Just a couple of thing I want to clarify – Edward, in this story, is not from the same universe in the Twilight novels. I know we've all grown to think of this Edward as "our Edward" to some extent, but he is actually an alternate universe Edward. The other point I wanted to clarify is that Universe Two, or the first place this Edward visited, is actually the canon universe. I feel like a few people have been a little confused about that point, so I just wanted to clear it up. He had to start out there so he'd have the same point of reference that we all have as readers of the novels, and something to compare all the differences to. I hadn't originally set out to have him stay there for five days like he did, but it actually made a lot of sense. By doing that, he had time to actually learn everything we know during his lengthy conversations with Bella. Stephenie Meyer's ending was the happiest possible ending for everyone (although I feel like the canon Cullens can't possibly have seen the last of the Volturi, since they want Alice, Bella, and probably Edward for the guard), so it made sense for him to see how things could have turned out if he'd done everything right. Well, more or less right. Edward did a lot of dumb things in the books, in my opinion. =)
I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.
Chapter Twenty Five – The Choice
The next three days passed with excruciating slowness. The mood in the house was extraordinarily somber. Carlisle had continued going to work in order to keep up the façade that everything was normal. Each day, he came home from the hospital with news about Charlie's frantic efforts to locate his missing daughter. Charlie had been calling the hospital every few hours to make sure that Bella hadn't appeared there following some sort of catastrophic mishap. Meanwhile, he was putting up flyers all over town and had used his position as the chief of police to expedite the search for her. Since Alice had been Bella's best friend, she was "helping" in the search for Bella and was rarely at home. It pained her greatly not to be at her friend's side while she underwent the transformation, but it was the only way to keep Charlie away from my family's home. He was grilling Alice constantly about their favorite places to go, whether she had said anything unusual recently, whether she might have run off to visit someone from school and forgotten to tell him. Alice made up an imaginary love interest of Bella's from college who lived in Michigan in order to lead Charlie's search as far away as possible. If we could only keep him away for three days, she reasoned, we would be able to move Bella. I was trying to convince the family that Charlie would be better off knowing that Bella was all right and that he would not ask too many questions. I was sure that Bella would agree with me once she was able to speak coherently again.
Meanwhile, the wolves kept up a constant surveillance. No one was allowed to leave the house without good reason. They allowed Carlisle to pass each day, only because to do otherwise would be to arouse suspicion. Esme had, of course, taken to preparing elaborate meals for the wolves once she learned that Leah preferred to eat human food rather than consuming raw meat in wolf form. Even though they were all confined to wolf form, Esme felt that Leah should have some other meal options available to her. Leah, for her part, was particularly vocal about not accepting food from us, although only Edward and I were privy to her rantings. Seth was the only one of the wolves who was willing to eat any of the food, and even with his enormous appetite, he was only able to eat a small portion of what my mother prepared. We both decided that Esme didn't need to know that her efforts were going to waste. Preparing meals seemed to soothe her nerves.
With Alice's near-constant absence, Bella was tended to primarily by both Edwards. My displeasure with Edward's apparent affections toward her grew nearly as rapidly as his feelings did. He could not be torn from her side, constantly whispering his apologies and reassurances to her, singing to her, holding her hand. He tried to make her comfortable even though he knew as well as I did that any such endeavors would be pointless. Still, she seemed to respond to the sound of his voice, staring up at him. I couldn't bring myself to speak to her. Trying to convince myself that there was a chance that she would choose me instead of him would only disappoint me in the end.
I entertained myself by checking through Edward's thoughts at regular intervals, hoping to find him struggling with the dilemma of whether he could resume drinking the blood of animals after sustaining on human blood for so many decades. Unfortunately, each time I checked his thoughts, they were consumed with worry and guilt about Bella's suffering, as well as fascination with what she must be thinking. I quickly lost interest, but I kept checking anyway in case something had changed. Secretly, I hoped that he would decide that the sacrifice would be too great and would allow the wolves to destroy him, leaving Bella for me to care for, but this seemed less and less likely each time I checked. He was enthralled with her, plagued with sorrow about having thoughtlessly bitten her, and resolved to try to somehow make it up to her in time.
When the third day was nearly over, I heard Bella's heart begin to beat faster and faster, and she began to clench her fists, now able to feel sensations other than pain in her hands. The bones I had accidentally broken in her hand had stitched themselves together on the second day, and the burning would have moved away from her extremities by now. Still, she would be experiencing unimaginable agony in her heart, more intense than anything she'd ever felt before or would ever feel again. Edward was there, stroking her hair, whispering in her ear that it was nearly over. The wolves, too, knew that the time was nearly up, for they had stopped keeping shifts and were surrounding the house in greater numbers.
Alice had returned home in time for Bella to begin her new life, feigning exhaustion and telling Charlie that she needed to turn in early and sleep in her own bed. Charlie had been nearly as concerned about her as he was about his own daughter, apologizing repeatedly for keeping her away from home so much. My sister was on edge because the wolves' presence was preventing her from seeing what would happen when Bella finished burning. I had explained to her how controlled newborn Bella had been in the two worlds I'd encountered her as a vampire, but no one was certain whether this control would be different here when she was not prepared for the change. If she darted out of the house immediately and could not be calmed down, the wolves would surely tear her apart, regardless of Jacob's past crush on her. If she was uncertain of her ability to abstain from human blood, her fate would be the same.
Bella's heart was flying at a pace that would have been terrifying if we hadn't known what to expect. Alice had never personally witnessed anyone undergo the change and had no memories of her own transformation, but we'd explained to her in great detail what would happen. Emmett had experienced the change personally but had never seen it as an outside observer. The rest of us had seen it before, some of us multiple times. Jasper, of course, had the most experience with newborns and overseeing transformations, and he stood looming over Bella in a crouch, waiting to tackle her if she lunged for anyone.
I considered leaving now. There was such a high probability that Bella would be killed by the wolves in just a few moments, and I was sure that I would not be able to refrain from getting myself killed as well in the fury that I would experience if I witnessed this event. Still, there was a chance that Edward may be the one to be torn apart, and that Bella may choose a vegetarian life. Even though the odds of this outcome were miniscule, I couldn't bear to leave while that possibility existed. If there was still any chance that my search for Bella had ended, I had to see it through. Besides, it was not long ago that I had been prepared enough to be killed by the Quileute wolves. If it happened now instead, so be it.
Bella's heart fluttered a few more times, then seized, and finally stopped. The wolves were alarmed, even though we had explained to them, too, what would take place. They could hear what her heart had been doing, and they were uncertain of what to expect. Either she was dead, as their instincts told them, or she would emerge as their mortal enemy.
Bella's eyes flew open and she leapt off the couch. She darted from one corner of the house to another, trying to escape from the vampires who followed her every move. She seemed terrified, but after a few moments, she unexpectedly stopped. She looked around the room in wonder, having seen the house a few times before with her human eyes, but finding very little to be familiar about it. Jasper was perplexed. She should be trying to kill us, he thought. It can't be a trick; her strategy wouldn't be that developed. What is she doing?
Without warning, Bella threw back her head and began to laugh. The sound of her own voice seemed to startle her, causing her to suddenly stop. This, in turn, she apparently found amusing, which caused her to laugh again.
"Bella?" Alice approached her cautiously. "Bella, it's Alice. How do you feel?"
"I—I feel…" Bella's hands flew to her throat. "It still burns!" she protested, looking accusingly at Edward. "You told me it would stop!"
"I'm afraid that burn is a different one," Carlisle informed her. "Bella, I know this is all very overwhelming for you, but we have to ask you to focus for a few moments. Can you do that?"
Bella swallowed several time before whimpering and finally nodding.
"Do you remember any of the conversations we had right after the burning began? Three days ago, while you were still human? I would understand if you don't remember." Carlisle continued.
"While I was still human? So it's true? I'm a vampire?" I expected that she would look horrified or devastated, but she surprised me by looking merely curious.
"Yes," Carlisle answered. "Do you remember the conversation?"
"I think so. It's a little fuzzy, but there was something about a decision that I had to make, and a treaty." Bella paused, sniffing the air. "Do you guys have a dog? I think it needs a bath."
"Those are the wolves," Carlisle answered. "They are awaiting your decision. You need to have all of the facts before you decide."
"So the huge wolves I saw were real? Edward kept calling one of them Jacob. My dad's friend has a son named Jacob."
"Yes, it is the same Jacob," I spoke up. Bella looked at me, scrutinizing my face.
"Who are you?" she asked. "You look like the one who bit me, but there's something different about you."
Carlisle interjected, his voice betraying a hint of exasperation. "There will be plenty of time to explain everything, Bella, but it is very important that you allow me to explain the choice you must make. The wolves will not wait long." In response to his statement, one of the wolves outside began to howl in agreement.
Bella was silent, and Carlisle continued. "Most vampires behave more or less as you suspect. Many of the legends are untrue. The sunlight, for example, doesn't burn us, and we have no particular aversion to garlic. However, the important element with regard to our diet is accurate of most vampires." Bella gasped, but Carlisle ignored her. He silently regretted his lack of compassion, but the matter was extremely urgent. "My family, that is myself, my wife Esme, and my children, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett, do not follow the conventional vampire diet. We sustain on the blood of animals."
Bella looked relieved at this. "What about those two?" She pointed at my counterpart and myself.
"That is a very complicated matter and it will be explained in due course," Carlisle hid his annoyance extraordinarily well. "For now, I will say this much, they are both named Edward, and in a way, they are both also children of mine. One of them follows our diet, and the other has not followed it in a very long time. He will need to make the same decision that I am asking you to make."
"I don't want to kill people." Bella spoke with absolute conviction.
Carlisle nodded, pleased. "I had hoped you would say that, but I would be remiss if I did not tell you all of the facts. The burning you feel in your throat can only be quenched completely with human blood. Animal blood diminishes the burn greatly, but it will be an annoyance you must endure as long as you continue to exist, which may be centuries or millennia."
Bella's eyes grew wide at the notion of living for so long. "Are there any other differences between human blood and animal blood?"
"Yes. Animals and humans smell very different to us. Even if you've fed recently, being near humans will cause you to feel uncontrollably tempted to drink their blood. This temptation can be overcome with time and practice, but it will be at its worst for the next year or so. In addition, we are not as strong when we drink from animals as we would be if we consumed the blood of humans."
Outside, the wolves were fascinated with the information Carlisle was providing. I had no idea it was such a sacrifice for them. Seth's thoughts bordered on compassion.
Since when is not killing people a sacrifice? Leah shot back at him.
Well, I always assumed that vampires had a choice, since these vampires don't kill people. I always figured there was something else they could do instead. I had no idea that only eating animals made them constantly suffer like that.
Don't tell me you're beginning to like these bloodsuckers, Jacob sneered.
I don't know, Jacob. They really don't seem so bad, thought Seth, but he was silent after that.
"So," Bella said slowly, "my only options are either to kill people, which makes me stronger and keeps me from feeling this burning in my throat, or to kill animals, which makes me weaker and only makes the burning more tolerable. But more importantly, I wouldn't have to kill people." She punctuated the last two words as though they were the most disgusting thing she'd ever heard.
"Yes." Carlisle kept his answer brief.
Bella repeated her earlier answer. "I don't want to kill people." Then she added, "It burns, and I don't like it, but I like it a lot better than having to kill people."
Carlisle was relieved by her response, and so was I. One down, one to go.
"What about him?" She pointed first at me, then at my counterpart. "Whichever one it is that kills people. Why do you do that?"
Edward looked down, ashamed. "I'm afraid that's me," he said. "Carlisle didn't mention it, but a few of us have additional gifts beyond our extraordinary strength, vision, speed, and smell. I have the ability to read minds."
"You can read my mind?" Bella's face contorted in humiliation.
"Not yours. I have the ability to read everyone else's mind. You're the only exception I've ever encountered," Edward reassured her. Bella's relief at this was evident. "I chose my victims carefully by reading the thoughts of others. In all my years of existence, I never drank from a human who was not a murderer, rapist, or other violent criminal. I was very particular about my choices. Someone who committed petty thefts or got into brawls at bars, for example, did not fit my criteria. I fooled myself into believing that I was helping humanity by ridding them of the scourge, but I had no right to play God. What I did to you was inexcusable. Your blood was particularly appealing to me, and I acted on impulse. I didn't even take the time to read your thoughts. I didn't even realize that they were hidden to me. I cannot ask you to forgive me, but I hope that you will give me the opportunity to try to make it up to you."
My stomach churned. It sounded as if his decision had been made. But what if she rejected him? There was still a chance, however small.
"So you're the one that bit me?" Bella asked, and Edward nodded regretfully. She looked at me, then back at him again. "And you're the one who was talking to me." This portion was not a question, but Edward nodded again anyway. Once more, she looked to me, then back to Edward again. "I like his eyes better," she said pointedly, "they suit him."
Edward smiled. "Would it please you to learn that my eyes will look like his before long?"
Bella flicked her gaze in my direction somewhat dismissively before turning back to Edward. "Yes." She answered him flatly.
"Very well. Then I will make sure that my eyes never look like this again."
"Good," she said. "Now can I go drink a deer or something? It's really bad," she muttered, clutching her throat.
"Of course, Bella," Carlisle answered. "Edward," he pointed to make sure everyone knew he was referring to me and not my counterpart, "and Alice will go with you. You'll need to have two escorts for the first few months to ensure that you don't lose control. Edward and Alice have additional gifts that will be helpful in making sure there are no humans nearby while you hunt the first time."
"Why can't he come with me?" Bella pouted, wanting my counterpart's company.
"Because they're not sure of my control yet either," Edward replied. "To be frank, neither am I."
Bella sighed dejectedly. "All right. But he'll be here when I get back?"
"Of course," Edward told her, smiling.
You don't mind, do you son? Carlisle asked me. I know you want to move along, but it would help a great deal if you could accompany her on this first hunt. We can't rely solely on Alice's gifts in case the wolves decide to follow.
In truth, I did mind. I wanted to get away from here as quickly as possible. Bella had, for no apparent reason, blatantly chosen one Edward over the other. She displayed no interest in me whatsoever, but seemed to have very strong feelings toward my counterpart, the very person who had thoughtlessly condemned her to this life. Still, Carlisle's reasoning was sound, and I couldn't bear the idea of Bella making a mistake that would get her killed by the wolves just because I wasn't there to help her when she needed it most. I nodded my agreement with his plan. I would go with her for one hunt, then I would move on.
The wolves were already beginning to head back to La Push, disappointed that they hadn't been permitted to kill any vampires. Jacob, Sam, and Quil had stayed behind to have a word with Carlisle, and Seth was staying behind as well. All of them had returned to human form.
"All right leeches," Jacob began, "it looks like you're getting away with everything this time on a technicality. But make no mistake, we'll be watching. One slip-up, and we'll all be back. I don't think we'll be in much of a mood to listen to an explanation, either."
Carlisle's face was grim. "I understand. Thank you for allowing us some flexibility."
Jacob grunted. "Don't get used to it."
Sam spoke up quietly. "Emily will be happy to know that you survived," he told Bella. "She was very concerned about you." I was surprised to find in Sam's thoughts that Emily had very much wanted to visit Bella, which had presented a special challenge for Sam. He was incapable of denying her anything she wanted, but he needed to keep her safe. Eventually, he had resolved the problem by begging Jacob to issue an Alpha order about keeping humans away from my family's home for the next few days. Alpha orders overrode imprints' wishes. Nonetheless, he would not be able to keep her away for good. She was fascinated by what had happened to Bella and seemed to feel a kind of kinship toward her, both of them having been harmed by men who loved them, with permanent effects. He hoped he would be able to convince her to stay away for a year or so after hearing what Carlisle had said about safety. Perhaps they could correspond by phone or email, he thought.
The three pack leaders turned to leave, but Seth stayed behind, looking slightly nervous. "Come on, Seth," Jacob grunted.
"Um," Seth began sheepishly. "Before we go, Mrs. Cullen, you wouldn't happen to have any more of those cinnamon rolls you made yesterday laying around, would you?"
Esme clapped her hands in delight. "I have two left. I can make some more tomorrow if you want to come back, or I could send the recipe to your mother."
"That would be great!" Seth said enthusiastically. Jacob rolled his eyes, but made no move to stop Seth from accepting the last two cinnamon rolls. "Can I stay a little while longer, Jacob? I want to hear more about why they decided to be good vampires."
"There's no such thing as a good vampire," Jacob growled. "But if you want to stay and smell leeches, I won't stop you. Don't get yourself killed, and get home before Leah comes looking for you."
"Thanks Jacob! Oh, you guys don't mind, do you?" Seth looked back at Carlisle, who smiled, happily looking forward to sharing more of his story.
"Don't tell any of the good parts until I get back," Bella said firmly. "I want to hear too. But I want to hunt more," she admitted sadly.
"Seth, why don't you play a game with me while we wait for them?" Emmett spoke up jovially, and Seth excitedly agreed.
Grudgingly, I left with Bella and Alice at the same time that Jacob, Sam, and Quil phased back to wolf form for the run home. I hoped that it would not take too long for Bella to find enough animals to satiate her as much as possible. I wanted to get out of here sooner than later. Bella and Alice began chattering as they ran, Bella surprised that Alice had kept this secret from her for so long. I ran alongside them in silence.
There were no humans anywhere nearby, and Alice was able to see clearly once we had placed enough distance between ourselves and the house, where Seth was still sitting, interrupting her visions. There was no danger tonight of Bella finding a human by mistake. I decided to go ahead and hunt as well, even though it had been only a week or so since I'd last done so. It would give me something to do to distract me from the fact that Bella was utterly disinterested in me.
"Is there a reason why you don't seem to want to talk to me?" Bella finally said to me after she had inexpertly drained three deer. "I really don't think I did anything to you."
"You're right," I told her slowly, "it's just that I've been rejected by you a few times already. The other times were easier to take, but this time, I'm more or less the same person that you seem to have fallen in love with over the last few days, and I don't understand the reasoning behind it. I've been in love with you for years, Bella. For years. He didn't even know you existed until a moment before he tried to kill you."
"I'm sorry for what happened to you," she told me, "but, in spite of what he did, he was the one who was sitting with me, trying to comfort me, telling me everything about what was happening to me and why, apologizing to me over and over. You just sat there staring at me like I was a nuisance."
"I never thought you were a nuisance!" I gasped, surprised. "I suppose the situation was a bit of a nuisance. But not you. None of this was your fault. You didn't ask for it. I suppose I saw how you were reacting to him and realized what was happening, and I'm just getting so tired of getting my hopes up only to have them dashed time and again."
"Well, you do what you think you need to do," she said coldly, "but if you're getting so tired of going through this over and over, you might try being a little nicer the next time you run across one of me. What happened to you wasn't my fault. You could have talked to me. You could have fought for me, at least a little. I don't know that I would've picked you, but it would've given me something to think about anyway. It's hard to believe that you love me so much when you just give up like that." Her face softened considerably before she spoke again. "Thank you, by the way. For saving me. You know, while I was burning, the way you kept looking at me, I was starting to think you regretted saving me."
I was aghast. "Bella, I have never regretted saving you, any of the times I've saved you or any of the other Bellas like you out there. Perhaps I don't always respond as I should, but you must never think that I would regret saving you."
Bella made a harrumphing noise, then continued hunting. I considered her words. So this time, I had sabotaged myself. It was a disconcerting notion, to say the least. As she had said, there was no guarantee that she would have chosen differently, but I could not dispute that I'd given her no reason to want to choose me. I had assumed that the fact that he had tried to kill her and I had saved her would be reason enough for her to make her choice, but I should have known that Bella would surprise me. I should have tried harder to make her understand how I felt. I should not have given up so easily. I silently vowed not to give up as easily next time. It was curious that I had come to this universe with such resolve to make this Bella my own, only to give up immediately when it appeared that this goal was out of my reach. It hadn't truly been out of my reach until I'd decided that it was. I would need to keep this in mind as I continued on my journey.
I stopped counting how many deer Bella drained before she finally announced that she thought she was done. She couldn't be sure, since she wasn't accustomed yet to how her throat should feel after feeding, but the sensation had lessened to a more tolerable level. We went back to my family's home, but I did not enter. I bid Alice farewell on the front porch, and she went inside. Bella stayed behind for a few moments longer.
"Where will you go next?" she asked.
"To find you," I told her.
"Am I really worth all this?"
"Without question."
"Well, good luck," she said, still not seeming to believe me. "Just remember, if you run across another situation like this, try a little harder than the other Edward."
"I don't suppose it would work if I tried a little harder now?"
Bella shook her head. "I'm sorry, I think I'm already in love with him."
"I know," I whispered. "Goodbye, Bella."
"Goodbye," she told me, then turned to greet her own Edward.
I sighed with deep regret as I ran once more toward the clearing. I had no one to blame but myself for this outcome, but perhaps it was for the best. I knew Bella well enough to know that if the other Edward had died for biting her, she would always feel guilty about his loss, even if I remained with her. At least this way, she knew that I would go on. She may wonder about me from time to time, in passing, but she would not feel guilty for my death.
The search would continue.