Afternoon:

I tried to take Mika's kitchen duty today. I like kitchen duty. It's warm, it smells good, and you get the leftover bits. However, when I got to the kitchens, Cook (yes, that's her name, I think her surname, but you never know) immediately started asking what I need and apologizing for working me so hard before. She hadn't known who I was, you see. I told her I was here to work for Mika, and Cook was scandalized! If I said Mika needed a day off, then OF COURSE she could have one. I didn't need to come here and work. She shooed me out of her kitchen with a half a loaf of BUTTERED bread shoved into my hands. The only things I could think were "that woman should be a general" and "what the hell just happened" as the door shut literally in my face.

So I shrugged my shoulders, basically, and went to help the messengers in the healing and magery tents. They always need workers, right? I was chased out of there too! Asking what I need from the healers, telling me that they will surely treat any elven injuries, and I needn't be worried for that. I gave Philomena and Marta my bread, and headed off. I received the same sort of wary welcome/release situation at the scullery, the sewing room, and grrr the stable. In every place I was recognized and tittered at and apologized at and reassured like I needed some sort of coddling. So I went to see Adan. I'll admit, I went around the back in case everyone's favorite apostate was standing outside.

Adan told me with a wry chuckle that by stepping between Cullen and Tanya (which I didn't do. Feren and Gethon did that), and being the one sent for to resolve an issue, then taking Cullen and the recruit to task, I'd set myself up as a recognizable face of Haven's elves. Well, shit. I'd kind of hoped they'd let it go. You know, I'd wanted to hear Adan laugh, but not at my expense! Damn, the multiverse has a perverse sense of humor. Get what you ask for, and don't like it.

He then proceeded to ask if I needed any potions, the smirking ass, and I sassily told him I had my own, and better, at home. Oops. He stopped futzing with the stuff on the table, looked at me, and asked where I got potions from. I told him I kind of made my own, with my own recipe, and a nice poultice, too. And told him Harritt was using the poultice at the forge. His eyebrows nearly hit his hairline. Apparently there hadn't been any medicine requests from the forge or trips to the healer's tents from the forge for over a week. He'd chalked it up to Harritt's people being more careful.

So, I'm a bit of a bitch sometimes, so I pointed out that he'd had samples of my work for almost that long himself. I pointed at one of the first aid kits he had stacked on his shelving. He hastily untied the knots and pulled apart the little poultice packet. He sniffed it, and touched it to his tongue like in those bad cop shows, and then the bloody blighter CUT HIMSELF WITH A KNIFE to try it. I immediately grabbed the little perfume bottle, called him an obnoxious cretin, and told him to drink. Immediately, damn it. So he did. And it worked. I then "had a little chat" with him about hurting my favorite apothecary.

Now I know full well that my potions aren't going to be good for battle wounds or serious situations, especially not in the doses in those little bottles. However, the first aid kits aren't FOR battle wounds or serious situations. They're for the little stuff. Cut fingers, twisted ankles, burns, and other regular work related injuries. Adan, however, was a little more complimentary than that, albeit at the top of his lungs and apparently angry. We were in the middle of a mostly friendly argument about whether it's smart to just cut your hands when one is an important member of the inquisition or if it was okay to just keep healing knowledge to yourself when he got riled up and the bellowing started. I think we were at "I didn't keep anything to myself, half the people around here are carrying my work" followed by "and who the fade taught you to make potions anyway" and I responded "you did" and he started with the did nots. I was about to tell him that'd I'd learned by watching him when a head popped in the window. Inquisibabe grinned at us and asked if it was a private argument or if anyone could join in.

Well, shit, as Varric would say. I probably looked like a fish with my mouth hanging open like that. Adan was just as bad, because he started sputtering my lord over and over interspersed with unintelligible apologies. Inquisibabe laughed at us and came around to the door. He told us we sounded like an old married couple, and that we could be heard at Leliana's tent. Then he told me I looked pretty when I blushed like that. I stammered an apology and started to head for the door. He pulled his head out of the window and was standing in the doorway when I opened it. "You're Chrissy, right?"

I confirmed my name and was trying to figure out how to get past him when he grabbed my hand (hard. Ow!). He pulled it up to his face for a kiss while I was trying to pull it away and didn't release it until he had done so. He called me beautiful, too, like that made any sort of difference when being manhandled. And I have to learn how to control my tongue. "It seems it's not only recruits that think they can kiss elven women without permission," I said. While he and Adan stared at me in shock, I curtsied, said a curt "Herald", and got out of there. Had to walk past Solas, who stared at me with his head tilted sideways like he does. I carefully avoided eye contact with THAT one.

I stayed home the rest of the day. Do you blame me? I'm probably headed for the stocks. I told Mika what had happened out of earshot of the kids, and told her I was heading for my little nook to think and calm down. I'm currently watching the sunset. It's really eerie around the breach.

The pink sky and the green breach make something pretty but scary between them. More scary than the breach itself. Like the breach is eating reality, piece by piece. I'll probably write more later, but I'm going to do some breathing and fat girl yoga. I need to shake off this horrible itching.

Evening:

Eadras made his way up to my nook and sat on my rock shortly after sunset. He didn't say anything for a long time. I looked at him. "I'm not going to apologize," I said.

He looked surprised. "No one is going to ask you to, Dalen. At least not one of us. We would like to know why you were alone, though. It was your rule to go in pairs or triads."

I didn't know what to tell him, so I told him the truth and what I'd decided this afternoon. First, I hadn't thought about not being alone because I was with Adan, and Adan's safe. I consider him one of ours, even if he is human. Eadras nodded at that, and verbally agreed. Second, if an elf is to be attacked, it has to be me. THAT shocked him.

You get it, though, don't you? If someone attacks Feren, they're attacking a strong man who can defend himself, who has a talent that needs to be nurtured, and he's a nobody to the humans. He's not sympathetic, he's a threat, and he'll be eliminated. If someone attacks the girls, it's going to be when they are alone, not when they're in pairs or groups. So either they'll be accused of regretting a dalliance or blown off altogether because they're nobodies with little standing. There are whispers about Tanya leading that recruit on even now. If they try it on Garalen, somebody's going to die, and again it will fall back on all of us. (Eadras started nodding thoughtfully at that point.) However, I've set myself up, without meaning to, as the "face" of Haven's elves, according to Adan. If someone attacks me, they're going to be perceived as attacking because of that. If nothing else, I can spin it that way. It might just be someone stupid seeing an elf they can hurt or "romance", but it's not likely to be seen as that anymore.

By sticking to my standards, even with the Herald, I can make them stick for everyone. Cullen's promised to school the warriors. Leliana is never going to tolerate that kind of thing out of her people. I just have to get the rest of them to understand. Worst case, if the entire population of elves is in danger because of me, the elves can leave. They can find a place, or make one, somewhere. The go bags are packed. It might be safer for all of them anyway, since there's that whole after-the-breach thing to get through. I didn't discuss that, though. Just the safer part.

If someone wants to hurt the elves, from now on, they're going to go through me. And because I'm short and fat, with twig arms and no weapons training, and therefore completely incapable of effectively hurting someone back, it'll backfire on them. I'm just not dangerous, and publicly hurting me is going to be like stepping on a nug. Nobody really cares about nugs, until there's one in particular they like. I smiled, because I was thinking of Leliana and Schmooples, but he didn't know that and I'm not going to say anything.

He sighed. I explained to him that I don't know how to be any other way. I squared off with Adan because I'm not going to cower from anybody. I didn't MEAN to yell at the almighty and thrice-blessed Herald of Andraste, but when he grabbed my hand hard enough to hurt and wouldn't let go, I lost my temper. "Where do you come from, dalen, where you have no fear?" Eadras asked. I've done a lot of thinking about this today. Either I'm going to get home to my girl or I'm not. I don't have any control over that at this point, and I don't know what mechanism might work. Hey, it's possible that I'll go home as soon as someone kills me. This could be one huge dream and I'm going to wake up. The fact is that I'd feel ashamed of myself when I did get home or wake up if I wasn't doing something about the situation.

I looked at him and said "Never assume I'm not afraid. But if we can change how we're treated here at Haven, while the Inquisition is still young, the new way of treating us will spread with it, Eadras. I have to try, do you see?" I stood up and dusted the snow off my butt. He tucked tighter into his clothes. He must be freezing. I took off my quilted jacket and put it around him. I've not been cold in a long time, and I didn't need it. "Don't argue," I admonished him, and he didn't, even though pursed his lips like he wanted to.

I got a surprise when I got back to Ethelathe Cottage, though. Andrew, back again. He's known me only 4 days. Why is he always here? Anyway, he was quite deferential again. Ugh. I greeted him sweetly and asked how I could help him. He told me that the Herald would like to speak to me. Andrew would personally guarantee my personal safety. When I tried to demur, saying I'd make myself available after he got back from Val Royeaux, Andrew chuckled. "The dwarf said you'd say that. I'm supposed to tell you that he's not going to Val Royeaux until he has the chance to apologize." Shit.

I let Andrew inside the cottage. There were more people here today. Damn. No real room to sit. I told them I had to go on an errand so the inquisition could get back to work. Andrew would make sure I was fine. Leorah immediately told me to wait and lifted a tunic she'd been embroidering. She just kind of shoved it down over my head before I could say anything. What is with this girl and attacking me with clothes? She patted my cheek and told me I couldn't go see important people in my undertunic. "Fine," I huffed, and she smiled.

Garalen stood up and made to go with us. I was about to say something, but she's really scary when she smiles like that, yeah? So I zipped it. I muttered something on the walk back to the town proper about never wanting to be a martyr, and Garalen heard me. She chimed in with "let me do my job, then, Chrissy, and you won't be." Andrew paused and asked exactly what I wouldn't be, but we didn't answer him. I shivered, because I was walking next to a Templar, but they both moved closer, probably assuming I was scared. Admittedly, I was.

My steps faltered a moment when I realized that I was alone in the company of a Templar I'd known for 4 days and an assassin who probably worked for Leliana, the Dread Wolf, or some other organization. I stopped and looked at Garalen. "You won't hurt anyone tonight," I said. "Right?"

She looked at me thoughtfully, and said "If they hurt you, someone's getting their balls cut off."

"I can live with that. No killing, though."

Andrew broke in with a "what are you talking about?"

"Never mind," we ladies said at the same moment. We understood what we meant, and were on the same page. And we started walking again. Isn't cluelessness adorable in some human men? He started muttering under his breath about women wanting to be mysterious as we continued.

I was expecting to be escorted to the Tavern or the Chantry or something. I was instead taken to the Herald's cottage. I thought hard about the image I was projecting, and stopped at the top of the stairs. I looked at Andrew. "I am not a supplicant. I'll wait here." You'd think he'd be used to this by now, but he sort of hissed my name, while glancing at the Herald's door. Garalen made a choking sound. I looked at Andrew and settled my feet to wait. He ran his hand through his hair, frustrated, and walked up to the door. It opened as he raised his hand to knock.

"She's right, you know," said the Herald. "My apologies should be public, just as my offense was." Well, well, well, color me surprised. He walked up to me, leaving about three feet between us. "I am deeply sorry for grabbing your hand, and for kissing your person without permission." And he BOWED. If I were the swooning type… But anyway.

I smiled. "Your apology is accepted, your Honor, and very much appreciated," I said. I can be flowery, too. I curtsied to him, and went to take a step back, when he held out his arm.

"Would you walk with me, Lady Chrysopal? I would appreciate the chance to speak with you."

Huh. I thought, alright, let's see where this goes. So I rather gingerly took his arm and let him stroll me around Haven. The lightbulb came on. He was showing everyone that he and I were cordial, letting everyone see his apology first and then acting friendly with me. We talked about inconsequential things like how pretty the breach looked at night and how deadly things were often beautiful. Other stuff. Weather, horses. After a few minutes, he told me he'd be heading to Val Royeaux to meet with the Chantry Mothers there tomorrow. I wished him luck with them. He then requested I meet with Lady Montilyet while he was gone. Well, what can I do but agree to that?

He walked me back to Haven's gates. As he bowed to me in farewell, I noticed that we'd been followed the whole time by Andrew, Cassandra, Varric, and Garalen. And there were eyes in every window. I took two steps back, turned, and headed out the gate. As I approached Ethelathe, I heard many voices singing. We Shall Overcome in 20 sweet voices. I was greeted warmly, told them everything went well, and said I was going to record it while it was still fresh in my mind.

I went back outside and Andrew was still standing there. "You are the most infuriating woman." he said.

"I'm fifteen years older than you and stubborn. Did you think I was going to go groveling for an apology?" I gently explained that if I'd gone into the Herald's home, it would have looked far more like an assignation than anything else. For the sake of my little family, I couldn't afford to let that happen. He looked thoughtful for a moment, and nodded. I thanked him for guarding me, and watched him walk off. He did the two step back thing again. What is with that?

Well, that was my hellaciously stressful day. Can I have another easy one tomorrow, please?

Logistics:

Current estimated timeline:

· 14 Herald leaves for Hinterlands

· 20 Mother Giselle Arrives

· 23 Herald back

· 24 Day off

· 25 completely unnecessary day frickin' off, damnit. Quit STALLING.

· 26-34? Val Royeaux

· 35? Day off in Haven

· 36-42? Fetch mages in redcliffe? Therinfall redoubt, 36-44

· 45? mages arrive (templar arrival date 49)

· 46? Prep for breach (Templar 50)

· 47? Seal the breach (Templar 51)

Current medkit count: 119 as of Day 24. Actually, 118, since Adan opened one. Enough for all the elves, the tranquil, and all the children, as well as my preferred humans, with a few extras.

Anyway, I'm going in now. I feel like company. Good night, my darling daughter. I miss you so much.