Granger, we need to talk
Chapter 25
Disclaimer:
I make no financial remuneration from this writing.
All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling.
"Please, tell me I did not do something stupid."
"Nope. Can't do that."
"Perhaps I and my family are too prideful about our secret. Yet sometimes honour in doing, or in performing an almost duty to our country, not the Ministry, but duty to the people in our country, makes our lives worthwhile."— Lord Picinicus Bulstrode.
As Lord Bulstrode stopped speaking, Harry clamped down upon his instinct to start asking questions. Instead he kept closely peering at him. He badly wanted to tell the man he was not a hero, not a mercenary and had had enough fighting evil gits to last a lifetime. Yet, people had, and others were going to die shortly and the desperate man across from himself believed he had run out of other options.
Harry sat back in his chair. "I have a question. Before going further, I want to know if your secret is animal, plant or mineral. I may want another expert here to advise me."
All of Harry's side of the table could see that he had asked a question the Lord did not want to answer. Still, he knew the question was going to be asked sometime, but like most people, had hoped it would not be asked until the bitter end.
"Animal," was the bitten off reply.
"Thank you.
"Tilitsy," he said. As she appeared he spoke to lord Bulstrode. "Please escort our friends to the small lounge and bring them refreshments. Return here afterwards.
As the Bulstrode's left the room, Harry turned to Hermione and cocked his head.
"Luna," she said immediately. "Hagrid if we cannot find her."
With a nod, Harry agreed and released his wand from its holster.
"Expecto Patronum!" and a silvery stag sprang from the wand tip. "Luna, I'm sending a house elf for you. Need your council."
And with a silvery swirl Prongs galloped through a wall. Tilitsy reappeared a few seconds later and Harry gave her instructions to go to Hogwarts and bring Luna Lovegood back immediately.
What followed would be recounted for years as a cautionary tale about;
One, being friends with Harry Potter and
Two, be very careful about the instructions you give a house elf.
Meanwhile . . .
Luna was lying on her side, cuddled against Neville's chest as their bodies wound down from an intense snogging session in his room. He was stroking his fingers through her hair and she would occasionally place a soft peck against his sweaty chest.
Her thoughts were just floating along as she reflected on just how she had ended up in this position.
Ginny and her had become very close during their concealment in the Room of Requirement. Most of the girls hidden in the Room had been forced to become friendly, even across House lines, because it became apparent that being a loner was a nonstarter. And being intelligent, the pair realized regular male-female teen attraction, love or lust games, would probably become poisonous because there was nowhere to go for separation if the relationship went sour. It would be far worse than breaking up with someone from your own house.
During one of their marathon talk sessions that year, they both had decided their friend Neville Longbottom had become quite fanciable. He was a leader who exuded toughness. And his quest to become a tough fighter had transformed him from a soft, pudgy boy into a man-hunk with rippling muscles.
The pair became two of Neville's top lieutenants in the new DA and constantly worked closely with him.
After the Battle, they had parted ways just like most of the DA, occasionally exchanging letters. But when Ginny found Neville was working hard on the greenhouses with Professor Sprout, she had immediately owled Luna who shortly thereafter showed up at the castle. Ginny may have worked long hard hours during the summer as a transfiguration specialist with little time left to see Neville, but Luna's charms workload was spottier and allowed her time to work closely with Neville again.
Once school had started, the three of them shared most of their classes, as except for Neville's advanced Herbology course, he was taking a fairly standard NEWT courses classes load. They shared Transfiguration, Charms, Potions and Runes. Luna also was taking Care of Magical Creatures. For Neville it was Estate Management and Business Practices. Ginny was taking Quidditch and her Gryffindor captaincy as seriously as a class.
None of the three needed to take DADA class as they had tested out at 'O'. Ginny personally thought it was Outstanding that all three had lived. She personally never wanted to fight another witch as powerful as Bellatrix Lestrange again. Ever. Diary Tom and Bellatrix were the stuff of her nightmares.
It had taken them four weeks of study sessions and mutual homework help to get Neville used to the idea that he was a young man of romantic interest. Then, almost another month to bring him around to the notion that they were both interested in being his girlfriends.
At the same time.
It took some intense kissing and cuddling sessions to really get him on the broom, but he was firmly aboard when the pair of witches announced to him and a very attentive Eights common room that he would be taking both of them to the Yule Ball, and the coming weekend was reserved as a date elsewhere than Hogsmeade.
The date had been a success. Turpin had given him the name of the only upscale restaurant and night club in Diagon Alley. They all dressed for the occasion, the food was excellent and Neville managed to remember some of his dance steps from the fourth year.
Three happy, friendly magicals apperated to outside the main gate just before curfew. As Neville started to escort the pair back to their dormitories, they gently informed him, with many interspersed kisses, that they would be going the Eights dorm, to his room, and they would be there all night.
Neville never did remember the walk to his room. But he would remember the follow up kisses, the partial undressing, three sets of wandering hands, and the promise that he was going to enjoy this.
And he had.
That had occurred three weeks ago. Today, Ginny was running her Quidditch team ragged in an intense practice as winter was closing in. Luna had happily wished her good luck and after a late breakfast in the Eights kitchen, had returned to Neville's room ostensibly to retrieve her books. Her actual purpose was to get some one-on-one boyfriend time. Sharing was wonderful in its own way, but sometimes a girl just wants all her boyfriend's attention.
Ginny could snog him silly tonight. Right now, Luna wanted Neville to take her aroused body and turn it into a puddle of satisfied goo.
It took an hour and a half and some surprise orgasms, but she achieved her goal.
And now, resting in the most wonderful after glow in the world . . .
A message patronus shaped like Harry's stag zipped through the wall and opened its mouth.
""Luna, I'm sending a house elf for you. Need your council."
Just as the patronus dissolved a well-dressed house elf popped into Neville's bed grabbing Luna's hand.
"Master ordered me to bring Miss Luna to him immediately. We must go now!"
And with a faint pop of house elf apparition, Luna disappeared.
After a little more than ten seconds, Tilitsy reappeared in the small dining room holding Luna's hand. It took Harry a moment to realize that Luna was only wearing a small pair of bright yellow knickers.
It took Harry one of the longest seconds of his life to stop staring at Luna and spin around so his back was to her. Hermione and Daphne were even slower on the uptake, mainly because they were flabbergasted as they viewed the physical evidence showing on Luna's body as to what she had been doing. Her skin was so pale and fine that little bite and suck marks stood out like Crumple Horned Snorkaks at a field mouse convention.
"Tilitsy, please give Miss Luna a dressing robe. NOW!" Harry never yelled at house elves. But here his anger was from unconsciously trying to cover his embarrassment at what he had done to Luna.
A finger snap from behind him told him that Tilitsy had clothed Luna and it was probably safe to turn around. He had just started when . . .
"HARRY POTTER! YOU HAD BETTER HAVE AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS! AND SINCE NEVILLE KNOWS WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, I AM SURE HE WILL COME UP WITH WAYS TO KILL YOU SLOWLY! VERY SLOWLY AND VERY PAINFULLY!"
"AND I SHALL EAT FAIRY CAKES AND SMILE PRETTILY AT HIM WHILE HE DOES IT!"
The three of them were stunned. Even Harry, whom Luna had yelled at just before the Battle, was shocked. If it came to a Howler competition with the reigning champion Molly Weasley, the champ was goin' down hard.
Meanwhile.
Neville "Snakeslayer" Longbottom, The Longbottom of Longbottom, was hurriedly making plans to kill, or at least maim, his best friend.
First he hurriedly dressed himself, grabbed his book bag and stuffed it with Luna's left behind
clothes. Then snatched his wand off the bed stand and grabbed the Sword of Gryffindor from over his desk.
"Kinsey!" Three seconds later, the house elf assigned to Harry and Hermione popped into existence.
"Young Master Snake Slicer called Kinsey?" the elf squeaked.
Neville resisted a face palm. "Yes. I need you to apperate me to Potter Manor. Can you do that?"
Kinsey's eyes became large and still as he seemed to consider the idea. "No, Master Snake Slicer, I cannot take you through the manor wards.
Neville thought for a moment. "Can you take a message to Lord Potter-Black or to his Chief House Elf?"
The elf's demeanor lit up as he said, "Kinsey can be taking message to the Lord's elf Tilitsy."
"Very good. Here is the message." "Lord Potter-Black, kindly send your elf to bring me to Potter Manor immediately or I shall probably become even more unhappy with you than I am now." "Do you understand the message Kinsey?"
The little guy bobbed his head enthusiastically as with ears flopping he snapped his fingers and popped away.
At Potter Manor chaos was starting to reign. Luna was glaring at Harry, Hermione and Daphne had spun around and were glaring at Harry. Ron was desperately trying to not look at anybody.
And of course, right then, Millicent walked into the doorway and hesitantly said that hearing all the noise, she had been sent by her father to see if there was a problem.
And with impeccable timing . .
"Master Harry?" said Tilitsy as she popped into the room with another elf Harry recognized as Kinsey. "Elf Kinsey has a message for you from the Snake Slicer Lord."
"Oh, Merlin, Don't tell me." He thought. "Um, Luna? Were you, um . . by chance, with Neville before you, um . . came here?"
"YES, LORD POTTER-BLACK, I WAS!"
Luna's volume control was still set on eleven. (1)
"Not Harry anymore? Ouch," flitted through his mind.
Hearing Kinsey recite Lord Longbottom's message, had Harry sending Tilitsy off to apperate Neville to Potter Manor.
Tilitsy appeared with an obviously girded for violence Lord Longbottom. Wand in his right hand, the Sword of Gryffindor in his left, and a ferocious scowl on his face. Seeing an open-handed Harry who desperately looked as if he wanted to be elsewhere in front of him, he slowly turned around.
Ron looked concussed. "He looks normal," Neville thought. Of the four other women in the room, Hermione and Greengrass managed to look both confused and pissed. Mils Bulstrode just looked confused, and his lovely girlfriend was wearing a dressing gown like they were robes of state.
"Lovely Heiress Lovegood. Are you well?" Neville spoke in a most cultured voice that was at odds with the raging look on his face. The tone brought stunned looks on everyone's faces. "Why do they always seem surprised that Neville Longbottom can act as PureBlooded as anyone?"
"Milord Champion, I am quite well," was the cultured unflappable reply.
"Very well Milady." Neville made a slight bow in Luna's direction. "Is there perhaps a service I could perform for you as I am here?"
"Why yes Milord Champion, there is."
Neville cocked a polite eyebrow quizzically.
Luna pointed with her chin at Harry. "Could you maim, or at least produce great bodily harm upon that personage over there?"
Lord Longbottom gave a courtly bow. "As Milady wishes."
Neville turned to Harry and started advancing on him, wand pointing negligently to the side and the Sword of Gryffindor oscillating in small circles in front of him.
Harry meanwhile was retreating around the conference table to put it between him and the advancing bloody-eyed, mob-handed Snakeslayer. He was in a quandary. He did not want to start a spell fight with his good friend and in a physical fight, Harry was outweighed by a couple of stone and was not carrying a damned sharp magical sword!
It was while pondering his quandary, Neville closed in and with no warning suddenly slashed the Sword down through the table neatly cutting it in two. As the table folded on itself, Harry moved to his right to get out of the trap of being behind the table.
Quick as a striking snake, the tip of the Sword poked through his robes, stabbed Harry in his left buttock.
"YEE-IPES! Bloody hell Neville! That sodding hurt!"
"Oh, man up you big baby. That is hardly even a scratch."
Neville switched his attention to Luna and with an exquisite posh tone inquired. "Is that sufficient chastisement, Milady?"
Luna rolled her eyes heavenward and huffed. Her sarcasm dripping reply was, "Well, I suppose it will just have to do."
At that point, Hermione screamed. No words, just screamed as she looked at Harry. Wands appeared in hands as everyone whipped around looking for some terrible threat.
"H-h-h-arry!" she stuttered out just above a whisper, "how are you still alive?"
A look of puzzlement spread over Harry's face. "He really only poked me a bit, Hermione. It's not like . . " Harry's eyes widened as he whipped around to look at Neville.
"Nev," he said as he began to waver, feeling faint and nauseous, "is that the real Sword of Gryffindor?"
Neville did not answer. He stood staring at Harry. Ron started making gasping noises.
Harry tried again. "Lord Longbottom, the actual sword is imbued with basilisk venom from when I stabbed that damned snake second year. That's why it was needed to kill that damned snake of his, Nagini."
At that moment Ron grabbed Harry around the waist as he started to sag a bit.
Apparently Neville caught on at that moment.
"So, Lord Potter-Black, are you telling me that if this is the real Sword of Gryffindor, you are going to die in about thirty seconds?"
Harry Nodded mutely.
"Well, Milord this is a luckier day than you thought. Your companion, Miss Granger told me at the first funeral about how dangerous the blade truly was."
"This, he said lifting the bloody point upward, "happens to be a copy."
The realization that Harry was not going to die washed over the horcrux hunt trio. The shared looks of relief did not need any words.
Lord Picinicus Bulstrode was a very confused man at the moment. He and his son had stepped into the room just in time to see Lord Longbottom cut what he figured was the now ex-conference table in two with a great, glistening sword. He then proceeded to stab Lord Potter-Black in his arse with said sword, and with the tip dripping blood, he was asking some girl wearing a dressing gown if stabbing Lord Potter-Black was enough "chastisement".
The young woman introduced as Hermione Granger, ("She will be the one you will have to convince, Father.") had screamed and then hurried over to Lord Potter-Black, who was now trying to twist around to examine his damaged buttock. The Heiress Greengrass was starting to turn her wand towards Neville when the dressing gown wearing blonde calmly said, "Accio wand," and a wand flew from the book bag on Lord Longbottoms back into her hand.
"No, no, no, Daphne," said the small blonde calmly pointing her wand at Greengress' face. "This is not the time to interfere in in business between two powerful Houses. Your trying to help will only make things worse."
Daphne stopped her attempt at using her wand and booted her brain into actually thinking. "This is not good. If Longbottom wants to press this, it could dissolve into a Blood Feud. And I will bet a sickle to a galleon that Harry does not realize just how bad this could get."
With a slight head nod to Lovegood, Daphne strode quickly over to the still clinging trio.
"Silencing charm, now, Hermione."
A second later and a bubble of quiet surrounded the trio.
"Harry, stop trying to look at your arse and listen. Do you realize you just used your house elf to kidnap Lovegood right out of Longbottom's bed? Probably in the middle of, well since she still had her knickers on, I'm guessing a heavy snog session. Do you have any idea how serious this is?"
Harry quit trying to rub the sting from his bleeding buttock, and pay attention to Daphne. He flipped a quick glance at Ron and Hermione whose free hand was covering her mouth under her widening eyes.
Harry hit instant worried. If his two girls were freaking out over what was happening, this was more serious then Neville poking him with a sword. A quick look at Neville showed him merely standing there staring at Harry while Harry's blood dried on the sword in his hand.
"Alright. Got it. Luna's really upset, Neville almost accidently killed me. How do I fix this?"
"Are they truly your friends, your comrades, your brother and sister in arms?" was Daphne's question.
"Yes. They are two of the five I would unhesitatingly have at my back when AK's are flying," Harry replied.
"Then you better abjectly grovel. Immediately, and with great heaps of humble pie to the Lady and her Champion."
Harry hesitated a moment.
"Do it now Lord Potter-Black! You kidnapped her out from under his nose in his freaking bed, and no matter that he probably knows it was an accidental foul-up by you, she is demanding satisfaction!"
"Harry, she is right. Do it now," Hermione said. A grunted agreement came from Ron.
Harry stepped outside the silenced bubble and strode over to Luna.
With a deep courtly bow, Harry started. "Heiress Lovegood, I am so very, very sorry for any slight you have suffered at my hand. Would you please inform me how may I make amends for my behavior?"
He looked up into her silver-blue eyes. Usually those eyes were wide with her spacey act, her wonder at the world, or her `me prank you?' look of innocence. Now they were narrowed orbs of fiery sapphire.
"Harry, you do not have to make further amends to me. My Champion, however has suffered a large slight upon his honour in having me spirited away from him. There is your real problem, Harry."
Harry slowly turned to look into the stone face of his Brother in Battle.
Standing in front of Neville, with a deep bow, Harry again started. "Lord Longbottom, I apologize unreservedly as to my unthinking acts that have led us to our current predicament. I would be grateful if you could find it in yourself to inform me as to how I may recover your trust in me."
There was a loud gasp from the direction of the doorway. Harry did not dare to turn and see who had broken the silence in the room. He knew he had just offered an open-ended pass for gold and favors to another Lord.
Neville Longbottom had been raised by his grandmother who constantly tutored him in the ways of the aristocratic PureBloods. For the act that Harry had inadvertently caused his house elf to perform, Neville could demand anything from a more public apology to a fortune in gold, to a duel to the death. His pondering slid to a halt as an evil thought occurred. He checked it over, and outside of it being an unconventional request, it would forever cause Harry embarrassment.
"Very well, Lord Potter-Black, the benefit owed House Longbottom is this."
Neville struck a heroic pose. "Forevermore if anyone present in this room brings up what happened, you will pay for a round of drinks then and there. So mote be it."
Once again, stunned silence reigned in the room.
Harry slowly turned around to look at everyone. Luna's rant had attracted not only Lord Bulstrode and his children, it had brought the Black Sisters to the room also. Harry slowly kept turning.
Hermione and Ron looked worried, but hopeful that Harry and Neville were not going to fight. Daphne looked relieved.
Lord Bulstrode, his son and Mils looked thoroughly confused.
Tilitsy and Kinsey looked terrified. (Huh? Oh Merlin damn it. They think they are going to be punished!)
Andromeda looked neutral, but Narcissa looked incensed. Harry sighed. "Extra sodding lessons coming up.")
"I thank Lord Longbottom for his understanding and forbearance," Harry said with another bow. "By your leave Milord?" Neville gave a short nod.
He then walked over and knelt in front of Tilitsy. "You did nothing wrong, Tilitsy. I gave you instructions that were wrong. You did exactly what I told you to do. Understand?" Tilitsy nodded rapidly.
Harry looked around. "Kinsey, are you staying or going back to Hogwarts?"
"Hogwarts," the relieved elf replied and apperated away.
"Tilitsy, please prepare lunch for all of us in the main dining room. Lord Bulstrode, Lord Longbottom, please join us for lunch. In spite of the chaos I inadvertently created, I still need to hear more of this problem after lunch."
"Hermione?" Harry asked. "Could you please help me with this bloody great gash Snakeslayer carved in me?"
"As long as I don't have to kiss it to make it better," she snarked.
Snorts and titters rippled through the group.
Harry turned to his original guests. "Lord Bulstrode, one of my friends will patch me up. I shall rejoin you in a few minutes. And during lunch, I want you to consider adding Lord Longbottom to your list of people to be let in on your secret. You may not believe how good he is with a wand, but as you have seen, he is handy with a sword."
Tilitsy must have been sneaking into Hogwarts, for as soon as the group entered the dining room, a full Hogwarts lunch was served. Soups, salads, sandwiches, meats and vegetables were all available with pumpkin juice, water or tea.
Harry and Hermione swept into the dining room. Harry sat at the head of the table with Lord Bulstrode on his left and Hermione on his right. From Lord Bulstrode clockwise sat Grenadier, Millicent, Daphne and Narcissa. Andromeda who was seated at the foot of the table with Teddy between her and Luna. Neville was next, then Ron and back to Hermione. Luna spent most of lunch playing with Teddy. Possibly the game they were playing was "who can make the goo-iest mess" with their food. And Harry didn't think Teddy was winning.
The rest of the tables conversation revolved around safe topics such as the new classes they were taking at school and Quidditch.
Lunch drew to an end and everyone knew that decision time was upon them.
Harry took the lead. "Lord Bulstrode, seated here are people I consider my family. We are an extended, perhaps strange family, but we are a gathering of survivors.
"My Aunts," Harry looked to the end of the table where Teddy was doing his smear food, eat food act. "They are considered two of the sharpest political minds extant. You have no idea how much I appreciate they are on my side."
"Heiress Greengrass is scary smart and politically aware. My long-time friend, Miss Granger, while Mundane born, is often referred to as "The Brightest Witch" of her age. Ron Weasley has been with me through seven years of trials and fighting. Usually against poor odds."
"Lord Longbottom is someone who will always have my back. Remember, he carries a wand, a sword and a tough as dragon hide reputation amongst the survivors of Dumbledore's Army."
"The Heiress Lovegood is the most knowledgeable Magizoologist I know, and can keep secrets. I obviously brought her here for her expertise. It was my poor choice of how she was brought here that caused all the kerfluffle."
"I have trusted these people with my life in the past and will continue to do so in the future."
Harry stopped talking and just quietly stared at Lord Bulstrode. Around the table, those pronounced "family" straightened up, sat just a bit taller and swore to themselves they would never fail their family.
Harry waited a few seconds before standing and saying, "Milord, shall we retire to the conference room for further discussions?"
This time the room was set up with seven small but comfortable, red and silver patterned chintz armchairs around a circular low table. The other four chairs were back from the inner circle, set in the gap between the Bulstrodes and the Potter-Black's. They had small end tables between the pairs. All the tables had tea brewed and ready for pouring upon them.
Everyone gathered their thoughts while performing the familiar soothing tea preparation rituals. Finally Lord Bulstrode spoke. "I will understand if you believe I am insulting your friends and family, but could I get you gentlemen to declare what I am about to reveal to be a Family Secret?"
Harry promptly announced that the information from Lord Bulstrode was to be a Family Secret and would not be repeated to anyone except those now in the room. A silvery wave emanated from him across all his `family' members.
Neville and Luna both raised their wands and made the same vow for them individually.
Lord Bulstrode nodded, closed his eyes for a moment and began to speak. "What is the one thing that all potions have in common?" Hermione started to answer, but realized it was a rhetorical question. He continued, "They all have a liquid base into which ingredients are added. We use purified distilled water, potion base, plant oils, acids or rarely, animal blood to be our reagent."
"Have any of you ever been taught at Hogwarts, why you get your cauldron liquid from a barrel labeled `potion base' instead of getting it from a sink tap?"
Hermione immediately answered. "Because the potions might . . ." She stopped, looked at Harry, her eyes widening and her face draining off color. Then she suddenly said, "Lord Potter-Black, I apologize for speaking out of turn," and turned her head to stare at the table.
Harry looked at her for a moment, nodded to himself, and turned back to Lord Bulstrode.
"Please continue, Lord Bulstrode."
"Your . . advisor is correct. Contaminants in the base can affect the purity and therefor the strength, and dose accuracy of a potion. Sometimes ruining the brewing process altogether. This may or may not be news to you, but Millicent has informed me that Snape never once told a class about base preparation."
Lord Bulstrode paused, visibly girding his loins.
"Our large secret is that my family has been the Britannia supplier of potion base infusion for eight hundred years. We . . "
"Oh," Luna exclaimed, bouncing in her seat and clapping her hands together. "So you are the people who know how to catch and milk Razorfin Plimpie's! Oh, this is wonderful!"
All colour drained from Lord Bulstrode's face.
A/N
One: Please. Laugh a bit if you got this reference.
The Neville-Luna plot bunny (I STILL think of them as Skipping Rats. Flibrrrt!) came out of no where in the middle of writing the chapter. And of course being my usual undisciplined self, I just had to incorporate it.
The Razorfin Plimpies, and their use, is possibly the only original thought in this whole story.
Back to the WiFi desert for the next three weeks. Next update may be delayed.