Back to Katniss's POV for this chapter.

KPOV

Even though Sage is sleeping better at night now, I find that keeping to a routine is still helpful for both of us, especially when Peeta's away. Most mornings, Sage wakes me up about thirty minutes before the horn sounds for breakfast. We cuddle while he nurses, then I sit him on the couch while I get dressed before we head down to the cafeteria. We usually sit with Haymitch and Johanna, who's still in a bad mood for being barred from going to the Capitol. She told us that she failed her medical exam, but didn't go into any more detail than that. I just assume it has something to do with her leg that was so badly broken in the Quell.

I spend some time with Gale's family during the day, hanging out with Hazelle while the kids are in school, or letting Posy play with Sage after school is out. Sometimes I visit with my sister down in the hospital, but she's been quite busy lately so I try not to bother her too much. Madge has been busy as well, her nausea subsiding a little now that she's closer to her second trimester.

At least once a day Sage and I make our way down to Special Defense, to see if the Star Squad has produced any new propos for the day. I both love and hate these new propos, as they show Peeta in all sorts of different war scenarios that look far too real for my taste. Beetee reassures me that most of the war scenery is special effects, and Peeta tells me the same thing when I'm able to talk to him, but it's still scary to see him getting shot at and blowing up things.

Madge and I usually meet for dinner, most days inviting Annie to join us. Annie's not the easiest person to talk to, but we try, if only to draw her out of her shell a little. I hardly know a thing about her except that Finnick loves her and everyone thinks she's mad. After a few evenings of dinner conversation, where she makes goo-goo eyes at Sage and breaks off in the middle of conversations to stare into the empty air, I decide she's less mad than unstable. I can't really blame her. All of us Victors could be called unstable to some degree or another.

Peeta's been gone a little over a week when I notice that the tall, blonde-haired woman who'd been following me around since he left, has disappeared. The mystery is solved with the next propo that we see, when Beetee explains that her twin sister was killed by a mislabeled pod and she was needed as a replacement for the Star Squad. Beetee tries to make it sound innocent, but we both know the truth. Coin must've figured out that the woman was left behind with a made-up excuse in order to keep an eye on me and Sage. And now she's gone. Which begs the question, did Coin have anything to do with the pod that killed her sister being mislabeled, or did she simply take advantage of the situation? And if she can manipulate the Holo information like that, then Peeta's in a lot more danger than he realizes. Visions of exploding pods invade my nightmares from that point on.

Sage and I are down in the hospital visiting Prim during his afternoon nap two days later, at her request, when Haymitch appears in the little office my mother uses for her prenatal exams. There's at least thirty women in Thirteen who are expecting babies now, and the demands on my mother's time have been such that Prim has taken over a lot of new responsibilities, including running laboratory tests and doing Sage's well-baby exams.

"Beetee says you have some results to show us," Haymitch says to Prim as he leans against the doorway of the office.

"What are you talking about?" I say sharply. I don't want my little sister involved in anything for the rebellion. I glare hard at Haymitch. "You brought my sister into this?"

"Like it or not, Sweetheart," Haymitch retorts. "But she's in it. And there's not a lot you can do about it."

"President Coin even offered to let me go to the Capitol as a field medic!" Prim says excitedly. "She says that as the fighting gets closer to the President's mansion that the casualties will increase, so they'll need more medics."

"No!" I say. I grab Prim's arm and look at her. She's taller than me now, by at least a few inches, and her hair is thick and long in its single braid woven around her head like I wear mine. But she's still my little sister, and I have an instinctive need to want to protect her. "Please Prim. Please don't go to the Capitol. I don't know if I could handle having both you and Peeta there." I hate how weak I sound, even though it's the truth. I worry so much about Peeta when he's gone. I don't want to have to worry about my sister's safety on top of it. There's no way to know Coin's intentions for wanting Prim in the Capitol.

"I'm old enough to decide for myself, Katniss," she says firmly. "You don't need you to watch over me like that anymore. I'm not that same scared little girl I was at the reaping."

"We can discuss this another time," Haymitch says impatiently. "Tell us what you found."

Prim pulls a small paper out of her smock pocket. "Beetee and I just got these results back this morning," she begins, looking at me. "Katniss, this directly involves you."

"What about me?" I ask, my arms tightening around my sleeping baby wrapped on my front.

"Well," she says. "You were doing fine after Sage was born, or Mom and I would've never left you and Peeta alone in the room. You must've shifted in the bed or something when you started to hemorrhage. It's not unheard of for that to happen, and Mom and I are always prepared for it just in case. But by the time we got back to the room, you were in real danger of going into circulatory arrest."

I don't remember too much of that time. All I remember is feeling exhausted and sore one minute, and then waking up every now and then over the next couple of days feeling like I'd been hit by a train.

"Okay," I say. "Are you saying that something happened to me during that time?"

Prim inhales and exhales shakily. "The medicine the doctor gave you should've helped you right away, but instead, it made the bleeding worse. That, plus the fact that he refused to let Mom and I intervene until Haymitch threatened him, got me suspicious. So I went through the trash, and found the packaging from the medicine that he gave you. And it wasn't medicine that stops bleeding. It was medicine that we would give to someone having a stroke or heart attack, to dissolve blood clots. So, the doctor either accidentally or deliberately gave you medicine that was designed to do the exact opposite of what you needed."

My eyes widen in surprise. I probably shouldn't be shocked that Coin's influence stretches down into the medical staff, but it still makes my veins feel like they've been filled with ice water.

"Now," Prim continues. "Medication errors can happen from time to time. But the error, combined with the fact that the doctor wouldn't allow Mom to help you, leads me to think that it was done on purpose. That the doctor was trying to... kill you."

I swallow hard against the lump in my throat, dropping my face to kiss the top of my son's head. Haymitch is staring at me, trying to decipher how I'm handling this information.

"Anything else?" I ask.

Prim nods. "Yes. I also was puzzled at how long it took you to recover, especially once we'd replenished your lost fluids. So, I had your leftover IV fluid analyzed. Turns out, it was laced with a strong sedative, one that we'd normally use on someone much heavier than you, Katniss. And it's also one that passes into the breast milk, so it would've had a detrimental affect on Sage if I hadn't stopped your fluids before your milk came in."

So. Coin was so desperate to get rid of me that she deliberately tried to harm my son. My body starts to shiver in anger. How dare she.

"All right," I say, a lot more calmly than I feel. "What are we going to do with this information?"

"I've already passed all of this onto Beetee," Haymitch says. "He has the ear of Commander Paylor, and from what she's told us, we need to just sit on it until the time is right. Right now Paylor's in the Capitol, about five miles from Snow's mansion. She needs to take care of that mission before she can concentrate on Coin."

"But-"

"You're still under guard here," Haymitch interrupts. "There were two soldiers left behind to guard you, and one of them is still here. I also want you escorted wherever you go from now on. You're not to walk anywhere without someone with you. Myself, Prim, Madge, Johanna, even Annie. All right?"

I huff out a breath. "All right." Even though I hate the thought of being followed around, and Haymitch knows it.

"Think of it as extra protection for him," Haymitch adds, running his rough hand over the wrap where Sage is cuddled. I haven't pointed it out to him yet, but it is both funny and very sweet how protective and loving Haymitch is towards my son. Out of the few times I've ever seen him smile, most of those times were in response to him being around Sage.

"Okay."

Haymitch walks us back to our compartment and hangs out there the rest of the afternoon, playing with Sage, flipping through Peeta's family recipe book, and playing cards. We're just on our way to dinner when Madge comes up to us, out of breath from running.

"Katniss!" she says. "Something terrible has happened!"

"Wha-?" is all I'm able to get out before Haymitch interrupts me.

"What has happened!" Haymitch demands.

There are tears streaming down Madge's face, and she's doubled over, trying to catch her breath. "Do you know where Annie is?"

"She's probably in her room, or with Johanna," I say quickly. "Madge! What has happened!"

"I was j-, just down in Special Defense, looking for Beetee. I needed to ask him a question about something. But I couldn't find him, so I sat down to wait for him to come back, and that's when I saw it."

Haymitch's eyes narrow, then widen, like he's realizing something. "Madge-"

"Our boys are dead!" she cries. "They're all dead. All of them. They were in a building, and it was shelled by some Peacekeepers, and it collapsed on them, and then President Snow came on and said they were all dead!"

I stumble back like I've been hit in the chest with an arrow, clutching my son close to me. Haymitch grabs my arm and rights me before grabbing Madge's arm and walking us quickly down to a seldom-used hallway.

"It's not true," he says once we're in the darkened corner. "None of it. Yes, they were in a building, and yes, it was shelled and destroyed. But they're okay. Rye got a message through to Beetee after that broadcast was first aired."

The tears that had been pooling in my eyes start to leak out as I gasp, hugging my son to my chest. Madge turns on Haymitch with a crazed look on her face.

"How do you know this?" she cries. "And why wouldn't Beetee tell me?"

"Because," Haymitch rasps, trying to keep his voice down. "Beetee's been busy trying to keep up this illusion for Coin. Right now she also believes it to be true, and it helps us if that continues."

I lean against the wall, breathing deep breaths and willing my limbs to stop shaking. I wouldn't believe anything coming from either Coin or Snow right now, but even hearing that Peeta is dead when it isn't true rattles me.

"Are you sure?" Madge asks, a little more calm now.

"Absolutely," Haymitch assures her.

"Then why didn't you tell us?" I ask, feeling the brief panic I felt being replaced by anger. "You know how it would affect me, how it affected Madge?"

Haymitch scowls. "It was to keep up the illusion for Coin, Sweetheart," he says, like I'm the dumbest person he's ever seen. "There's little doubt that word of your and Madge's reaction will get back to Coin, and that kind of thing only works when it's genuine. This allows us to keep up the illusion, and keep with the mission in the Capitol."

"And I suppose that's something else you're not going to tell us!" I snap.

At that, Madge actually looks guilty, just for a second, but still long enough for me to notice. "What? Don't tell me that you know something about it you're not telling me!"

Madge refuses to meet my eyes, instead keeping her gaze on Sage's blond head. "I'm sorry Katniss. Rye made me promise not to say anything to you. He told me that Peeta doesn't even know-"

"What?" I practically yell as I turn on Haymitch. "What did you send him out there to do, that he doesn't even know about? And how could you? Haymitch, he trusts you! How could you do that to him?"

Haymitch slips his hand into his pocket. "I can't say anything else." Then he leans in to whisper into my ear. "Try to remember, everything that I do, I do it to protect you and Peeta both. And bring you both home. It's just like the Games, Katniss. Don't forget that."

I pull my head back, looking him straight in the eye, speaking loud enough for any listening devices to pick up my voice. "I want to see this propo."

"Why?"

"I need to see it for myself. I won't believe it until I see it." I look at Madge, begging her with my eyes to understand. "We shouldn't believe it until we see it."

Madge's blue eyes go as wide as saucers. "You're right," she says in a mechanical voice. "Yes, I think we should see it."

Haymitch grumbles, but leads us down to Special Defense anyway. Beetee is in his usual spot behind his console when we arrive.

"The two Mrs. Mellarks would like to see the new propo footage," Haymitch says.

Beetee looks surprised, but complies with our request. Watching both Snow's cocky assurance that the Star Squad has been destroyed and the rebellion lost, and Coin's fake eulogy for Peeta, makes my skin crawl.

"I didn't realize how much Peeta meant to her," I say sarcastically, earning me another scowl from Haymitch.

"Keep playing your role, Sweetheart," he grumbles. "That's the best way to help them right now."

Haymich escorts Madge and I back to our quarters before grabbing our dinner from the cafeteria, using his influence as my mentor to explain that we're both too heartbroken to be seen at the moment. My sleep that night is a fitful one, with visions of Peeta sitting helplessly as buildings collapse around him. The next morning, after Haymitch brings our breakfast to us, he and I wander down to Special Defense and ask Beetee for my bow and arrows.

I haven't hunted in months, and I'm not even sure if I could shoot straight after all this time, but I need something to distract me. With Madge's help, I get Sage wrapped up on my back with his head resting against my neck, shifting the arrow quiver to the side of him. Madge is too busy to come outside with me, so Beetee has a solider named Mitchell accompany me to the woods. He doesn't try to talk to me, and I don't try to talk to him either. Sage falls asleep after about five minutes in the fresh air, and Solider Mitchell stays a good distance behind me, his tread not much quieter than Peeta's.

I wander around awhile before spotting a flock of geese. I take one down before the rest fly away, my reloading time significantly slower than usual. Still, it feels so good to be out and about again I vow to start coming out here at least every other day.

After another thirty minutes or so a buck wanders into range. I manage to take it out with one shot, calling out to Soldier Mitchell to help me haul it and the goose back to the kitchens. There's minced venison in the stew for dinner that night.

The next day Madge asks for my help in collating some paperwork. We spend most of the afternoon on the task, picking Annie up for dinner and then heading down to the rec room to watch television for a while. After a couple episodes of a show about a guy who can run at the speed of sound, we decide to call it a night.

We've almost made it back to our residential compartments when I hear heavy footsteps behind us. "Katniss," Haymitch says grimly. "You and Madge need to come with me right now." His grey eyes look scared. "Rye needs to talk to you. Paylor's caught up with their group, and... he has some news."

"I want to talk to Rye!" Madge says.

"What kind of news," I say, but Haymitch doesn't answer me. "Haymitch, what news!" But he keeps walking, refusing to answer my question.

Haymitch's hand stays on the small of my back as we trot to Special Defense, my arms wrapped around Sage and Madge right on my elbow. Rye's tired face is filling the screen next to Beetee's work area, and my heart stutters with how much he looks like Peeta at first glance.

"Rye!" Madge exclaims when she sees him. "You're okay!"

"Yeah baby, I'm okay," Rye replies, his voice somber. "I'm okay, but... not all of us made it. Gale... Gale's dead. He sacrificed himself, so we could get away."

"Oh," I choke out, thankful for the pressure of Haymitch's hand on my back to hold me up. Gale. My friend, who was like a brother to me. My hunting partner for five years. Strong, proud, headstrong Gale. "How?"

Rye sighs heavily, looking exhausted. "We were under attack by some mutts down in the sewers. We were cornered between the mutts and a bunch of Peacekeepers, so Gale stayed behind and blew himself up with our Holo, along with all of the mutts. He saved us. Peeta, Finnick, Cressida, and me. He saved all of us."

"I'm so sorry Rye," Madge says. "I know how much he meant to you. And to you, Katniss. I'm so sorry."

"He's a hero," I say, sniffing. "And we will remember him that way."

Rye pauses for a few seconds, fidgeting anxiously. "That's ah... that's not all I have to tell you."

"Can I talk to Peeta now?" I ask, before I've even heard his last words completely.

"What is it, Rye?" Madge asks. "What's wrong?"

"Peeta's not here, Katniss," Rye says.

"What do you mean he's not there? Where is he? What's happened to him?" I can feel my heart thumping against the small body of my son.

A lone tear slides down Rye's cheek, leaving a trail through the smudges of dirt on his face. "He's been..., Peeta's been captured, Katniss. Right after Gale was killed. We were running, and I got caught up in a net, like a damn fish! Peeta was trying to get me out, but the Peacekeepers got him. They got him and they dragged him away, and I couldn't help him!"

My knees can no longer hold me up and I sway against Haymitch. His arms wrap around both Sage and me as Madge holds onto my arm. "No," I whisper. "Snow'll... Snow'll torture him. He'll do horrible things to him." My voice is rising hysterically now. "Rye! You have to get him out of there! You have to find him! You have to get him out before Snow kills him!"

"Believe me, Katniss, we're getting a rescue plan together right now," Rye says. "But Paylor says it'll be three or four days before we're able to move against Snow. Paylor thinks Snow's in his mansion, since it's locked up like a fortress right now, but Peeta's most likely being held in the Tribute Center. Where we found Annie. We're still trying to regroup from making it this far, but as soon as we're ready, I'll be leading the mission to rescue Peeta myself."

"He could be dead by then!" I scream, startling my son, who begins to wail right along with me. "Don't you understand! Snow will torture and kill him!"

"Paylor's convinced that Snow won't kill Peeta until he can't get anything else out of him," Rye says. "That includes everything he knows about the operations in Thirteen, and everything about you and Sage. Please believe me, Katniss. We're going to get him back as soon as possible."

Intellectually, what Rye is saying makes sense. But I'm completely beyond thinking about any of this intellectually. "I don't care about what Paylor thinks, Rye! I can't bear the thought of him trapped there, while Snow does who knows what to him!" And with that, I cross some line into hysteria and break down completely. I'm only vaguely aware of Madge grabbing my crying son away from me and the feel of a needle in my arm before everything goes black.

I wake up in my compartment to the sound of Sage screaming his little head off. "I think he's hungry," Haymitch says, helping me to sit up on the bed with one arm before handing me my angry son. I take him numbly, unbuttoning my shirt without any thought about trying to cover myself in front of Haymitch. Sage latches onto my breast and goes quiet as tears stream down my cheeks.

While my baby nurses, Haymitch tries to tell me about the plan to rescue Peeta. Paylor has to regroup and evaluate their strength now that they've reached the City Circle. Once they've done that and planned their attack, they will go in and extract Peeta at the same time as they move against Snow himself. He rambles on for several minutes, but I barely listen. The only thing I can feel right now is fear. Fear of what Snow could do to my husband, the father of my son, who is rooted so deep down in my heart now that there's no way I could ever live without him. I guess I really am my mother's daughter.

Keep up the illusion, Haymitch had said when that propo came out saying Peeta had been killed. Keep up the illusion. But Peeta wasn't dead then, and I'm a terrible actress. It was hard for me to maintain the illusion that he was dead when I knew he wasn't.

But this. This is different. This time it's no illusion.

This, is real.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Poor Katniss! And poor Peeta! Please try to remember, I don't believe in anything except happy endings. Things are definitely tough right now though. :/

Please don't forget to review! :)