I know I've said before that there were two chapters left but I decided that since they were only short chapters, I would combine them into one.
So this is it...the final chapter!
Thanks to everyone who reviewed and especially to those who have followed it to the very end, without you all I may very well have abandoned this story long ago. You are the greatest readers that any first time writer could ever hope for!
I don't normally name names, but I wanted to offer a special thanks to Tarbecca for rec'ing this story over on A Different Forest. My inbox was absolutely flooded with reviews and new followers thanks to you! I really appreciate it.
I am currently working on a new story right now, which I will start posting in a few weeks. For those who hated this story, good news! It's completely nothing like Here I Am! Think adventure story with a twist...
I hope you all enjoy the last chapter...
Thanks again
:-D
BPOV:
I sit alone on the rear deck as the first rays of sunlight break through the trees, a mug of hot coffee warming my cold hands. I had never really appreciated the beauty of watching the sun rise, but in the last few months it had quickly become my favourite time of day, though it wasn't often that I got to experience it alone.
Last night had brought with it a fresh layer of snow, coating the trees and plants, transforming our backyard into a winter wonderland.
The glass door slides open as Edward's sleepy head pokes out, his hair a beautiful chaotic mess. He disappears inside briefly, returning wrapped in a quilt, his little twin cuddled into his chest.
Born two weeks early, Charles Edward Carlisle Cullen, our little Charlie is an almost exact copy of his father, from his crazy bronze hair to his vibrant green eyes framed with long auburn lashes. In the seven months since his birth, he has become our world.
Watching Edward interact, as a father, with Alice did little to prepare me for the powerful emotions that overcame me as at the sight of Edward holding our son for the first time. He was a natural parent.
I, however, struggled terribly. Unable to relax into my role as a mother, I became paranoid that I would fail, that I would make a mistake that could hurt Charlie, frustrated by conflicting advice, unsolicited opinions, I felt as thought I was drowning.
Charlie was barely a month old when I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. The news had crushed me, cementing my belief that I had failed as a mother. But with professional counselling, with Edwards constant support, I began to recover, learning along the way that every worry that I had, every fear, was not exclusive to me, that many new mothers share the same feelings, that I was not alone.
"Good morning," I say as Edward takes his seat beside me on the lounge.
"Morning," he whispers, kissing my cheek as I snuggle into his side. Charlie lifts his head, opening and closing his sleepy eyes before resting his head against his fathers chest. He looks so tired, like he hasn't yet woken completely. I glance at the baby monitor on the table at my side, confused.
"I didn't hear him cry," I say, realising why the monitor didn't make a sound. "Did you wake him up?"
"No," he says innocently, clearly lying. This is not the first time that he has woken Charlie on purpose.
"Edward," I sigh. "You should've left him to sleep. He'll be grumpy all day now."
"But it's his first Christmas, Bella. He didn't want to miss anything, did you buddy?" he says, holding a now wide awake Charlie up to his face, disarming me with their adorable matching pouts.
"Alright," I laugh. "But if he gets cranky later, I'll be handing him straight over to you."
"Deal," he smiles, obviously forgetting how a lack of sleep affects his sons moods.
"Well, I better make my hungry men some breakfast then," I say as I stand, giving my babys chubby belly a tickle. His giggles are the sweetest sound that I have ever heard.
"Yay!" Edward cheers excitedly, clapping his hands as Charlie mimics his actions. Shaking my head at their silliness, I make my way into the kitchen, listening to their chatter and laughter as they follow me.
After sitting them down at the breakfast table with their favourites, bacon, eggs and pancakes for Edward, oatmeal and banana for Charlie, I began pulling ingredients for Christmas dinner out of the fridge, ready to prepare what I can ahead of time.
"What time are Carlisle and Esme coming?" Edward asks, alternating between feeding our son and himself.
"Esme said ten," I reply, pausing to look up at him. "But you know they'll be here much sooner than that."
Shortly after Edward's birthday in June, Esme and Carlisle had made the decision to leave Chicago and move here to Forks to be closer to our family. They purchased a smaller home a few miles outside of town and had happily settled in to enjoy their retirement, dividing their free time between their many hobbies and volunteering at the community center and hospital. Esme had even helped out at the store on more than one occasion.
The biggest deciding factor in their relocation had been Charlie. With both my father and Edward's parents deceased, and my own mother absent, Carlisle and Esme had become a vital part of Charlie's life as his only real grandparents, to Edward and I as our only real parents.
I had attempted to contact Renee many times in the last year to tell her I was pregnant, that I was married, that I was a mother, but the majority of the time I was met with her voicemail. The only time that she had answered I was met with only disbelief and disapproval. I was too old to have a baby, I had used my pregnancy to finally trap a man, not to expect her support when it all fell apart and I was left alone.
I had simply hung up on her, neither surprised nor upset by her comments, she had simply confirmed what I'd accepted long ago. That even though I had lived with her for most of my childhood, she was never a mother to me, incapable as she was for caring about anyone, anything, other than herself. She didn't really know me then and she certainly didn't know me now, so my family and I were better off without her negative presence in our life.
I shake my head, clearing all memories of Renee from my mind, choosing only to think happy thoughts today. Looking over at my husband and son, laughter bubbles in my throat at the sight of them wearing more food than they've eaten. Chuckling aloud, I quickly usher them upstairs to get cleaned and dressed just before the doorbell rings.
"Merry Christmas," I say, cheerful yet confused. "Why did you ring the doorbell?"
"Uh, because we don't live here," says Alice, greeting me with a hug. "We can't just come barging in like we own the place."
"Of course you can. It doesn't matter where you live, this will always be your home. Yours too, Jasper."
"Thanks Bella," he says, awkwardly wrapping his arm around my shoulders.
"So where's my baby bean?" Alice asks, using the nickname that she had given Charlie after my first ultrasound.
"Upstairs with your dad, they should be down soon," I reply, closing the door as I follow them down the hall towards the kitchen.
Whenever I look at Alice and Jasper together, I can't help but imagine what it would have been like for Edward and I if we had been given the same chance that they had. Would we still be together now? I'd like to think so, but without the knowledge of how it feels to live without him, I don't think that I would have been able to truly appreciate having him in my life, and how much I cherish everyday with him.
Alice, having chosen to study fashion design, had been accepted into Savannah College of Art and Design almost 3,000 miles away in Georgia. Edward had initially been angry, claiming that she had intentionally chosen to study as far away from her family as possible. After a tense, silent, week-long standoff between the two, Alice finally told us that she had chosen Savannah because it was the best option for both her and Jasper. A place for Alice to study what she loved, with plenty of employment opportunities for Jasper, they had chosen it with their present needs and future in mind.
The revelation had calmed Edward some, but I knew deep down that he was still uncomfortable with the idea of them living together, living so far away, too far away for him to check up on them, but as their biggest supporter I was proud of them for planning ahead, for thinking and deciding as a couple.
They had flown home yesterday, choosing to stay at Jasper's old apartment above the grocery store, unwilling to surrender their newfound privacy in favor of Edward's prying eyes.
"Someone looking for us?" Edward calls from above as we stop at the stairs.
We look up as Edward's slow footsteps carefully descend, his hands holding Charlie securely under the arms as he slides his diaper clad bottom down the bannister, both their faces shining with joy. I have long given up telling Edward not to do that with Charlie, that it's too dangerous, but it is their favourite game, it makes Charlie so happy, and I know Edward would never carelessly let anything happen to our son.
"Baby Bean!" Alice squeals, scooping her brother from their fathers arms as he reaches the end of the railing. She quickly turns, heading for the living room with Jasper in tow, nuzzling her nose into Charlie's chubby cheeks as he squeals in delight.
"Wow...way to make a guy feel loved," Edward calls after them.
"Love you Dad," Alice yells back. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas to you too, honey," he laughs, following me into the kitchen.
We work happily side by side, occasionally stealing kisses, until Carlisle and Esme arrive. Minutes later Emmett and Rosalie call to wish us a happy holiday.
Despite moving to Forks shortly after Edward and I got married, they had taken the opportunity to spend Christmas with Emmett's family in Tennessee, knowing that they may not get another chance to travel before their baby is born in a few short months.
Surprisingly, Rose had fallen in love with Forks. Having spent all her life in Las Vegas, she craved the peace and quiet, the relaxed pace of living that our little town offered, and Emmett was more than eager to give her anything that she wanted.
Emmett had taken over Jasper's responsibilities at the store, and despite his former flighty nature, he now seems perfectly content with his small town married life. I credit the change in him to Rosalie.
Later, as we all sit down to enjoy our meal, I look around at my loved ones faces. They all look so comfortable sharing this moment together, so happy. I can hardly believe that just three years ago it was only Jasper and I sitting alonein my tiny kitchen. Now we have friends and laughter and chatter, now we have family. Tears well in my eyes as I'm overcome with emotion.
"Are you alright, love?" Edward asks quietly, placing his hand over mine. Smiling, I turn to look at him. Charlie has obviously flicked mashed peas on his shirt, there's a smudge of gravy on his cheek, but he's smiling back at me.
"Perfect," I whisper. "Everything is perfect."