Chapter 24

Regrets and Replays

A/N: Yes, another chapter so soon! I'm trying to make up for the long period that I gave nothing- sorry! The end of this chapter switches to EPOV so we can get some more insight. Enjoy!

"Bella I made dinner", Rose said from the other side of my door.

I felt bad putting her through this, through my misery.

Misery loves company? Not mine.

"Please come out B"

I spent most of the past two weeks locked away in my room. Upon my arrival back from Forks, Rose immediately knew that something terrible had happened. I suppose it was pretty obvious when I came through the front door. I let out every emotion I had kept inside the whole trip back. They came spilling out as soon as I stepped over the threshold, before I even put my bags down.

Poor Rosie had run to my side, probably scared shitless. I was a fuckin' mess. I had forced myself to tell her everything that night. All of Edwards dirty little secrets- spilled.

Rose didn't judge him for his past. She didn't judge him for the alcohol, the drug use or his spiraling behavior. What she did judge him for, was pushing me away.

"That's his biggest mistake Bella and he'll regret it", she had told me.

"If he works hard he can overcome all the other obstacles, but he can never take back what he did to you."

"B?" her muffled voice brought me back to the present.

"Yeah, I'll be right out"

I took a deep breath and made my body move. I put my feet on the floor and slid them into my slippers. Those were my shoes these days. My attire consisted of yoga pants, tees and slippers. Daily.

When did I shower last?

I trudged toward the door, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

Eeek, I look a hot mess

I didn't bother combing my hair anymore or applying anything other than chapstick to my face. It was like I had given up on life, only I wasn't dead.

I lived a lonely life now. Rose tried her best to cheer me up, but it didn't work. I tried pretending it helped so I didn't hurt her feelings, but she knew. Whoever said heartbreak wasn't real was an idiot. I was moments from shattering into a million pieces at any given moment. I dreamt of E every night- sometimes good times, other times not. Either way I would wake crying. I didn't know how much longer I could do this. I just wanted to recover or break already, the in between was torture.

I sat across from Rose, picking through my food.

"Bella, please eat. You look thin. Seriously babe."

She was right. Since Esme's passing a little over a month ago I had lost about 6 pounds...maybe a little more. My already petite build showed them easily.

"Listen, I think it's time you got out of the house. Why don't you go do something fun?"

I stared at her blankly.

"Don't look at me like that dammit, I'm serious"

She was frustrated.

"I just- I dunno-", I started to say.

"No. No excuses. Tomorrow in Friday and you're going out. And come Monday you're going to class before you don't have the option"

"Ok mom", sarcasm thick in my voice.

"I called Jake. You're meeting him tomorrow."

"What?! Rose-"

"Bella! He's kind of going through the same thing and he's your friend. Maybe you two can talk and like, find comfort in it or something"

"He is just going through a break up. It's not the same"

"Whatever it's similar! He's your friend and he needs company just as much as you do."

"Fine. But only to please you Rose" I joked.

"Thank you" she said with a smirk, clearly proud of herself.

I laughed. It wasn't a hearty laugh, but a laugh none the less.

...

I walked into the bar and began looking around, getting as tall on my tip toes as I could.

"Bells!"

The call came from the right of me, Jake was waving his arm in the air. I smiled, waved and made my way toward him.

"Hey Jake" I said approaching the high top at which he sat.

He stood and embraced me in a hug. I big bear hug, only the kind he could give.

"How ya doin' beautiful" he asked releasing me.

I sighed, "I've been better, but I'm alive" I answered shrugging my shoulders.

"Yeah, I feel ya. I'm sorry this is all happening. I tried reaching out to Edward to give my condolences about his mom, but he didn't answer...or call back"

The look on his face was actually both pained and puzzled. Rose clearly had not filled him in on all the details of the situation, which I was grateful for.

"Who knows. I dunno what's going on with him right now" my eyes dropped to the ground as I said the words.

I wish I knew. I really, really did.

"Well, let's not dwell on it. Tonight we're having fun! I haven't seen ya in while and I want to enjoy it"

I realized that hanging out with Jake- just Jake, had not happened since before I started dating E. We used to hang out all the time, but things had definitely changed. I missed it.

Soon enough the drinks were flowing and we were reminiscing over the crazy things we did as kids.

Oh, there were many crazy things

I had not felt that happy in weeks. The drinks had done their job- I was wasted. Not black out, pukey wasted, but giggly, stumbling wasted. Before I knew it the bar was closing for the night.

"Let's get a cab Bells" Jake said as he helped me to my feet. He then escorted me out of the bar and into the car. He was a good friend.

In route to my apartment I told Jake he could stay at our place. There was no way he could drive the two or so hours home. That would have been stupid.

We laughed as we ascended the stairs and when I opened the door ready to tell Rose how right she had been about me needing some time out, it was dark.

"Rose?" I called flicking on a lamp.

I saw a note on the counter telling me she had texted, but got no response and had went out with a friend.

Oops, phone died

I turned to face Jake, holding up the paper, "Oh, well I guess it's just us. Rose went out"

He was standing in the kitchen with a bottle of Tequila and a mischievous grin. A few shots later and we were having our own private party- dancing around the living room, shouting song lyrics and all.

"I LOVE this song!" I yelled as "Blue Jeans" by Lana Del Rey began to play.

I stood on a kitchen chair singing every word and dancing with myself, eyes closed and hips swaying.

"...you were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip hop. But you fit me better than my favorite sweater, and I know-"

My singing was stopped by lips crashing into mine.

I'm not sure why- maybe it was the alcohol, the sensual music or just missing being with a man, but I didn't stop him.

Jake lifted me off the chair as our kiss became kisses. I wrapped my legs around his waist and tilted my head back exposing more of my neck for better access. I felt Jake's large hands on my back beneath my shirt, then they were lifting it above my head. I fell to my back on the couch, Jake on top of me. He quickly pulled his shirt off revealing his abs that even I admit were hot. I felt kisses and nibbles down my neck and as hands began to unbuckle my jeans a phone rang- Jake's phone. It was enough to make me realize what I was doing.

Holy shit!

"No, no wait!" I said grabbing Jake's hands to halt their actions.

"Let it ring" he said, clearly not understanding.

"Jake- I can't do this", I said sitting up.

"But-"

"No. I can't. I'm sorry" I stood, grabbed my shirt and quickly turned off the music. I said good night and rushed to my bedroom feeling ashamed of myself.

What the fuck was I doing? I was so not ready to be like that with another guy- and certainly not Jake! I plugged in my phone and turned it on. Eight missed calls.

Eight missed calls? Geez Rose

I saw that two were from Rose, the rest were not. They were from Edward. Panic set in.

Shit, do I call him? What if he needs help?!

Just then it rang again. It was Rose.

"Hey Rose"

"Bella—Edward called me-" she was rambling.

"Slow down, is he ok?!"

"Yeah, I mean, as far as I know. But I accidentally told him you went out with Jake. I didn't think, I'm sorry!"

Shit! Shit! Shit!

"It's ok. Dammit! I gotta go"

After hanging up I realized I had a voice mail from Edward. Without hesitation I played it.

"Bella! Don't you dare go to Jacob. Fuck, anybody else but him! I'm begging you B- please! Not him." His words were slurred and his voice cracked at the end as if he were about to cry.

I replayed his message again and again just to hear his voice. His sad, pained voice. I lost it. I missed him so fuckin' much, but he did this!

I decided I wasn't calling back, but if he called again I would answer.

I hoped he would.

He didn't.

...

(E POV)

The two weeks I had endured without Bella seemed like two decades. Every day I missed her. Every fuckin' miserable day. Every day I struggled with myself not to pick up the phone and tell her how sorry I was and beg her to take my sorry ass back. Would she? I wasn't one hundred percent sure, but I felt that deep down she had to still love me.

She has to, right?

I tried to eliminate the wicked white woman from my life. It was a bitch. Some days I was successful, others not. Which really meant no, I was not. I failed eventually each attempt. But I was trying.

Today I conquered her. I hadn't put my nose to any surface to inhale anything. That didn't mean I was sober, however. Whiskey was again my partner in crime. After hours of lonely drinking I couldn't contain myself and dialed Bella. It rang. And rang. Voice mail. I hung up.

Was she ignoring my calls?

Over the next few hours I tried several times. Each time I got her voice mail and I was beyond desperate.

Rose

I called Rosalie without a second thought.

"Hello?" she answered

I said nothing.

"Edward? Why are you calling me?"

"I need to talk to Bella- please!"

"She's not here. She went out tonight"

Out? Without Rose?

"Out with who Rose?!"

"Calm down! Jake, she went out with Jacob. What's going on?"

No! No fuckin' way!

I quickly ended the call and dialed Bella again. That time I left a message.

"Bella! Don't you dare go to Jacob. Fuck, anybody else but him! I'm begging you B- please! Not him."

I hung up before I was a blubbering mess. I wanted to cry. I dialed one more number that night- Jacobs. It rang and rang for what seemed like forever.

What the fuck is he doing that he can't answer the phone?!

When his voice mail picked up I lost it.

"If you fuckin' touch her Jake I swear you'll be sorry! That's one promise I can keep. Stay away from her!"

I threw my phone to the ground and watched it shatter into multiple pieces. I wished it was Jake. I hated that mother fucker.

That night I drank until I blacked out, but even that didn't stop the images of Bella and Jacob.