This is the most recent of my Hipengy Adventures! So you know what that means…I'm gonna have to go back and dig through some word documents to see if I missed any good ones. And that also means that if I want to write any more chapters I'll have to get on Club Penguin some which shouldn't be too hard since it's summer. Oh and I'll get around to putting up the first chapter of my new story…eventually.

Yeah so don't freak out! The Chronicles aren't anywhere near over. That would just be depressing. So onward!

~Chapter 25: Why Hilling Is Bad

So it was just a normal day in the pizza parlor. This manly guy had been crying his eyes out in a corner and when I asked what was wrong he got defensive, so of course I had to, y'know…piss him off by making fun of his poor spelling. It wasn't too hard to make this guy mad. "You don't speak English!" He growled angrily. I arched an eyebrow. Oh yeah. What a scathing comeback. That had to be the worst insult I had ever heard.

"Du bist richtig." I sighed in German, "I spreche kein Englisch. Ich spreche Deutsch! Und Sammy, du bist ein Popokopf…und ein Leisetrader!*"

He glared at me, wild-eyed, for a few awkward seconds. Then he muttered, "I'm outta here." And left, his good comebacks spent. Since I wasn't quite done pissing people off for the day, I marched right on up to the front desk and sat down at it, right in front of the boss. Then I reached over to the cash register and started fumbling around with it.

"What are you doing?" They asked, eyeing me cautiously.

"Oh, hi. I'm a robber." I said quite calmly, turning away from the register. "May I please have some money?"

"NO!" The boss shrieked, looking scared.

"I said please." I said, eyes widening innocently. "I have a family to feed. I have three kids!" Suddenly, they softened. Did you know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like green beans? Case and point.

"Okay, you can have a little bit." They said gently, opening the register. I reached in and grabbed every last cent. "Just kidding, I have no family. I'll be taking all of this now." They let out an angry, surprised face, and screamed something incoherently, but it was drowned out by a rather ear-piercing shriek.

"THIS IS A ROBBERY!"

"Sorry buddy, beat ya to it." I said without looking as I slipped the last of the coins into my imaginary pockets. But they kept on screaming things along the lines of "Takes money!" and "This is a robbery!" all the while they kept up a continuous stream of insane laughter. I stopped what I was doing for a moment to look at this crazy dude. He was red with a black ninja mask and that's basically all there was to him. His name was Rhettapiki. He was young, I could tell. I nearly mistook him as a girl but he was indeed a guy. After quiet observation, I made my presence known.

"I'm a robber too. I took all the money already." I said, hopping down from the desk to face him. He gaped in wonder at me. "Cool!" He gasped in awe. I shifted from foot to foot, uncomfortable. This wasn't a reaction I had expected. Then he lifted his beak to the sky and screeched, "ROBBING BUDDIES!" At the top of his lungs. I had to cover my ears for fear of losing my hearing. Darn it, someday I knew I would go deaf because of all the penguins that had screamed in my ear.

Minutes later, I was bored and left the parlor to seek out my friend Mb. Rhetta followed, still laughing his little head off. I found her being bored at ski hill. By then Rhetta was really getting on my nerves. Everyone he saw, he ran up to and shouted, "Takes money!" in their face. I greeted my friend as he bellowed at a couple of penguin preparing to sled.

"Hey." Mb greeted, looking at the loud red penguin in surprise. "Is this a friend of yours?"

"Takes money!" He screamed, advancing on her.

I shoved him away roughly. "No! She's my friend. You won't take her money."

"Yes sir!" He said, bouncing around us in circles. This guy was like a little kid! It was almost like I had gotten an apprentice. At first it had been cool but now I was seriously getting sick of Rhettapiki.

"Do you know about the box dimension?" I whispered in Mb's ear. She shook her head so I told her that it was a secret room and the portal can be found in a member's igloo. "Meet me there." We split up, leaving Rhetta in the dust. After finding a box dimension, we hid in there for a while. Unfortunately, Rhetta found us. Fortunately, he had to leave right away.

After an annoying day, I went home and rested well.

But the fun doesn't end there. I was back in the pizza parlor the next day with Mb. As she struggled to convince a fangirl of hers that just because she was painted black didn't mean she was a guy, I tried to see what mischief I could stir up. I didn't have much of a chance because, like a stalker, Rhetta came bounding in. "Robber buddy!" He greeted, "Takes money!" I narrowed my eyes. Man he sucked at this.

"That's not how you do it," I said, donning my robber wear; a black pirate bandana on my head, a ninja mask, and a red bandana on my neck. "Come on, I'll teach you the right way." I marched him up to the front desk, deciding to be a little bit over the top in my usual robber performance. "HANDS UP! This is a robbery!" I roared. The small group of penguins in the parlor cried out in fear. A couple that didn't quite seem to be in there just kept dancing on the stage. The main point was, the boss noticed us.

"Takes money, takes money, takes money." Rhetta said, hyperventilating, "We got the money!" While he was doing that, I took the little money that was in the cash register out. Then two penguins came hurtling at us.

"No I have it!" A purple penguin named…Prupley…announced. I hope she hadn't spelled that wrong. I reeled backwards, out of reach, my beak curled up in a smug sort of manner. "Too late. I already spent it." She gasped in outrage. Hey look, someone wrote gullible on the ceiling! Case and point again. Seriously though…someone really did write gullible on the ceiling in the band room. Well, the second black penguin, a n00b named Dragon Tamer slapped me lightly on the wrist and said, "Cuffs!"

"Oh no!" I shouted dramatically, "Rhetta, take the money! Save yourself!" He grabbed the money from me.

"Takes money! Hahhahahahahaa!" He ran in circles around the parlor like a maniac. Suddenly, he froze, squealed, "I have to go!" And disappeared on the spot.

"Cuffs." Dragon Tamer said, slapping me again, "Cuffs."

What a bunch of idiots.

"We caught you." Prupley announced. "Come over here." She led me the corner of the pizza parlor. I glanced around confused. Mb was staring, a little freaked out, but a little entertained.

"So…are you arresting me or what?" I asked.

"Yes." Dragon answered. "You're going to stand here until you get bored!" Prupley said triumphantly. Well, they sure knew a good way to punish me. Too bad they couldn't make me stay.

"Right." I said, with a smirk. "And how are you gonna make me?" With that, I took off outta there like a rocket. The other two chased after me and Mb was hot on our trail, not wanting to miss out on the action. I skidded to a halt in the desolate town and quickly tore off my robber clothes and threw on…you guessed it…my famous glasses! Complete with a huge nose and mustache. The other three arrived just as I finished. A couple other penguins had appeared in the town by then too.

"Arrest him!" Prupley shouted, "He's a robber! He robbed the pizza parlor!"

"What?" I said, looking surprised. "No I didn't! You must have me confused with someone else." I could lie really well when I wanted to.

"We know it was you." Dragon growled. A purple guy (gay?) penguin with a purple and black striped hat waddled over. His named was Nightness.

"Calm down. What happened?" Night said, sounding like he thought he was extremely important. People like that pissed me off.

"They think I'm a robber." I said, rolling my eyes as if it were the most ridiculous thing ever. He glared at me, his eyes hard.

"Are you?"

I pointed at my hideous mug. "Does this look like the face of a robber to you?"

"Yes."

Shoot. Maybe I should have worn my princess outfit instead.

"Cuffs." Nightness said. "Cuffs!" Prupley and Dragon agreed. They wrapped their flippers around mine. My eyes widened in astonishment. I struggled to get away.

"Leave him alone!" Mb snarled, coming up from behind. The let go in surprise.

"You! You're with him?" Nightness snarled, advancing on her. I threw off my glasses and put my robber gear back on.

"Okay you got me!" I declared, spreading my arms wide. They turned away from Mb. "I'm a robber. Happy now?" Then I took a deep breath. "Quick, Mb to our secret hideout! I scampered away towards the igloo neighborhood, splitting up from my friend once again. Prupley and Dragon went off in pursuit of Mb. Nightness came after me. I picked the most random igloo I could and dove inside it. Right inside the entrance was a huge pit for excavating. With a startled cry, I fell into it. Who would dig a whole right in the middle of the front entrance to their house?

Two penguins inside that had been making out broke apart suddenly. "Hey!" The male shouted in anger, "Get out!" "Let's go somewhere else." His girlfriend prompted and they stepped around me and left. The door had barely closed when Night entered, staring down at me coldly.

"Oh crap, you got me." I grumbled, rubbing my sore arms.

"Cuffs." He whispered from above me. "Aims." He lifted up a flipper, forming it (somehow) into the shape of a gun. "Fires." He made an explosion sound effect. "Hills."

I stared at him. Then at every other thing in the room. Was Cute Kitty hiding in here or what? "Aims. Fires. Hills! HILLS!" He roared suddenly.

I smirked, "Oh no you've "hilled" me! NOT!" Then I sprang from the pit and bowled him over in my desperate flight for the exit. The next igloo I entered had a box with a portal in it. I dove in, faster than a rabbit fleeing for its burrow.

"Hey!" Mb greeted in relief upon seeing my dramatic entrance. "I lost the other two." I nodded my head as I stood there panting. But it was too good to be true…Nightness followed us in not a minute later, accompanied by a black penguin named Sub Zero.

"Robbers!" Night crowed triumphantly, "Caught ya!"

Sub Zero waddled over and said, "Cuffs." Of course. I think cuffs is officially the word of the day.

"We're not robbers!" I argued, ready to try and manipulate this newcomer.

"I told him everything." Night snickered, "He's my brother."

Shoot. It was like Lelee and Fugemonkeys all over again. The two boys started screeching and screaming things over and over such as "Cuffs," "Hills," and many more annoying things. Feeling overwhelmed, I rushed out of the box dimension and, after hurtling through space, landed with a plop in the snow-covered forest. Quickly, I scrambled behind a clump of trees. Mb came flying out after me along with the two persistent losers.

"Robber!" Sub Zero accused at her heatedly.

She looked like she was going to start panicking. "I'm not a robber!" She said, keeping a level head. "It was all pretend, don't you get it?"

"We don't believe you!" Night snarled, "Shoots! Hills!"

I burst from my hiding place, charged at him and tackled him to the ground. He squawked in surprise. Sub Zero stood there motionless, looking shocked. "Punk!" Night spat, shoving me off of him. "You're both punks! Punks!"

"Hills." Sub Zero grumbled.

"Why won't you just leave us alone?" I demanded furiously. "You're really annoying!"

"Because you're robbers. You deserve to die!" Sub Zero shouted.

"Punks! PUNKS!" Night shrieked over and over again.

Suddenly, I got a brilliant idea.

"You're guys right?" I asked, in a calmer tone of voice.

"WHAT?" Night shrieked, enraged. "NO!" Sub Zero roared angrily. I blinked, confused. But they had told me they were brothers! Then I realized that they must have thought I was code-talking like they were…like how they said "hills" instead of "kills." They must have thought I was asking if they were gay for each other.

"You're both boys?" I asked, correcting myself this time.

"Yeah." Night nodded. "We're brothers."

"Well then…" I said, my voice trembling in just the right place. With a single flourish, I painted myself pink and donned a fuzzy blue tiara and candy necklace. "WHY ARE YOU PICKING ON GIRLS?"

Their jaws dropped. Their eyes practically popped out of their sockets. Mb caught on immediately and also painted herself pink. "FAINTS!" Night shouted, gasping for breath, "FAINTS! FAINTS!"

"You're girls?" Sub Zero said, looking dizzy.

My beak quivered and my eyes filled with fake tears. "It's not very manly to go around picking on innocent girls!" I said in a high voice, covering my face as if I were crying.

"Yeah! That's so mean!" Mb sobbed into her flippers. "What is wrong with you guys!"

"I can't believe this!" Night growled, "You punks!"

"Bro, stop." Sub Zero said, staring at me as if he were in a trance. Uh-oh. This was awkward. He looked about ready to ask me out. Thank goodness a distraction came alone in the form of a random girl.

"Who's a robber?" She asked. "Say I."

Mb and I exchanged a glance. Oh, the temptation was too much. "I." We said together. She waddled over, her face expressionless. Had we recruited another member for our team?

"Cuffs," She said, slapping me on the wrist.

No.

"Who's this, your sister?" I growled.

"No. But you just said you were a robber!" Sub Zero hissed, "We're gonna hill you…"

"Let's get outta here." I said to Mb, "I'm sick of these people." We retreated to my igloo. Too bad I didn't realize Nightness was on my buddy list. I had first added him earlier when I had no clue about his annoying ways. Prupley came wandering in too but after "cuffing" me left right away.

"Come to my igloo, he can't come in there." Mb said, escaping out the door. Night stood in the way, breathing heavily. I stared at him, waiting for him to say what was on his mind. If it was more of the same crap, I was gonna get outta there fast.

"I…reported you." He scowled, and then waited for a reaction.

I sighed and tried not to roll my eyes. "So? I've been reported loads of times but never been banned. Heck, I've made this speech loads of times." He looked disbelieving. "Look," I said, shrugging, "You would know if you read my story."

He frowned. "I have read your story." Shock gripped me. Seriously? "But I don't like it." Now that was even more mind-grappling.

"Why don't you like it?" I asked, feeling my pride take a stab.

"Because it was written by a robber."

I snorted. Never mind. "See, that proves you haven't read it. It was written by a player."

"And a robber."

"If you have nothing more to say, then I'm leaving." At that moment, before I could take one step towards the door, Mb came strolling back in.

"Go to the dock. Add my brother." Nightness said.

Did he think I was stupid? Because I wasn't. Since he was testing me, I would test him right back. I held open the door. He stepped outside. I slammed it behind him and locked it securely. Then I opened up my buddy list and edited it while he banged on the door frantically. I also took off Rhettapiki and a bunch of other people I had met that day.

"Don't take me off!" Mb warned.

"Of course I won't. You're a permanent resident." I told her as the loud knocks on the door faded away. We headed to the dock like they said. Once there, both were up in my face, Nightness accusing me off removing him as a friend and Sub Zero screeching about me adding him.

"Too bad." I said, dancing in circles around them. "See you…never again!" Mb and I skipped happily away after that and came to rest in her igloo, laughing about our little adventure. It wasn't quite over, though. Rhettapiki came exploding into the igloo.

"Robber buddy! To the pizza parlor!" He giggled insanely, "Takes money!"

"No." I said firmly, sick of his idiotic ways, "I'm sick of you. I took you off my buddy list. Go find a new robber buddy."

He gaped openly. "But…robber buddy! Please…please, no! Don't take me off. I'll do anything! I'll do anything for you!"

Crud, it's not like I even had to manipulate this guy into worshipping me! Yes, maybe it was cool having an apprentice and a penguin worshipping someone other than Rockhopper for once, but it was time to draw the line.

"Too late." I said, going home for the night. "See you never again."

Unfortunately, no one can predict the future.

*Translation: "You are right. I don't speak English. I speak German! And Sammy, you are a butthead…and a creeper!"