Title: Guilty Conscious
Author: SneetchesToo
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Ethan/Rox
Summary: Ethan feels guilty about some of the things that he's done. Rox, on the other hand, thinks they should do more of exactly that.
Author's Note: Mentions to Rox's tragic past once more.
—
Ethan had rather enjoyed having his way with Rox. Over and over and over again.
But there came a time when even he tired of sex.
And apparently, there came a time when she did too.
She was currently snuggled against him in the bed, her arm draped lazily over his stomach, her head nuzzled against his shoulder as she took slow, even breaths.
They had been going at it like rabbits since last night.
He could only imagine that she was exhausted.
And judging by the way she had settled onto her stomach, and not her side, he guessed that she was probably in a little bit of pain too.
He felt horrible for having put her in that position.
He knew what she had been through the past few weeks and yet he hadn't hesitated to use her body as his own personal amusement park over the last twelve hours.
He felt just like all those men from her past who had hurt her.
The men who had destroyed her and turned her into the broken woman that she was today.
He hated himself for what he had done to her.
He just hoped that it hadn't ruined his relationship with her once and for all.
"Ethan…" Her voice was sleepy as she forced her eyes open, locking them with his as he turned his attention toward her.
"Yeah babe?" He was struggling to find words. Both because he was so exhausted, and because he felt like he couldn't breathe.
"Thank you." She whispered, her dark eyes softening as she smiled up at him.
He didn't know what she was thanking him for.
He had hurt her. He didn't deserve to be thanked for that.
"For what?" He closed his eyes as he let his head fall back against the pillow, a sigh escaping his lips as he tried to control himself.
"For bringing me here." They had done nothing but have sex in various places around the house. He didn't understand why she was thanking him for that.
This was supposed to be their little getaway.
A chance for them to have some peace and quiet. For her to relax and hopefully get some of her sanity back.
"No worries." He could feel himself starting to disconnect with her and he hated it.
She didn't deserve to be punished.
He did.
"Is everything okay?" He could hear the worry in her voice. The pain and the anxiety. He knew that she was afraid that she had messed up.
"Just tired is all." He whispered.
"Okay." He was thankful that she dropped the issue.
He really didn't want to have a long, emotional chat right now.
Not when his knees were still weak and his head was all fuzzy.
"Get some sleep." He turned his head toward hers and dropped a kiss against her forehead before returning to his previous position.
He felt her nod her head against his shoulder.
The next thing he knew, she was asleep.
—
When he awoke a few hours later the bed was empty and he felt himself starting to panic.
As much as he knew he deserved for her to leave him, he really didn't want her too.
He never wanted to lose her. Ever. He just wanted to keep her close and never let her go.
Pushing himself into a sitting position he let his eyes wander to the clock on the bedside table.
3:20pm stared back at him and he let out a grunt.
He was supposed to take her to visit that waterfall she had spotted yesterday.
Instead, he had his way with her, multiple times.
She probably hated him.
He certainly deserved it if she did.
He let out a sigh as he moved to grab his boxers, pulling them on slowly as he let his eyes wander the room in search of a shirt. He found his Army t-shirt thrown over the back of the arm chair across from the bed and he made his way toward it with a huff.
It's not that he didn't enjoy walking around naked 24/7. He just figured maybe it would make things slightly less uncomfortable for them both if he covered himself up some of the time.
After yanking his shirt over his head he headed to the door and pulled it open slowly.
The rest of the house was quiet and he let out another sigh.
He hated being met with silence.
It made him fear that she had really left him.
He made a quick stop at the bathroom before heading further into the house and he noted that Rox was nowhere to be seen.
He felt his heart start to tighten in his chest.
But then he remembered how attached to that porch swing she had seemed to become, and he figured that it warranted a visit before he truly started to panic.
His eyes caught sight of her, reclined back in the swing, her legs crossed in front of her as her eyes skimmed the pages of some magazine.
He let out a breath of relief before leaning against the door frame.
He could have stared at her all day.
She was wearing his flannel shirt again. And nothing else other than underwear. And her long, tan legs were doing things to him that he was trying his best to avoid at this current moment.
Her hair was down, curled slightly and still damp from the shower she must have taken while he was asleep.
Ethan thought she looked like an angel.
She must have realized that she was being watched because the next thing he knew her eyes were on his and she was offering him the softest smile.
He returned it before pushing the door open and stepping outside.
The air was chillier than he expected and he instantly regretted not having grabbed a pair of pants. He didn't understand how she was comfortable, her legs being exposed to the temperature and all.
"Hi." He whispered. He was nervous to face her. Nervous to see the regret in her eyes.
"Hi." She whispered back. But her eyes weren't full of any kind of regret, or any kind of anger or nervousness.
In fact, they were relaxed, as was her whole body. And he thought that it was probably the first time in weeks that he had seen her in such a position.
"Sorry for wasting the day away." He hated that he hadn't taken her to see the waterfall. That he hadn't spent the day showing her around and spoiling her like he had planned.
"It wasn't a waste Ethan." She must have sensed his worry because the next thing he knew her hands were in his and she was pulling herself to stand in front of him. "I rather enjoyed how we spent our morning."
"And our afternoon?" He chuckled slightly when she rolled her eyes at his question.
But there was a small smirk on her face and he could tell by the way that she tilted her head to the side that she wasn't annoyed by his comment, but instead, was amused.
"And our afternoon." She repeated his words back to him as she wrapped her arms around his neck loosely.
"I promise you that wasn't my intention." He swallowed as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I didn't bring you here to take advantage of you."
"I know you didn't." Her words were soft and he felt his heart start to race in his chest.
He certainly didn't expect her to be so forgiving of him.
He certainly wasn't feeling very forgiving of himself right about now.
"I don't regret it Ethan." She whispered, her fingers tangling in his hair as she dragged his head down to meet hers. "You shouldn't either."
"I don't." He didn't want her to think that he regretted having sex with her.
Because he didn't.
Having sex with her had been the most pleasurable experience of his entire life.
He couldn't get enough of her.
But he did regret that he had used her. And that he had done so multiple times.
She deserved better than that.
"Then stop beating yourself up about it." He hated how well she understood him sometimes.
"I feel like I took advantage of you." He could feel tears threatening to fall and he felt like a wuss. "You're still hurting. You're still in pain and I looked right past that."
"Ethan please…" He could see the frustration in her eyes and he knew that it was aimed at him being ridiculous and nothing more. "I never once told you to stop did I?"
"No." And she hadn't. Not once. And when she had batted his hands away while they were snuggled in bed watching TV earlier he had obliged. And when she had collapsed against him, her breathing ragged and her legs shaking, he hadn't dared to try for another round. Even though he really, really wanted too.
"Exactly." She leaned up and pressed a soft kiss against his lips before pulling away. She stared back at him with that look that told him he was in trouble if he didn't let her speak. A look he knew all too well. A look he had begun to miss. "I never told you to stop because I didn't want you to stop. I wanted you to keep going."
He let out a huff as she dragged her fingers over his scalp.
"Once I got a taste of you, I wanted more." She whispered, her eyes darkening as she spoke. He wondered if she was going to try and seduce him right then and there. Because he would totally be okay with that. "I'm always going to want more."
"I'm still sorry." He couldn't help himself. His guilt was eating away at him. She deserved better than he had given her.
"Okay." She pressed another kiss to his lips as she dragged him closer.
He could feel himself getting lost in her touch once again.
"We're okay though Ethan." Her eyes were soft and her voice was low and sweet and he could tell that he was falling deeper and deeper with every minute they spent staring into each other's eyes. "You didn't do anything I didn't want you too. And I don't regret it. So you shouldn't either."
"I promised to take you to see the waterfall today." He whispered.
"We'll just have to go tomorrow then." He could see her eyes getting mischievous, the way they were getting darker and darker with every second that passed.
"What shall we do with the rest of today?" He knew what he wanted to do.
He wanted to take her back to bed and strip her naked once more.
He wanted to kiss his way along her entire body. His lips memorizing the feeling of her skin under them. The way she tasted was probably his new favorite thing.
He wanted to have his way with her, again. And he wanted to watch her eyes slam shut and listen to her moans of pleasure as she came undone in his arms, over and over and over again.
He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and snuggle her tight. Her naked flesh warm against his as he hushed her to sleep.
There were plenty of things that he wanted to do with her.
He just didn't know if she felt the same way.
"I can think of a few things." But then she was winking at him as she pulled him back down for another kiss.
And when her tongue ran along his lips, asking for entrance, he couldn't help but finally let his hands touch her again.
He pushed at the hem of the flannel shirt she was wearing, his fingers dancing across her stomach as she nipped at his bottom lip with a soft growl.
He couldn't believe that he had ever felt guilty about this.
Because this, this was the best feeling in the world.
And he would never get tired of it.
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