How I wished I could sleep, because I longed to dream. As I lived in a state of total captivity, I was desperate for the escape sleep would have provided, a place where I would be able to walk with Oliver again, to hold my daughters again. I longed for the red dirt of Keyes, for a simpler time. The complete opposite of where I was now. I wanted to be home.

I was unsure of how much time had passed since I had come to Volterra. It seemed like an eternity, but it could have been hours for all I knew. My days passed without sunlight or darkness, in this small cell that was my home. I had studied every inch of the stonework of my room, I knew every cell in every piece of lichen that covered the walls, I knew every divot in the floor, as I paced backwards and forwards with bare feet.

Since my arrival, I had not seen Oliver again. I didn't expect to. He was being held as leverage, and at the moment they did not require that, as I already did everything they had asked. I had been brought out on raids twice, only a small contingent of the guard with me. I had halted the escape of their enemies, as they were torn to shreds and burned by the guard. I tried not to listen as I heard the sound of shearing metal, the strangled screams so abruptly halted, but it was hard. The guilt I felt that I had assured their deaths weighed heavily on me, but I could not see what else I could do - it was them or Oliver, and I would have given up anything for him. Strangers I neither knew or cared for did not mean anything to me when compared to him.

The more I was brought out with the guard, the more tired I was. I lacked the concentration to maintain my shield, and on more than one occasion it faltered. Never truly failed, but still, it was noticed. I was dragged before the ancients for counselling, which was my first encounter with the fiery Caius. Where Aro looked at me with calm and considerate eyes, he was frustrated.

"Kaia, the guard is becoming concerned that you're not as strong as you were. We are concerned about your diet."

I chuckled darkly - what diet? The only thing I had been offered since arriving was human, and I was not going to sully myself with that. I was a monster, but not that monstrous.

"How regularly have you been eating?" Caius demanded.

I met his jasper gaze with my dark one, "I haven't."

"What!" he shouted, "Is the child demented? How is she supposed to keep up her strength if she does not eat?"

"Caius, my brother, calm," Aro soothed his fiery companion, before facing me, "Kaia, why have you not been eating."

"I will not let myself become a monster." I whispered.

"Aro, she is useless unless she is fed. Confine her until she sees reason." Caius demanded.

He looked at his brother and sighed, "I don't see how I have any choice," before he waved me away.

So here I had sat, ever since, alone in my cell. Every what I could only assume to be 24 hours, someone would come and check on me and ask if I wished to feed yet, and I refused. I had already given them my life in exchange for my husbands, I refused to give them my soul. It was unbelievable the pain that I was enduring, how the thirst perpetually intensified. Most days it was all I could do to lie curled up on the floor and rock backwards and forwards as my stomach consumed me from the inside out, my throat parched and painful, as though I had been swilling acid. How I wished I could dream, to distract myself from my perpetual torment. I knew that I could give in, that they always offered me a way out of this eternal suffering, but I couldn't. I couldn't betray myself that way. I couldn't betray Oliver that way. I tried to think that he would be suffering as I did - I very much doubted that they offered to feed him - but that idea did not comfort me. The idea of Oliver suffering as I did only seemed to intensify the pain, as though I could feel our combined thirsts. I even wished for the burn of transformation, it hurt less than this.

I don't know how long I had been confined to this eternal nothingness, to sit and suffer with only my thirst to think about. To be honest, it doesn't matter. But today, this one day, I would remember for the rest of my life. It was the day I died.

I was rocking myself backwards and forwards in my tomb, awaiting the visit from one of the guard to announce that dinner was here and did I want any. I was looking forward to turning them down. It was the one time that I was able to express my emotions at my enforced captivity. I was learning how to fully utilise every profanity in my possession, a million times over.

But today, today the smell that greeted me was not the scent of one of my own. It was far, far sweeter. Far more appetising than anything I could imagine. I could feel the venom well in my mouth, adding to the burn that was constantly there, driving me insane. I could not believe it when I opened the door and found Gianna, the girl from the front desk, come wandering into my room.

"Aro would like to know if you wish to come to dinner," she asked me politely.

I stared at her with my undoubtedly black eyes, inhaling her potent scent. Every muscle in my body wound tighter than spun steel, itching towards release. She just looked so delicious. I was not able to restrain myself. There was no restraint possible when it came to this temptation. I was not strong enough to resist.

Less than a second after the final word exited her mouth, I was on her. My mouth latched onto her neck, and I drew in deeply, feeling the rush of her warm, fragrant blood wash down my throat. There was nothing else in the world in that moment, I had ceased to exist. Kaia Monroe, wife of Oliver Monroe, mother to Evelyn and Adele Monroe. In that moment, she died. In that moment, everything died.

It was all over so quickly, and it was not enough to satiate the monster within me, the only thing that had been left behind in that moment. I stared down at my discarded corpse, and was more upset that it had nothing left to give me rather than it used to be a person I knew. What did people matter? There was nothing left. All that remained was thirst, and thirst was something I could solve.

I kicked the corpse out of the way as I stormed my way down the corridor. The door had been left open, and I was free. But I was not escaping, there was nowhere left for me to go. I followed the scent Gianna had left in her wake, to the tower room. I could hear the pitiful human squeals coming from within, and they did not touch me. It sounded to me like a dinner bell. I swung the door open and entered the tower, and in that moment, every vampire there turned to face me, distracted from their food. I ignored their stares as I stalked towards my prey. All that was left was the monster, and it was thirsty.

I can't remember how long I gorged myself for, or on how many people I gorged myself with, but I didn't care. What did it matter? What did any of it matter? Kaia was already dead, there was no one left to contain the monster. It was finally free.

Eventually the monster inside of me quietened, and I managed to look around at the devastation I had wrought. Everyone around me looked stunned, as the ancients slowly descended from their podium. Aro walked over to me, smiling from ear to ear.

"Welcome to the family, Kaia Monroe," he greeted me warmly, but I did not see him. I did not see anything. There was nothing.

After that, Aro and Caius found uses for the shell of what was Kaia Monroe. It seemed pretty much everyday that there was someone who threatened the vampire secret, and I was sent out to hunt them down and destroy them. These days, no one was sent with me on such errands, even if they took me to the other side of the planet. I always returned - there was no where else to go. At least these banal errands gave my body something to do between feeds. Besides, when I ripped another vampire to shreds and burned it, I actually felt something. I felt a longing. I wanted it to be me. The novelty of feeling anything meant that I enjoyed repeating the experience quite frequently, and those occasions were never hard to come by.

I don't know how many months it had been since I had died before I was yet again called to the attention of the ancients. I dutifully went to them, where they were sitting in their large chairs. For once, there was no audience. There was only four vampires in the room that day.

"Kaia," Caius said (they continued referring to me by the name of the dead girl who used to live here), "Since you have joined us, we have had unparalleled success in suppressing those who risk to expose us. Surely you have seen now that we are the true way of our kind and we only mean to protect our kind. Surely you must want your children to join us."

"No," I responded reflexively. There were scars left in this shell from its previous inhabitant. Those children were never to be harmed.

Caius grumbled unintelligibly, but I ignored him. The pointless whirring of his mind was of no interest.

"Of course, of course, Kaia," Aro responded for his brother, "Then maybe you could consider another proposition. For years now, we have tried to rid ourselves of the scourge that is the Cullens. Previously, their clan was too strong for us to beat, but now that you're here…"

"No," I replied, and the eyes of the monster bore into him. That was another scar my current host respected.

"Kaia," Aro's face turned dark, "This is not so much a request, as an order."

"No."

He sighed, and leaned back in his chair, "I see you leave me no choice," and he clapped his hands.

Just then, two cloaked men dragged Oliver into the room, followed by little Jane. Oliver looked horrible, his face was pale and sallow, his eyes blacker than black. But as soon as he entered the room, those eyes lit up when they fell on a familiar body. What he didn't know was that it was occupied by an unfamiliar host. Somewhere deep inside, I felt something crying. It was dim though, and it wasn't clear. Just an echo of a previous affection.

"I do hope you will reconsider our proposal, Kaia. I really do not want to hurt him." Aro warned.

"Kaia," Oliver said, "It's okay."

Another echoed wail reverberated within me.

"No," I replied to Aro. I could not take my eyes off the man this body had once loved.

"It's oka-" Oliver started to shriek in pain, rolling to the floor and practically convulsing.

I could not look away, and the wailing inside me grew louder and louder. I could feel myself filling from within.

No no no no no no "No!" I shouted, "I'll do it. Just…don't hurt him."

The voice of an angel lasted for a second, before it fell silent. I stared down at the now motionless form on the floor, as the feelings within my shell subsided.

Aro and Caius smiled at me as he was dragged away by his two captors, and I just watched, stunned.

"You are excused, Kaia. We will call on you when all is organised," Aro dismissed me, and I walked away, back to my tomb where I belonged.

Volterra was abuzz from the assembling of vampires from high and low, who were preparing themselves for the trip to Dartmouth to destroy the Cullens. I had remained in my cell since the episode with Oliver, and my head was still reeling. I could not shut my eyes without seeing him writhe in agony on the floor, and every time I thought about it, a tide of emotion would well up inside of me. Not as large as it was that day, but large enough. I did not understand why that was. I needed to see him.

Aro was very amenable to my request. As long as I kept up with my side of the bargain, he had no trouble with me seeing Oliver again. So it was that the evening before our departure, I was reunited with my husband. No one else was with us in the cell, it was just us two. But even after the months of separation, there was no awkwardness. As soon as I laid my eyes on him again, feelings I had long considered dead and buried started to resurrect. Not enough to make it to the surface, but they were there, bubbling underneath.

The smile that lit up his face when I entered was glorious, but I was unable to reciprocate.

"Kaia," he whispered, looking at me. I just sat there, unable to respond. He looked at me closer, no doubt seeing my red eyes, no doubt realising that the woman he loved was no longer in here. I waited for the onslaught.

"Oh, Kaia," he sighed, "I am so sorry."

Sorry? Why was he sorry? He was not the one going around murdering innocent people.

He looked into my eyes and held them.

"This is not your fault."

I guffawed, "This is not my fault? Oliver, I am a monster. My actions are my own fault, you cannot take responsibility for them. You should hate me."

I was surprised by the explosion of emotion from me, but it burned out as quickly as it sparked up.

"Kaia Monroe, how can I hate you? I love you. You are not a monster. No matter what you have done, I know you and I know this isn't you. This," he shook his head at me, considering his hands remained shackled, "This is not you. You don't have to be a monster."

I just looked at him, unable to speak. He didn't understand. The woman he loved was dead. All that was left behind was the monster.

It was stupid to have come here. What answers was I meant to find?

And with that, I left to go meet my fate. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.