A bit of bad language in this one...
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I Still Remember:
Chapter : [25] : Challenging Him :
"Why the hell are you here?" Atsuko shouted in anger, furious that Kakashi had shown up when she least wanted him too,
"You've been acting so oddly, then you go and nearly get yourself nearly killed by Daisuke…. What the hell is going on? What happened when you went to talk to him?" she was feeling stressed, betrayed and frustrated, she just wanted to run away, she resisted the urge to scream in frustration,
"I told you what we talked about… why can't you take the goddamn hint! Huh? Wasn't it obvious enough that I didn't want to talk about it?" not to mention that she was hardly dead,
"I was worried, you were acting so weirdly," she frowned in anger, turning away form him, "Why didn't you tell me you were planning to confront him?" Kakashi tried, but failed to hide the irritation in his voice,
"Because I knew you'd make the situation worse, I wanted to talk to him, he'd always made an effort to talk to me, and he cared… I had to know what was going on." She turned back to look at him, her expression cold and hard, "I couldn't risk showing up with another shinobi looking like it was going to be a flat fight with no explanation… I-I couldn't to that to him!" She began to walk off, not even wanting to set eyes on him anymore, but Kakashi wasn't giving in as he grabbed her wrist stopping her dead,
"Talk to me; what's going on?" She refused to answer, "I'm not a stranger to Daisuke-"
"So how well do you know him, huh? Since when has he actually spoken to you about your life, how you're doing? Eh?" she stared at him with those same dead, cold and emotionless eyes he hated so much, "Well?"
"…Never," he answered slowly, "But he knows who I am,"
"And if we just show up looking demanding an answer? Huh? Some vigilante shinobi against a villager? What the fuck do you think is gonna happen then?" he stared right back, his anger rising by the second,
"I…it wouldn't have been as bad as you'd thought…" he had no idea what to say,
"Don't give me that shit," she ripped her arm away from him with an excessive force, "Of course it would have been worse… for fuck's sake," she looked back at the corpse of the nameless man she didn't recognize used for Daisuke's Shouten no Jutsu, ripping a hand through her hair, "Now we've lost all trace of him and probably never get any fucking answers," she shot her head back around, staring with a cold emptiness to her eyes, "from now on, learn to take the fucking hint," with her last syllable she disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving Kakashi in his same unreadable demeanor. She 'reappeared' a few miles outside of Konoha in the dense forest, Atsuko was doing her best to keep her emotions in check but it was proving nigh-on impossible, with clenched fists and gritted teeth, she was angry to say the least. She was angry at not having found out what she really wanted to from 'Daisuke', angry that Kakashi had shown up at the worst possible time and intimidating him into fighting, angry with herself for shouting at Kakashi when she knew he didn't mean any harm; she was angry that things would never go back to how they were. Eventually, even after some minutes of trying to calm herself with the emotion still running raw in her veins; she couldn't control herself, lashing out again with an innocent tree taking the brunt of her rage, smashing some harsh punches at it splitting the bark and the skin on her knuckles at the same time. Slamming her fists sharply at the trunk again a few times and feeling the hateful pain stabbing at her knuckles brought her to a halt, resting her forehead on the tree, her breathing sharp and erratic.
Eventually she calmed down enough to think about what exactly had happened with Daisuke and Kakashi – something which always spells trouble for whatever reason, when they come across each other she thought her thoughts taking a sharp downturn, although I guess that's never changed… what am I supposed to do now? She didn't think she could face Kakashi again after having gotten so angry with him… I bet he hates me now; it seemed to be the only thought that swirled around her head along with flashes of Daisuke, who he really was and if what the fake said was true. Despite her care for Daisuke, all that seemed to squash every other thought was Kakashi, how was she going to face him again? How was she going to apologize? What if she had to leave again, like so many years ago? Although it would be for very different reasons, the principle would be the same; she didn't feel that she could face them.
Coward.
That was all she was and all she would remain, she was a coward for leaving the first time, when she was too scared to rely on Sakumo-san and Kakashi as her only support and care; she was too scared to lose them as the only other people, as it seemed, in the world who cared. It seemed that, to a young Atsuko of only five at the time, that her mother, Kakashi and thereby Sakumo-san were the only people she ever needed in her life; Sakumo-san was the closest thing she had to a father, her own being killed before she was born; Kakashi was her best friend and something of a brother in those days, I can't believe how much has changed… it never even occurred to me sometimes that Kakashi and I were even from different families, for how close we were… yet here I am falling in love with the same person nearly twenty-odd years later and I have no idea how to talk to him, how to seem like myself around him… hell, how even to face him… God-damn…it always seems to be such a challenge with him, I didn't know how right I was with 'challenging him' versus 'one-touch Daisuke'.
She turned to lean her back towards the tree and sinking downing to sit at the base of the tree at the same time, wishing that she had simple answers to all questions swirling around in her head; uncertain if whether she didn't know or was just ashamed of what the answer might bring. After some time of thinking over all that had happened, although she was no closer to an answer, she stood now feeling deeply uncertain and very lonely; she slowly walked for part of the way towards Konoha before her fatigue and self anger got the better of her as she darted the rest of the way back in a blur of black and silver armour.
As she returned to her apartment all that she could be bothered with was to peel off her now sticky clothing and fall straight into bed, ignoring the fact that she could smell a tiny trace of the man she had to force herself to recognize only as a friend. Eventually, she awoke to a small but constant tapping sound, irritating her enough to force her tired eyes open, seeing a small messenger bird outside her window, cursing to herself she sat up waving away the bird to signify that she'd understood, it flew off a few seconds later, what the hell does Tsunade-sama want now? Damn I can't be bothered to go on a mission… she slowly got dressed, feeling almost incapable of going at a faster rate, she bandaged her knuckles roughly not bothering to wash off the dried blood, the stabbing pain returning she held a grim expression but took a slice of satisfaction in the pain.
Eventually she was ready and wandered out of the door, dragging her feet towards the Hokage's building. All the while, she kept out a careful eye hoping that she wouldn't be seeing any silver hair for a while as she entered the building and eventually reached her office, Atsuko knocked on the door, noting that her knuckles stung.
"Enter," Tsunade's voice was stern as she opened the door, her eyes which were fixed on the floor didn't move until she'd closed the door behind her and turned to look at Tsunade, stiffening as she noticed the presence beside her.
"Finally you get here, Atsuko;" the Hokage's voice was emotionless, despite her attempt at a small quip, "Kakashi informed me of the confrontation you had with Daisuke yesterday, firstly though, I want to know why you disobeyed a direct order." Atsuko remained silent for a little while,
"I felt that if I were to have someone accompany me, it would intimidate Daisuke into silence or an outright fight ending without any sort of answer either," Tsunade's eyes narrowed a little,
"You told me Kakashi and Daisuke did know each other… why did you not have him accompany you? That was a direct order, Atsuko; do you think you can choose which order you obey?"
"No ma'am, but Kakashi and Daisuke never…" she chose her words carefully, resisting an urge to shoot a look at said Jounin next to her, "got on very well, they weren't friends,"
"Why didn't you let me know about the situation?" Atsuko stayed silent the only answer being both disrespectful but also a non satisfactory one for Tsunade. The Hokage could almost see a physically real tension between the two shinobi, not certain of what their relationship was nor caring much, she wasn't in the mood for games.
"Kakashi has informed me of the situation yesterday, and I'm furious that you disobeyed my direct order…however you are the strongest link we have to Inusai Daisuke; therefore I am sending you on this mission to locate and bring back Daisuke for interrogation, this is a search and capture do not kill him… but if you dare to disobey my order again, it will not be taken so lightly. I will formally deal with your infraction upon your return, for now, you are to leave tomorrow morning in search of Daisuke, incapacitate him and bring him back in a fit state to be interrogated. Whatever issue it is that you two have with each other, resolve it, I won't stand for anything compromising the safety of Konoha, especially if it is the result of a stupidity on behalf of one of my shinobi." Tsunade's voice was dangerously low and unforgiving; Atsuko would normally have cared more, but today was one where she had for force herself to remain upright rather than just falling to the floor and going to sleep as she so badly wanted to do.
"Do you understand?"
"Hai, Hokage-sama, I am deeply sorry," it sounded so fake, even to her own ears; although she didn't quite means it as such,
"Very well then, Kakashi, I am instructing you to keep a close eye on this mission and keep everything as I ordered, with minimal disruptions; Atsuko you will answer to him as Taichou on this mission, understood?"
"Hai" they both answered in unison, as Atsuko groaned internally, fuck, this is gonna be a hell of a lot of fun she though sarcastically,
"Dismissed."
The both wandered out of the room and as soon as the door was closed Kakashi spoke,
"What time would you like to meet by the northern gate tomorrow?"
"8.17am" she responded minimally as she could sense the hostility being forcibly buried in him,
"Fine, see you then," he disappeared in a puff of smoke leaving Atsuko feeling divided, half of her felt terrible for both how he was acting, how she was acting and the fact that he ran straight off to tell Tsunade what had happened before she got a chance to. The other half felt nothing, absolutely nothing, as though there was just nothing to feel and even if there was, it would sap too much energy to make it worth bothering to feel anything anyway. Damn that sure would make life easier… if I really could feel nothing all the time…
As she got back out onto the street, she sent a small messenger bird to let Tsugichi know that she wouldn't be around for a little while on mission and he'd need to see the Hokage about his next missions without her. She eventually made it back to her apartment, although she didn't really want to be here, there really was no where else to go. She could go and talk to Kurenai or Asuma, but that would be a conversation that would have a difficult answer for her and was one that she couldn't get involved in now.
She collected all of the items she needed for tomorrows mission, even though it was barely the afternoon now, she was feeling very frustrated she wasn't sure what to do… I wonder if I should go to the bar? All that though will only bring back unwanted memories… what the hell, maybe that's all I've got, if I get drunk now, I'll have time to sober up later… she stood, grabbing her weapons pouches and a cloak remembering how chilly she was walking back from Tsunade's office, when ready, she pulled her mask over her face and after closing the door she poofed to right outside the bar, hoping she wouldn't see anyone she knew.
She stepped in, unable to resist flashing her eyes over the room and bar looking for Daisuke although she knew he wouldn't be there. She walked up to the bar and ordered two bottles of sake from an older man serving,
"You were a friend of Daisuke, yes?" he spoke, placing the two bottles in front of her and turning to fetch a cup,
"Y… yea, I was, where is he?" The old man shook his head slowly,
"Oh, that boy's no doubt run off again… oh he's always been a trouble maker… a shinobi without a rank, he is,"
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, his mother was a Kuniochi, but died when he was thirteen… she taught him a fair lot, she did but, couldn't hack it when she was gone and gave it all up for this," he placed a cup in front of her and accepted the money with a smile. Atsuko picked up the bottles and the cup and found a quiet, hidden corner in which to sit and wonder at how what the old man had said would change the situation with Daisuke. She poured out a cup and drank it down in a single gulp, pouring a second and doing the same, she leaned back against the wall that her seat was set into, she wondered what exactly it meant. Does it mean that Daisuke has been training in secret? What was his mother's name? If I can find who she is then maybe I can find a really good bargaining chip to use…
She sat there for a long time, drinking and thinking about Daisuke… with the occasional hints of Kakashi disrupting her train of thought, it took a surprising amount of effort to force him out of her thoughts, trying to ignore the fact that he probably should be informed of the new information... oh well, I'll see him soon enough tomorrow and I'll let him know then… geeze, I can't be bothered to face him now. She was surprised at how fast she'd managed to finish the first bottle and moved quickly on to the second. Throwing the liquid down her throat, her mood still very low, she noticed two familiar forms walking into the bar, not wanting to talk to them, she leaned right back into the shadows, pulling her mask back up sharply while lowering her chakra and tried to remain as inconspicuous as possible; however she wasn't to have such luck.
"Atsuko! You're here alone? How rare," Asuma grinned while sitting on the opposite side of the table, "Where's Kakashi?"
"How am I supposed to know?" she responded her voice more defensive than she meant,
"Is everything alright? I just thought that you'd either be here with him or have seen him recently," Atsuko forced a calm revere to cover her face and attitude,
"Nah, sorry… I just needed a drink it all," she saw Asuma eyeing the two bottles in front of her, "how come you two are here?"
"Kurenai and I were just out for a drink,"
"Oh, then please, you don't have to sit here," Asuma shook his head,
"Nah, it seems to have been quite a while since I saw you or Kakashi… how've you been?" Atsuko poured out another cup and drank it, taking her time to reply to a difficult question,
"Not too much, I suppose… missions and the like, what about you guys?" she looked up to Kurenai taking a seat next to Asuma and placed a bottle and two cups down on the table,
"Same ol' I guess, training my remaining genin and playing Shougi with my chuunin subordinate,"
"Remaining Genin?" she queried,
"Yamakana Ino and Akimichi Chouji; Nara Shikamaru made Chuunin this year."
"Oh! Him, he did very well at this year's exam, well done Asuma, you must be pretty proud!"
"Yea…" he grinned a little, while pouring a cup out for both himself and Kurenai, "I'm happy that he's finally been recognized, despite his excessive laziness," he spoke with a roll of the eyes as he drank down his cup and refilled it almost instantly,
"How ya been, Kurenai? Up to much?" she smiled back, taking a small sip of sake,
"Training my genin too, they were surprisingly perky for the fact that none of them fought during the third exam… nor became chuunin, although the fights were interesting enough for them," Atsuko smiled in return, at least enough so that she was asked no questions, "What about you or Kakashi? You both seem to have stayed pretty quiet recently, I bumped into him earlier and he was in an especially sullen mood,"
"Why?"
"Oh, I don't know… he gets like that sometimes, although he perks up pretty quickly when he has something to do," Atsuko nodded slowly, making it appear that she didn't care much, trying even to make herself believe that she didn't.
Atsuko had little left really to say, busying herself pouring another drink and gulping it down, repeating the action a further two times before Kurenai caught her attention,
"Hey, have you seen Daisuke recently? He seems to have disappeared off the face of the planet," Atsuko froze a little,
"N-no I haven't actually… how long haven't you seen him for?" Kurenai shrugged,
"Well, at least since we were all here, which must be nearly a week I think,"
"Hmm that is odd… maybe he's just ill or something," Atsuko took another gulp of sake, staring at the bottle with a solid and emotionless expression, ignoring Kurenai's frown at her odd behavior. Atsuko could feel how empty the bottle was getting maybe a few more cups worth, then I should head off and get some dinner and some sleep. She gulped down the last few cups, ready to say goodbye to the two,
"You're not leaving already are you?" Asuma stared at her with a slightly amused expression,
"Well, I have got a mission in the morning and I've had two bottles… maybe there's time for one more though," she thought, as Kurenai nodded, pouring a cup out for her, "Oh… I can buy my own ya know,"
"I know, but you look a little odd, and I'm waiting for you to tell me what's wrong," Atsuko rolled her eyes,
"Will your intuition ever give me a break?"
"Haha, I think you know the answer to that," Atsuko let out a sharp, short breath out of irritation, "out with it then, you've been really uptight recently, Daisuke's disappeared and Kakashi's in a mood too, what the hell is going on?"
Atsuko hesitated, uncertain if she could really disclose the information about Daisuke… and she knew that only half the story wouldn't satisfy. She remained silent for the moment wondering what she was supposed to do, Kurenai wouldn't give up so easily, but it would no doubt cause her a lot of trouble if she told anything to them.
"Come on, talk to me,"
"Ah, Kakashi and I sort of… got into an argument, well… I yelled at him," both Kurenai and Asuma looked surprised,
"Really? What happened?"
"I… had to deal with Daisuke and Kakashi showed up at the worse possible time and… well… scared off Daisuke so I might never find an answer…"
"What do you mean?"
"I can really talk about the context to be honest as it's a bit of a shaky area… I'll tell you when I can but I don't think it's a good idea at the moment. Kakashi and I are being sent on a mission tomorrow to sort it out and I haven't spoken to him since then."
"Damn…I didn't realize there was anything going on… how long is your mission?"
"I don't know… it could be any time length, because of the situation there isn't really a time limit that can be set for it… the Hokage's relieving me of my ANBU duties until it's been sorted out and I return from the mission… so we maybe gone for a while." Atsuko mustered a weak smile, feeling a little surprised at even just saying something made her feel a lot better,
"Shit, Atsuko no wonder you look stressed out… but don't worry about Kakashi, I've no doubt he fully understands why you were angry and you guys'll be fine again," Atsuko grimaced,
"Sorry Asuma, but I highly doubt it, I disobeyed a direct order from the Hokage which and in doing so excluded Kakashi from something so now I have to answer to him as Taichou on this mission while waiting for Tsunade-sama to properly deal with my infraction when I get back," Atsuko picked up one of the bottles she knew was empty but shook it a little, hoping somehow more sake had materialized in the bottle.
Asuma poured her another cup, "Shit, that isn't the best of situations… why did you disobey the Hokage?"
"She ordered me to include Kakashi, but this is Daisuke we're talking about… I knew he'd only make matters worse although that was something I couldn't easily explain to Tsunade-sama and she really wasn't in a listening mood… thanks," she picked up the cup and toasting it a little before gulping it down, "to make matters worse, Kakashi then ran off as fast as he could to tell the Hokage what had happened before I had a chance to explain it to her," Asuma and Kurenai exchanged worried glances, as Atsuko sighed a final time,
"Look, I think I need to head off and get some sleep before tomorrow, thanks guys, and you won't tell anyone, will you?" she rose to her feet, looking them squarely in the eyes,
"Of course not, we'd never dream of it… and hey, you know Kakashi's not a bad guy if you explain it to him calmly and properly then it will be fine, ok?" Kurenai did her best to reassure her friend, who nodded back looking quite unhappy. Atsuko gave them one final wave goodbye and wandered out into the cool evening, damn I was there a long time… fuck… I hope tomorrow doesn't come too quickly… she thought as her head tired to sort out all of the information and confusion endlessly swirling around as she slowly made it back to her apartment, unable to tell if her mood was any better or worse from earlier.