A/N: And so we have come to the end. It's been a long time coming but I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this fic. I want to thank everyone who has stuck with me and kept sending me reviews you guys and gals make me happier than you can imagine.
Buffy found herself wandering the streets of Sunnydale for the rest of the afternoon. She was sure people must have thought she was some sort of vagrant or something because the only purpose for her wandering was so she didn't have to go home and face Faith. The vampires she met once the sun eventually went down were on the receiving end of all the self-inflicted shame and hurt that she was feeling and never stood a chance.
Giles' words rang in her head as she pummelled on the vampires with such ferocity that her knuckles split and warm blood ran down between her fingers. The bright red liquid that shone under the moonlight and the stark reminder of the blood that had run down over Faith's feet forced out the sob that had been stuck in her chest all day. She fell to her knees in the middle of the cemetery and cried as she had come so close to losing not only the world but her world. In such a short amount of time she had come to love the four year old in a way she had never loved anyone before. The protectiveness she felt over the younger girl was such that the thought of her being harmed caused her to feel a gut wrenching sorrow. The thought that she then was to cause her harm made her ached right down to her very core.
She knew the cruelty of what she was nearly forced to do was not her fault, that it spoke nothing of how much she loved Faith or even about her as a person but she couldn't help but feel as if there was something wrong with her because she would have even considered pushing Faith off the tower in the first place. She sobbed into the cool, wet grass for what she could have lost and for what she felt she had. Faith was okay and she had saved the world but how would she ever be able to face Faith with the knowledge that she had been so close to killing her.
So she lay, cold and alone in the middle of the cemetery, unable to make herself get up and go home to the family she knew would have no problems welcoming her back even after she had treated them. She was so consumed in her pain that she didn't feel the tell tale tingle that should have alerted her to a vampire's presence.
"Buffy? Is that you? Are you okay?"
That voice which sounded so familiar yet so out of place jolted her out of her misery and she sat up, looking around in confusion.
"Angel? What are you doing here?" she asked wiping the tears off her cheeks.
"Cordelia had a vision and Lorne read me and said you needed my help so I got here as fast as I could," he said helping her stand.
"Well you're too late, the big show was last night," she said.
"So the big bad is gone?" he asked.
"'Fraid so, her portal opening days are done and dusted," Buffy said, "That would've sounded so much cooler if she were a vamp."
"I'm sorry I wasn't here," he said softly.
"Wasn't your fight," she shrugged picking at her cuticles.
"Still you could've called me," he protested.
"It was my mess," Buffy all but screamed the intensity of emotions flowing through her making themselves known, "It was my fault she ran away, it was my fault she got kidnapped, it was my fault she got hurt and it was me who nearly..." Buffy choked out, her words strained as her tears returned.
Angel said nothing as he pulled her to his side, manoeuvring them both so they sat against a large tree that stood in the middle of the cemetery. He let her cry against his chest, muttering soothing words of comfort in the hope to alleviate some of her obvious guilt. He knew what had happened, both Cordelia and Lorne had been very specific with what they had seen and he knew his role wasn't to help her in the fight; it was to help her with what she felt afterwards. He himself was well versed in feeling guilty over things that he'd had no control over so he let her cry knowing that no progress could be made if she hung onto the sorrow that she was clinging to.
"I don't know what I would've done if I'd..." she stopped not able to say the words but somehow accepting that he knew what she was talking about.
"But you didn't, she's fine," he murmured into her hair.
"I nearly did though Angel, I was willing to push her off," she gasped as she said it.
"No one would've blamed you if you had. It was a horrific choice you had to make. It wasn't fair and it would have been tragic but none of it would've been your fault, "Angel said, "If you had pushed her you would've saved the world, saved billions of people. It doesn't mean you're a terrible person, it speaks to your strength that you were willing to give so much to save the world. The fact is is that you didn't. Faith is alive, she is alive and she needs her sister. She doesn't blame you, she doesn't hate you, she loves you and she needs to know that you still love her."
"Of course I still love her," Buffy said wiping her eyes.
"She doesn't know that, all she knows is that you won't touch her or speak to her. What else is she supposed to think?"
"How am I supposed to look at her when I know what I could've done?" Buffy sniffed.
"You look at her because you are lucky and glad to still have her. You celebrate that you didn't have to push her off. You enjoy watching her grow up in a world that still exists because of you."
She sighed as she settled against his chest. Everything he had said was true, she had been so caught up in what could have happened instead of recognising what had. Faith was alive and she had hurt her by distancing herself. Faith had no idea what had really happened up on that tower, all she knew was that suddenly Buffy wouldn't touch her and had jumped to the conclusion that made the most sense to her four year old self. She thought Buffy didn't love her and that thought broke Buffy's heart more than the thought of pushing Faith off the tower.
They sat together in silence, quietly taking comfort in being in each other's arms. Angel always made her feel safe and she knew he could sympathise with what she was feeling and the fact he had travelled all this way to make sure she was alright made her feel warm inside even with his cold arms wrapped around her. She knew they could never be, they were doomed from the start but it was nice in moments like these to pretend.
"Thank you," she croaked after some time turning so she could see his face. His eyes which had always revealed what he couldn't say showed the depth of his feelings but also the pain he felt at knowing they could never be together.
"Always," he said his face moving so their lips were mere inches apart.
The kiss was short but comfortable and Buffy sighed as she rested her head back on his chest. She would always love him there was no question about that but she knew she would have to try and stop holding out for him.
"The sun'll be coming up soon," he said.
"Does that mean you have to go?" Buffy asked not wanting to let go just yet.
"I thought I'd stay for awhile," he said, "If that's okay."
"Of course, I know one little girl who will be more than excited to see you," Buffy smiled, "Although I hope the We're Going to See Angel song doesn't get a repeat."
"I'll give you some time to get things sorted out," he said as she pulled away from him.
"Thank you for coming and helping me get my head straight," she said.
"I'm glad I could help," he said glancing at the sky, "I better go. I'll see you tonight."
"See you then," she said as he disappeared into the shadows.
Her heart felt lighter as she made her way through the streets and back towards her house. She knew her mother would be worried with the way she had stormed out of the house but she wasn't worried about those consequences now that the guilt she had felt was lessening. The light in the living room was on as she let herself quietly in through the front door and she saw her mother had fallen asleep on the couch, obviously waiting up for her. She grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over Joyce, dropping a kiss to her forehead before switching off the light and heading up the stairs.
She passed by Faith's closed door and debated about going in before deciding that waking up the toddler in the early hours of the morning to make amends probably wasn't the best idea. She shrugged out of her jacket and threw it to the floor as she walked into her own room, stopping when she spotted the small lump in the middle of her bed. She moved softly, not wanting to wake the toddler but stopped when she noticed Faith moving. The toddler sighed as she picked at the bandage on her stomach before looking up at Buffy, her eyes shining in the early dawn light.
"Hey baby," Buffy said hesitantly moving so she sat on the edge of the bed, "What are you doing awake?"
"You didn't come home so I was ascared," Faith shrugged.
"Why were you scared?" Buffy asked.
"I thought you weren't gonna come back," Faith said rolling over onto her side so she faced Buffy, "Was I bad? Is that why you're angry?"
"Oh baby no you weren't bad," Buffy said reaching over and lifting Faith up onto her lap, "I'm sorry I was just so scared and upset and I took it out on you. You did nothing wrong okay, it was all me I was so scared I was going to lose you that I..." she broke off as her tears started.
"Don't cry," Faith said reaching up to touch Buffy's face, "Do you want me to kiss it better? That always works for me when Mama does it."
Buffy laughed and pulled Faith in for a hug, ignoring the pain in her arm as it pulled at her stitches.
"Can you give me one right here?" she asked pointing to her nose and laughed when Faith did, "Okay how about here?" she asked pointing to her cheek, "And now here," she said pointing to the other cheek, "You're right that does make me feel better," she said tickling the toddler and leaving sloppy kisses all over her face.
"B stop!" Faith giggled but not struggling to escape.
"Okay okay, we don't want to wake Mom up she's a scary sight this early in the morning," Buffy said feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders now that she had Faith in her arms, "How is your belly? Is it sore?"
"Uh huh and Mama sayed it was okay to cry if it hurted but I sayed you didn't cry so I'm being brave like you," Faith stated.
"Well I'm with Mom if something hurts it's okay to cry about it but I'm really proud how brave you have been after everything that has happened," Buffy said manoeuvring them so they lay on the bed with Faith's head resting on her chest.
"It was scary," Faith said softly winding her fingers into Buffy's hair.
"I know and I'm sorry all this has happened to you," Buffy said, "You know I love you right?"
"I love you too," Faith said, "And I don't mind bad stuff happening to me 'cause the bad guys always take the people the superheroes love but then the superheroes always rescue them just in time because they love them."
"I will always get there in time," Buffy said, "But even superheroes need their sleep and I'm really sleepy. Do you want to stay in here with me or go back to your room?"
"Stay with you," Faith yawned.
"Okay gorgeous girl don't go anywhere and I'll go de-patrol myself and be right back," Buffy said shrugging out from Faith's grasp and heading towards the bathroom.
When she returned Faith had gotten under the blankets and had her arms wrapped around Mr. Gordo who was pressed against her chest. Buffy thought the younger girl had fallen asleep and jumped when Faith spoke.
"B will you tell me a story?"
"Alright, this is a story about a girl named Faith," Buffy said settling down next to her sister, "And she was super excited because her friend Angel is coming to visit her tonight."
"Angel is coming to visit tonight?" Faith asked excitedly.
"He's very excited to see you," Buffy said cringing when she realised her mistake.
"Angel is coming tonight, Angel is coming tonight," Faith sang wriggling out of the covers and jumping up and down on the bed.
"Yes it's all very exciting but it's time for bed now 'member Buffy is tired," Buffy said wincing at the new verse of the Angel is coming tonight song.
"But B the sun is coming up now it's time to get up," Faith stopped her song long enough to point out.
"The sun isn't coming up if you close your eyes like this," Buffy said grabbing Faith around the ankles making the toddler giggle as she fell onto the bed.
"I'm not sleepy now that Angel is coming," Faith pouted as Buffy pulled her back up to lie on the pillows.
"You will be tonight when Angel gets here and then you'll miss playing with him," Buffy told her, "Better get some sleep now so you can play with him lots later."
"He would be sad if he didn't get to play with me," Faith mused.
"He would be very sad," Buffy said running her fingers through the younger girl's hair.
"Tell me another story that doesn't have Angel in it. Tell me a story that has Grandpa Giles in it," Faith said snuggling in under Buffy's chin.
"Okay well when I first started training with Grandpa Giles he decided he would try and spar with me using this big stick thing which he called a flagstaff or something. Anyways Grandpa Giles was not very good at using it and pretty soon he was flying across the room..."
When Buffy woke around noon Faith was still curled against her side with her thumb firmly in her mouth. She stretched languidly taking the time to enjoy the feeling of having Faith with her like Angel had said. She was tempted to let Faith sleep longer but she knew that they would have enough trouble as it was with Angel around getting the toddler to bed that night so she shook her gently.
"Faithy, it's time to get up now," she said grinning when the toddler frowned and buried her face in the crook of her neck.
"Don't wanna," Faith murmured.
"But I'm hungry and I don't wanna go have lunch without you," Buffy whined tickling the younger girl's stomach.
"Big girls can eat lunch by themselves," Faith mumbled.
"I'm not a big girl I need you to come and protect me from the big scary Mom monster," Buffy whined knowing in part some of that was true. She hadn't seen her mother since she had run out of the house the day before but if Faith was with her Joyce was less likely to yell.
"Please Faithy don't make me go alone," Buffy pleaded.
"You're annoying," Faith grumbled as Buffy pulled away.
"Hey! Am not, I'm cool, the coolest big sister out, you're lucky to have a sister as cool as me."
"I'm cooler," Faith said holding out her arms so Buffy picked her up.
"You're cool sure, but just not as cool. In fact people know me as Buffy 'The Icewoman' Summers that's how cool I am," Buffy said as Faith rested her head on her shoulder.
"Whatever B," Faith said as her thumb wound its way back into her mouth.
"Okay Miss 'Tude I can take a hint," Buffy chuckled as they headed down the stairs.
Faith had dozed off again by the time they reached the kitchen and Buffy nearly dropped her when she saw the familiar vampire standing in the kitchen.
"Angel, the sun, how did you?"
"I used the sewers for the most part but then I used this tarp I found at the mansion," Angel said.
"Turns out the pull of Faith is hard to resist," Joyce smiled.
"She's pretty excited to see you," Buffy said, "The Angel song returned very early this morning," she told her mother who chuckled.
"Have you checked her stitches this morning?" Joyce asked her daughter.
"Uh no, I talked to her a little just before but she's pretty tired still I guess," Buffy said relieved that Joyce seemed to be letting her outburst go.
"Guess it would be easier to change it while she's still out like a light," Joyce smiled placing her hand on her youngest's back briefly before leaving the kitchen.
"Couldn't stay away huh," Buffy smirked at the souled vampire who stepped closer when Joyce left the room. She kicked herself as her heart fluttered at the sight of him.
"I wanted to see her," he said and Buffy was sure that if he could he would've blushed.
"Well I nearly had to tie her to the bed this morning she wouldn't stop jumping up and down she was so excited to see you," Buffy said as he placed a hand on the top of the toddler's head and leaned in so their faces were inches apart.
"That's because she loves her Angel," Joyce said entering the kitchen and making them jump apart, "Angel if you wouldn't mind holding Faith's shirt up then we can change this quickly."
"Uh o-of course Joyce," he said.
He kept his eyes trained on the blonde Slayer over the top of the toddler's head as Joyce redressed the bandage on Faith's stomach. She smiled and shrugged her shoulders, rolling her eyes at their situation. They were both as bad as each other but she was just too happy at that moment to even comprehend why she couldn't seem to be in the room with him and not have this inexplicable feeling.
"Let me have a look at your arm Buffy and I'll change yours for you," Joyce said as she re-bandaged Faith's wound.
"It's okay Mom really I can do it later," Buffy said as her mother pushed up her sleeve, "Or not you can just do it now."
"Buffy sometimes you just have to let a mother take care of her daughter," Joyce said, "No matter how old they are, or if they are the Slayer, or if they have to make horrendous choices."
"You know about that?"
"Giles called this morning, he was worried about you," her mother said.
"I'm sorry," Buffy said hanging her head.
"You listen to me Buffy Summers, I could not be prouder of both of my daughters. You have one of the hardest jobs in the world, there is no right or wrong in what you do but you must know that I will always love you no matter what happens. We have to be happy that we have Faith with us so I will tolerate absolutely no guilt trips on your part. Do I make myself clear?"
"Perfectly," Buffy said giving her mother a kiss on the cheek.
"Good because I was about to pull out my stern mother voice and you know how I hate to get stern mother wrinkle lines," Joyce smirked replacing the bandage on Buffy's arm.
"I suppose you three will be spending the day inside," Joyce said winking at Angel.
"Somehow I don't think a barbequed Angel is quite what we had in mind for today," Buffy smirked.
"Well in that case I might quickly pop on a load of laundry that I have been putting off," Joyce said kissing the top of Faith's head.
"Okay," Buffy called after her mother, "Are you ready for a day of colouring and stories and Scooby Doo?" she asked Angel.
"Scooby Doo?"
"She is unhealthily obsessed," Buffy smirked.
"Ready," he smiled taking a deep breath.
"Baby there is somewhere here who is very excited to see you," she said into Faith's ear.
The younger girl stirred and lifted her head from Buffy's shoulder and rubbed her eyes as she frowned at her sister.
"I don't wanna see Xander I already sawed him yesterday," Faith grumbled.
"Not Xander, although I'm pretty sure he might cry if he heard you say that. Angel's here," Buffy said.
"Angel!" Faith said twisting in Buffy's arms and practically throwing herself at him, "You're here!"
"I'm here," he said catching her and spinning her around in a circle.
"B sayed you were here but I didn't believe her 'cause sometimes she doesn't tell the truth even though Mama says that lying is bad for the skin," Faith told him.
"Hey! I do not lie, I'm a truth teller from way back. When did I lie?" Buffy asked.
"You sayed that beans taste good and I had them and they do not," Faith pouted crossing her arms over her chest.
"Okay that's true that was a lie but Mom was there and she would've gotten angry at me if I told you beans taste good."
"See, she lies," Faith told Angel.
"Lying is bad," he said winking at Buffy.
"Okay since when did this become pick on Buffy day?"
"Don't be a baby," Faith said, "Angel I gotta show you my book that Grandpa Giles got me and then we can play Batman," she said wriggling so he would put her down and then grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the door.
Buffy watched them go with a smile on her face. They had been through a lot yet here they were the Slayer, the souled vampire and the ex Slayer turned child and they were happy. She felt her mother's arms wrap around her waist and she leaned back into the embrace. This was true happiness; this was all that she needed.
"B come on!" Faith called down the stairs.
"Alright I'm coming."
THE END
A/N: The end is finally here. It has been a labour of love but I got there in the end. Hope you enjoyed it but don't despair this won't be the end of this series. I am going to have a little break and concentrate on some other fics for awhile but little Faith will be back.