Chapter 25 - Reflections
Joey's call came at around 4 p.m. She had tried to bring herself to calling earlier, but she just hadn't had the courage. Calling Camille and asking her for a get-together would mean getting the goodbye scenario started…
Camille sounded laid-back and relaxed on the phone, and when they talked, Joey sensed that something had happened between her and Richard the night before…
Her friend didn't say anything, but when Joey apologised a little hypocritically for disappearing and not helping with the cleaning, Camille laughed softly and said "Oh, don't worry… Richard and I managed rather well on our own…"
It was the way she said it that made Joey conclude that the Inspector had indeed made his move. And apparently, the outcome had been very much to Camille's liking!
She was pleased with how her plotting had worked out. Of course, she couldn't have foreseen that Juliet would be tired and fall asleep on Fidel's shoulder, but she had taken advantage of this situation. Everything had fallen into place as the Bests had left and Dwayne had packed up… it had taken a little more effort to make Andrew understand that it was time to go, but eventually he had given in. On the way home, he had been a little subdued, and when Joey had asked him if he had enjoyed the evening, he had answered slightly dejectedly that he had hoped things to turn out differently, but all in all, it had been a fun evening. Joey had concluded that he had realised after all that Camille wasn't interested in him, and although he seemed crestfallen for the moment, she also knew that it was only his pride that had been hurt. His ego had received a bit of a blow, but other than that, he was fine – and she knew he'd file the whole thing under 'experiences' and find another flirt soon enough.
She was happy for Camille and Richard. And she was relieved because she didn't have to feel bad for leaving the island and having been so secretive about her own situation. But the worst part of it all still was ahead of her… she had to tell Camille that she was leaving soon. She wasn't looking forward to this.
"I'm sorry, but we can't meet tonight," she heard Camille saying then. "Originally, I had thought we could, but I have – er – I mean... something else has come up, unexpectedly and kind of... out of nowhere. But we could get together tomorrow evening and have a bite to eat together at least – what do you think?"
Joey tried to hide the relief that she felt from having another day of 'reprieve' when she answered. Her voice sounded cheerful as she said "I just wanted to suggest the same thing. Any idea where? To be honest, I'd like somewhere quiet – not your mother's bar… No offence meant, but you know how noisy it can get there…"
Camille silently agreed – she wanted to tell Joey about what had happened… well, not in detail, but she should know that something had changed between Richard and her and that maybe, depending on how things would develop, she would have a little less time for Joey from now on. Not that she'd dump her – she certainly wasn't like that! - and she saw Richard regularly at work, anyway, not to mention that they had always spent time together after work, too – but she'd surely be at his place more often in the evenings from now on, and they would want to spend time together on weekends now, too. Or at least she hoped they would...
However, she wasn't quite ready to talk about her budding relationship with Richard at La Kaz where there was a good chance someone might overhear it and tip off her mother that she and her boss were an 'item' now. So, she pondered the idea and said thoughtfully "Well, there is a beach bar a little further down the beach not far from where Richard lives… we could have some food there, if you like – they have standard stuff, nothing too outrageous. They have a nice patio, and we would be close to the ocean as well… And we could easily walk over to the spot where we sat yesterday night, if you'd like to do that… That way, we'll have some time together, just you and me, and we could talk a little… What do you think?"
Joey figured that would be the best option, so she agreed. They wouldn't have to drive very far, that was a bonus, and it wouldn't be as crowded as Catherine's bar. Camille had mentioned that mostly locals came to the beach bar and that while it usually was busy, it wasn't 'hip' or an 'in-place'.
No matter how she looked at it – it would be difficult to talk about her forthcoming departure. She'd just have to play happy-go-lucky during their stay at the beach bar and maybe disclose her news to Camille on the beach then. That way, Richard could step in fairly promptly…
She knew she was being a coward, but she just couldn't help it. She knew that Camille was temperamental, and her reaction could be anything, from crying over being happy for her or getting insanely furious. She just couldn't predict which of all that was the most likely reaction…
Richard put down his phone and looked around. He'd have to sweep out the sand – it had found its way into his shack again. It was like fighting against windmills, he knew that, but he just couldn't tolerate having sand in his living space. Sand belonged to the beach, not in his house…
Camille had just called to ask how he was doing and if their plans to get together were still a deal. They had agreed on her coming round to see him at around 7, and they'd have food together… She'd bring something from her mother's bar. So, that was set – he was glad they wouldn't have to cook in his small kitchenette. It was a very basic kitchen, and he figured Camille might not find it satisfactory for her standards. She had a fairly fancy kitchen in her flat, and of course, she was used to having all sorts of pots, pans and dishes in the house while he just had the bare necessities. It was good enough for him, but she certainly wouldn't be happy with it.
She had told him about Joey's call and that they'd get together on Monday evening. "We might go and sit on the logs on your beach later on," she had said. "I hope you won't mind – but it's such a peaceful place, and I… I'd rather sit there and talk in private than in a bar. You never know who'll overhear your conversation there."
He had been surprised by her remark – why would he mind if they sat there and talked? She had explained "Well, I don't want you to think I'm spying on you, you know. Or expecting you to sit around and wait for me. I mean… if you're at home and you'd feel up for a little chat, I might pop in later. But if you have other plans, then that's fine – I don't want you to get the impression that I – that I want you to be 'available' around the clock, you know…"
With a frown, he had realised that most likely she'd feel the need to drop by after her conversation with Joey… He just hoped she wouldn't feel too hurt. And he hoped Joey wouldn't disclose rightaway that she had told him the entire story before – Camille might not take that lightly… He wanted to tell her himself, if necessary.
'Heavens – let me find the right words to help and support her…' he thought. He had no idea how that would go, though. He knew that he had absolutely no talent in giving others support. It had been so hard for him to express his feelings when Camille had grieved over Aimee, and he still cringed at how she had said he had no idea of what she was going through because he had no friends. She had taken that back afterwards, but it had stung – more so because it had been the truth. And he remembered only too well how Joey had remarked that his professionally objective way of looking at things perhaps wasn't always useful or welcome in an emotionally challenging situation.
But then he decided to focus on the good things – she'd come round tonight, and they'd have some quality time together. He loved his solitude and needed alone time, but he enjoyed having good company, too. A book or a TV show couldn't satisfy his longing for that. And Harry didn't really count when it came to the kind of company that he had been aching for – he had more or less successfully managed to repress these feelings, but that hadn't extinguished them altogether. He was fed up with being on his own all the time. Being alone didn't necessarily equal being lonely, but all too often the two had coincided for him… and although he hardly admitted it to himself, he had known perfectly well all the time whose company he was craving for...
He hoped sincerely that the days (and nights) of loneliness belonged to the past for him from now on…
Camille smiled at her reflection in the mirror as she put on some make up and did her hair. She felt peaceful now – the way Richard had held her this morning after breakfast and assured her that he'd do everything to make their new relationship work had set her mind to rest. He had made an effort to explain his behaviour, and that had been exactly what she had needed.
She knew what it was that drew her towards him: He was real. He was reliable. He would not lead her on... He might have his flaws, but he would not betray her or let her down.
She felt a little embarrassed now because of her extreme reaction to his lack of communication when she first had come out of the bathroom – she had totally misinterpreted it. After the emotional roller coaster she had been on over the past few weeks, this had been the final straw to break the camel's back… she had felt disappointed, tainted, hurt – and foolish and naïve for having been so trustful.
Of course, these feelings had welled up because of past experiences… she had been hurt before, and for an instant, she had been transported back to the moment when she had decided that she needed to start over and promised herself that she'd never ever let anybody get too close to her any more. Well, that last part obviously hadn't worked out… Fortunately, come to think of it now…
She had recalled how she had been sitting at the small table of her kitchen, in the flat that had been rented for her in a suburb of Lyons, counting her money and sorting out her documents. She had been feeling empty, tired and exhausted – but also determined not to let the current situation defeat her. She had certainly learnt her lesson from what had happened…
She had been there for half a year… and fortunately, the operation she had been part of had come to an end a little over a week ago – she had acted as a go-between for information and messages as well as a supporting observer. The job in itself had mostly been routine work and not very exciting, but she had enjoyed getting to know the city and its surroundings, and she had known it wouldn't be forever… A few days prior to this day, she had been called back to the headquarter in Paris, and she'd have to pack up and leave the next morning.
Good for her…
The few months in Lyons had been emotionally taxing for her. During her stay there she had met someone – and while it had been amazing and wonderful at first, it had developed into a bit of a nightmare later on…
Camille sighed as she picked a set of dangly golden earrings and a matching necklace. Maybe she should tell Richard about all this so he'd understand her better. She had kept this all inside for so long, though, that she wasn't sure whether or not she really wanted to talk about it. By the same token, how could she expect Richard to trust her if she didn't show him that she trusted him, too? Didn't she owe it to him? Wasn't openness a requirement when you started something new?
But wouldn't it scare him away? Then again, why would it – everybody made disconcerting experiences in their life. He surely was no exception. Hadn't he asked her if there weren't chapters in her life she didn't want to read out loud? That question had implied that he had his secrets, too, and had been disappointed in life. She already knew he hadn't had a happy childhood, and his time in Croydon hadn't been roses and unicorns, either.
So, why not tell him? Dwayne had warned her that nobody wanted to be with Wonder Woman, and Richard had said he liked her when she was human, so…
Well, she'd think about it. For the moment, she had to hurry up, though – she was already running slightly late. She had told Catherine she'd be there at around 6.30, and it was already a few minutes past that…
With determination, she put on the necklace, fixed the earrings and made ready to go.
"So, did you have a fun evening at the beach?" Catherine asked with pointed casualty as she wrapped up the food she had saved in the oven for Camille. She had the feeling that her daughter was a bit less restless today, and she wondered if whatever had happened last night at the beach fire had contributed to her inner balance.
Camille's lips curved in a smile and she said warmly "Oh yes, Maman, I did." Then she added, trying to sound entirely 'normal', "Ah – could you please add a bit more, say, like… a second portion? Separately, if possible?"
Catherine raised her eyebrows and remarked teasingly "Oh, I see… you think you'll be still hungry after one portion. Didn't you get enough food yesterday night? Or is that a meal for two people? For you and Joey, maybe?"
She said that with a twinkle in her eyes, and Camille knew that Catherine was fully aware of the fact that the food was not for Joey – and that something was 'going on', as she liked to put it.
For a moment, she hesitated – should she perhaps come out and tell her mother? But then she decided against it. It was too early, and she had to discuss it with Richard beforehand… so she said pleadingly "Maman! I'll tell you all about it eventually, but for the moment…"
She fidgeted a little, and Catherine couldn't help but raise her eyebrows.
"Oh, no worries," she said, handing Camille a bag that contained two little boxes with food, "I can wait. If you haven't noticed, I have waited for over two years to hear what's been bugging you… to no avail, as I might mention. I'm not dumb, and if you think I didn't feel that something has happened in France that has thrown you off the rails, you're sorely mistaken. I reckon that has kind of resurfaced lately, for whatever reason. But it's your life, and if you don't want to talk about it, then that's okay. It's the same now, though I hope it's something that makes you happy, not something that makes you sad. I really just want you to be happy, you know…"
She patted her daughter's arm and said "There you go, mon coeur. Enjoy your meal, and remember to tell me some time whom you shared it with…"
She smiled at Camille's slightly sheepish expression and nodded briefly. "Run. You don't want this to get cold!"
Camille kissed her mother on the cheek and whispered "You're the best… I promise, you'll get to hear more about it soon…"
She didn't see the slightly wistful look on Catherine's face as she watched her leave. It was only too obvious that something important had happened last night, and Catherine had an idea what that might have been and whom it had involved…
It hadn't been what she had had in mind for her daughter, but well, if it was what Camille wanted, then so be it. And maybe it would be just right for her. Wasn't it a bit presumptuous of her to assume she'd know what was right for her daughter? After all, not even a single one of the men she had matched her up with had been able to hold Camille's attention, so she obviously felt that none of them could fulfil the needs she had.
Catherine had always thought Camille wanted to have someone light-hearted, someone to have fun with… but apparently her idea of fun wasn't quite what it had appeared to be.
Memories of bygone conversations came up… discussions with Camille when she had been a teenager, slowly becoming a young adult… discussions about fairness, about justice, about good and evil, about morals… Camille had always been keen on probing, getting to the bottom of things, investigating, trying to understand how people were 'wired'. That seemed like a stark contrast to her happy-go-lucky attitude, but both sides were part of her, and Camille's strong love for intellectual discourse sometimes had driven Catherine batty.
When Camille had returned from France, she had seemed a bit more ready to 'accept' things… but Catherine now understood that this pensive, analytical, intellectual side still was very much a part of her daughter, and obviously, she had never found anyone who was compatible with her in that respect.
Well, considering all this, things would perhaps pan out much better than anticipated, she mused.
She began to hum a little melody, had a look at her tea supplies and made a mental note of checking out a few more English recipes in her cook books…