Twenty-five:
Moving Forward

She stood on the edge of the small lake on the Downton property and stared down into its murky depths. This was the first time since she had come here that she felt no shame, no urge to fill her pockets with rocks and rubble and clods of dirt, no urge to throw herself into the water and let it take her away from the world.

So much could happen in a year, in two years…

So much could happen in a lifetime.

Elsie still wore the black of mourning for her sister; only a scant few weeks had passed since then. It had been blissfully quick, and Becky had been spared the worst of the pain that cancer could inflict – thank god. She could not bear the thought of her sister alone, frightened, and in pain. Instead, she had died peacefully in her sleep, leaving behind a diary full of scattered thoughts and dreams that Elsie and Charles had read through when Elsie felt well enough again to do so.

She had written about them, about how happy she was to see her Elsie blissfully pleased after too many years of sorrow. And Elsie had felt her heart crack around the edges yet again. Fortunately, her Charlie was there to hold her together, to touch her, to love her, to comfort her.

Mary and Tom had postponed the wedding once, twice, thrice, but the day was finally upon them. Elsie knew she had to go back to the house and change for the wedding, but in the early dawn, she was content to stand at the lakeside and remember the day. For it was that day again; the day that had both ruined her and exalted her. The day that had shaped her in so many ways, but she no longer felt herself to be a victim. No, Charles had shown her that she was a survivor – and to be a survivor, a fighter, one must have something to survive, to rail against.

And what did she have to show for all of the suffering and sorrow?

She had a family.

She had Charles.

She had love deeper than she could explain.

She didn't notice his approach, so Elsie startled when she felt Charles take her hand in his. "I love you," he said simply, "no matter what."

Elsie was silent for a long moment, then she breathed, "I love you, Charlie Carson, and don't you ever forget it."

Two figures in black stood on the edge of the lake; and neither felt the urge to jump in.

c'est fini