Chapter Twenty-Five:

The Last Summer

Alice looked up at me, tears threatening to escape her big brown eyes. "Promise you'll write to me everyday?"

"Even if it is just to complain about James," Mary added, grinning.

"We won't mind, honestly," Frank said earnestly.

"It'll be just like old times," Mary said nostalgically.

At that point, Alice was overcome with tears and she rushed into my arms, sobbing hysterically.

Off into the distance, I could see James and Remus talking. James was moving his hands around enthusiastically like he usually did when he was telling a story. Remus rolled his eyes at something he said but laughed nonetheless. I looked away from them and exchanged a brief bewildered look with Frank.

"Al, we're just graduating," Mary reminded her weakly. "No need to cry about it."

"Hey," James said. I hadn't even realized he had approached our little group.

Mary glanced at me nervously.

"James!" Alice wailed, rushing over to him.

"She's feeling a bit sentimental today," Frank explained as Alice ruffled James' hair affectionately.

"I can see that," James said, amused.

"I'm just going to miss all of you so much." Alice sighed, looking around sadly.

"Al, you do realize that you live two blocks away from me right?" James pointed out.

"It's not the same!" she said fretfully.

Mary rolled her eyes. "Come on or there will be no more carriages left," she said, dragging Alice away.

"You lot wanna share?" James asked. "Moony just went to go find us a carriage."

Mary glanced quizzically at me.

I sighed. "Sure."

James smiled at me, his hazel eyes lighting up. I had to catch my breath for a minute there. I'd forgotten how much I loved his smile.

"LILY!" Mum screeched, pounding on my door.

"WHAT?!" I shouted, covering my face with a pillow. All I wanted to do was keep dreaming about James's eyes.

"We have guests. Get dressed and come down. Quickly!"

I groaned, wondering who could possibly be visiting.

"I'll be down in a minute," I promised, forcing myself out of bed.

I quickly threw on a pair of shorts and the first shirt I saw. As I pulled my hair into a messy bun, I glanced quickly into the mirror. I paused, gazing at my reflection. From my neck hung a silver chain with an emerald stone at the bottom. I'd worn it so long, I'd completely forgotten it was even there.

James had given it to me. It had been a Christmas present. I should have probably taken it off, but that necklace was the only remnant of James I had left.

I missed James. It was as simple as that. I missed his jokes (no matter how offensive or inappropriate they were), I missed his laugh, I missed the way his tongue would stick out like a little kid's when he was concentrating, I missed the way he would move his hands energetically when he was talking, I missed the way his eyes lit up when Sirius suggested a new prank, I missed the way he would ruffle his hair when he was nervous, I missed the way he would play with his snitch...

We hadn't spoken much since the disastrous night at the party. It had been awkward and it still hurt too much to even look at him. The last time I had spoken to him was on that last day on the train. Even then, I hadn't even said a proper good-bye to him.

"Lily!" Mum called from downstairs.

"Coming!" I responded. I tucked the necklace under my shirt and headed downstairs. Mum was sitting at the kitchen table talking to somebody.

"Oh, she's here!" Mum announced, standing up when she saw me coming.

"About time!" I heard a familiar voice say.

"Dorcas?" I frowned, stopping in my tracks. Merlin, I had missed that voice.

"Who else would it be?" she asked, stepping into my view.

"Dorky!" I gasped. "What are you doing here?"

"Kidnapping you. You're coming to stay at Marlene's!" Dorcas said matter-of-factly.

"I am?"

"Yes, you are," Mum said. "You've been moping around all summer, and frankly, I'm a bit sick of it. I wrote to Marlene yesterday and she sent Dorcas here first thing in the morning."

"I have not been moping," I scoffed.

"Lily, I don't like seeing you so sad. Now, I understand if you don't want to tell me what's bothering you, but can you at least try to have some fun this summer?"

Dorcas frowned. "What's there to be sad about? We're seventeen! We're adults now! It's our last year at Hogwarts! This year is going to be amazing!"

"I'm not sad!" I protested.

Dorcas looked at me pityingly. "Is this about James?"

I glared at her. "Why do you assume this is about James?"

"Aha! So you admit that there is something bothering you!"

"You know, suddenly, I don't miss you that much anymore," I said.

Dorcas rolled her eyes, "Of course you miss me! Now, come on, we have to pack!"

"Now?"

"Yes, now! Marlene will kill me if I don't have you there by lunch," she replied, pulling me back upstairs. "Come on! Hurry up!" Dorcas ordered as I pulled my trunk out of my closet.

"I wonder if I should take these books..." I marveled, studying the titles.

"Take all of them!" Dorcas said over her shoulder as she made my clothes zoom around my room with her wand.

"I don't know if I'll need them all..." I muttered, stuffing them into my trunk.

"All ready?" Dorcas asked. She waved her wand and the last of my shirts sloppily fold themselves into my trunk.

"I think so," I said, looking around my room.

"Good. Let's go!" she exclaimed, grabbing my wrist and pulling me back down.

"Why are you so excited?" I asked, surprised by her strength.

She turned around and smiled at me. "I don't know...I just missed you, Lil."

"I don't know...I just missed you, Lil," James said, giving me his most brilliant smile.

I crossed my arms. "That doesn't answer my question."

He closed his eyes. "What can I do to make this better? Lily, you have no idea how much I miss you. Just tell me what I can do to make it okay."

"I don't know," I told him honestly. "I don't know if there's anything you can do."

"You can't be that mad!"

"I'm not mad...I'm hurt, I guess..."

"Okay, what can I do to make you not hurt anymore?" he asked desperately.

I sighed. "How about you just stay away from me?"

"Lily," he said, looking both hurt and shocked.

"I'm serious, James. It-it hurts to much right now...just stay away from me, okay? Please."

"If that's what you really want," he said in his most defeated voice. I watched as he gave me one last smile before turning away, all the hope from his face gone.

"I missed you too, Dorky." I smiled, suddenly feeling sad.

"Of course you did!" she said, bouncing down the stairs, her wavy hair flowing wildly behind her.

"You've packed already! How?" Mum asked, stunned as we came strolling into the kitchen, carrying my suitcase.

"Oh, we just used this little thing called magic." Dorcas grinned.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye, then," Mum said, smiling sadly.

I rolled my eyes. "Mum, I would be leaving for Hogwarts in a few weeks anyway. Besides, I can apparate now. I can pop in and out anytime I want. "

Mum smiled proudly. "That's right! I've forgotten, you're a grown witch now!"

"We have to go," Dorcas said, checking her watch. "Can you wrap up this goodbye quickly?"

I frowned as Dorcas disappeared with a crack. "Bye, Mum!" I said cheerfully, giving her a quick hug before apparating into a cobblestoned street lined with expensive looking houses.

"About time!" Sirius Black crossed his arms impatiently. "That took forever."

"Sirius!" I said delightedly as he gave me a bone-crushing hug.

"I'll take that," he said, taking my luggage from me.

"Oh, thanks. That's nice," I said as we started down the street. "So, what'd I miss?" I asked.

"I've officially finished decorating my new flat! Dorcas picked out most of the furniture so it's a bit girly, but I don't mind."

"You have a flat?" I asked, impressed.

"Where else am I going to live?"

"Don't you usually stay with James?"

"He didn't want to be a burden on the Potters," Dorcas answered.

"What's your flat like?" I asked.

"It's nothing fancy. I don't want to spend all my inheritance."

"I'm surprised you even have inheritance," Dorcas said.

Sirius grimaced. "Yeah, I didn't exactly leave home on a good note."

"He got himself a job too," Dorcas told me proudly.

"You did!" I gasped, my eyes widening. "Oh, Sirius, good for you!"

Sirius smiled, embarrassed. "It's just a summer job. I've got enough money to last me the rent for another year or so, and by then I'll be out of Hogwarts and hopefully having a decent job."

"You've really grown up." I smiled, astounded. "How much further do we have to walk anyway?" I asked.

"Marlene's house is just a few houses down," Sirius replied.

"How's Marlene?" I asked.

"Her and Jason broke up," Sirius said.

I gasped. "Oh no!"

"She seems fine, though," Sirius added.

Dorcas nodded. "It's been a long time coming. They were too different. They'd been fighting for ages. She was a little sad, but I think she's mostly relieved. She doesn't want to wallow either. In fact, she's planning a big end of the summer party and everybody's invited."

"So, erm..." I said awkwardly. "How's James?"

"He misses you," Sirius told me.

"I miss him too," I admitted, sighing.

"LILY!" Marlene shrieked. I looked up to find my tall, dark-haired best friend standing in the doorway of her house.

"Mar!" I exclaimed happily.

"Well, come on in, everybody!" Marlene said, ushering us all inside.

"Toby, would you bring Lily's luggage up to her room?" Marlene asked the old house elf kindly.

"Certainly, young mistress," Toby replied, snapping his fingers. My trunk followed behind him as he climbed up the stairs.

"Have you had breakfast yet?" Marlene asked me as we headed into the kitchen. "We have pancakes from earlier this morning. I'm not sure if you want it, though," Marlene said.

"I'll have it!" Sirius exclaimed, grabbing a plate. I rolled my eyes and joined him.

"So, tell us everything that's happened this summer," Dorcas said, plopping in the chair across from me.

I sighed. "Well, nothing. I've been so bored. Severus at least hasn't tried to speak to me once. I think he's finally taken the hint."

"Well, that and he tried to poison you. How do you apologize for that?" Sirius said through a mouthful.

"Hey, we're still not sure that it was even him," I told her fairly.

"He sure as hell knew about it, though. And if I were him, I would've done a whole lot more than just warn you about it!" Dorcas said bitterly. Sirius nodded vigorously in agreement, his mouth still full.

"Either way, at least he didn't bother you this summer," Marlene said placidly.

"Oh, and Petunia's doing some typing program or something so she's been gone a lot," I said. Blimey, I hadn't even gotten the chance to say goodbye to Tuney...not that she would care anyway.

"Wow," Sirius said, swallowing his pancake, "that has got to be the most boring story I've ever heard."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm sorry. Let's hear about your summer then."

He grinned. "Besides getting a job and a flat, I've also had to deal with your crazy friend here," he said gesturing to Marlene. "She's had me and James running all over town getting things for her little party tomorrow."

"That reminds me," Marlene said, perking up. "Do you or James have dates? I know Remus is coming with that girl from Hufflepuff..."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "James is still pining over Lily so that would be a no."

"Well, do you have a date?" Dorcas asked a little too casually.

Sirius looked down at his plate uncomfortably. "I did ask Sarah Clark to come with me."

"Did you?" Dorcas said, the cheeriness in her voice suddenly becoming very forced.

Sirius shrugged. "Well, I haven't really dated anyone since we broke up, so I thought it was time to get back out there, you know?"

"Yeah, sure. Of course," Dorcas replied, forcing a smile.

Marlene and I exchanged looks.

"Anyway," I said, "when is this party exactly?"

"Tomorrow," Marlene replied promptly, "I think we all need it. I haven't seen Mary or Frank all summer, and I've only seen Alice a few times which is really sad considering she lives a few blocks away."

"Guess who else she invited?" Dorcas asked furiously.

"Who?"

"Natalie Peterson," Marlene replied, rolling her eyes as Dorcas fumed. Dorcas and Natalie were mortal enemies and they had been since they were kids. Things only got worse when Natalie kissed Sirius last year, causing Dorcas to break up with him.

"Why would you do that?" I asked, making a face.

"Too much bad energy," Marlene said. "We need to end all this fighting. All this hatred can not be sending out positive vibes."

Sirius looked at her as if she had lost her mind.

"Marlene, what are you going on about now?" I sighed.

"Karma!" she exclaimed. "We can't start our final year at Hogwarts with all this bad karma!"

Dorcas rubbed her temples. She had obviously heard this all summer, but Marlene's theory was new to me and I was intrigued to hear more.

"Is that real?" I asked in wonder.

"Of course not!" Sirius scoffed. "Muggle rubbish."

Marlene shook her head. "Best not to take any chances."

"Good point." I nodded.

"Which is why," she continued, "you need to fix whatever problems you're having with James."

"On second thought," I said, "maybe Dorcas and Sirius are right. You are mental."

Marlene sighed. "Lily, we can't enter our final year of Hogwarts like this. We need to wipe our slates clean."

"Well, I don't hate James, so I don't see the need to even speak to him," I said stubbornly.

"Have you spoken to him at all?"

"Not since the last day on the train," I replied, remembering the last time I had seen James.

"Lily, wait!" James called out.

I sighed. I had told him I needed my space. Why couldn't he just give it to me?

"Yes?" I said, gritting my teeth.

"Your wand fell out of your pocket," he said, handing me my wand.

"Oh," I said, surprised, "thanks."

"Anyway...I'll see you around then?" he said, ruffling his hair nervously.

I nodded. "Erm...yeah..."

He nodded awkwardly and turned away, pushing his way through the crowds, searching for his parents. I watched as his mum hugged him tightly, whispering something into his ear. Smiling sadly, I turned away and walked to my own mother.

I had expected some dramatic goodbye, in which he begged me to forgive him or something...but he didn't. I knew I was the one who had asked him to give me space and I was glad he did, but it was at times like those that I really missed him. It was in those small moments where he would ruffle his hair or his eyes would light up as he smiled that I realized how much I really cared about him. I hated that I loved him, but I there was no more denying it. I had never felt like this with anyone before, not even Austin. It broke my heart every time I thought of him or I saw my emerald necklace in the mirror.

"...oh no, it's raining," Marlene said, bringing me back to reality.

Beside me, Sirius got up. "Well, I should really go. James and I are going into town."

"Tell him we said 'hi,'" Dorcas said as he left.

I watched Sirius leave, wishing I could go with him to see James.

"I'm really glad I got to see you, Lily," Natalie said.

I forced a smile. "Yeah, me too."

"I know we had some issues in the past, but I'm really glad we've put it behind us," she continued, taking a sip of her drink. On the opposite side of the room, I could see Sirius dancing with Sarah Clark, his hands exploring her body. Not far from them, Dorcas was watching furiously, her arms crossed. I scanned the rest of the room, searching for messy hair and hazel eyes. Where could James be? I still hadn't seen him yet, which was very strange considering he lived next door to Marlene.

"You're looking for James, aren't you?" Natalie guessed.

"No, of course not!" I scoffed unconvincingly.

"It's okay if you still have feelings for him, you know. I know from first hand experience that he's a really hard bloke to get over."

"Well, there wasn't much to get over. We never even really went out," I told her.

Natalie raised her eyebrows, "Come on, we all know that what you and James had was much deeper than what James and I ever had. I always hoped he would care about me in the same way he cares about you. Honestly, the only reason we went out for so long was because he was just trying desperately to move on from you. Not that it worked."

I shook my head. "James was only interested in me because I was a challenge. It was nothing more than that."

Natalie stared at me, her deep blue eyes piercing into mine. "Lily, we both know that's not true. Now, if you don't want to accept the fact that James might actually love you is a whole different problem."

"Oh, no," I said, distracted as I spotted Dorcas chugging down the rest of her firewhiskey. She slammed her bottle down and marched toward Sirius and Sarah with a determined look in her eye.

"What's the matter?" Natalie asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

"I need to go and stop Dorcas from doing something that is probably very stupid," I said. I pushed my way through the dancing crowds, making my way to Sirius and Sarah.

"Hi, Dorcas!" Sarah said cheerfully.

"Hey," Dorcas replied venomously.

"Great party! I was just telling Sirius how you and Marlene always throw the best ones!" Sarah said sweetly.

"Aw, thanks," Dorcas said in her most fake-cheery voice. "Now, why don't you leave it?" she added forcefully.

"Dorcas," I warned in an undertone as I finally reached them.

Sarah's dark blue eyes widened in confusion and she looked up at Sirius uncertainly.

"Erm...why don't you go get us some drinks?" Sirius suggested. "I'll come find you in a second."

Sarah nodded. "Okay, sure. It was good to see you, Dorcas. Oh, and you too, Lily!" she added, spotting me.

"Bye, Sarah." I smiled.

"Bye, Sarah!" Dorcas exclaimed, imitating Sarah's cheerful, perky voice.

Sirius' eyes flashed with anger when he turned to face her. "What is your problem?" he demanded. "You're angry because I brought someone?"

"Why would I be angry? You brought a date! Good for you! You're dating, that's just bloody brilliant," Dorcas replied indifferently, pushing past him.

Sirius grabbed her arm and forced her to turn around and look at him.

"Okay, should I not be dating?" he asked.

"Hey, you're the one who wanted to get back out there, right?"

"Cause if I shouldn't be dating all you have to do is say something," Sirius said. "If you don't say something, then I'm going to keep dating."

"What would I say? There's nothing to say," Dorcas said stubbornly.

"Don't do that, Dorcas! I've waited for you all year and you've shot me down a billion times already. I'm not going to keep chasing after you all of my life, not unless you make it clear that you want me—"

Sirius was cut off mid-sentence as Dorcas threw her arms around him and smashed her lips against his. I stared at them in stunned silence. How did that even happen?

"Dorcas?" I said weakly. "Sirius?"

"Well, some things never change, huh?" Marlene said, coming up behind me, watching Sirius and Dorcas snog fiercely.

"Well, at least one of us is having fun." I sighed, turning to face Marlene.

"Lily, I love you, but you're kind of depressing me."

I laughed. "Gee, thanks. That really lifts my spirits."

Marlene smiled sadly at me. "Is James really bothering you that much."

"I meant it when I said I loved him, Marlene." I sighed. "You just don't get over something as big as that...look at Dorcas and Sirius."

"Then why can't you talk to him?"

"You don't understand! It hurts, okay? It hurts, Marlene, it really hurts."

"Oh, Lily," Marlene said, reaching out for me.

"I need some air," I said suddenly.

"Okay," she said, nodding to the backyard. I gave her a forced smile and made my way outside, pushing open the large glass doors. I breathed in deeply as the door shut behind me, muffling all the noise from inside. A safe distance away, I spotted a wooden bench, surrounded by beautiful pink flowers. Sitting on the bench was none other than James Potter. James' bright hazel eyes looked up at me. Slowly, I made my way to the small bench and sat myself a good distance away from him.

"So," I began awkwardly, "I haven't seen you in a while."

"You asked me to stay away," he replied, looking away from me.

"That's true." I nodded.

There was a long pause, in which we both stared off into the distance, lost in our own thoughts.

"Why aren't you inside?" he asked me, breaking the silence.

"I'm not really in a party mood." I shrugged.

"Me neither," he admitted.

There was another long pause. I studied his face as he looked off into the distance, allowing his mind to wander. "What are you thinking about?" I asked tentatively.

For the first time, James smiled sadly at me. "You know, backyards are pretty special for us."

"It was in Drew's backyard that I first told you how I felt about you," I recalled, smiling.

He nodded. "And it was in this backyard, right here, about a year ago that we first became my friends."

"A lot's happened since then, hasn't it?" he said.

"Yeah, I guess it has."

"So, what now?" he asked, finally turning to look at me.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I've given you your space, Lily. I don't mean to be pushy or anything but what's going to happen? Do you still hate me?"

I sighed. "James, I could never hate you."

"Yes, you can, and you should after the way I screwed everything up," he said miserably.

"You didn't screw everything up," I told him. I shrugged. "I don't know. All I know is that I really missed you this summer."

"I missed you too. More than you can even imagine," he told me.

"But...that doesn't mean I want to be with you," I said. "I just don't think it's a good idea...given what's happened..."

"So, what now? We're just going to go back to being friends?"

"I would really like that."

He shook his head. "I don't think I can do that, Lil...to go back to pining over you day after day. It just hurts too much. I'm sorry, Lil."

I sighed. I knew he would feel this way. In fact, I kind of felt the same way. How could things ever go back to how they were before? How could there never be any anger or resentment? How could I watch him flirt with other girls, knowing I was still head-over-heels in love with him? How could I sit there and watch his smile or hear his laugh, and not have my heart break into a million little pieces?

"I understand," I finally said, gazing into his twinkling hazel eyes.