Chapter 25

Carter slowly turned to look at Lara, who was peeling the electrodes from her forehead. A sudden wave of embarrassment crashed down on Carter as she realized that Lara had witnessed the entire simulation that had just unfolded. She had seen Carter break down to her very worst, and that didn't sit well with Carter.

"Let's not beat around the bush," Lara said, breaking the increasingly awkward silence. Her voice was businesslike, though Carter was certain that she could hear just a touch of sympathy mixed in. "You know that I've been paying close attention to you since the beginning of initiation, and I know that you know why."

Carter cleared her throat, trying to slow all the thoughts racing through her mind. "You work for the Agency."

Lara raised an eyebrow. "That's… not what I was expecting you to say." She answered, the surprise in her voice not very well hidden. She stood and paced around for a moment before turning back to Carter. "Can I ask how you know that?"

Carter cleared her throat, trying to give herself some more time to figure out what to say. "Shouldn't you know? You work for them. I'd assume that you'd know the 'plan' that they put into action." Carter looked at Lara intently, searching for any trace that she knew what Carter was hinting at. There was no way Carter was going to chance revealing that her father was back in the compound if Lara herself didn't already know.

Lara stopped pacing and returned to her chair, rolling it so that she was situated in front of Carter. The two were quiet for a few moments. Carter could tell that Lara was trying to size her up, trying to figure out how much Carter really knew. But Carter had an excellent poker face, and she wasn't going to let anything slip that she didn't want to.

"I've only been a part of the Agency for about six months," Lara revealed, finally breaking the silence. "My job is simple; observe the initiates for any sign of irregularities and report my findings. I was informed that there was a very important initiate in this class. They didn't tell me who, but I'm certain they knew who it was from the start. I kept a close eye on you in the beginning because I just had a feeling about you. Yesterday my theory was all but confirmed when you went through the simulations with such ease. Now I know for sure; you're who the Agency is after."

"Do you know why?" Carter asked hesitantly, wondering how much information she could get out of Lara. Though she knew why the Agency wanted her, Carter was still unsure of what they wanted from her. She was supposed to stop some upcoming war with Erudite, or something along those lines, yet she was still confused about her part in the whole thing.

"All I know is that they need someone with an aptitude for all five factions, and they wouldn't have told me to keep an eye out if they didn't already know of one." Lara said.

Carter remained silent. She wasn't going to confess anything to Lara. It was too risky. Her true intentions weren't exactly clear, so until Carter knew she could trust her completely, Lara was not going to have any more information than she already had.

"We don't need to talk about the Agency. What we do need to talk about, however, is your Divergence. Your time was faster than any of the other initiates by far. You need to be careful during these simulations. They're recorded and put into a database that the leaders have access to. The Agency believes that there's a Dauntless leader that is in league with Erudite, and if they see your simulations and figure out that you're Divergent…" Lara trailed off.

"Then I'm toast," I finish, sinking back into the chair.

"Eloquently put," Lara replied, letting out a dry laugh. "I already put this one in manually, stating that there was an issue with the computer. I can't do that every time though. They'll catch on. You need to figure out a different way to beat the simulation. Either you calm yourself down, or you give into your fear."

Carter glanced at her quizzically. Give in to her fear? Exactly how was she supposed to do that? Instead of voicing her concern, Carter simply nodded and pushed herself out of the chair. This encounter needed to be over.

"I'll be careful," Carter promised as she left the room.

-break-

Something strange happened over the next three days. The way the trainers had explained it, the initiates would experience four simulations, with a new fear each day. Everything was going as it should, until it wasn't.

On the second day, Carter faced her fear of heights. She had paced around the rooftop of a building so high up that the view of the ground was blocked by clouds. Carter knew the situation wasn't real, but she couldn't just conjure up a ladder to climb down, and despite her best efforts, her racing heart would not slow. She then thought about what Lara had said.

Give into your fear.

After realizing what that meant, Carter threw herself off the building, bracing for an impact that didn't come. When she had woken up, Lara gave her an approving nod.

On the third day, Carter came face to face with Jeanine and her scalpel. She was tied to a chair in a room that was identical to the original one she had been held in. Panic had flared through Carter like it never had before. She strained against her bonds, desperately trying to wriggle her hands free. When Jeanine took a step closer, Carter kicked out, making her keep her distance. Carter realized she wasn't going to get free. She was bound too tightly to the chair. As Jeanine stepped forward again, a sick smile spread across her lips, Carter hung her head in defeat.

This isn't real.

The thought floated through Carter's mind. Logically she knew that Jeanine couldn't really hurt her, at least not in her mind, but the thought of going through this torture again was unbearable. Using all of her concentration, she willed her bonds to loosen incrementally, not enough to be obvious that she manipulated the simulation. Carter started struggling again to make it seem as though it was her physical efforts that allowed her to break free. When she finally got a hand out, she swung it at Jeanine. Carter wrestled her to the ground and ripped the scalpel out of her hand. A sigh of relief escaped her, and she closed her eyes. When she got out of the simulation, Carter could tell that Lara was curious about what she'd just seen, but Carter left before she could ask any questions.

Even after thinking about it long and hard all afternoon, Carter still couldn't pinpoint exactly what that fear had been. Was it Jeanine? Was it the prospect of being cut open? Was it the loss of control? Carter couldn't figure it out.

The fourth day was when something bizarre happened. Carter was fidgeting in the seat, nervously wondering what todays fear could possibly be. How could it possibly be worse than yesterday? Carter clung to the hope that her previous fear was as bad as it would get.

But when Lara stuck the needle into her neck, and she entered the simulation, she found that she was back in that dark room where she had ended up in the first simulation. Carter turned around and, sure enough, there was her family along with Grayson. She blinked in surprise at the repetition. There was still a pulse of shock that ran through her when the hoard of hands reached out to grab her father and yank him back into the darkness, but mostly just confusion. Carter's heart began to race as she watched her mother walk away again. She whirled around, not wanting to see this scene unfold once more. Her legs propelled her forward and carried her into the darkness. She ran and ran until she woke up back in the simulation room.

Eyes wide, Carter turned to look at Lara, who was staring back at her with an equally surprised face.

"Why did I go through that simulation again?" Carter asked, chest heaving slightly.

"Was there anything different about it at all?" Lara asked. When Carter shook her head, Lara slowly started to remove the electrodes from her forehead. As she let out a sigh, she ran a hand through her hair and looked back up at Carter. Her eyes looked concerned, but there was a hint of curiosity as well. "I've never heard of this happening before. This is only my first year as a trainer, so I haven't seen as many initiates as some, but I'm pretty sure this isn't a common occurrence."

"Do you know what this means?" Carter questioned.

"No. I have a few guesses, but I'm going to hold off on a definite answer until after initiation." Lara said. Her tone had a sense of finality to it, so Carter didn't bother pressing her for any more information. As her hand reached for the door Lara said, "Ask your mother. She might know more."

Carter looked back at Lara, who was busy typing something into the computer, so she walked out without responding.

-break-

Carter wandered around the compound for a bit, making sure to not stray that far from the training room. She had promised Grayson that she would wait for him, so they could hang out for a while. They could both sense that their lives would not remain quiet for much longer. With initiation almost over, the looming issue of the conflict between the Agency and Erudite seemed to hang over their heads. Carter was still unsure of exactly was going to happen, she just knew that after initiation she was going to go back with her dad to the Agency, and that almost guaranteed that Grayson would go with them as well.

Grayson hadn't talked to his father about that yet, but he had told Carter that there was no way he was letting her go off on some mission without him.

About twenty minutes later she was drifting along towards the Chasm when Carter heard someone calling her name. She turned around and saw Grayson walking towards her, a smile on his face even though he looked ashen. He must have just gotten out of his simulation.

The moment he got to her Grayson pulled her close and kissed her. He didn't care that there were people milling about around them, but Carter sure did. She let him kiss her for a moment, but then quickly pulled away, immediately looking for people watching them. There wasn't, of course, because the people of Dauntless don't care about things like public displays of affection. Carter just didn't enjoy having so many people seeing her like that.

"No one cares what we do, Carter," Grayson whispered huskily in her ear.

"I care," Carter said, meeting his gaze. "No one needs to see me making out with my boyfriend."

Grayson pulled away with a chuckle, linking his fingers through hers and setting off at a slow pace. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were ashamed of me."

"Oh, I definitely am." Carter retorted, keeping a straight face. Eventually she cracked a smile and allowed him to give her a peck on the lips.

"How was the simulation today?" Carter asked. They weren't sure if they were supposed to discuss them with other people, but they knew just about everything about each other already, so it didn't seem to matter.

"I found out I'm afraid of sharks," Grayson revealed. "We don't even leave near an ocean, so why on Earth would I be afraid of sharks? At least they're cool and not something ridiculous like moths."

"Isn't your mom afraid of moths?" Carter asked, scrunching up her nose in amusement.

"Exactly," Grayson muttered. "What about you? How did yours go?"

"Really strange actually. You remember the first fear I went through, where everyone left?" Carter waited for a beat to see the flicker of recognition in his eyes. "I went through it again today. There was no new fear. It was exactly the same."

Carter ended the statement in a whisper, knowing that it was something to blurt out to the compound. Grayson's steps faltered, but he quickly recovered and kept pulling Carter along. He didn't respond, instead leading Carter to their spot at the Chasm. Once they were settled down, Grayson looked to Carter.

"What did Lara say about this?" He asked, his voice low.

"She says she has a few guesses, but she didn't share any details. She wants to wait until after initiation is done before she jumps to any conclusions. It's only her first year as a trainer, so she hasn't dealt with many initiates, but she also said that she's never heard of this happening before." Carter explained, leaning into Grayson for comfort. He snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her as close to him as possible.

The two sat there for a while, letting everything sink in. Nothing about their situation was normal. It was just one twist after another. Carter closed her eyes and allowed herself to think of how things would be if she a key player in some little-known plot, if she wasn't Divergent, if her father hadn't been taken, if Jeanine wasn't trying to take over the factions. In that world, it was happy. In that world, her family was the picture of strength. In that world, she didn't have to think of how she was supposed to help save the city. In that world, she was just Carter.

She opened her eyes quickly, knowing that it did her no good to get sucked into a dream that had no chance of becoming reality. Maybe one day things would not be so precarious for her family.

"She said I should talk to my mom." Carter said after a few moments. "Her and my dad trained the initiates together for a while. Maybe she knows something."

"They had two trainers per group back then?" Grayson asked.

Carter nodded. "I'm not sure why. Maybe they thought it would be easier if two of them took on the job."

"Let's go talk to your mom then," Grayson said, standing up quickly and holding out a hand to Carter.

"Actually, I was thinking of talking to her by myself." Carter confessed after she had stood. She saw a flash of confusion in Grayson's eyes, but it quickly dissipated.

"Oh, okay. Yeah, that's a good idea. Maybe she'll say more to just you." Grayson said, awkwardly stumbling a step away from Carter. She knew he was a little hurt that she didn't want him to come with her, but she felt that this was a conversation for just the two of them. Grayson was already so deep in her mess that she was starting to contemplate whether or not she should divulge certain pieces of information to him. Usually she could talk herself out of that, recalling what happened the last time they withheld their plans from each other.

"I just want to spend some one on one time with my mom," Carter reassured him. "I'll come find you when I'm done talking to her. I promise."

Grayson nodded, then offered to walk her to her apartment. Together they strolled through the compound, and when they arrived at her door Carter suddenly felt nervous. These conversations weren't exactly kitchen table topics. However, they were seeming to become commonplace in her home.

Carter could still feel the awkwardness radiating off of Grayson, so she smiled at him and gave him a quick peck on the lips before turning to go inside. Her mother, who was in the kitchen putting some dishes away, noticed her come in and smiled in greeting. When she saw the serious look in her daughter's eyes, she set down the bowls she had picked up and gave Carter her full attention.

"Is everything okay?" Her mother asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Carter quickly said, realizing she was probably giving off a bad vibe. "I just want to ask you about when you used to train initiates."