Chapter 25

When Sam and Jack reached the infirmary they saw Janet sitting near Daniel, awake. The look Janet threw at them could have killed them on the spot and Cassandra also watched them, her face closed.

"How do you get to stand up Jack? My pain is atrocious and I'm lying down," Daniel said to relax the atmosphere that had become heavy in a matter of seconds.

"I'm going to lie down Daniel, but before that Doc you should look at the Colonel's hand," Jack replied.

"No, you're going to lie down right now and I'll take care of Sam," Janet said dryly as she got up from her seat.

Cassandra took the place of her mother who was already leaving with Sam behind her.

"How did you do that?" Janet asked the scientist when they were alone in a little room.

"I hit my mirror," Sam said with a bowed head.

"Why?"

"Because I did not want to see the reflection it showed of me."

"Sam, you don't have to blame yourself for what happened. They attacked what you hold most precious," Janet said to her friend.

"It does not excuse anything."

Janet disinfected Sam's hand, imbibing it with chlorhexidine. She then began to anesthetise the wound and began to stitch her. Sam was silent and Janet focused on her task.

"Thank you for bringing me back Cassandra," the doctor suddenly said.

"I promised you Janet," Sam replied.

"Sam..." Janet began to say, ending the bandage around her hand. "I cannot understand what you have experienced outside, I would not even ask you what happened. But please don't shut yourself up and don't punish yourself for that. You have saved her life, and that's all that matters to me."

Sam kept her head down, and as Janet pulled away to push her cart she sat back on her legs, turning her head towards the exit. She walked into the corridor before hearing Cassandra call her from Daniel's bedside.

"Sam?"

She did not turn around and continued to walk down the hall. She passed her father but did not stop when he called her in his turn. She quickly walked to the training room and hit the first boxing bag with her good hand without turning the lights on. She finally sat down in a corner of the dark room and took a deep breath. Tears immediately came to her eyes and she did nothing to keep them from flowing. She had to evacuate that overflow of feelings she had felt the last few hours.

She did not know how long she sat there, but was startled when Cassandra's voice rose in the room.

"Sam?" The girl asked cautiously.

Sam remained silent, not wishing to be seen by her goddaughter.

"Sam please I need to talk and I need to talk to you," Cassie said, the voice clenched.

"Cassie, go back to the infirmary please..." Sam replied slowly, her voice still full of sobs.

"No," the teenager simply said as she went to where she had heard the voice of her godmother.

She sat down closed to her, taking her hand. She was trembling and Sam could feel Cassie was hurting.

"Thank you for coming to fetch me," Cassie said.

"Don't thank me."

"Thank you for coming."

"I wasn't going to leave you there, Cassie, I only did my duty," Sam replied.

"No, you came because it was me. You took all those risks for me. You were alone Sam, you could have been hurt or killed," Cassie said, moved.

"Nothing would have happened to me, unlike them."

"Speaking of that Sam... I... Did you kill them?" Cassie asked.

"Cassie..."

"No Please. I need to know. I saw you shot this woman, this Johnson. I was afraid Sam," Cassandra explained, her voice broken.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you saw that Cassie," Sam said, letting her sobs resume again.

"No, don't apologize, I understand you. I really understand you," Cassandra replied, squeezing Sam's hand a little harder.

"I did not kill them, just sounded them... I... I killed General Bauer."

Cassandra closed her eyes and slowly swallowed at this revelation.

"Thank you," she finally said to her godmother.

"Thank you?" Sam asked, not quite sure how Cassie could thank her for killing a man in cold blood.

"For telling me that" Cassandra replied, laying her head on Sam's shoulder. "I love you, Sam."

"I love you too," Sam said, sobbing.

They stayed there for half an hour before deciding to join the others in the infirmary. Cassandra was certain that her mother had to be worried. The woman turned her head to the entrance of the two women in the infirmary and sighed in relief.

"Where were you?" Janet asked.

"We were just talking mom, don't worry," Cassie replied.

"Dooooooc, could I go out now that I had the painkillers?" a voice shouted that made the three women smile.

"No way General, you will stay in this bed until at least tomorrow," Janet replied to Jack.

"Carter please help me get out of there."

"No sir, you must rest. You'll need strength for tomorrow's briefing," Sam said, looking at Jack.

"Briefing that will take place here, it's absolutely unthinkable that those two get up from their beds," Janet pointed to Daniel and Jack with her head.

"Did Johnson talk?" Daniel suddenly asked.

"Not really," Sam said quickly.

"We'll see that later Space Monkey," Jack replied in turn.

Sam thanked Jack with a discreet smile. He had always known when to stop Daniel and, at that moment, talking about Kerry was not really conceivable for her.

"Can I sleep in your quarters Jack?" Cassandra asked.

"Why don't you go to mine sweetheart? I'll stay a good part of the night here," Janet replied.

"No, you'd have to go and rest mom... We all had a sleepless night, we didn't eat, I think it would be better to stop the charges for today and try to rest a little," Cassandra said as everyone looked at her, astonished.

"And she's supposed to be the child," Daniel replied with a smile.

"My quarters are at your disposal Cassie, go eat a little and settle down. Apparently the doc doesn't want to let me out," Jack said, grinning.

"And she's right Jack. I'll be back tomorrow, be kind with the nurses both of you," Cassie said as she walked away into the corridor.

"Well, I think we're going to follow her, isn't it Sam?" Janet asked with an understanding look.

"Yes, of course," Samantha replied, somewhat lost in thought.

Janet made the transmissions to the doctor being on shift with her then moved away with Sam to the mess where they found Cassandra directly at a table. They put some food on their trays and settled in silence, beginning to eat.

"I hope Jack will give you a week's holiday after that," Cassie said in a smile.

"Holidays would be a dream," Janet replied.

"It would be great, we are also on holidays next week at the university..."

"I'll have to tell the General a few words about that, especially since he and Daniel are going to be convalescing," the doctor said. "And you Sam, what do you think about holidays?"

"Oh I'm not sure I need holidays. I'll have this Tok'ra beam device to study."

"It'll always be there in a week you know?" Janet told her.

"Of course, but the faster I study it, the faster I can adapt it to our ships," Sam explained, taking a spoonful of blue Jell-o.

"Getting some rest would do the greatest good to you," Janet said.

"I'll see about that."

Cassandra yawned sharply and the two women watched her.

"You should go to sleep, Cassie," Sam said.

"I did not want to leave you so quickly," Cassie replied with a sorry face.

"Go to bed, apparently General's quarters are better than mine," Janet said, smiling.

"Jack has cable in his quarters!" Cassie replied, laughing and rising.

"The advantages of being at the top of the chain of command, I suppose," Janet said, laughing in her turn.

"I'm not sure he has time to enjoy it," Sam said in turn.

"Exactly, so it must be used from time to time... See you tomorrow Sam, good night mom."

Cassie kissed the two women and went to Jack's quarters as Sam finished her Jell-o and Janet her piece of pie.

"Need something to relax and fall asleep Sam?" Janet asked, recovering all her seriousness as chief doctor.

"It'll be okay, thank you Janet. I'm going to lie down a bit, do the same."

"Okay, but don't hesitate to go to the infirmary in case of a problem, Dr. Merry will be there all night."

"Thanks," Sam said, standing up.

She put down her tray and then headed her quarters. A real mess reigned there and she decided to put away a little. An hour later she lay down, but her eyes remained open, her mind retracing the altercation with Jack, the declaration he had made, the kiss, the shot, Daniel covered in blood on a stretcher leading him to the infirmary... After three quarters of an hour she resigned herself to getting up and took a shower, being careful not to wet the bandage Janet had put on her. Despite that, she did not feel more inclined to sleep and finally left her quarters, wandering aimlessly in the corridors. She went to the control room, asking the technicians present if everything was okay. SG-8 had just returned from a mission, no worries to deplore and Sam sighed. She could not start studying the Tok'ra device immediately, otherwise she would spend one more night awake and it was not really a good idea. Her footsteps led her to the infirmary and she glanced before entering. She wanted to be as discreet as possible, not really wanting to meet Doctor Merry or even a nurse. Seeing that the way was free, she moved quickly to the bed where Jack was resting, pulling the screen behind her. As Jack was on a bed near the wall, pulling out the screen allowed her to create a more 'intimate' space. She gently took the chair near the bed and moved closer to him. Jack was sleeping, his traits soft, and Sam told herself that the nurses had to inject a sedative so he would rest, he would have woken up as soon as she had approached him otherwise. She gently passed her fingers over the rough skin of Jack's hand and then slowly climbed them up on his arm. To say that she had been afraid for him was a euphemism.

"You don't sleep," Jack said suddenly, startling her as she was focused in the contemplation of his arm.

"Not sleepy," she said, still staring at his arm.

"You'll be tired tomorrow," Jack continued.

"Technically it's already tomorrow," Sam said.

"Carter," Jack whispered, finally opening his eyes and turning his gaze to the scientist.

What he saw broke his heart: the blonde woman stared at his arm, still slowly caressing it, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Hey," he said softly, raising his arm and wiping the tears with his thumb.

Sam tilted her head towards Jack's hand and leaned on it for a moment before finally putting a delicate kiss on it.

"I don't like know you're here, in that state," Sam explained.

"Don't worry, I'll be back soon, and I'll start getting on your nerves again in your lab and telling you stupid jokes just to hear you laugh," Jack said with a smile.

Samantha smiled in turn then leaned slowly to gently kiss the General. Their hands intertwined and Sam put her head close to Jack's shoulder, listening to his heartbeat at a steady pace.

"Sam?" Jack asked.

"Mmm," the astrophysicist replied.

" Do you want to stay here?"

"Mmmmm," Sam said, already falling asleep.

"Sleep well Honey," Jack said, laying a kiss on her blond hair.

In a half-sleep, Sam smiled.