the kind of love he has for you, he won't be getting out of it easily, I know what I'm talking about."

Stephanie stared at her boyfriend a quizzical look on her face. They had known each other almost their entire life, but he never ceased to surprise her. As a lawyer, he could make incredible defense speeches, but when it came to personal feelings, it was like he had lost all his words. She knew that what he just did, was the best way he could deliver that he loved her unconditionally. Most women would have missed that, but Steph and Rory had learnt to know that under his thick cover of coldness, was the sweetest shy man.

Rory smiled at them. They were such good friends.

"I think I'm going to hit the hay and leave you guys alone."

A/N: Sorry for the late update but I got distracted by the #GilmoreGirlsChristmasChallenge. Thanks so much for all the nice reviews. I hope I'll be able to keep up your expectations.