"Would you save me a spark?
We'll start a fire that shines a light in the dark
Strike a match,
make it last
We are all we need."
-Sleeping With Sirens / Save Me A Spark
chapter 25: warmth
"Hey Morello." Vause said, entering her bunk. "Oh hey Vause." Morello straightened up, putting away the romance novel she was reading.
"You said you wanted to see me?" Vause said, pushing her glasses to the top of her head. "Yes I did." Morello said, her high voice contrasting with Vause's low one. "Um, so..." She began awkwardly. "Cut to the chase, Morello." Vause said, her voice surprisingly gentle, if not a little exasperated.
"When you and Chapman broke up the first time, Nicky came to you, yeah?" She asked nervously. "What's your point?" Vause asked curtly. Morello clearly wasn't very good at getting straight to the point.
"Um, well, I-" Morello began, fidgeting awkwardly. Vause sighed. "Nicky told me everything." She said. "She did?" Morello said in surprise. That wasn't like Nicky, who would let her emotional anguish kill her inside slowly without saying a word. Vause laughed.
"Actually, no. I had to get it from Poussey, because I saw her looking pretty down, and only you've been able to affect her moods that way." Vause said matter-of-factly. Morello looked at her in silence.
"You know Nicky. You know about all her "you only get one chance to break my heart" crap. You know how she won't let her guard down in front of anyone. She's just scared." Vause said, surprisingly gently. "Scared?" Morello repeated, her brow creased.
"She's afraid of being hurt. She doesn't want to be left behind with her heart in pieces again. She thought you only wanted her for comfort in this god-awful place. She never anticipated that you'd actually want to be with her, you see."
"Anticipated?" Morello repeated confusedly. Vause exhaled loudly. "Jesus, Lorna. Focus." She said, removing her glasses from her head and putting them back on.
"Nicky may seem like a fucking mess now, but she plans almost everything out. Even before max, she makes sure her actions won't end too badly for her before she does stuff. With falling in love being the exception, of course. Come to think of it, her plans don't always work. Her plan to get rid of the drugs via Luschek was fucking awful." Vause paused, frowning. "But the point is, Nicky didn't plan this out, therefore she freaked out. It's simple."
"What do I gotta do?" Morello asked, slowly comprehending the truth. "Talk to her. She's been avoiding you the whole day, which gives her plenty of time to think about it. Convince her you really do love her." Vause squinted at her. "You do, right?" She said, almost suspiciously.
Morello nodded earnestly. "I do." She said sincerely, and Vause nodded, satisfied. "Good." She responded. Vause got up to leave.
"Good luck." She said, turning around to face Morello. "I'm rooting for you two." Vause said, smiling genuinely. Morello gave her a small smile in return. "Thank you." She answered.
"Oh, also." Vause turned back and leaned in, a wide smile on her face. Morello edged closer. "I don't care how close we are, or about how close our friendship is. If you break Nicky's heart again, under any circumstance at all, I will break your face." She winked at Morello, who gave her a nervous smile in return. Vause could easily break her face and she knew it.
Morello wouldn't put herself into a situation where Vause would want to do that to her, ever. Meaning: she wouldn't break Nicky's heart ever again.
She found Nicky sitting by herself out in the yard later that night. The curly-haired inmate was sitting in the grass, her short figure barely visible in the dark, idly pulling up blades of grass.
"Hey." Morello said softly, sitting beside the other girl. "Hey." Nicky replied without looking at her, continuing to yank up bits of grass.
"You're gonna get a shot if you stay out here." Morello said. "Count's in 10. I took a shower earlier so I got some time to sit here now." Nicky replied, looking around at the shadowy grounds, the dark sky, utterly devoid of stars. The moon was a luminous beacon in the sky, completely full and round, providing a tiny amount of light for the two inmates outside.
"I talked to Vause earlier." Morello said. "I took a dump earlier." Nicky responded flatly. Morello gave her a look. Nicky sighed.
"What'd you two talk about?" She asked. "She told me you were scared. Of getting hurt." Morello replied. Nicky laughed. "C'mon kid, Norma could've told you that." Morello blinked in confusion. "But Norma doesn't speak."
Nicky shook her head. "Nevermind." She said. Morello took it as her cue to carry on. "What I mean is, I know you're afraid of being hurt. And I know I've hurt you a lot." Morello said slowly, uncomfortably yanking up blades of grass, the little leaves sprinkling onto her shoes and Nicky's.
"Get to the point." Nicky said. "The point is, I do love you. And I'm asking for one more chance." She rested her hand on Nicky's knee, speaking slowly. "I'm gonna take care of your heart this time, Nicky. I promise. Just one more chance, please?" Morello begged softly, her round dark eyes gazing into Nicky's.
Nicky didn't speak for a moment. She exhaled slowly, and opened her arms. Morello rested her head on Nicky's shoulder, while Nicky's arm went around her small body.
"I never could say no to you, kid. Besides, I've been thinking. I wanna give this another go." Nicky said, the fingers of her other hand drumming against her thigh. They sat in silence, watching the moon for a while.
"It's getting late, we should get back in soon." Morello murmured, nuzzling against Nicky's arm. "Yeah." Nicky replied, and the two inmates got up reluctantly, and began heading for the building. "Wait." Morello said, encircling her arms around Nicky's neck.
"Kiss me." She whispered. Nicky grinned and wrapped her arms around Morello's waist, pulling her close, a crooked smile twisting her lips. They leaned in slowly, careful not to shatter the moment.
"Inmates! You're out of bounds, and you're not supposed to be touching. That's two shots for both of you." CO Bell yelled at them from indoors, effectively shattering the moment. The two broke apart and sighed.
"Back to hell?" Nicky asked, jerking her head towards the building. Morello grinned and nodded, shrugging as though to say "what else?".
The two of them held hands all the way back to the building. Which of course, earned them another shot.