Disclaimer: Nope , I still don't own HSM , Roswell, or any Couples that might somehow make it into this story .

The hurt was like an ax to her chest that someone kept repeatedly hitting her with , it twisted Kelsi's stomach into knots, and threatened to make her sick . She should have expected the break up, should have prepared herself for Ryan to change his mind about her , and tried to work up to the mad . It was buried underneath the insecurities , the aching heart, and her own guilt in the matter of their break up.

Kelsi sat half on, half off the piano bench, eyes red rimmed and puffy from the tears she had cried earlier , as she played the mournful keys of 'I Never Saw Blue Like This Before ' and berated herself for the angst ridden song choice .

What good use was it torturing herself ?

Ryan didn't want her and it was foolish of her to believe that they could be together .

Hadn't she warned herself of this exact thing over the summer when she first started allowing herself to think of Ryan Evans differently than before .

' Kelsi, there you are ! ' The door to her bedroom burst open bringing in a frantic looking Martha with Taylor and Gabriella hot on her heels as they noticed the closed curtains and caught the end of Kelsi's pity party tune of the afternoon .

' What happened between you and Ryan ? We came as soon as I got your text ' announced Martha as Taylor moved to open the curtains to bring light into the room .

' We were with Martha ,' informed Taylor ,' hope you don't mind having me and Gabi tag along . We just want to help, honey '

Gabriella shut the door firmly and turned on the light .' You and Ryan were all good when we left the park last night . What could have possibly happened between the two of you since then , Kels? '

Kelsi tossed her hat across the top of the piano , it landed on the framed picture of herself and Ryan and she felt the tears began to well in her eyes once more .

God , could I get any more pathetic ?

The composer dropped her head down on the top of the piano with a sob . There was such intense pressure in her chest making it difficult to breathe and oh God, why did she have to go and fall in love with the jerk in the first place ?

Martha slid on the bench beside her and wrapped her arms around her shoulders, tightly .

' Kelsi, sweetie, you want to tell us what Ryan did ? We're here for you and we are not going anywhere '

Kelsi gulped past another sob, resting her head on her best friends shoulder and wished she could turn back time to when she hated Ryan . It would have been easier , better .

It wouldn't feel as if she were dying on the inside .

Gabriella handed her a box of tissues .' I'm going to go downstairs and make you a nice pot of hot tea to settle your nerves .'

Taylor snatched up the framed photograph moving it out of her friends sight and joined her on the other side of the bench in solidarity . She reached out to squeeze Kelsi's hand and searched for a way to make things less awful for her friend .It was situations such as these that reminded her of why it had taken her so long to take a leap into dating Chad in the first place and was thankful her own relationship was on solid ground now .

' You don't have to talk about it right now , if it's too hard for you. You can just cry and we'll all just have a good cry with you .'

Kelsi sniffled and felt a fresh wave of anguish wrack her body .' I am sooo dumb ! Why didn't I listen to any of you when I started getting feelings for the ass over the summer ? I should have just kept them to myself and I wouldn't be hurting so much ….'

Martha kissed the top of her head .' Hiding your feelings isn't who you are , Kelsi, and the time that you did , well, you were going crazy. You cant help it you fell in love anymore than any of us could , love just is .'

' All of this time I had doubts about the whole Josie thing but I tried not to let it get to me ,' confessed Kelsi, pushing back the emotion that clogged her throat ,' I didn't listen to anybody . I believed what Ryan told me , that they were just friends and I believed him at the beach too. I was proud of myself for being so adult and trusted that Ryan and I could really focus on our relationship .We were good .'

Gabriella has paused at the door listening and felt her heart give for her friend . Guilt itched within her as she thought of her fight with Troy regarding the very thing that was so obviously tearing their friend apart on the inside .

' It was Josie again, wasn't it ? Did she seduce Ryan this time ? '

Taylor shot her a warning look .' Gab , stop it '

Kelsi rubbed her face and felt the tears drying on her cheeks but met her friends question head on . If she couldn't confide in her friends she didn't know how she would survive .

Moving to Paris or Bora Bora seemed impossible and silly even for her .

' I don't know what she did besides kiss Ryan,' snapped Kelsi through an edge of temper surfacing beyond the hurt and the pain ,' Ryan showed up at my work today and I thought it was so sweet of him to surprise me . The bastard was quick to tell me how much he cares about me , gotta remind me how he'd told me right to my face about his attraction to Josie and how this kiss they apparently shared didn't mean anything because he didn't sleep with her .'

God, she was going to be sick !

She cut off herself , managed a shaky breath as the three young women let out righteous gasps of disgust and indignation . Taylor cursed succinctly under her breath and if looks could have killed and Ryan had been available , Martha would have murdered him on the spot .

' The son of a bitch actually had the balls to say that it wasn't so bad since Evans didn't sleep with the bitch ? He is so beyond dead '

Kelsi couldn't see through the lenses of her glasses, removed the frames, and placed them on the counter to lean into her friends for comfort .

' Yes and somehow I think that makes it worse, you know ? Does that mean Ryan would sleep with Josie ? God, I'm such a stupid idiot for falling for his act ! Why didn't I see it ? Ryan and Josie know each other better than he and I know each other and it isn't as if she hasn't been telling me to my face that she and Ry have a history together .'

Gabriella closed her eyes and really listened to her sweet friend as the pleas and the desperate need for a friend - oh God, Josie had used and played her in an effort to break up Ryan and Kelsi . She had been so caught up in understanding being the new girl in town and the confusion of a relationship , she had wronged a dear friend by trusting Josie .

' I think I'm going to make that tea now '

Kelsi lifted her red rimmed eyes and tried a thin smile .' Not the English tea, please , Gabriella , Ryan got it for me . You can throw that away '

' Got it ,' declared Gabriella , sending her a warm smile,' I'll toss the tea in the trash '

As Gabriella headed downstairs to the kitchen, Kelsi curled up on her friends lap and tried to work through her feelings . Thank God she hadn't actually shared her true feelings with Ryan because he certainly didn't deserve them . She would just wallow and take the time to figure out the best way to unlove him .

' I should have known this was going to happen - I mean, sure, Ryan is sweet and charming but that confidence can be cocky and he acts like he doesn't know what to do around girls but he does with all the charm and that smile that makes you go all melty . Plus he's an Evans - really why didn't you all stop me ? '

Taylor patted her leg , sympathetically .' Ryan is scum of the Earth and right now we can hate him for you. I'll put him on the top of my list '

' I don't know how I can manage seeing him at school and working with him at practice . I don't know if I can do it , I don't know if I can be that mature and go back to being just friends …I don't even want to see him right now '

Martha stroked her hair and handed her another tissue .' You don't worry about it right now , Kelsi . Leave that to us and we'll handle it '

Kelsi fought another onslaught of the hurt .' He didn't even try to stay and fight for us either . Ryan could tell off Max so we could have a chance but when it comes down to me and him when it makes a difference , he walks away .'

' Coward '

' Cold '

It didn't matter if she was being irrational, it was unimaginable hurt to the nigh and she felt hopeless and lost like a shell of the Kelsi she used to be . It might take a while but somehow she would take everything back and move on from her love for him .

Her cell phone rang alerting them from the song that it was Ryan checking on her .

' I don't want to talk to him '

' I've got this ' Taylor picked up her friends cell phone and stepped outside into the hallway so Kelsi wouldn't have to listen ,' Ryan '

Ryan's voice cracked over the phone .' Taylor , you have to let me speak with Kelsi . Is she alright ? She wanted me to walk away and I did but I shouldn't have ….please '

' Kelsi doesn't want to talk or see you right now , Ryan ,' said Taylor in a cool and efficient voice ,' we gave you the benefit of the doubt because we thought you changed . Clearly you're a much better actor than we gave you credit for since you fooled all of us into thinking you were a good guy . Go back to scheming with your sister and hooking up with Josie and leave Kelsi the hell alone '

Ryan stared, perplexed at his phone and winced .' I have changed ! I still don't want Josie , things just got out of control , and she hung up on me . Crap '

Ryan sat in his car outside the Nielson house staring at his phone in his hand and at the window to Kelsi's room and feared this time that his honesty had broken them .

He didn't know how to get them back and worried that Kelsi wouldn't want him anymore .

**************************East high School *****************************

Ryan drove in circles through town afraid to go home and face the wrath of Sharpay when she found out what had happened , couldn't handle being around Josie , and felt as if his life was unraveling . He contemplated sneaking into his fathers office and helping himself to the scotch in his bar to numb the pain but knowing his luck, the old man would catch him and it would suck about a hundred times more .

He wondered into Hubs , ordered himself a chocolate shake and tried to figure out how he could repair the damage to his relationship with Kelsi . He'd done a lot of thinking and knew he had messed up royally on the Josie front but he was human .

Hiding it from Kelsi would have been worse and didn't that count for something ?

' Dude , this might not be the safest place for you right now ,' Chad slid into the booth across from his forlorn friend ,' Taylor just sent out a damn list and your right on the top of it . Getting out of New Mexico might be better .'

Ryan twirled the straw and glanced up at him .' So you heard what happened ? '

' Yeah , I got the bulletin . You were a dick, kissed but didn't sleep with Josie and confessed all including the non having sex with part to Kelsi who , of course , broke up with you . Dude , what the hell did you think was going to happen ? '

Ryan spread his palms wide and shrugged .' I promised Kelsi I wouldn't lie to her and if I omitted the truth , lying . I'd just prove I was still the same guy who used to treat her like dirt and hadn't changed and I'm not that guy anymore , I swear to God, I am changed ' insisted Ryan , feeling raw and pained himself .

' I went over all this with my sister before I talked to Kelsi , Chad '

' No offense to your sister but did you think Kelsi would just forgive and forget ? Your little pal Josie has been doing on number about you and her being cozy since she got here to Kelsi and freaking anyone who would listen to her whine ' pointed out Chad , matter of fact .

Ryan scrubbed his hands through his face and tried to focus .' How is Kelsi ? Taylor wouldn't let me talk to her and God, I know I hurt her but would it kill your girlfriend to let me know how she is doing '

Chad shot him a dubious look .' Hey, your lucky Martha is over there or you'd have a foot in the grave , Evans . Look from what I got from Taylor , Kelsi isn't doing so hot right now so maybe you just need to dial it back and figure out what you do want .'

Ryan pushed the shake away and Chad reached for it .' I want Kelsi '

' You'd better be sure , man ,' decided Chad , somberly ,' I don't think this time is going to be at all easy convincing Kelsi that you aren't a lying piece of shit . Give her the space that she needs right now until we get like a sign from the girls '

Ryan gaped hopelessly at the jock.' Our lockers are next to each other and not to mention we have the musical together . I cant just drop out and I don't think Kelsi would do that either so we'll be working together .'

' You fucked up, Evans, you figure it out '

' I don't know how '

After listening to what might be constructed as a pep talk from Dan forth , Ryan conceded to his misery and headed home with the best intentions of locking himself in his bedroom and figuring out where he had went wrong besides the obvious . Sharpay's car wasn't in the garage so he thanked the heavens for small favors and trudged into the house .

Ryan stopped in the kitchen for a Coke not noticing his Father in the room with the same idea. Dressed in his usual Sunday brunch of pressed Khakis, a tailored button down shirt, and the perfect silk tie , Vance was every inch the successful businessman that he was known for being . He so wasn't in the mood to handle his Dad right now .

' Son, hey there , we missed you at brunch this morning ' Vance tried to make an attempt to mend the rift that had been growing between them lately .

Ryan yanked a can of Coke from the fridge and tapped the top. ' Got in late from the park, wasn't feeling up to hanging out at the club this morning '

So, it was going to be like pulling a tooth out it seemed - the boy was as hardheaded as his mother and sister . At least Sharpay allowed him to be involved in her life whereas lately Ryan had balked at any say into his own and it was unsettling .

' Josie told your Mother and I that it was a fun trip '

At the mention of Josie, Ryan stiffened up, scowling .' I bet she did .Did Josie also tell you how I stupidly locked lips with her and completely screwed my relationship with Kelsi ? Did she tell you that , Dad ? I know your on board with me and Josie hooking up like a damn business merger ..'

Ryan hurled the can against the kitchen cabinet where it busted sending the fizzy soda in it all over the floor . Anger and guilt from his own stupidity hurled out all at once .

' God, Dad , I worked my butt off over the summer to prove to myself and fucking everyone else that I wasn't my sisters damn poodle , that I had integrity , that I was my own man ! Now because I am a stupid moron , I made a huge mistake with Josie , and now the girl I am in love with kicked me to the curb like she should have because I couldn't lie to her about it ! '

He braced his hands against the kitchen counter and met his fathers steady gaze .

' Taylor and her whole posse of girls are with Kelsi and they wont even let me talk to her , I just need to make sure she is alright . Which I know she isn't because I hurt her and I don't know what the hell I need to do to get her back , Dad '

Ryan hung his head then pushed off of the counter .' I don't know why I let loose like that, you don't care how I feel. ' He opened a drawer for a dishtowel .' I'll clean this mess up before Mom gives me the third degree '

He should have just taken himself over to Troy Bolton's place and let him beat him up , it would have felt better than this constant knowing it was his own fault .

In some of his favorite movies the guy always got the girl then wound up running away from her but that wasn't Ryan. Sure being in love was messy, complicated , and there were rules and codes he didn't know existed but he didn't want to run away either .

Was this what it was like for Gabriella last summer watching Troy with his sister and her scheming ?

Vance put his soda on the counter and tentatively approached his son . ' Your Mom told me a little bit of what has been happening with you lately ,' drawled the older man, cautiously ,' Josie spoke with your mother about it earlier so I think I understand better now how you are feeling . '

' Just freaking great ..' Ryan scrubbed at the floor then stood ,' I'm a cad, I'm a cheater, I'm a damned dog . I shouldn't have kissed Josie in the first place, I knew it as soon as I did it and now I'm paying the price .'

Vance caught his son before Ryan could disappear on him .' Have a seat, son, and why don't we talk about this ' He gestured to the bistro table ,' I think I understand better than you think I do .'

Ryan groaned and tucked his tongue in his cheek. ' No thanks, Dad , I've been yelled and lectured by enough of my friends today and myself . Don't need another rousing lecture of how much a loser and coward I am, I already get it .'

' Sit down, Ryan ' ordered Vance and gently pushed his son into the chair .

' Look I know I'm just as responsible as Josie for this mess I helped create ,' went on Ryan hoping to cut his father off at the pass ,' I'm not blaming her for all of it . Some part of me connected our attraction, our history and probably I did want to see how kissing her would be and I did . It was hot but the world didn't stop turning , my heart didn't roll out of my chest , and when it was over I knew it never changed how I feel about Kelsi '

' Josie's gorgeous and inviting , I'm sure it hasn't been easy,' related Vance, thinking back on his own teenage love affair before Derby ,' you've never been the kind of man to play the field even when you had many opportunities like at the club . '

Ryan rolled his eyes , hissed out a annoyed breath .' Okay , Dad , not one of the girls at the club that acted like they were interested in me were actually interested in getting to no me . Mary Ellen was more interested in me buying her a treatment at the spa or a fancy meal and whatshers name , the blonde , Fiona , was only into me so she could suck up to be one of Sharpay 's little Sharpayettes .'

Ryan couldn't settle , wished he hadn't left his hat in the car .' Kelsi's totally different '

His tone grew thoughtful.' She's so quiet, so caught up in her music , sometimes you think she is so shy but then when something she cares about , its like she is this beautiful, passionate dynamo, Dad . Oh, and she's funny , too '

He took out his cell phone to stare at the picture he'd snapped of her at the piano and felt his heart give and ache . He was completely out of his element to repair the damage .

Vance's own heart constricted for his only son as he now recognized what his wife had been so desperately trying to make him understand . He'd been so caught up in imaging what might have been to have Ryan linked with a Hilton and the press , of the business angle that he had forgotten what mattered the most , his sons happiness .

' You were so caught up in helping Sharpay get Troy whatever he wanted , I guess you never really noticed me . I was feeling really lonely and there Kelsi was , all alone herself, at the piano , because where else would she be ? Given the crappy way I had treated her the year before I was kind of surprised when she started talking to me …..I shouldn't have though because she is sweet .'

' It didn't take much for you to fall in love with her ,' recognized Vance ,taking the cell from his son ,' I'm sorry I didn't know all of this , son . Before all of this drama we'll call it happened , does Kelsi know your in love with her ? '

Ryan stretched out his legs, rubbed the back of his neck, and shrugged .' No , I never told her I loved her . The timing was never right , we hadn't been together that long, and I didn't want to frighten her away from me and under the circumstances I didn't think telling her I loved her was good after I kissed another girl '

' Not unless you have a death wish '

' Well, I'm sure if I wind up dead, Martha Cox will have killed me unless Troy Bolton happens to get to me first , Dad ,' Ryan rose , tired all of the sudden ,' look I know you mean well and this has been shocking but nice . I cant really handle much more right now and just really want to go bury my head in the sand ..'

' I think for now its best if you respect Kelsi's wishes until you can figure a way to prove your love and committed to only her , Ryan ,' replied Vance, sincerely ,' your not the first man to make a monumental mistake and I doubt you'll be the last '

It seemed as if his son was more like him than he believed .

' I could send her flowers but she'd probably send them back to me '

' Stubborn ? '

' Very much stubborn ' Ryan turned and went upstairs to his bedroom ,' she'd probably throw things at my head if I tried to Say Anything to her '

He flipped on the light and was about to plop down on his bed to try to regroup and get his bearings when he noticed Josie sitting in his window seat , her red hair loose about her shoulders and she turned to look at him with a sadness in her violet eyes .

' Dammit, Josie , I cant take much more ! Really, I'm all out , okay ? '

Josie was dressed in a pair of designer jeans and a West Beverly high sweatshirt turned and sent him a face full of her own regrets . Since everything had come round in a circle and because of her heart to heart with Derby, she had come to her own terms .

' I come in peace , Ry, I swear , I am not going to jump you again . Can we talk ? '

Ryan did sit down now and reached for the thin yellow sweater Kelsi had forgotten over here a few days ago and caught the smell of vanilla and wildflowers .

' I'm sorry I'm a jerk, I'm an ass, I'm sorry for the kiss, ' rambled Ryan , wearily ,' I told Kelsi about it . She broke up with me and hates my guts . I wish I could tell you I love you the way you want me to but the truth is I don't , and I think even if we tried it wouldn't work because then I'd have to not be in love with Kelsi '

' Someone once said that love makes you do the wonky ,' said a careful Josie , putting distance between herself and her old friend ,' The sorry , sad fact is Kyle broke my heart to itty bitty pieces and I decided you would make me all better if we were the perfect couple . I lied, I schemed , I pushed , God, I made Abby Morgan seem like a saint and I'm honestly so sorry for everything , Ryan .'

Ryan looked at her suspicion clouding his gaze .' Last night was a different story so what exactly changed your mind ? '

Shame colored the actresses face and she tittered slightly .' Reality that New Mexico isn't my home , we could never truly be happy together as lovers , and more reality in the form of your mother . As steamy as that kiss was between us, Ry, there was nothing there '

It furthered her embarrassment but it was truth . They both knew it and it was past time that she acknowledged it and moved on with her life in the fast lanes of Hollywood .

' I guess we needed to find out , huh ? I'm still a jerk, I know . Can we just put it in the past and leave me so I can be alone to wallow in my stupidity ?

' Forgiven ,' Josie moved to sit beside him, the gesture of an old friend and nothing more now that the illusion was gone ,' I pushed you to it with my shameless seductive lingerie and mild jealousy over Kelsi . Can you forgive me ? '

' Chalk it up to a bad teen soap and pretend it didn't ruin my life, sure '

' Stop being glib , Evans . I am sorry , truly I am . I wish you hadn't told Kelsi about the kiss sigh this is all my fault . Is there any chance she'll forgive you and you two crazy kids can get back together ? ' asked a hopeful Josie , feeling horrible . Her life was in shambles but now she had crumbled his in the process .

Ryan held her sweater to him .' Kelsi hates me , she wont speak to me and I'm probably going to be murdered at school on Monday so that's a firm no '

Josie reached for his hand to squeeze .' I booked a flight back to L.A. on Tuesday because its past time for me to get back ,' explained Josie , not mincing words ,' we'll let things simmer tonight . Monday , that gives me all of Monday to try to make things right for you and Kelsi , not to mention, try to fix this train wreck I helped cause .'

Ryan simply gaped at her .' Impossible . How ? '

' I haven't a damn idea how but I'll talk and beg and explain until I'm blue in the face ,' declared Josie , earnestly ,' I'll do my best to make amends and maybe help clear a road for you and Kelsi to find your way back to one another '

If only it wasn't too late for them .