Again thank you for the reviews and suggestions. I promise I've read them and take them to heart. I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Walking into their bedroom he finds the two gifts he had left for her on the bed as a surprise opened and set aside. He wanted to give her a gift for the day, for being by his side, for loving him, it was a just because gift if he was being honest. He walks to the bathroom and finds her pulling up her hair in a bun. She picks up the single flower he had left atop the boxes.
She smells the rose and fills the cup with water and sets the rose inside it.
"Sharon, can we talk?" She looks up at him, her eyes still red.
"Thank you for the gifts, I'm sorry I didn't tell you down stairs." He steps inside and when she doesn't seem to mind his presence he takes her hand.
"Did you have a good time?" He wanted to rule that out first. "I know they stayed longer than we expected."
"Yes, yes I did. I loved that they came." She was frustrating herself. "I'm acting like a hormonal, crazy woman." She sighs. "It has nothing to do with you." He cups her cheeks and kisses her. "I'm sorry." Her eyes become glossy and she takes a miniscule breath as he rubs his thumbs against her cheeks.
Something had been assured today and that was that the man looking at her so openly, all he wants is to make her happy. That she was scared to ruin all of it with her insecurities and with her past.
"Do you need me to give you space? Five minutes or the entire night, how can I help you?" She takes his hands from her cheeks and takes them in hers. She shakes one of her legs nervously, looking at their joined hands. "Sharon, I'm clueless about two things that happened today and I'm asking you to share not because I find you hormonal or crazy but because they are bringing you to tears." She meets his eyes and he smiles reassuringly. "You can cry if that's what you need but I have to know what it is I do to help." She tilts her head. "Like bring you ice cream, romance movies, chocolate," her brows come together, "a glass of wine?" He shrugs.
She closes her eyes, she wasn't used to having someone by her side all the time. She had never had this before.
"Please just be Andy my friend for a few minutes." He smiles because she often did this, it didn't mean for him to stop holding her. He had misunderstood the first time, it means to be open about everything she is saying, often bringing up circumstances of her past. Asking for her 'friend' Andy meant Jack would be part of the conversation.
"I'm here." He presses his lips on hers. "No junk food?" She chuckles sniffling.
"No, I am not a stress eater." She smiles resting her cheek against his chest and he kisses the top of her head.
"Is that what it's called? Stress eating, I think that's the cause of that extra six pounds I put on when I was pinning for you." She snorts into his chest.
He always had a way of making her smile.
"That honey is called an excuse." She looks up at him for a response but he is grinning. She stands on her toes and kisses him, his hands rub her back.
"Let us start from the closet this morning. Something I said bothered you." He continues rubbing her back and when she takes a long breath he lifts her onto the counter, she protests but he immediately stands between her legs.
She scoots back getting comfortable, she looks at the rose and takes it. He knows she's nervous, the fidgeting meant she was nervous. She looks up at him.
"The lists," she whispers. He frowns. "They are silly really and I should stop doing them but it was the way I learned to delegate. I went from Jack who I did everything for and when I was transferred into Internal Affairs I was the boss, I needed to know how to —"
"You thought I was teasing you?" He suddenly realizes. "Sharon, I'd never, I just saw it as another sweet thing about you." He kisses her softly. She sees his eyes hold a sadness and she hates herself for misinterpreting.
"I used them around the house with my children because I realized I was doing everything for them just like I did for Jack. I didn't want to enable them, so I'd put little tasks on them. I even do it for Rusty. Internal Affairs thought me a lot and not taking on everything alone was one of those things." She twirls the rose looking down at it. "Jack he always said I just bossed him around all the time. I don't want you to feel like I'm bossing you around at work and home."
He takes the rose from her hands and sets it on the counter, wrapping his arms around her and looking at her. Her arms come around his neck.
"I'd prefer you not stop making those lists for several reasons. We went shopping for a feast we were in and out of the grocery store in less than thirty minutes, we had a successful gathering after only having hours of notice. If the lists give me so much open time, since I won't be forgetting thing after thing that means you and I will have more time to spend together." She huffs with a smile because even if it was ridiculous she also knew he was being honest. He runs his fingers up and down her sides. "Also I would never mind you asking me to do things, being bossed around by you is a hobby of mine." She chuckles, her forehead on his shoulder. He could turn things around and make her feel better in a matter of seconds. He pulls her hair aside and kisses her neck. "Especially in bed." She holds him tighter and hides her face with a snort. He grins knowing she is blushing.
She trembles when his tongue moves down her neck, his fingers pulling aside her shirt and bra strap over her shoulder, dropping kisses. She turns her head and captures his lips. He smiles looking into her eyes and wraps his arms tightly around her.
"I love you Andy." Her finger lands on his bottom lip, then running across it. She looks up and sees his eyes closed. "You say all that now but what if in three months you change your mind?" She moves her finger and kisses him once more.
"I love you too and if I change my mind, I'll tell you and we will solve it then." It eases her a bit. "But I doubt I will." He looks at the mirror as his hand rubs up her back under her shirt and she smiles, looking over her shoulder. "I usually don't get this view." She giggles.
"You are incorrigible." She pushes him away by his chest, getting off the counter. He has a smirk on his face. He follows her to the bedroom glad her mood is better. He puts his hands on her hips when she stops. He sees where her attention is.
"The gift." He says immediately, that was what had caused her to be upset in the garage just a few minutes ago. "I'll return it." He moves around her and to the box because he immediately knew what it was that had her this way. He takes the larger of the two boxes. "It was stupid of me." He holds the box in his hands and looks at her because he couldn't go return it at this hour. "I'll be right back." She catches him by his arm.
"Where are you going?"
"To put it in my car." He kisses her quickly and starts moving away but she tugs him closer. "Sharon, this was selfish and—"
"No it wasn't. You were thinking of both of us, I know you'd never buy it selfishly." She takes the box from his hands and sets it on the bed.
She loved him and was grateful for him going to a store and looking through nighties and lingerie, sorting through styles and sizes to find something she knew he liked while keeping her in mind and what she would be willing to wear.
"This is something you don't have to explain to me. I understand and I won't do it again." He feels insensitive, he had never seen her wear sexy lingerie to bed. Sure her panties and bra were sexy and made his pulse quicken but she never made a big deal about it. She blushed when he commented. He had purchased her nightgowns and other lingerie he liked for her. Something he had never done before and now he felt like an idiot.
"But I do, this is something I do need to talk to you about." He looks at her when her voice trembles, she pulls him in front of her. "This is part of our, our intimacy." Her voice is soft. "I don't want to ruin…" She struggles.
Now he feels like a bigger ass because she must be thinking the worse. That he needed to see her in these outfits to find her attractive. That he was becoming bored. That his oversized t-shirts and pajamas were unsatisfying.
"Sweetheart, I am very, very much enjoying being with you." She smiles because she hadn't doubted that for a minute. The problem was rooted in her, much deeper than she could explain.
"Me too." And she needed to tell him because she was sure she hadn't said it before. "Will you sit with me, please?" She tugs him to the bed, siting against the headboard, he sits in front of her a foot wrapped under him another hanging off the bed. She holds his hand in between them. "First of all, you need to know that I wasn't upset because you bought it, but because I couldn't genuinely tell you that I loved it. They are beautiful but I am not comfortable wearing them right now. It's complicated."
"Tell me." He encourages her knowing how hard this topic was for her especially if it was what he suspected.
Her past relationships.
She squeezes his hand and takes a breath.
"When I got married to Jack, our intimacy was fine I didn't know any different." She shrugs because she wouldn't tell Andy in detail what it really was like. Jack had never hurt her but he also had never been kind to her own needs. "When I noticed his interest in me physically had vanished I thought I had done something wrong. So I started wearing…" they both look over at the box and she meets his eyes. He rubs her thigh with his other hand. There was something so special about this moment. Sharon the woman who blushed and hid her face when talking about sex was trusting him with something that was painful for her. "He never once commented, nor did it change the way he looked at me. There was a night when he came home drunk and he called me these crude names and said only prostitutes proposed themselves that way. It wasn't that I believed him but I was humiliated." She took a moment to compose herself.
Andy's insides turn, he only found the man more and more revolting. The way he treated his wife as a slave to only satisfy his needs in all aspects of his life. That's what he was understanding by Sharon's confessions tonight. He only cared for himself.
Her voice shook and she looks away. "The worst part was that he went around telling friends about it. Fabricating the incident. Telling them how I was begging for sex." She shook her head, trying to stop herself from crying because it still hurt her. Andy had the desire to punch the man in the face. "I met Gavin years later and we became great friends, when he analyzed me, like Gavin only could he went out and bought me ton of these nightgowns for myself told me that I should wear them for myself. To wear them at night to feel better about me, to learn to forget that. It helped with my self-esteem and well for obvious reasons wearing them when Rusty moved in was out of the question." She stops and he knows what's coming because he remembers the purple silk nightgown, the one that only came to mind now and he hates himself for not remembering. He scoots forward and kisses her forehead, then resting his head against hers.
"You hadn't worn one again till the day Jack attacked you?" She nods holding onto his hands afraid for a brief movement that he'll pull away. Andy lets out a long breath and pulls her to him wrapping his arms around her.
They hold each other, tears stain his shirt from relief. It feels like the last connection to that day. She lets herself enjoy the feeling of the man holding her, who fought so hard for them, that has showed her nothing but love and understanding.
She turns her head and her lips softly graze the inside of his neck.
"It isn't you, but me," her voice is barley a whisper. "I'm sorry."
"No." He pulls back and her eyes are closed. "Sweetheart it is Jack." Her body shakes as she releases a breath. "I don't need a drawer full of those to find you attractive, I just need you." He removes her glasses and kisses both her eyelids, then her forehead. He wipes her tears. She opens her eyes.
She feels—safe. Safe to be herself, to be open and to love him.
"You are a wonderful man." His smile is covered by her lips, a chaste kiss, she leans into him her arms wrapping around her neck, his landing on her thighs and pulling her close. "Don't return them, just give me some time."
"I can do that.' He says softly. "How about the diamond earrings?" She grins at his teasing.
"Are beautiful, too much but beautiful." Her fingers run through his hair.
"Can I say something?" He asks cautiously, she nods sitting between his legs and looking at him. "You've never compared me to Jack and I know we are getting used to living together. I still wonder if you'd rather not be touched when sleeping or getting ready for bed because my ex-wife hated it or if I'll always just be an alcoholic to you then I remember you love me because, well I don't know why." He chuckles taking her hand and kissing the inside of her wrist. "So when one of these doubts happen to come across your mind, I need you to ask me. I'm in love with you because of your lists and because my t-shirts look better on you than they do on me." Her eyes mist over. "You have to trust me."
"I do," she whispers. "I do." She props herself onto her knees and kisses him. "Andy I'm living a new life because I trust you," her voice is soft, "these demons are my past and they are slowly erasing because of you." He rest his head against her chest his hands running up her back.
They hold each other for a long time.
"So why all the gifts?" She whispers.
"I wanted you to feel special and loved." She pulls out and tilts her head and softly shakes her head at him, it was simply unbelievable.
"Darling, you always make me feel loved and special." He smiles resting his nose against her shoulder.
"I like darling." She grins placing a small kiss on his forehead before tilting her head down and resting it against his.
She rubs her fingers on the back of his neck, his caressing the bottom of her thighs.
Everything that pained, stressed and worried her vanished the moment he looked at her just the way he was looking at her now.