A/N: Happy New Year! Yay for a new installment. I just wanted to thank you all for staying with me through my long delay and thank you for helping me reach over 200 reviews! You're dedication is helping me move onwards to try to get the few remaining chapters written and out published to you!

Please don't hurt me for what is about to happen in this chapter. A lot of time is covered in these 3600 words and I think Edward's reasons are fully explained.

The silence was unbearable. The humming of the air unit in the bedroom was the only sound that my sensitive ears could pick up from inside the lonely hotel room. A vital element was missing, and I hadn't realized how vital it was until it was not there any longer.

Bella's deep sleep… her tossing, heartbeat, breathing, and of course her talking. It was all gone and it only left me feeling more miserable.

The option left to me was to bury myself in my work, but I couldn't keep my mind from straying back to her when work could no longer occupy me.

Now was one of those times.

It was night. I should be making use of the free time, I knew. I could go hunting, but although I was thirsty, I was not in the mood. I could finish the small tasks I promised in the following day, but I was expected to be asleep… and I still had hours to complete them.

"What do you do during the nights?" Bella had asked me upon returning back to the hotel after the formal. "What do you while I sleep?"

I had been entirely truthful to her, much to her embarrassment, but I loved the way her cheeks colored.

"I watch you sleep," I had muttered, stopping what I was doing to gently trace over her hairline. "Though, I wish I could see your dreams. You sometimes don't verbalize nearly enough."

A look of horror had appeared on her face. "What do I say?"

"Nothing to get worked up about. I like it when you say my name."

I hadn't thought it was possible for her face to turn any redder. Apparently, Bella proved me wrong yet again.

I had wanted to say more. I wanted to tell her that if I could dream, it would be about her, because she was always on my mind. I wanted to ask her what was going through her mind when she whispered or mumbled my name. I wanted to ask her what she was thinking at that moment.

I wisely kept my desires to myself. The night was about her, not me.

"Bella," I whispered into the night, wondering what she was doing now. Unpacking from the trip and repacking for school? Visiting Alice or her human friends? I fisted my small silver phone in my hand gently. I longed to hear her voice – wanted to know that she had arrived safely and was missing me already.

….What?

I didn't want her to miss me, did I? I wanted her to be happy, and missing me would surely not be the correct emotion to satisfy. If she wanted to be here, she would be here. I would have made sure of that. But she wanted to go to school, to go to college to be with humans her own age, who shared her interests.

Another memory flashed through my mind.

"I'll miss you," she mumbled, her arms thrown around my neck and her face pressed into my shoulder.

The airport was loud with announcements and chatter – both thought and spoken, but for once I didn't hear any of it. I was too concentrated on Bella and how to say goodbye. I had set her bags down for her and she had unexpectantly thrown her arms around me. I tentatively returned the gesture, pulling her closer to me and burying my nose in her hair. The past few weeks had made me remarkably immune to her. I could not avoid her tempting scent, but I no longer felt any urge to take her life or… take her otherwise. I loved Bella. She was my best friend. She was everything to me. But she wasn't my lover.

I didn't know how long it would be until I saw her again and the thought frightened me like no other. She was so fragile… so accident prone… and here I was, willingly letting her out of my protection to venture out into a world she was unaware of and alone. What if something happened that I wasn't able to protect her from? What if because of such an event I never saw her again?

I hugged her tighter to me for a short moment before pulling away to study her. I wanted to remember her as she was here, now. She would never be the same with her ever changing body. With the unknown length of time separating us, I did not know what condition she would be in the next time I would see her.

"Have fun at school. Be safe." Call me. Email me. I want to know everything about your day. I will be there in an instant if you need me. I'm only a phone call away. Always.

There was so many words unsaid, and they were best that way. She needed to get out and be human. I might not be, but she was better off.

I leaned forward and placed a lingering kiss on her forehead as I mentally checked the time. I let her procrastinate too long. She needed to go now in order to make her flight. I pushed her away gently, unable to form the words.

She clung to my forearms. "Say the word and I'll stay."

I hadn't expected that from her, but I wasn't surprised. I sighed. "You need to go to school, Bella. It's what you want."

"I know, but school doesn't start for another month and a half. I could stay. Help you fight off those pesky music producers." She attempted to smile.

"I will manage to fight them off on my own. You need to focus on you. Your father wants to enjoy some of you before you take off, and I know Alice has plans."

"They can wait another week."

"Aren't you planning on stopping in Florida to visit your mother before the semester?"

Tears brimmed in her eyes.

"Bella?"

"You're making excuses for me. Why don't you want me to stay?"

I couldn't keep the shock from slipping to my face. I grasped her shoulders roughly and immediately loosened my grip. "That's not what I'm saying and you know it, Isabella. You've been in my fantasy world for too long now. You need to go back to focusing on you."

"I've only been here for a month. It's not long at all."

"You've been in my world for longer than that and you know it. You need to go back to a world without vampires and musicians and back to a world that makes sense to you."

"Your world does make sense to me."

I released my grip on her arms and let my hands fall awkwardly down to my sides. "That's not the point, Bella."

"What is the point?"

She was going to cry. The tears were on the verge of falling. I was making her cry.

I sighed. "The point is, you're going to miss your flight. I had a wonderful time and I'm so glad you decided to come with me."

I don't know what it was that I said, perhaps what I didn't say, but Bella stopped fighting the tears and they proceeded to pour down her face. Without a word, she picked up her bags.

"Goodbye, Edward," she replied curtly, and moved toward the security gate as fast as her little clumsy legs could.

I felt as though my joints were made of the same unbreakable concrete of the rest of my body. I was rooted on the spot, watching her walk away from me. That wasn't how I planned our goodbye.

Bella looked so hurt, as if my words had stabbed her.

I couldn't let her leave like this.

I found my muscles and ran forwardly as casually as possible, pushing past the other patrons in line and against the objections of the security guard. I reached her and swept her up in my arms.

"You're the most important thing in the world to me, Bella. Don't be upset with me, please. This is harder for me than you imagine," I whispered in her ear, clutching her to me.

"I thought you couldn't read my mind," she sobbed back.

I reluctantly set her on her feet. "You have to go to school, Bella."

"I know."

"Our paths crossed for a short time, and for that I'm eternally grateful, but now we have to go our separate ways."

"When will I see you again?"

I didn't answer right away, but when I did, I made sure my voice was composed. "I don't know, Bella. When fate wants us to be together again."

More tears brimmed in her eyes and she looked like she wanted to say something, but she never formed the words.

"I'm always just a phone call away." I slipped a piece of paper into her coat pocket without her noticing, hoping she would find it later.

She nodded, biting her lip.

"Goodbye, Bella."

"Goodbye, Edward."

If I had been able to produce tears, I would have cried then and now as I remember her disappearing through security. Without her, I felt drastically empty. I had no reason to get me through the day… the week… They say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. My life before Bella had been empty, but my life now was bleak and dark.

It had been six months since she left me to go to school. My highlights would come when I received the occasional email or the rarer phone call.

Tomorrow was my last day in LA. The tour was due to begin in a week and tickets were already sold out for most of the cities. I wasn't needed any longer. My work was done. I was being shooed off with orders of composing more.

I wouldn't be composing any more.

My muse was gone. My desire to play was gone. I only had a few more decades at most to live out until I would make arrangements once again to visit Italy – or ask my family for the most difficult favor.

I was staying alive for Bella, and even that was spreading my past my limitations.

Simply thinking about it sent pains through my dead heart. I turned to the only thing I trusted anymore – alcohol.

I knew the vile drink was an unwise choice for even my dead body, but my very alive brain couldn't seem to function without it. It was the only thing I knew to escape the memories, the pain, the loneliness. I drank – gallons per day flowed down my throat and gallons each day were purged back out. It was the only routine I knew and once this goddamn music shit was over, I knew that my habit would only increase.

What I would do when I returned to Washington, I had no idea, but I could only hope for a better distraction.

…

The distraction wasn't long in coming. I had been home in my empty apartment for nearly three months a feminine hand knocked on my door.

"Tanya, what a pleasant surprise," I greeted the woman on my doorstep. It seemed decades since I had last laid eyes on my old friend. Time had certainly not changed her.

He hasn't changed at all. Oh, that hair. I want to run my hands through those locks. Finally, I have a chance to be alone with him. He's obviously missed me all these years. I have the perfect cure to the loneliness.

"My sisters and I were visiting your family, and I was disappointed not to see you there."

But all my disappointments are gone now that my eyes are on you. Why did I wait so long to see him again?

"I'm treading my own path now. Would you like to come in?"

She smiled and stepped into the house, purposely brushing closely against me in order to fit through the doorway.

"What a cozy abode you have found," she commented, looking around. Her hand brushed lightly along the white wood of my baby grand. "I have all of your albums. Your skills are impeccable."

"Perfection is merely a goal – "

Her smile brightened. "Always humble, as well." She neared me. "Tell me what you've been doing here in this small apartment all by yourself, Edward."

Tell me how I can help your loneliness.

"Composing," I answered simply. "It's my full time occupation now."

"You're songs are all so sad and emotional. It must be hard being so far from your family. All alone." She ran a finger down the center of my chest.

"I chose to leave. I'm content here."

"I've been saving myself for you," she whispered leaning into my lips so her breath lingered with mine.

"Tanya – "

I'm not interested. I never have been. These were the words I meant to say, but Tanya misinterpreted the words to thinking that I wanted her to stop her teasing and I was interrupted midsentence. Her lips meant mine hungrily, moving perfectly against mine.

I didn't want to insult her. I knew as soon as she moved away I would have a chance to explain that I wasn't interested in relationship – not now, not ever. So instead I responded, which in turn only increased her movements. Her thoughts were filled with ecstasy.

He loves me. I knew it all these years. They called me a fool for constantly waiting and advancing on him. I always knew he loved me.

Her arms wrapped around my neck and her fingers buried themselves in my hair at the nape of my neck. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her roughly closer to me. Her thoughts turned me on. She wanted me. She loved me.

She was right. I was lonely. I was horny. I wanted company, companionship. Fuck, I'd spent the last ninety-five years watching everyone around me find happiness. I wanted that happiness. If this was the way I was going to find it, then I would take it.

My only source of company was gone since Bella left for New York. Emails and the occasional phone call weren't enough. I craved physical camaraderie. I missed the electricity that sparked in me when I was near her, the smell of her hair and blood, the way my body involuntarily reacted to her…

I didn't love Tanya, but I could. I would grow to see her in the same light as she would see me. The electricity wasn't there, but it would come. I didn't crave her smell or her taste, but I would.

With that, I pulled away and stared into her eyes, seeing for myself the emotions playing behind them.

"Take me to your bedroom, Edward," she purred in my ear, nipping at my ear.

I grabbed her and took off for the bedroom. This would not be gentle lovemaking. This would be aggressive, hard, and fast. I couldn't wait.

***

For the remainder of the week, Tanya refused to leave my side and she refused any offer to leave our seclusion in my bedroom. In fact, she rarely let me out of bed. I loved her enthusiasm, but I needed a break.

We had done every position I could think of, and to my enjoyment, the harder and faster the pace, the more she enjoyed it. However, the feelings that I knew would come were slow to come forth. I needed some time away from her, time to miss her. She wasn't allowing that.

Nor had I had a chance to check my email or phone for messages from Bella. I found my mind drifting to her during times when my mind should never be thinking of her.

Nonetheless, I was more occupied than I had been in nearly a year, since I went to California with Bella. For the first time in nearly a century, I didn't spend my evenings getting drunk or staring out the window, lost in thought. If this wasn't happiness, I didn't know what was.

"I love that you can read my mind," Tanya was going on beside me, tracing my chest idly with her perfectly manicured finger. "The way you move in me and touch me, there's simply no mirroring it."

"Tanya," I interrupted her mindless chatter. Her movement stopped and she adjusted to be able to look up at me.

I grabbed her hand and stared into her eyes. "Do you want to get married?"

***

The darkness in the room engulfed me as my fingers gently brushed along the glass of my wine flute in my hands. Inside the room the dark seemed impenetrable, but my eyes were focused beyond my current state. I stared out the window into the stormy sky.

The loneliness was upon me once more. This time, however, I felt haunted. Wonderings of what Bella was doing now constantly filtered through my head. How was college treating her? Was she a party girl? Or did she keep to herself in her room? No matter how well I knew her, I felt like she could always catch me off-guard.

Why was I thinking of Bella? I chastised myself. Bella was my best friend. I cared about her, but I shouldn't be as concerned about her as I always seemed to be. She was just so… fragile. The thoughts of everything that could happen to her away at college with ignorant humans… I trusted her to make good decisions. I didn't trust others to make good decisions around her.

A thought crossed my mind to go visit her. I could be across the country by morning. The thought was immediately dismissed. Tanya would never approve.

Tanya. I had left the woman in my bedroom to come out and think of another woman in my life. My relationship with the two were unequal, but Tanya couldn't be convinced. She despised Bella and couldn't understand my liking of the human. But Bella and I shared a connection that I could never have with my fiancée.

Why did I feel more alone than ever when I was with my soul mate? Tanya loved me. I should be happy. A critical hole in my life was filled.

Why did I feel so empty?

My family was not as thrilled to hear the news as I had anticipated.

"I'm happy. I've found someone to be with. Isn't that what you always wanted?" I nearly yelled at my mother, who showed absolutely no emotion to me.

"Are you happy, Edward? If you're happy, I'm thrilled."

She didn't give me the chance to leave the room. I looked around to find the rest of my family members, but the room was nearly empty, only Alice standing alone in the far corner. By the look in her eye I was sure that if she had the ability to cry, tears would be streaming down her face.

Why was no one happy for me? My own family…

I suddenly had an urge to call Bella… to see how college was treating her and what she was up to on a Wednesday evening in New York. I knew she would show some emotion to me.

But… to tell Bella? I had no idea how I'd break the news. For some reason unknown to me, I didn't want her to know.

She's going to find out eventually. Better personally than when she receives the wedding invitation in the mail.

Bella and I didn't have any secrets. Well, we didn't have many secrets. I was open to her about nearly everything and she mirrored that, making our friendship that much closer. We understood each other. There was simply one more little boundary to cross. I knew her intimately and I think for that reason, even after all these years, she still hasn't forgiven me… and herself.

It should've never happened. The pain of the morning after was still a fresh, open wound in my heart. In my life if there was ever one thing I could go back and undo… fix… even if it included preventing Carlisle to sink his teeth into my neck that fateful day… it would be to relive the night I met Bella. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind.

"Edward."

I turned from my musings at the window to see Tanya scantily dressed in the doorway. She leaned against the doorway seductively, her eyes sparkling with lust. "Are you coming back to bed? I thought you said you'd only be gone a minute." Her eyes caught the glint of the wine flute in my hand as the slight outside light caught it. Immediately her posture changed.

"Drinking again? Edward, that's such a disgusting habit. The sloshing of it in your stomach is really grotesque." She approached me and removed the glass from my hand. "I hope you'll take care of it and come back to bed."

With that, she retreated back to the bedroom.

See, Tanya wants what's best for me. She's going to change me for the better. Everything was working out for the best.