A/N: I've noticed lately that I'm not popping out chapters like I used to. I have so many plans and ideas but can't fit them into keystroke lately. This one was SOOOOO tough to write, I thought I would never get it finished into what I needed.
Anyways, starting from this chapter forwards, I'll probably stop updating everyday and try for one every 2 or 3 days. My back up plan is at least one a week though so please don't think I've abandoned my dearest readers. I love you all too much to do that.
As for the content of this chapter... It's a deciding moment of change indeed. With all the new found outward emotions that Celica is expressing now, it's difficult for her to shift through it all. However, Levi's way of 'correcting' her might just backfire after all. Ciao for now!
LEVI HEICHOU'S POV
Returning to the room, I found Valkihar safely tucked inside fully dressed and sitting on top of the bed. It appeared that she had attempted to at least straighten out the sheets, the sight being far from the normal expectation of a "made" bed. I felt a small smile pull at my lips but forced back, keeping it to myself as I shut the door behind me.
"You're still here." I commented and she just looked at me blankly for a moment before dropping her head.
"You told me to stay here." Was her only reply.
"Well, you listened. That's a start." I remarked, noting the redness had faded from her face. "Hanji's up, she can probably give you another once over if you want." She shrugged her shoulders, curling her knees tighter to her chest.
"I doubt anything has changed over night. Maybe in a couple more days."
"But obviously something has." I stated, a faint blush crossing across her face. That look on her face said it all. But was it really that easy to persuade her into believing that? I'd have to remember how foolishly gullible she was for another time.
"Perhaps, but like I said, I can't remember."
"Right." I muttered. "Come on, you're going to see Hanji anyways. She's up in arms about you 'disappearing' last night and you need new bandages. All that tossing and turning has got them all out of sorts, right?"
Her hand instinctively touched at her side, feeling the bandages out of place. I could see for myself though that the fabric pooled loosely under her shirt. Was she still that dazed to have not yet noticed?
She nodded and slowly moved towards the edge of the bed.
"Can you walk on your own?" I questioned as her feet touched the floor. She thought for a moment before attempting to stand and falling back onto the bed, her knees giving way. You have to activate your core to stand enable to stand up on your own, whether or not you realize it. She cringed as she landed on the soft sheets, gripping at her sides. "Apparently not." I remarked, fetching her boots from beside the doorway.
"Guess we over did it last night, don't you think?"
She turned her head away from me but I could still see the blush running along the edge of her and into her ears. Even though her blush had seemed never ending since she woke up, I would take that over the endless tears she had seemed to shed over the past week. Her emotions were getting easier to read since her walls had crumbled. This new version of her that I kept seeing though, it resembled a hormone crazed teenage girl. The hormones in question however being adrenaline and raw uncorked anger and hurt instead.
I didn't know if it infuriated me from her sudden lack of maturity and self control or if it excited me. Honestly, it was probably a little bit of both. After learning a little bit more about her last night, more than I probably needed to hear, part of me could see why she was reacting this way. A virgin at twenty two and in the corps with no love life previously to speak of, it's no wonder I had worked her up so easily. I couldn't say anything though. I was in the same boat with her in this case.
The underground where I grew up was cruel and filthy. I saw first hand how relationships and partnerships were conducted and it sickened me. It was always a physical use of a body where emotions like love and compassion were never present. Even my own birth was just a result of an unfortunate mistake caused by a lust driven and deprived excuse of a man. Needless to say the thought of sex and 'relationships' never appealed to me; I didn't want any part of it.
A pained sound snapped me out of my train of thought as she pushed herself up slowly. Her face dropped as I knelt at the side of the bed, slipping a boot on for her.
"I- I can do that myself." She stuttered and I glared up at her.
"You can barely sit up on your own nor can you stand without assistance. So I doubt you can lean over and put even more pressure on your ribs to get your boots on properly." A defeated and exasperated look appeared on her face, the conflicting emotions seeping out against her will.
"Sorry." She uttered meekly and as I placed the other boot on her.
"Tch. Shut up, brat." I spat, standing up a little to throw one of her arms around my neck to pull her up to her feet. She groaned with the sudden movement, finding her footing quickly as I held her wrist with one hand and the other snaked around her back and to her side to steady her. I stood with her for a moment before she gave a brief nod of her head, instructing that it was okay to move.
I helped carry her to Hanji's office, where she was most likely to retreat even during a hangover. I didn't knock but simply opened the door and pulled Valkihar in with me.
"Celica!" Hanji jolted up and ran over to her as I sat her down on the sofa against the wall. She cringed and placed her hands over her ears.
"Still hungover... please don't yell quite yet Hanji." She muttered before the titan crazed freak sat next to her.
"Sorry. I forget some people don't recover as fast as I do." She stated, laying a hand on the girl's head. "Need new bandages already?"
Valkihar nodded and Hanji stood back up to fetch the wrappings.
"Levi, do you mind stepping out for a moment?" She asked, glancing back in my direction.
"I don't see why. What's there left to see anyways?" I retorted, immediately feeling the heat come from Valkihar's face as she blushed. Even now it was amusing to say the least. "Besides, her punishment dictates that I stay here. She isn't to leave my sight." Contradictory to my own words though, I walked to stand in front of the window, placing my back both of them. It gave me something else to focus on at least as my mind wandered to places where it didn't belong.
Hanji sighed, holding the bandages in her hands while looking to the seated girl.
"Celica?"
I also looked back to her, watching as her unsure and vulnerable eyes met with mine while she bit her lip absentmindedly. Liquid fire ran through my core before coiling lower, my body automatically tensing and catching my breath for an instant. Shit, with a look like that, makes me wish it wasn't a lie after all. No one had looked at me like that. It riled me up inside in the most foreign of ways and I couldn't look at her anymore, guilt eating at me from the inside.
CELICA'S POV
I thought for a moment, unsure of what to say and if my words would give anyways something to Hanji.
'Be blunt. Be honest.' A voice whispered from the back of my mind.
It was easy in theory, but only in theory. I was treading on eggshells around the captain as it was. I didn't need to go and say the wrong thing again but I was confused in my lack of memories and the throbbing pain in my chest. The words fell from my mouth as I spoke.
"I can't order Levi Heichou to do anything so I guess it's fine. Taking away my choice seems to be part of my punishment." That's it, I thought, just play it out. Play it cool. But most importantly, don't let them back in.
Captain Levi's body straightened and tensed, his hands on the windowsill clutching tightly to the wooden lining. Fuck. Hanji glared at him out of the corner of her eye before sitting next to me again.
"Levi has... informed me of such. The 'not leaving his side' part anyways." Hanji stated, her voice straining. "It sounds like that's not just all though. Did something else happen?"
Her dark eyes met with mine and a shiver ran up my spine. I had never thought that she could be truly intimidating until then, not even when she cornered me on the expedition to 'talk'.
"Not... really." I felt the lie fall apart on my lips as soon as I went to speak it. I saw the threatening look in her eyes as she turned back to the captain who remained stoically silent.
"I honestly can't believe you would do this to her, Levi." She snarled out at a volume barely over a whisper. She knew.
Her eyes shut tightly for a moment before taking a deep breath and undoing the buttons of my shirt. She unwound the lose fabric from around my torso, her movement jerking on the strips a little and causing me to flinch from the sudden pressure of the readjustments. Her eyes suddenly softened looking back at me.
"Sorry." She muttered. "Do you remember anything after leaving the lounge last night?" I shook my head softly.
"I can barely remember a thing after that brandy hit my system. Even a few things from before then gets blurry. I don't even remember moving from my chair." I explained, shame from my inability to hold my liquor washing over me. Hanji sighed a rubbed the top of my head.
"You'll know better next time." She stated as she checked my bruising.
"There won't be a next time. Not if I can't remember anything the night of. Especially since..." My voice trailed off, my body tensing without expectation. Especially since I might have slept with Levi Heichou last night.
Doubt crept back in, about if it was true or not. The captain was known for his honesty so what would he get out of lying to me?
Hanji's rage flared once more behind her eyes before collecting herself enough to gingerly wrap fresh bandages around me.
"Your bruising is even worse than yesterday but that's too be expected. Especially if you tossed and turned in your sleep like you normally do." Her voice was straight and reasonable but her words didn't comfort me any. "Let me ask you something, Celica. Do you believe that something else happened last night after you left the lounge? Between you and Levi?"
I froze, my mind trailing off and going blank. I already knew that Hanji didn't quite understand what 'personal space' meant but I didn't expect her to be this blunt either. Was my inner turmoil really that obvious or did she get it out of the captain earlier somehow?
But what if I was wrong? What if Captain Levi was actually lying? If he was bluffing, what could his reason be?
The metaphorical light bulb of genius blazed brightly as it dawned on me. To make me feel like he owned me or at least a piece of me.
"Did you forget who you're commanding officer is?" His words swam through my head. "Did you forget...?" ...who you belong to?
Just like everyone else, he wanted me to submit to him. He would beat me to the ground, blood pouring around me, and he would still expect me to follow him to the ends of the Earth. To hell itself with blind unfaltering trust.
"Don't you think that's a bit too personal of a question to be asking her?" He spoke up.
"No more so than any of the question that were asked last night." She stated, her eyes narrowing as she stared him down.
"Alcohol was involved, of course she's going to be a little more loose lipped then." He turned his head to glare back at her. "Besides, I already told you what had happened earlier. You shouldn't need to hear it from her as well so I'll say it again, Shitty Glasses. Don't stick your nose where it doesn't belong and keep out of other people's business."
Hanji stood up quickly, fists clenched at her sides and mouth dropping to yell but I cut her off, grabbing her hand tightly.
"It's fine, Hanji. I don't care." I stated, feeling her flinch hard when my words reached her ears. I looked up at her with fierce and determined eyes though my hand trembled slightly.
"I told Levi Hiechou that l would accept any punishment that he deemed necessary so I have no room to complain about what he does."
"Celica..." So many emotions ran through her, each one surfacing for barely a second before changing. Anger, frustration, confusion, and then curiosity.
"Please just drop it, Hanji. Can you hurry up and finish the wrappings, please?" My voice was steady as I let go of her hand and pulled the roll of gauze back with me. "Or should I do it myself? I'm not helpless you know."
"Yeah... I know." She said quietly before gently ushering my hands away from the cloth, taking it back into her grasp so she could re-wrap my ribs. "It's not my place to ask that stuff. My bad."
Captain Levi made an annoyed sound and crossed his arms tight across his chest.
"So you'll listen to the brat but not to me?" He muttered and Hanji and him exchanged another glare between them.
"Maybe because she doesn't have an superiority complex due to 'little man syndrome'." She said under her breath. The captain obviously heard it though, because his hands formed into tight fists and his usual scowl deepened.
"If you have something to say then say it to my face, bitch." He growled lowly, those grey irises of his darkening and becoming sharp like blades.
"Hanji, Levi Heichou, enough please." My voice finding the courage to speak before I realized I was say anything at all. Their gazes fell back to me, Hanji backing back down but the captain's look didn't falter. My blood ran cold as he stared me down from across the room but slowly, it seemed to boil in my veins the longer he looked at me. My face threatened to flush and I averted my eyes.
'He'll punish you. That backbone of yours will continue to get you in trouble with him.' A voice said as it crept forwards from the recesses of my mind.
Let him try. There's little he can do to me and I won't let him break me. I may be under his care but I am NOT beneath him. I'll prove it to him; to everyone. Nothing and no one will break me anymore. No one.
'But you gave in just now. He already knows he has you wrapped around his little finger.' The voice taunted.
No, he doesn't. If he thought that he had me wrapped around his finger then there would be no reason for him to do any of this. He would leave me alone and wouldn't keep me like a caged animal. He wouldn't have thought to make be believe that he had to taken anything that personal from me.
I let out a soft breath and refocused my eyes back on the captain. His eyes flickered for a moment before the corner of his mouth turned up slightly. It felt as if, once more he and I were caught in our own little bubble, until Hanji made a small snort beside me. I turned my attention to her and saw something also flash in those dark eyes behind her thick glasses. A smile curled up on her amused face.
"You've changed a lot in such a short time." She tapped my forehead gently and finishing up the wrappings. "And like always you're full of surprises."
She stood up as my brows furrowed slightly into a perplexing look. Her entire aura changed back into her spontaneous and eager usual persona, resting her hands on her hips and looking back to the captain.
"She's good for now. Just try to be a little more gentle with her from now on. Don't want her coming back with even more marks because of you." She teased while Captain Levi deepened his scowl.
"The brat needs to learn not to be so reckless in the first place then maybe I can quit having to involve myself as much." He stated, completely losing that amusement in his eyes as he turned to fully face both of us.
I quickly buttoned up my shirt, eyeing him carefully out of the corner of my vision. He jerked his head away when he noticed my hands closing my shirt and I could have swore that the tops of his ears were dusted in pink. That was a first.
"Right..." The way her eyes shone, it seemed that Hanji didn't believe his words for a moment. At least I wasn't alone in that theory as well.
I pushed myself slowly off of the sofa, planting the soles of my feet firmly against the ground to stand up while an arm wrapped around torso on instinct. I felt the stretch and pull of muscle on my ribs as felt my head blur in the pain. Hanji reached out to steady me but I threw her a look, willing the darkness to recede, my eyes burning as brightly as the liquid fire that encased my chest. She froze with out stretched arms and I finally stood up on both feet, leaned over but on my feet regardless.
"Thanks for rewrapping me but I'm fine. I don't need your help to stand now, Hanji." My stubbornness was starting to get the better of me. It hurt like hell to stand up straight on my own but I was already tired of being doted on. As long as I had strength to fight, in one form or fashion, that's exactly what I would do.
Footsteps moved and I saw the captain take a couple more steps towards me before stopping, my eyes meeting his, firm and serious.
"I don't need your's either, Heichou." His eyes narrowed at me but he made no further moves towards me. I straightened up my back, dropping my arms back down to my sides and made a move for the door.
"Where do you think you're going?" He questioned darkly.
"My room, where else?" I didn't want to be anywhere near this man anymore. My head was swimming with a mixture of pain and anger. No one lied straight to my face and reflecting on it pissed me off to no end. At this moment, I could say that I thoroughly hated this egotistical shrimp of a man.
My eyes narrowed back at him, flames of anger seeping into my irises and I knew the captain saw it.
"I don't think so. You're not to leave my side and you will not leave until I say so." There he was again throwing orders around and expecting me to shrink back down but it wasn't happening. Not this time though.
"With all due respect, Heichou..." FUCK OFF. I wish I had to balls to say that to his face right then but I was content with still being alive at the moment. "I've taken up enough of both of yall's time. This babysitting thing is beneath you anyways and I need some more sleep before my headache gets any worse. So if you'll excuse me..."
I didn't see his face as I left the room and shut the door behind me. I didn't see Hanji's jaw drop to the floor like I had expected it to as I walked down the hall towards my room. I didn't see a thing as I left them behind but I did feel the chill of certain death seeping into the air around me.
A smirk worked itself to my face. If I was going to die, it was better that it be in defiance of this cruel and oppressive world; with Captain Levi being the harbinger of my own personal end.