Thank you so much all for your feedback, I have really appreciated the time and trouble you have taken and all your kind comments. I think this fic is drawing to a natural close now (unless I start flogging the proverbial dead horse!), so apart from a potential epilogue I'm going to leave it here. I've split this chapter into three to explore different aspects of 'home'..
Home - 1
"Caroline I don't think I can do this, I don't feel at all...equipped!" Tears ran down Kate's face as she emoted to her girlfriend.
"Oh sweetheart!" Caroline crouched down so she was on the same level as Kate who was sitting in the chair in the bedroom, having just fed Olivia and returned her to her cot. The blonde headmistress cradled Kate's face in her hands as she knelt in front of her. "What is it you feel you can't do?"
Kate started to sob and between gasps she said, "Bringing Olivia up...properly. How do I know I won't...fuck this up...her up..totally?! She's just...so little...and so innocent...and she's relying on me...and I don't know what I'm doing! What made me think I could do this?!"
Caroline pulled Kate into a hug and the younger woman put her head on Caroline's shoulder as she sobbed. The blonde headmistress just held her close, rubbing her back as she would have had it been Lawrence or William. She waited for Kate's sobs to subside into the occasional shuddering gasp before she drew back gently, looking into the dark skinned woman's tear stained face seriously, "Kate, every new mother feels like this. I certainly did. But you're not alone...you have me...and we'll do this together. You love Olivia...and so do I...and we will make informed, loving choices for her. And the fact that you're worried about it...well that's good...it shows you care and that you want to do your very best for her, which is all she needs."
"How do I know I won't screw her up though?" Kate's watery brown eyes were serious and fearful.
"You won't darling. You'll love her and care for her and prepare her for the rest of her life. She'll know that she can count on you and that you'll always be there for her." She smiled at Kate, "She's a very lucky little girl, to have you."
Kate seemed to be a little calmer. "She's lucky to have you...hopefully you'll offset the emotional madness of her other mother." She smiled weakly at her girlfriend.
"You're not mad, Kate. Your hormones are all over the place and you feel a bit overwhelmed right now, that's all."
Kate gently pulled Caroline's face towards her and then kissed her lips sweetly. "I've made your shirt wet", she said regretfully, touching the shoulder where she'd cried into Caroline's neck.
"Doesn't matter." Caroline gently wiped Kate's cheeks with her fingers and leaned in for another kiss then said, "You about ready for something to eat?"
Kate sniffed, "Oh. Is dinner ready?"
"Mmmhmm", that's what I came to tell you." Caroline got up from the floor and held out her hand to Kate. "Come on, let's go and eat while Olivia's sleeping. We'll take the baby monitor and plug it in downstairs."...
Kate sat at the table, opposite Caroline. She stopped eating for a second and looked at her girlfriend, love apparent in her eyes.
"What?"
"You're perfect."
"Hardly Kate!", Caroline scoffed.
"You are", Kate was insistent. "You're so supportive, so sweet. You've mopped me up tonight, cooked me dinner and offered to take some of the night feeds. You're wonderful."
"Isn't that just what should happen?" Caroline was getting better at taking compliments but she still didn't find it easy. "You'd do the same for me."
"I would yes. But I suppose my point is, that for once I seem to have a proper partnership in a relationship...and I really appreciate that...I really appreciate you."
"Especially now I'm less of a coward?"
"I didn't say that." Kate's eyes sparkled a little in vexation.
"No. I did...because it's true." Caroline pushed her chin forward as she did when she felt a little vulnerable or exposed. She made eye contact with Kate and her gaze immediately softened, "But I figured out what was important and I got a second chance to put things right...and I will do whatever it takes to make you happy."
She reached across the table and took Kate's hand, caressing it lightly, then she turned it over gently and pressed a kiss slowly and intimately to the inside of her wrist, all the while maintaining eye contact. There was a silence charged with sexual tension and then Kate shivered and said, "Bloody hell Caroline, I only gave birth three days ago and yet right now, I want to rip all your clothes off and have you on the table!"
Caroline burst out laughing delightedly and then said, "Let's hold that thought then...until you're better able to participate...and when Lawrence isn't due back from John's in the next half an hour." She smiled sexily and continued, "Mind you, this table is pretty sturdy so it's definitely do-able."
Home - 2
It was the day of the much awaited house move. Caroline had insisted that Lawrence should go to school as normal, despite his protestations and she had finally persuaded Kate to spend the day with Olivia at her mum's. Kate was driving Lawrence to school but neither one of them was happy with the outcome of their 'negotiations' with the blonde headmistress. Kate had taken Caroline's jeep and despite her telling Lawrence he was welcome to sit in the front passenger seat, he had chosen moodily to plonk himself in the back with Olivia, who'd had no say in the matter at all in her rearward facing car seat.
They'd only got to the end of the road when Kate noticed the flashing fuel light on the dashboard display and exclaimed, "Shit." Then, "Sorry Lawrence."
"'s'ok. I already know that word...but don't go blaming me if it's Olivia's first word. What's wrong anyway?"
"Nothing really...I just didn't realise we needed petrol. I'm going to have to stop off or we might run out. Are we ok for time?"
"Yeah, it'll be fine." Lawrence clearly didn't really care if he was late for school.
Kate realised this in his offhand demeanour, "Well if you are late, I can always come in and explain."
"No! I mean, no..thanks...it'll be fine." Lawrence sounded desperate not to be humiliated by his mother's girlfriend apologising for him, potentially in front of all his classmates.
Kate turned into the next petrol station, drew up at the pumps and got out to fill up the car's tank. As she was standing with the nozzle in the tank, waiting for it to fill, she noticed through the window that Olivia was awake in her car seat. She didn't seem to be anything other than calm though so Kate wasn't concerned. She filled up the tank and went inside to pay. Once there however there was a queue of three people in front of her so she had no choice but to wait...and hope that Olivia would stay calm.
In the car, Lawrence was playing with his phone until he heard Olivia gurgle. He looked up at the eight week old baby and found her looking straight at him. "Hey 'liv", he acknowledged her. She looked at him steadily and a little bubble of spit appeared out of her mouth. Lawrence laughed, "Good one, O-liv-i-aaa." The baby grinned. Lawrence looked around to make sure no-one was watching him, "Hey baby face, high five!" He took her little hand and patted it on his own. Olivia grinned again and Lawrence grinned back. "You like that, huh?" He adopted a 'street' demeanour, "You is a well cool baby innit." Olivia gurgled and emitted a little globule of milk down her front, then grinned again, the milk spittle hanging from her mouth to where it landed on the front of her pink cardigan.
"Olivia that is gross!" Lawrence looked around and could see Kate still queueing to pay. He leaned over to the passenger seat and pulled out a muslin cloth from the baby bag Kate had packed for the day. He gently dabbed her face then her cardigan, cleaning her up efficiently. "Don't think I'm doing this all the time, little girl. That is stinky." He smiled at her, tapping her nose gently with the cloth, "Yep, you is well stinky." She smiled at him again.
Kate, walking across the forecourt to the car couldn't believe her eyes. Not only was Lawrence interacting properly with Olivia (something she hadn't really seen him do up to now) but if she wasn't very much mistaken the teenager had just been rewarded with her baby's first smile! And he seemed to have just wiped spit-up off her!
Kate opened the driver's door and got in. She turned around to look at Lawrence, "Did I just see you make Olivia smile?"
"Uh yeah, she was smiling a bit."
"Blimey Lawrence, that was her first smile! She hasn't smiled at me or your mum yet. What did you do?"
"Nothing really, I was just mucking around...umm...she spat up a bit so I wiped it up...but she's ok."
Kate was really touched by his affection towards his little sister but also rather jealous that he'd made her little girl smile...for the first time. She swallowed a lump in her throat, "Thanks for that Lawrence."
"No problem...she's kind of cute...for a baby."
"Yeah, well she clearly thinks you're cool, since she's graced you with her first smile." She indicated to turn into Sulgrave Heath, "And I don't think you're going to be late, which is good." She pulled into the car park and stopped for him to get out.
Lawrence picked his bag up from the floor beside him and said awkwardly, "Thanks for the lift...Kate."
"No problem. I'll pick you up later so we can go back to the new house together."
"Ok." He turned to get out then stopped and turned back to Olivia, "See ya, baby face." He held her little hand and patted it on his own, "High five!" Kate heard her gurgle in response as he got out of the car and closed the door.
"Well, I'll be...", Kate muttered under her breath. Then, as she reversed to turn around she said to Olivia, "You, you little traitor, are grounded." She drove off smiling broadly.
Home - 3
Caroline was tired. She had worked hard all day and was exhausted in fact. Whilst the moving was being done by a very expensive removal company, which included a whole team packing the house up securely as well as transporting it safely in their large trucks, Caroline mostly spent her time at the new house with her mother, Alan and Gillian, supervising the location of furniture and the unpacking that needed to happen. Things like beds were dismantled for moving and then put together again at the new house under Celia's supervision, and to her credit Celia had also located the bedding and had made the beds as they'd been put together, so at least they'd have a place to sleep tonight. Alan had unpacked the essentials in the kitchen, including the food and Gillian had been an absolute whirlwind, pitching in here there and everywhere. Caroline couldn't believe it was only half past three, it seemed like they'd been working for at least eighteen hours but she had to say, between them they'd worked wonders and she'd been so grateful for all the help her mum and extended family had provided. With an offer of dinner once they were sorted, Caroline thanked them all profusely and they left: Celia and Alan back to their new bungalow and Gillian back to the farm.
Caroline was sitting on the front doorstep, sipping a can of fizzy soft drink when Kate drove up. The dark skinned woman got out of the car and smiled at her girlfriend, "Hi. You look...knackered."
Caroline laughed, "Thanks. I am."
"Hi mum", Lawrence came out of the car, "Is my room ready?"
"Hi Lawrence. Well, the furniture is in and the bed is made...but you're going to need to unpack your stuff at some point."
"Ok. I'm going up to look." He ran past her and up the stairs.
Kate opened the back door to the jeep and undid the seatbelt holding Olivia's car seat. She picked it up and walked to Caroline, who stood up to greet her. "Hi gorgeous." Then, "Hello, sweetheart", to Olivia as she stroked her head.
Kate leaned in and kissed her girlfriend, "Hi. We've grounded our daughter."
"Have we, why? What's my beautiful little girl done?"
"She has smiled. Several times. At Lawrence. And absolutely steadfastly refused to smile at me since."
"Really?! At Lawrence?"
"Yep. The little traitor bonded with her big brother on the way to school this morning and gave up quite a few little grins to him. In return he mopped up some pukey spit for her."
"Lawrence?! Really?! Bloody hell!"
"Bloody hell indeed", said Kate wryly. "How has today gone for you?"
"Well, my mother smiled. But only once."
Kate grinned. "You're mean."
"No, it went ok. No dramas...and actually mum, Alan and Gillian were fabulous. We definitely owe them a meal when we're settled."
"Ah, talking of meals...", Kate went back to the car and opened the boot, "...I've got takeaway." She removed two bags of fragrant food.
Caroline smiled, "You are wonderful."
"Yes I am. Do we have plates and utensils?"
"Yes, I think we do. I'm sure Alan said he'd unpacked them." Caroline looked lovingly at Olivia, asleep in the car seat at her feet, "Is Olivia due a feed?"
"Nope. I fed her about an hour ago and changed her just before I left mum's."
"Perfect. Let's get Lawrence and eat then." Caroline picked up Olivia in her car seat and they walked into the house together...
It was 11pm, Caroline and Kate were curled up in bed together. Kate was lying on Caroline's shoulder tracing lazy patterns on her forearm with her fingertips.
"You have gorgeous skin...silky soft...very sexy."
"Then the fortune I spend on moisturiser is worth it."
Kate rolled her eyes at Caroline's throwaway comment but merely said evenly, "Yes it is." Caroline, unable to see Kate's expression without moving her head remained unaware of how her response had been received. Kate moved from her back to her side and transferred her attention to Caroline's stomach, tracing a random but sensuous pattern over the skin of her midriff. She lifted her head and let her tongue gently follow the same pattern. Caroline jumped, "We should get some sleep...Olivia will be awake for her next feed before we know it."
Kate raised her head and glared at her girlfriend. "Why are you avoiding me?"
"I'm not."
Kate sat up and turned to look Caroline fully in the face. "Yes you are. You haven't let me touch you for weeks...since Olivia was born in fact. Why?" Her question was as direct and forceful as the look she gave the blonde headmistress.
"Kate, we've both been busy...and tired...what with Olivia and moving house...and everything." Caroline's voice tailed off a little as she realised that what she'd said sounded more than a little lame.
Kate's steady look into Caroline's blue eyes didn't waver. "And now the truth?"
Caroline swallowed, her throat suddenly a little dry. She'd forgotten how Kate's directness could make her feel so exposed. She looked into her girlfriend's eyes warily, "Kate, I..."
"You don't find me attractive any more."
Caroline gasped, "God no! No Kate, that's just not true! I find you...I've always found you...very attractive...that's the problem."
"How is that a problem?"
"Well, you've just had a baby."
"Over eight weeks ago, yes. And?"
"I...I don't want to feel like I'm...pestering you...when your body has just been through...what it's been through. I don't want to be selfish...like..."
Kate looked at her steadily, "Like a man? Like John was?"
"Yes", Caroline's voice was quiet.
"Ok...", Kate's voice was quiet, the hard edges now disappeared, "...so John was...a pain...after the boys were born?"
"Not badly so...but yes...especially when I'd had Lawrence. I'd had ten stitches and the last thing I wanted to think about was sex but he was...well...he gave me about two weeks grace where he was patient...then he was just a pain...to the point where I threatened to castrate him...if I remember rightly", she smiled but the smile didn't reach her eyes. "And in any event, I'd rather wait until we can make love...together." The blonde woman looked at Kate squarely for the first time in the conversation.
Kate reached out and cupped Caroline's face in her hands, "Caroline, sometimes you are still so...bloody infuriating." Caroline looked surprised as her girlfriend's words were contrary to the soft touch of her hands. Kate continued, "Why didn't you tell me this?"
"I think...I didn't want you to feel...like I was being kind of passive aggressive...talking about not wanting sex...to get sex." She blushed.
Kate sighed heavily, "So you didn't say anything...and let me think you'd gone off me."
"Sorry. I definitely haven't gone off you."
"Caroline, I like touching you. I like making love to you. A lot. Whether it's reciprocated physically or not." She paused, as if for effect, to let her words sink in, "And don't you think I would've told you whether or not I wanted you to...reciprocate? And in any event, I was coming on to you. The lady who's had the baby was wanting to touch the lady who hasn't recently had a baby. There's a difference there." The dark haired woman smiled at her girlfriend.
"Yes", Caroline acknowledged the truth of what Kate was saying, feeling a little silly now that they'd talked about it. "Sorry...I should've talked to you."
"You should, yes." Kate's words were curt but her eyes twinkled as she leaned in to capture Caroline's lips in a kiss that lasted for several minutes. Eventually she drew away and asked softly, "Do you remember that day in your office when you pounced on me, kissed me against the back of the closed door and then whispered in my ear what you wanted to do to me?"
Caroline's reply was husky with emotion and desire, "Yes."
"Well...now I want to lick every inch of you. And technically difficult or not, I intend to give it a damn good try!"