A/N: Hey everyone, I'm super sorry that it took me awhile to get a new chapter, even though it has only been a few days it still feels like forever. I just got so busy with school and other stuff that I couldn't write, plus this chapter was really hard to write with all the different emotional things that happen. Just a little heads up, my updates are going to be less frequent starting in the next week or two. I will try my hardest to get a chapter up every week, but between school and work my days are pretty crazy. Please don't get mad if my updates take longer then normal, I will update as much as possible. So enough rambling, here is the new chapter, and its long. I hope everyone likes it, please enjoy and review. Also, I do not own Instant Star or the song Amazing by Lonestar.
Chapter 23
Dear Diary,
So yesterday was Halloween and let's just say a lot of shit happened. I still haven't fully processed what all happened last night at the party, but here is what I have at the moment. First off Lance told me he loved me, which was amazing. I was so shocked when he told me, but after the shock wore off I was head over heels happy. I didn't think that he loved me, but he does which is amazing. I actually have a boyfriend that loves me and I love him and everything is super perfect. Okay, not super perfect. Don't get me wrong I really am happy with Lance, but what happened last night has me feeling weird. I know I let him do those dirty things to me, but I still feel like something wrong happened. I didn't want any of that, but once he started doing it, wow, it felt amazing. I liked the way his hand felt up against my skin and whatever he did with his fingers took my breath away. It all felt amazing and we did all that because we love each other, so why do I feel like it was all wrong? Maybe I'm still just upset over the whole him accidently punching me. I'm not really upset about him hitting me because it really was my own fault for stepping in the way, but I am upset about him trying to punch my friend. I know he doesn't really like Alice but that doesn't give him the right to be such an ass to her. Yes, he is my boyfriend and I should be on his side about things, but I will never put my boyfriend before my friends. I love Lance, but who is to say it will last forever, even though I really hope it does. Alice on the other hand will always be my friend, forever and always. I just hope Lance can get over this thing he has against Alice before something else happens. They wouldn't even talk to each other at lunch, and Alice only sat with us for like five minutes before she stormed off. I tried going after her but Lance told me it was probably best to just let her cool off. All I know is that they both better be on their best behaviors tomorrow at my party or I am going to hurt them. Speaking of my party it is going to be so perfect. All my friends from camp are coming, and all my school friends. Plus all of Ryan's friends, which means Tommy will be there. He texted me earlier and told me he got me the best present ever, but he refuses to tell me what it is. Knowing Tommy it is probably something silly like a nerf gun, even though that would be a totally awesome gift, just not the best gift ever. I guess I will just have to wait for my party which is in a little over twelve hours seeing as it is like 2 a.m. I really should get some sleep, but that is so impossible right now. I really thought that song would help with the dreams, but it didn't. I don't feel like a warrior anymore. I am more like a peasant begging for a piece of bread to survive. I just wish these damn nightmares would go away already, but I refuse to let them get me down on my big day. Here is to the best birthday ever.
XOXO Jude
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…" Alice sings loud and completely out of tune to wake me up.
"Alice shut up." I grumble out while attempting to throw a pillow at her but miss by miles.
"Happy birthday dear Jude…" Alice continues getting louder on each word.
"Happy birthday to you." Sings in perfect key the voice of none other than Tommy Quincy.
"Hey, way to still my thunder dude." Alice groans throwing a stuffed monkey at Tommy, which hits him in the head.
"At least he was in tune." I grumble out from under the sheets.
"I just wanted to wish the birthday girl a happy birthday, and give her something." Tommy says chuckling as I shoot out from under the covers at the mention of a gift.
"Whatcha get me?" I ask excitedly, eyes open wide.
"Sorry girl, this is just a clue about what your present is." Tommy says handing me a Tiffany's blue box with a giant grin plastered on his face.
"You got me something from Tiffany's?" I yell as I start bouncing on the bed from excitement.
"Only in your dreams Harrison, just open the box." Tommy says laughing at the disappointment that spread across my face.
"Fine" I say as I open the box. "It's empty." I say confused.
"Well that is all; see you later with another clue." Tommy says as he leaves my room in a hurry, laughing a little.
"What the hell is an empty box supposed to mean?" I ask completely confused.
"I have no clue." Alice says trying to hide a smile, but fails miserably.
"Alice you are a horrible liar. You know what he got me don't you?" I question
"Yes, but I am not going to tell you. He worked really hard on this. Don't worry though; you will adore what he got you." Alice says with a smile before getting up to leave. "You're next clue is at breakfast by the way." Alice says before leaving.
I spring out of bed and sprint downstairs, almost knocking Alice over in the process. "Where is my next clue?" I breathe out.
"Chill out, you will get it when you get it." Alice says as we sit down to eat.
"Happy birthday sweetie" Vicki says as she brings out my J shaped pancakes.
"Thanks Mom" I reply with a smile before digging in.
After stuffing my face with about ten pancakes, Alice pulls out another Tiffany's blue box from under the table. "Your next clue," Alice states as she hands me the box.
"It better not be another empty box." I say with a laugh.
"It isn't" Alice replies.
I open the box and find a piece of paper covered in what look like doodles of stars. "What is this; did Tommy get bored in class and start doodling?" I ask laughing at my own joke.
"Hey, I worked really hard on those stars." Tommy says coming up behind me.
"Sure you did, that's why they are drawn using the line method." I reply with a smirk.
"Whatever," Tommy says before joining us at the table. "Where is breakfast? I hear that there are J shaped pancakes." Tommy questions
"In my tummy" I say in a little kid voice, point at my stomach.
"She ate like ten of them. I never knew she could eat like that." Alice explains laughing.
"It's because she is a fatty." A voice from behind us says in a very serious tone.
"Lance" I squeal out at I jump from my seat to hug him. "What are you doing here, the party doesn't start until 7?" I question
"I wanted to spend the whole day with you. It is your big day after all." Lance explains before leaning in to give me a kiss.
"You are so sweet. Isn't he sweet guys?" I ask turning towards Tommy and Alice.
"The sweetest" Alice replies in a mocking voice.
"Totes sweet" Tommy says in a girly voice.
I glare at the both of them, knowing they are both being mean. "Lance, how about you go wait in the screening room while I go change." I say
"Sure thing, but I am totally okay with you staying in that. It is super sexy." Lance says a little seductively as he leans in the kiss me, but stops due to groaning coming from behind us.
"Sorry, I was just yawning." Alice says stretching her arms and faking a yawn.
"Sure" Lance replies with a scowl. "I'll be in the screening room when you are done." Lance says as he kisses me then heads to the screening room.
"What the hell?" I say as I spin around to face my friends.
"Seriously Jude, he is such an ass." Alice says
"Look, I get you two have issues, but could you please just be nice for one day. It is my birthday after all." I reply pleading with her with my eyes.
"Fine, but only because it is your birthday." Alice huffs out.
"Thank you" I say hugging her.
"You better love me forever for this." Alice says causing us to laugh.
"You know it." I reply smiling. "I better go change before Lance starts to worry." I continue before heading off towards my room.
"Jude, make sure to keep an eye out for those clues. They could be anywhere." Tommy yells after my retreating body.
"Got it" I yell over my shoulder.
"So how is the birthday girl?" Lance asks as I snuggle up next to him.
"Amazing" I reply with a giant smile.
"Good" Lance says before leaning in the kiss me. He deepens the kiss and within seconds his tongue is licking my bottom lip asking for entrance, which I gladly grant. As the kiss gets more intense Lance turns before slowly laying us down, him hovering over me. My head slowly makes contact with the couch, but I feel something lumpy under the cushion causing me to pull away from the kiss.
"What's wrong?" Lance asks
"Nothing, it's just, I think there is something under the cushion." I explain sitting up a little to reach under the cushion. I pull out a Tiffany's blue box and smile.
"What is that?" Lance questions
"Tommy left me all the clues about the gift he got me." I explain as I sit up completely so I can open the box.
"Tommy" Lance says with a hint of anger.
"He is my friend. Friends give friends gifts on their birthday. Just calm down." I reply as I open the box. The box contained another piece of paper with doodles, but this time the doodles are of moons.
"That is some shitty drawing." Lance says with a chuckle.
"It doesn't matter if it's good, just what the picture is." I explain
"Whatever" Lance says pulling the box from my hands and throwing it on the ground before attacking my lips with his.
"Lance" I say pushing him off. "That wasn't nice."
"Get over it. It is just some stupid clue from some jack ass guy. You really shouldn't even care." Lance says a little bit of disgust in his voice.
"Well I do care. Tommy is my friend, not a jack ass, so I care about the gift he got me." I reply getting a little defensive.
"Of course you would defend him." Lance says rolling his eyes.
"What is that supposed to mean?" I question getting angry.
"It means that all you seem to care about is Tommy." Lance explains the anger growing evident in his voice.
"That is not true. I care about you." I say my voice softening on the second part.
"Bull shit" Lance replies.
"I do, I love you, not Tommy." I say scooting closer to him.
"Okay" Lance breathes out.
"Okay, so how about we pop in a movie and relax until I have to get ready?" I ask
"Sounds good, but I don't think we will do much watching though." Lance says before capturing my lips and laying me back down causing me to giggle into the kiss.
"So how do I look?" I ask turning towards Alice.
"Perfect" Alice replies with a smile.
"Good" I say before turning back towards to mirror. My blond hair half up in waterfall braids connecting in the middle of my head, the rest falling in curls. My Tiffany's blue dress flows perfectly, hitting me in all the right places. I look so damn perfect. I just hope the night goes perfect.
"Just one more thing to complete the look." Alice says pulling a tiara from behind her back.
"Oh my gosh" I breathe out completely stunned.
"I thought you would like it." Alice says with a smile before putting it on my head. "Now you are a princess."
"Thank you" I say pulling her into a hug.
"No problem, just consider it your birthday present." Alice replies with a laugh.
"This is going to be the best night ever. I just wish I could hide this bruise better." I say dapping more make-up on my cheek.
"Here let me" Alice says grabbing the brush from my hand.
"Thanks" I reply with a smile. "I can't believe I have this bruise on my birthday."
"Well if your boyfriend wasn't such psycho you wouldn't have it." Alice says
"Alice you promised." I whine out.
"Sorry, I just really don't get why you are still with him." Alice says putting the make-up down.
"I love him and he loves me." I states simply.
"If you say so" Alice says
"I do, now can we please go enjoy my party?" I ask with a smile.
"Yes, but first" Alice says pulling a Tiffany's blue box out from the make-up counter. "The final clue."
"I hope this one makes more sense. I have no idea what the other ones meant." I say as I open the box to find a piece of paper with a note written in Tommy's hand writing.
"What does it say?" Alice asks excitedly.
"Meet me at 10 under the moon and stars at the place I emptied my heart to you." I read out loud. "Oh, now I get the other clues." I say with a laugh.
"Wait, now I am lost." Alice replies completely confused.
"And you shall stay lost." I say with a smirk before leaving the room.
"Evil" Alice yells.
"Everyone please welcome the birthday girl, Jude." The DJ announces.
I walk outside with Alice following behind me. I scan the backyard looking for a certain face, and when I finally land on it my smile grows ten times bigger. Tommy Quincy, how you take my breath away.
"Jude" Lance says coming up next to me and wrapping his arm around my waist.
"Hey" I say as my smile fades a little.
"Care to dance?" Lance asks bowing a little.
"I would love to." I reply with a giggle.
"So, is tonight everything you ever wanted?" Lance asks as we sway back and forth to the beat of the music.
"Everything and more" I reply.
"Well it is going to get even better once I give you your gift." Lance says with a giant smile.
"Oh really, and when do I get this gift?" I question
"I'm thinking right now." Lance says as the song we were dancing to stops and the DJ announces a special singer to the stage.
"You wrote me a song?" I ask as Lance gets up on stage.
"Hey everyone, I'm Lance and I am the luckiest guy in the world because I'm dating the most beautiful girl in the world. I am so ecstatic that I get to share my life with her and I am equally ecstatic about the fact that she loves me just as much as I love her. I wanted to show her just how much I love her, but I can never find the right words, so I wrote it all out in a song. I hope you love it." Lance says causing me to get a little teary eyed. The music starts and Lance's voice fills the backyard.
Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby, when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts, I can see your dreams
I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you
The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby, you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh, it feels like the first time every time
I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes
I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you
Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Oh, every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you
"Happy birthday Jude. I love you." Lance says after finishing the song.
I run up on stage, slinging my arms around his neck and kissing him hard. The crowd claps causing me to pull out of the kiss blushing. Lance and I walk off stage, hand in hand, and head inside for a moment of privacy.
"Lance, that was amazing." I say as I kiss him again. He deepens the kiss and shoves me up against the wall in the hallway. His hands start sliding down my body, but stop when we hear someone clear their throat.
"Jude" Ryan says
"Ryan" I say completely mortified.
"It's almost ten" Ryan simply says before walking off, his face showing his complete disgust at what he just saw.
"Well that was embarrassing." I say with an awkward chuckle.
"Completely, but more importantly why does it matter that is almost ten?" Lance asks curiously.
"I am supposed to sing at 10:15, so I have to go start warming up at ten." I say. I'm not completely lying. I really am going to sing.
"Okay, well I guess you better go then." Lance says giving me one last kiss before heading back to the party.
Once I can no longer see Lance I start heading towards the stairs to go up to my room. I really hope I got the right place. As I reach the top of the stairs I see what looks like candle light flickering in my room. I walk towards my room and open the slightly cracked door completely open. I scan the room and my breath hitches in my throat. The room was covered in candles giving the room a romantic glow. A shadowy figure stands over in the corner, but starts walking towards me once I enter the room.
"So you did hear me that day." Tommy says more like a fact then a question.
"I did, at least now I know I wasn't dreaming it." I reply walking closer to Tommy.
"So I know I have been a little hot and cold lately…" Tommy starts but I cut him off with my laughter. "Okay majorly hot and cold, but there is a reason for that." Tommy continues as he reaches out and grabs my hand. "It has been so hard keeping my distance from you, and I thought if you hated me it would make things easier. All it did was make me hate myself for hurting you."
"Tommy" I whisper
"Just listen. Three years ago I met this girl. She had blonde hair and sass for days." Tommy starts causing me to laugh. "She made me laugh and never gave a damn about what others thought about her. This girl was fearless and amazing. She was everything I ever wanted in a girl, but like all great love stories there was a problem. The problem was she was only 12 at the time and my best friend's little sister. I tried to fight the feelings bubbling in my gut, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't. Then I did the dumbest and bravest thing I have ever done in my life, I kissed her, and when our lips met it was magic. I then proceeded to screw that moment up with my big mouth." Tommy explains, his eyes never leaving mine. "Luckily for me, this girl forgave me for my stupidity and we became great friends, but I always wanted more. I always wanted her to be my girl, because I love her."
"Oh my gosh" I breathe out, tears collecting in my eyes.
"Jude, I know you have a boyfriend, but I need you to know that I love you with all my heart." Tommy says before slamming is lips against mine in the most passionate kiss I have ever felt.
"What the hell is going on in here!?" Lance yells from the doorway
"Lance, it isn't what it looks like." I say pulling away from Tommy.
"It looks like you were kissing another guy!" Lance yells his voice completely full of rage.
"Look dude, I kissed her." Tommy says trying to defuse the situation.
"I don't give a shit. Her lips were still on yours." Lance yells getting closer to Tommy, his hands clinched into fist at his side.
"Lance, please let's just go talk about this." I plead stepping in his path.
"You want to talk, fine. How about we talk about just how pathetic you are?" Lance asks shifting his rage from Tommy to me. "Or maybe we should talk about how you can be so stupid to kiss a guy who does nothing but hurt you? Oh and we really should talk about how you could lie to me about loving me?" Lance continues yelling louder than I thought possible.
"Dude, chill out." Tommy says stepping in between Lance and me.
"Tommy, please I can fight my own battles." I say a little too forcefully.
"Fine" Tommy says before leaving the room.
"Lance, please just listen to me." I beg reaching out to touch his arm but he just smacks it away.
"I can't believe you kissed him. That guy has done nothing but hurt you and you still love him like he is the only thing in the world." Lance says his voice dripping with anger.
"I don't love Tommy." I reply
"Bull shit! I was there all summer listening to you whine and complain about how much you love him and how much he hurt you. I saw you completely break down and cost yourself a record contract because you were too damn scared to sing a love song about him in front of him."
"You and I both know I didn't care about that contract." I state
"Oh give it a rest. Everyone and their fucking mom know you wanted that contract, but you gave it all away because of one guy."
"Whatever" I reply getting angry.
"You are so damn pathetic. You actually have a guy that loves you and treats you right, but you can't get over that ass."
"I am not pathetic." I reply a little too quietly.
"You are the most pathetic person I have ever met." Lance says his voice dripping with disgust.
"I am not, and to be completely honest, you don't treat me right." I blurt out without thinking.
"Excuse me?" Lance asks the anger in his voice growing.
"Lance I didn't mean that." I reply my voice shaking as tears start to form in my eyes.
"Bull shit. God, can you stop lying for once?" Lance yells
"I really didn't mean it." I say
"Don't lie to me!" Lance yells as he swings his arm back handing me across the face. I fall to the ground from the impact and my hand quickly flies to my cheek where he hit me. Tears start streaming down my face as Lance starts leaning down to help me. "Jude I am so sorry." Lance says his voice full of concern.
"Just go away." I say my voice shaking.
"Jude, I didn't mean for that to happen." Lance replies getting closer to me.
"Get out!" I yell forcefully.
Lance looks at me shocked before turning and leaving. I get off the ground and walk towards my bed. I lie down in bed and instantly curl into a ball as I start bawling. I don't even realize Tommy reentered my room until I am engulfed in his arms, crying into his chest.
"Jude, what happened?" Tommy asks his voice full of concern.
"I don't want to talk about it." I reply.
"Jude, please talk to me. I feel like this is all my fault." Tommy says pulling me away from his chest so he can look me in the eyes, but his face turns from concern to rage as he spots the red mark on my face. "Did he hit you?"
"Tommy it is no big deal." I reply slowly whipping tears from my face.
"It is too a big deal. He should not be hitting you." Tommy says his voice dripping with rage.
"It is not a big deal. He wasn't thinking and it just happened." I explain
"That doesn't just happen, Jude. You need to break up with him." Tommy says
"You are only saying that because you want to be with me." I reply with a chuckle.
"No, I am saying that because he is a bad guy and you deserve better." Tommy explains
"And you are better? At least with Lance I know what I'm getting. You on the other hand go from loving me to hating me in a matter of seconds." I say bitterly.
"Jude, I just explained all of that to you." Tommy replies.
"Well you know what Tommy, you are too late." I say. "I love Lance, and I am going to stay with Lance."
"Jude, stop being stupid and open your eyes. Lance is a bad guy." Tommy replies saying the last part slowly.
"He is not." I say
"Jude, what is wrong with you? The Jude I know and love would never be this stupid." Tommy replies his voice going back to being full of concern.
"Nothing is wrong with me." I bite out.
"Jude, please talk to me." Tommy pleads.
"Fine" I say bitterly. "You want to know what is wrong with me, I'm broken." I say as the tears come back.
"What do you mean broken?" Tommy asks confused.
"I mean I am broken. I have been broken for years, ever since that night I was raped. When he raped me he took a piece of me that I can't get back. When he took that piece I broke. I went from this happy little girl to this broken shell of a person. When I am with Lance though, I don't feel broken." I explain. So maybe that is not the truth, but Tommy doesn't need to know that.
"Jude" Tommy says.
"Tommy, I don't want your pity. I only told you this to explain why I am with Lance." I reply
"Wait, so you still broken when you are with me?" Tommy asks.
"Tommy, you can't ask me that." I reply my voice wavering a little.
"But I am asking." Tommy says.
"I'm not answering. Look can we just please drop this. If I recall correctly, you were about to give me a gift before Lance walked in." I reply whipping the tears from my face.
"Fine" Tommy says standing up from my bed to grab a box from the dresser. "Happy birthday girl" Tommy says handing me the box.
I open the box and see the most stunning ring ever. It wasn't a diamond or anything fancy, but it was still beautiful. It's silver with two hands holding a heart with a crown on top of the heart. "You got me a ring?" I question
"It isn't just any ring" Tommy says pulling the ring out the box. "It's a claddagh ring. The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty, and the heart represents love." Tommy says as he slides the ring on my right index finger, heart pointing away from me.
"Why did you put it on that way? It would look better the other way." I ask confused.
"Well, if you wear the heart pointed to you it means you belong to someone." Tommy explains
"Oh" I simply state. "Well I doubt anyone else will know what the ring means." I say as I slide the ring off my finger and turn it so the heart is pointing me before sliding back on my finger. "Much better" I say with a smile and a light laugh. I like the way it looks this way, but I also like the idea of belonging to Tommy.
"As long as you like it, you can wear it however you want." Tommy says with a smile.
"I love it Tommy. Thank you." I reply pulling him into a hug and kissing him on the cheek.
"Let's get back to your party." Tommy says pulling me up from the bed.
"I really don't want to go back down there." I reply
"You don't have to if you don't want to." Tommy says sitting back down on the bed with me.
"Good, all I want to do is curl up and sleep." I reply as I lay down.
"Well I will let you sleep." Tommy says standing up from the bed.
"Please don't leave." I whisper shyly.
"Are you sure, what about Lance?" Tommy asks.
"He is probably long gone by now, plus this is purely innocent." I reply as I pull Tommy down next to me on the bed.
"Purely innocent." Tommy says as he wraps his arms around me. I rest my face on his chest and fall asleep to the rhythm of his heart.